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Chapter twenty-nine

Fhord

I Will Always Find You

I t’s not her, Sifa . I cast my thoughts at my little rabbit, desperate for her to understand. It’s dangerous. The Dróttning will catch my words if she’s searching for me, and it’s taking more energy than I can afford to speak to Sifa this way. But I have no other choice. I don’t have time to relay this through the dragons.

Of course it’s her . I feel Sifa’s confusion. Her fear. I’m glad her thoughts are scattered. I wouldn’t have been able to reach her if her shields went up when she saw what she thought was the Dróttning and her guards. But she’ll need to be focused if we have any hope of getting her out. And soon.

Rabbit, listen to me. It’s an illusion . I make sure my voice is calm, soothing.

Trust . Astarot’s message spears out, dropping into my thoughts at the same time as he does Sifa’s. I don’t get anything more than the word and an echo of emotion, but I know what he’s telling her.

He believes Sifa can rely on me. I can almost feel her centering herself before sending her words to me. How do you know it’s an illusion?

I’m connected to her. I will tell her everything but not right now. I’ve already risked too much just by speaking to Sifa this way. The Dróttning gave us a short window when she left the Nest to chase down … me, although she doesn’t know it yet. The guards haven’t been able to find a trace of whoever freed Astarot so the Dróttning headed south to bring the inspiration only she can. Fear is a potent motivator.

There’s no time, so I put off giving Sifa the truth about me. Again. I’ll tell you more when we’re together , I promise her. For now, just take a chance. Trust me. Walk toward them and really look at them. You’ll see it when you do.

I almost laugh with relief when I hear her surprised gasp. How is she doing this?

It doesn’t matter. Go through them. Follow Astarot’s instructions because I won’t be able to speak with you again. He’ll lead you to me. To safety.

Her delight echoes through our bond as she strides down the hall, probably passing right through the spell the Dróttning cast to emerge any time a prisoner stands outside their cage without a guard by their side.

If the Dróttning didn’t know before that Sifa’s escaping, she does now. She’ll have felt the shift in her magic, and I have no doubt she’s already racing back here and sending guards to secure the area. Sifa won’t be alone for long. Astarot knows he needs to move her along quickly.

“Sif-Sif says she’s safe?” Toffer’s staring at me, his legs bouncing beneath him, massive eyebrows drawn together. I think he can speak normally—I sure as fuck hope so—but apparently, when he’s nervous, he does this. Or frightened. Or excited. Basically, any strong emotion has him talking like a gods-damned minstrel. And the little bastard’s been nervous since we left Revalle. Lucky me. “Sifa’s surfacing soon?”

“I had to stop talking to her so we don’t get caught. Astarot’s getting her here,” I assure him. “He’ll let us know if anything goes wrong.”

“Speedy status to your sidekick?”

And fuck if I don’t already understand the troll’s odd questions. I place a hand on his shoulder, trying to instill a confidence I don’t feel as I force my lips into a smile. “I promise you’ll know as soon as I do.”

The next five minutes are the longest of my life. I don’t like being helpless. Waiting. But for this part of the plan to work, I need to be quiet, let Astarot take the lead. So that’s what I do. My skin itches with my need to go kill someone and drag Sifa away with me, but I reel in my emotions. I can’t let myself screw this up because I feel like a heart-broken hatchling.

Toffer’s even worse. I realized when I found him in Sifa’s apartment that he holds a tight leash on his emotions, constantly fighting his baser urges. But he loves Sifa. He’s holding it together for her. The only sign of his impending mania is his constant motion—usually a bouncing leg or fingers tapping through a never-ending rhythm.

I feel her before I see her. Even with both of our shields up, her presence caresses me like a long-lost lover. It’s the most intimate feeling I’ve ever experienced and fills me with a hope I’d nearly lost when I learned the Dróttning tortured her while I was gone.

When she finally rounds a corner, eyes wide as she scans the cavern holding Toffer and me—with another prisoner on her heels—I can barely breathe. Her gaze finds mine, and for a moment I’m not sure what emotion I’ll see. I’m terrified that distrust or hatred will glare back at me. Instead, her eyes soften and the corners of her lips tip up just a bit. She’s giving me a chance, I realize as the breath I’d been holding huffs out.

“Rabbit,” I whisper, stopping myself from striding forward to wrap my arms around her. My savage needs to feel her skin again. To reassure himself she’s real and here. But he needs to calm the fuck down. The only thing that matters is what Sifa needs. And she has to work through this on her own terms. To come to me, if she chooses.

Her lips tip up just a bit more, but she doesn’t respond, turning instead to look at the troll. Now, her smile’s broad and unrestrained. Striding forward, she throws herself into his arms, my guts twisting with an odd kind of jealousy. I understand why. Still, it hurts more than I could have expected to watch her go to him first.

We have to get out of this cavern, but they both need this moment so I wait, forcing myself to count out the half-minute I’m going to give them. When I hit thirty, I grunt. “We need to go.”

Sifa’s arms tighten around Toffer with one hard squeeze before she steps back. “You’re right.” She looks down at the troll, her face still lit up with her joy at seeing him. “Gratitude to my gallant guardian,” she says quietly as one hand caresses his cheek.

“Relief for my rescued roomy,” he responds with a shy grin. “Me missed my mate.” Pausing as a hand reaches up to wipe his wet cheeks, he adds, “Thor, too. Home and hearth hearken.”

“I’ve missed you both so much,” she tells him with a shaky laugh. Turning toward me, she adds in a soft voice, “Thank you for finding me.”

“I will always find you,” I breathe. “I’m sorry it took me so long. That you went through so much while I was gone. I didn’t know.” My hands curl at my sides as anger—at myself, the Dróttning, this whole fucked-up world—rises within me. “I would have stayed. I would have done anything to stop her if I’d known.”

She inhales deeply, her eyes closing as she seems to let my words calm and settle her. “You’re here now, and you brought help.” Finally, she turns toward the male that came with her. “Joralf, this is Fhord and Toffer.” Looking at me again, she adds, “Joralf helped me get through this. He’s coming with us.”

My chin drops in assent. Whatever Sifa needs. “Toffer got us here through a cave I didn’t know existed. I don’t think anyone does because it’s too small for dragons. It’s tight in a couple of places, but it can get us out too.”

“Let’s go.” Sifa’s all business now. It’s time to escape.

Toffer responds with the grin of a child whose mother has just given him permission to lead them through the forest. He starts to stalk deeper into the caves, following the innate sense all trolls have for caverns and passages through rock. I’d have gotten lost already if it weren’t for him.

This time, though, we can’t follow the same path. We’ve walked for less than five minutes when we hear the first group of soldiers looking for us. They’re angry, the Dróttning’s punishments harsh when she’s failed. Every one of them will suffer if they don’t capture us.

“They won’t be here,” a male voice proclaims, his voice angry. “Nobody even knows about this area.”

They’re so gods-damned close, a turn or two away from finding us. My gaze scatters, searching for someplace to hide or escape.

“We know,” a female responds, her tone dripping with disdain. “If we’re here, they could be too.”

“They’re probably already gone. We’re all fucked because Gunnar let that elf control him.”

“She’s stronger than she looks.” I think I hear a hint of respect in her words. “And they can’t have gotten out yet. There hasn’t been enough time.”

We’re going to need to kill them. They’ll pass by here, and this cave doesn’t have any place we can hide. But then Toffer’s massive hand is on my shoulder as he gestures toward a shadow in the corner. “Go,” he mouths.

Nodding, I follow his directions, careful that my steps don’t reveal our location. My gut is a rock, every sense alert to any shift in the space around us. I’m about to face two fucked-up choices.

If the guards realize we’re here, we’ll have seconds, if that, to take them down. Every guard here knows me. The Dróttning’s in the Nest and will catch any thought thrown her way. I don’t know if we can stop them before the message lashes out telling her what I’ve done.

I could use my magic to kill them before they see us, but I alone can wield the power I’d need and the Dróttning will recognize it when it echoes through the caves. My magic is like a horn to her. It always tells her exactly where she can find me.

Either way, we’re fucked. The Dróttning will learn I’m helping Sifa escape, and she’ll take Tindera from me. Maybe kill her. I don’t know if I’d survive that, even with Sifa by my side.

We huddle together—my savage taking my thoughts in the wrong fucking direction when Sifa’s thigh rubs against mine and my gods-damned cock twitches. Because I can’t control the bastard when I’m around her. The soldiers pass by slowly, still bickering about their decision to search this part of the caves. They’re nearly out of our sight when one of them stops, his head spinning in our direction.

“Did someone check that area?” A finger lifts to point directly at us.

And my pulse races. If they take a few steps toward us, I’ll have no choice.

I’m sweating, my skin tingling as my magic rises to the surface, ready to lash out.

“There’s nothing there,” another says, his glare roving the area around us.

“I saw something move,” the first one insists. “Go check it out.”

“You’re seeing ghosts. You go. I’m heading back to the base.”

Now my stomach is twisting, the power I’ve gathered demanding release. I won’t be able to hold it much longer.

“Alright,” the first one agrees after a moment as he watches the other guards walk away. “Like you said. There’s not shit in these caves.”

We stay there, hunched down and still, for a minute or more. I think we’re all afraid to move and risk drawing them back. Finally, though, Joralf stands. “They’re gone,” he says, reaching out a hand to pull up Toffer. “Let’s get out of here.”

We’re not so lucky the second time I sense others moving our direction. I’d recognize her presence anywhere. The being that’s governed and manipulated my life since it began. The Dróttning is striding toward us, her thoughts chaotic and furious. If she finds us, I won’t be able to defeat her. Even as strong as my magic is when I unleash it, it is no match for hers. Yet.

Toffer spins, touching a nearby wall as he inhales deeply. He points and trots down a new cavern, his feet surprisingly light for his bulk. The others follow and I take the rear, ready to do whatever I can to give them time to escape.

We turn a dozen times as we try to find a path away from the Dróttning, Toffer pausing occasionally to place a hand or two on the rock and breathe in whatever scent he’s following. Time slows to nearly a stand-still as we barely stay ahead of our pursuers. Every time I think we’ve found an escape route, they turn or backtrack, chasing us once again. My mind is screaming at me to get away, dragging up image after image of Sifa in her cell. Imagining my little rabbit on the rack. Feeling her pain as I did when she first arrived.

We won’t be able to lose the Dróttning. That reality settles within me, a truth I can’t avoid. I’m as familiar to her as she is to me. She’s following us as if she already knows every turn we’ll make. She must recognize my presence. It’s the only explanation. Which means they won’t get away if I stay with them.

My hand reaches out to take Sifa’s arm, pulling her toward me. The others notice and slow down, pausing a dozen feet away. Sifa looks up at me, her eyebrows rising in her silent question. My savage is roaring, loath to leave her, but I push him down. We need to separate if she’s going to get out.

“Go ahead without me,” I breathe as I lean into her. “I’ll divert the Dróttning and her guards. I’ll catch up.”

Sifa’s shaking her head, grabbing my arm to pull me farther into the cavern. “We’re not leaving you.”

She’s so fucking beautiful. My heart cracks with her resolve to keep me close. I can’t give in to this, though. We won’t get away from the Dróttning this way.

“She can sense all of us, but she knows me,” I hiss in Sifa’s ear. “I don’t think she’s certain it’s me, but she won’t give up the chance to find out. She’ll follow me, not you or the others. I can get away from her. If she’s not leading the chase, you’ll be able to evade whoever she sends after you. Let me send her in another direction and then I’ll catch up to you.”

The seconds tick by slowly as Sifa watches me. Finally, her chin dips for a second before her gaze rises and holds mine. “You will find us,” she demands in a husky voice, full of emotions I can’t let myself consider yet. “This thing between us isn’t finished. And I have questions for you.”

I lift one hand to her cheek, the other grasping her waist to pull her close. “I told you already, my little rabbit. I will always find you.”

When my lips find hers, the world makes sense, Sifa at its center. But that’s all we can have. I pull away, caressing her cheek one last time. “Go,” I urge her.

She nods and turns to follow Toffer and Joralf deeper into the cave.

I spin and start to backtrack, leading the Dróttning as far away from them as I can. For a moment, I think it’s not going to work. That the Dróttning decided to follow Sifa and I’ve abandoned them to her wrath.

My chest lightens when she trails me, though. I wind through the caves with her on my heels, abandoning any hope of finding my way back to where I left Sifa and the others. Toffer will lead them to Astarot and the horses, and they’ll get away. That’s the only thing that matters.

Perhaps ten minutes after I split from Sifa and the others, I lead my pursuers into a cavern with no exit, my heart dropping into my feet when I realize it.

Fuck. Me.

It’s deep enough for me to have some time to try to fix this, but not much. They’re on my heels, and I have a minute, if that. I have no choice but to use my magic—which the Dróttning will recognize, because my power alone in this land will echo through the entire cave system. She may only believe right now that it’s me she’s following. This will remove any doubt. And Tindera will be fully fucked.

Because I fucked this up so badly.

Reaching out, I lay my palms against the rock, searching for the best path. If this works at all, it will take every ounce of my magic. When I sense another cavern, perhaps a male’s-height away, I slow my breathing. And I push. The rock is stubborn. It’s been here for a long time. I’m more stubborn.

Too gods-damned slowly, the rock starts to move under my touch. I’m trembling, the mix of anxiety and exertion reaching into every part of me, but my hands are solid and the rock is responding. A tunnel. That’s all I need. But I have to move a shit-ton of rock to do that, pushing most of it into surrounding stone to force the density to increase, while rock along the edges can shift out and add to the surface area.

Long seconds pass while I create a path I can take, expanding its size from a pinhole to a space large enough for a mouse, then a child, and finally an adult. I’m sucking in air by now, barely able to get enough, but I think I'll be able to get through.

Just in time. The Dróttning’s soldiers are racing toward me, their leader fast on their heels. I shove into the hole I’ve opened, finding crevices and cracks to pull my body in and forward. My head is nearly through the other side when a hand wraps around my ankle, tugging me back. Grasping the edge, I try to turn—give myself a better angle to kick this bastard away—but I can’t. I can go backward or forward. That’s it.

My heart is pounding in my ears, my stomach twisting into a tight knot. If the Dróttning captures me, I’ll never be able to help Tindera escape. And I cannot let my dragon pay an even higher price than she’s already condemned to suffer because of my fucked-up mating bond.

Inhaling deeply to try to calm myself enough for another burst of magic, I let go of the edge with my right hand, placing my palm on the rock as far down my body as I can. And I shove, forcing more stone to give way. Finally, I have the space I need to spin. One more push—gasping as I dig deep to find more power—and I open the tunnel enough to kick at the bastard holding my leg.

I can’t hold back the smile as I hear the satisfying crunch of bone. He lets go and I spin again, yanking at the tunnel’s edge and barely shielding my head as I tumble to the cave floor. Scrambling to my feet, I splay my palms inside the tunnel and pull up the last dregs of my magic to fill part of the tunnel. A smirk tips my lips as the soldier with the broken nose is trapped in the rock, his skull crushing under its weight.

And then I collapse to the ground, thanking the gods for finally giving me a gods-damned break.

I’m rising to my feet, wondering how I’ll find my way out of here, when the Dróttning’s voice drifts toward me, frustration and anger in every word. “I’m done with this game, Fhord. I know you’re responsible for the elf escaping. I knew you were lying to me when you sat in my rooms, trying to convince me there’s nothing between you. You can’t hide that kind of secret from me. You’re more of a fool than I realized.

“So go. Leave these caves. But know this. Unless you bring the elf to me—alive or not, I no longer care—you may never return. You are dead to me.” She pauses a moment, a laugh gusting out of her. “And to your dragon. She’s mine now. You won’t see her again.”

Every part of me deflates as the Dróttning’s words sink in, and I feel her move away from me.

Tindera will pay the price. As I always knew she would.

I only hope her words didn’t reach Sifa. My little rabbit can’t know what her freedom has cost me. She can’t know what a risk I’ll be taking when I come back here to try to free Tindera. Because I have to try. I won’t be able to live with myself if I abandon my dragon to the Dróttning’s punishments for my sins.

I can’t move. For a minute or more, I stand there motionless, my mind skipping through my options, dismissing each. I want to race back now, try to free Tindera before I follow Sifa from the Nest. But I’ve used every bit of my magic.

It wouldn’t matter anyway. In this, the Dróttning holds all the power. Tindera can’t go until the Dróttning releases her. Nobody leaves here without our dear leader’s permission. If I know the Dróttning—and I do, at least where her wrath is concerned—Tindera’s already imprisoned.

My stomach clenches, my last meal threatening to push its way up and out. I’m helpless to protect my dragon. And I don’t know how in the fuck I’ll ever find Sifa and the others.

Toffer’s hand on my shoulder pulls me from my desperate thoughts. “Sifa summons her savior.” His voice is low and solemn. “Salvation,” he adds as he points down one of the many caverns leading from this one.

Fuck, am I glad I went and got the troll.

Nodding, I let him lead me into the tunnel, twisting and turning down a path I never would’ve found. When we enter a large cave with a pool at its center, I can only stare at the splendor around me. I’ve never been here—had no idea this place even existed—and it’s the most marvelous thing I’ve ever seen.

Reds, oranges, and yellows dominate the walls, light from some unknowable source casting its glow all around to reveal stones of ruby, citrine and topaz. But they can’t compare to the water that sparkles in soft luster. It’s the deepest blue, the color of a jay spinning through the air as the sun casts its first rays on the day.

It also vibrates with magic. I feel as if I could touch the beginning and end of time just by swimming through its waters. All knowledge awaits me if I drink from its plenty. I want nothing more than to drop into it and never leave.

“The pool will prolong and protect.” Toffer’s shy smile accompanies a shove to my back. “Proceed.”

The troll’s strange words shouldn’t make sense, but they do. Whatever is here almost feels sentient. It wants to sustain us. I can’t fathom the possibility we would drown, no matter how long we were submerged.

I take a deep breath regardless, too aware of how easily magic can manipulate our minds. And then I drop into the pool and let myself sink down, following Toffer as he begins to kick deeper and deeper. We swim farther than we should be able to go without breathing, but I’m sure I could go farther still. My chest is light and full of air.

When Toffer leads us into a tube deep below the surface, I feel the magic shift. My lungs start to constrict as my brain registers that I’ve gone minutes without a breath. With every kick, darkness wraps around us and the pressure inside increases. Every part of me is screaming to breathe, even if the water would take my life. I have no idea how Sifa and Joralf could have made it so far, weak as they were.

When I see the light ahead of us—a disc of hope that brightens as I continue to rise—my soul lightens. I throw every bit of myself into this swim, watching as the surface grows closer and closer.

We emerge in a pond on the rear of the mountain, and I suck in a breath, marveling that I’m alive and free of the caves. Tindera’s image floats into my mind, but I push it aside. Right now, I need to get Sifa away from here. I’ll return for my dragon soon.

Toffer and I float on the water and fill our lungs. The moon rests high in the sky above us, bright and full, casting light and shadows on the surface. And then he starts to swim toward the nearby shore. My gaze follows him and a fist unclenches inside me when I find her. She’s waiting, as Toffer said she would be.

Steeling myself for whatever Sifa may do or say to me, I follow Toffer to the shore, watching her as I step from the water, dripping wet but alive. When I’m a dozen feet away, I stop, letting her decide where we go from here. How, or if, we move forward.

She closes the distance between us. Striding forward, she places her hands on my chest, looking up at me with melancholy eyes.

“She hurt me,” Sifa whispers, her voice so soft I can barely hear her words.

“I’m so, so sorry.” What else can I say? I let this happen.

“You were supposed to be there. You left.”

“I didn’t know she would do that to you. She said she wouldn’t, and I believed her. Then my thoughts couldn’t get to you while you wore the manacle. I didn’t feel your pain.” I drop my forehead to rest against hers, my hands wrapping around her waist. “She’ll never hurt you again. I swear it.”

“I don’t think you can promise that, Fhord.” Her hand lifts to caress my cheek, her eyes searching mine. “Did you mean it?” she whispers with a glance down and then back up at me. “That I hold part of your soul?”

I place my hand on hers, the other reaching out to cup her cheek. “Before the dragons, the Dróttning and the draugrs,” I tell her with a hint of a smile as I glance at Toffer, “before the gods breathed this world into being and gifted us the lifeblood that flows through us, before the mountains rose and the oceans formed, before magic filled this land and all its beings, there was you and me. We have always been and we always will be. You are the sunrise in my day, the air I breathe, the reason I exist. I didn’t know what it was to live before you. There is no after. I don’t want a life without you. Ever. Whatever the price to be with you, I will pay it.”

The look she gives me is glorious. Her heart peers back at me, open and pure.

And my savage rejoices. I can feel him expanding out, ready to take over and take her.

Holy fuck . I need this. I need her. I tried to deny it, to push her away. I’ve lied to myself every single day since I met her. But I can’t hide from it anymore.

“I want this, my little rabbit—I want you—more than I’ve ever wanted anything, anyone. But you have to know what this will mean. To me. To us.”

Sifa cocks her head, her hands ghosting over my arms as the corners of her lips lift. She rises to brush those lips against mine. “What would this mean to you, Fhord?”

Something opens inside me, a dragon discovering the joy of flight, a wave flowing through the open sea, a star suspended in the sky, beaming its light across the universe. My savage soothes as I embrace the destiny he’s demanded since I laid eyes on Sifa.

“When you’re mine, there will be no other. I’m not a good male, rabbit. I will hunt … I will destroy … anyone and anything that would come between us, that would hurt you, or try to take you from me. When you give yourself to me, Sifa, you give it all to me. Every part of you. Everything you will ever do or be. You’ll be mine. And I’ll be yours. Forever.”

Sifa doesn’t shrink from me as I claim and open myself to her. Holding my gaze, her hands caress my chest and then lift to my cheeks as she pulls my lips down to hers. She doesn’t respond with words. Maybe she’s not ready yet to love me the way I love her, after everything she’s been through. But it’s enough for now.