Page 38

Chapter 38

RYLAN

C oach Shaw's voice fades in and out as he goes over our power play strategy. My pen moves across the page in precise lines, taking notes without processing the meaning of the words. Fifteen minutes left in the meeting. Fourteen. Thirteen.

Jamie's sitting in the back row. He hasn't looked at me once, but he has dark rings under his eyes. Because of me. I put those there yesterday when I hurt him with my careful words.

Louis shifts in his seat. He can always tell when something's off with me. But I keep my eyes forward, back straight, my armorfirmlyin place. Just like always.

Ten more minutes.

Nine...

Eight...

My dad's voice from yesterday plays on a loop in my head:"We always knew, Ry. Your mother... she wanted to wait until you were ready to tell us."

Seven minutes.

Six...

Five...

Charlie's getting into some story about a restaurant mix-up, his British accent sounding stronger as he gestureswildly.NormallyI'd be smiling, but today I'm hearing him speak, but the words aren't being processed. Too much other shit rattling around in my brain.

Austin's knee bumps mine under the desk. It's his usual subtle check-in when I'm too quiet. How many times has he been there for me over the years, while I kept on hiding? I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I could never ask for a better friend.

Three...

Two...

My heart is racing like a fucking Formula One car as Coach Shaw wraps up and asks if anyone has anything to add. This is it.

One...

Time to stop hiding.

"Yeah."My voice sounds a lot steadier than I feel. I get out of my chair and turn so I'm facing everyone. Lou sucks in a breath."There's something I need to say."

The room goes quiet. Even Charlie stops fidgeting. In the back row, Jamiefinallylooks at me, and the raw hope in his eyesnearlysteals my voice.

I clear my throat."I've been your captain for three and a half years."My tone is neutral. It's like I'm talking about line changes or killing power plays, not making a life-altering announcement."And in that time, I've asked you for your trust, your respect, and your honesty."

I suck in a deep breath.

"But I haven't done the same for you. And it's time that changes."

The silence in the room thickens. Someone, Santucci, maybe, shifts in their chair.

"I'm gay."

JAMIE

Rylan's words hang in the air like smoke after a fireworks show.

After yesterday's press conference, I convinced myself that I've been imagining everything between us. Thinking I somehow read too much into every touch, every night together, every moment with Rylan over the last couple of months. But now...

The room is so quiet I can hear the hum of the fluorescent lights. Rylan standsperfectlystill at the front of the room. His face is pale,probablyfrom nerves, but he keeps his head up and his blue eyes have a steely glint in them. He's ready and braced for whatever hit he might have to take.

Charlie's first to break the silence."What..."He clears his throat and tries again."Fucking hell, mate. Why didn't you tell us before?"

"I know this might change how some of you feel about my leadership,"Rylan continues."I'll understand if--"

"Oh, fuck that noise,"Louis interrupts, standing up."You're our captain. End of story."

A murmur of agreement ripples through the room.

Austin stands, and for one horrible second, I think he's going to walk out. But he moves toward Rylan instead. He's wearing his usual scowl, but I think that ornery look is hiding a load of emotions right now."You're the best team captain I've ever played with,"he saysfinally."Nothing changes that. Anyone who has a problem with this is going to have to deal with me."

They exchange a hug, and the look on Rylan's face is pure relief mixed with gratitude.

"Should've told us sooner, Cap,"Santucci rumbles from his seat in the corner."Could've set you up with my cousin Marco. He's a doctor."

A surprised laugh escapes Rylan, and the smile on his face is one of his rare genuine ones. He's so fucking gorgeous when he's happy.

"I appreciate the thought, Santucci, but..."His eyes find mine again."I'mactually... taken..."

My heart stops.

"Jamie and I..."He takes a deep breath."We're...together. I mean, I hope we are. But either way, I'm done hiding."

Just then Carson Wells clears his throat from where he's standing at the back of the room. I must have missed him coming in.

"The team stands behind both of you.Completely."His eyes sweep the room."If anyone has a problem with that, they can come see me."

"Fuck that,"Louis sayscheerfully."They'll have to get through us first."He stands to wrap his best friend in a bear hug, and just like that, the tension in the room shatters.

I'm moving before I realize it. As I make my way down to the front of the room, Austin catches my eye for a moment before dipping his chin in my direction. I take it as both a blessing and a warning all at once.

Louis releases Rylan, who watches me approach with wide, vulnerable eyes.

"Hey."My voice is rough. Everything I want to say crowds my throat: how proud I am, how brave he is, how fucking much I love him. But the only thing that comes out is,"You okay?"

A small, tentative smile crosses his face."I don't know yet."He reaches for my hand and squeezes it hard."But I think I will be."

The room erupts around us. Charlie starts calling for a celebration party at Bigfoot's, as Coach Shaw gathers his notes with a satisfied smile. Louis has a proud smile on his face as he chats with Tanner,and the group of rookies in the back start talking about some video game tournament they're running among themselves.

But Ibarelynotice any of it. Because Rylan's hand is still in mine, and for the first time since I've known him, his captain's mask is nowhere to be found.

"Jamie..."he starts, but Charlie interrupts by throwing an arm around both our shoulders.

"Right then! We're going for drinks at Bigfoot's. No arguments! This calls for a proper celebration."

"He's right."Louis's voice is rough, but there's a proud smile on his face."Plus you owe us drinks for keeping this secret for so long."

"Deal,"Rylan laughs, his fingers tightening around mine."But I think we might need a minute first."

Louisimmediatelystarts herding everyone toward the door, ignoring Charlie's protests."Come on, you animals. Let's go, first round's on me. We'll save you both a seat,"he calls over his shoulder, pulling the door closed behind him.

As the room empties, Rylan turns to face me. His hand trembles in mine, but his eyes are clear. Sure. Like he's found his way home.