Page 21

Chapter 21

JAMIE

W hen the puck drops for the game against the Minneapolis Stars, my body moves on autopilot. But everything seems off without Rylan.

The first period stays scoreless, but not for lack of chances. Austin and I sync up with Charlie pretty easily, leading to some great chances. But we can't execute. Our passes are perfect and our positioning is flawless, butthere's no spark.

In the second period, Dallas scores twice in quick succession. We're able to claw one back on a beautiful play I set up for Charlie, but we're still in the hole.

As the clock ticks down in the third, we can'tgetanything going, and with two minutes left, they catch us on a bad line change, making it 3-1. In a mad scramble at the end, Coach pulls Lou and sends Gagnon out as the extra attacker, but it's no use. The horn sounds without another goal.

And now we've lost our first two games of the season.

My hotel room is too quiet after the noise of the lobby bar where we had a few drinks to try and drown our sorrows. I lean back against the headboard, still in my dress shirt and slacks, unable to settle into my regular post-game routine. Everything is off without Rylan's steady presence.

My phone buzzes.

Rylan:"My dad asked to go to rehab. I'm going to take him to that place in Vancouver."

"That's amazing news. How are you doing?"

The three dots pop up and disappear a couple of times, and I can almostseehim weighing each word, deciding how much to share.

"I'm doing okay. I think maybe we both are."

Somehow, his responsefeelsless guarded than usual. Don't ask me how Ican tellfrom a text. It's a gutfeeling.

"Want to talk about it?"I offer, holding my breath. Say yes, say yes...

Three dots again.

"Not sure I wouldknowhow. It's been a weird day."

I smile despite myself. Trust Rylan to call an emotional breakthrough with his alcoholic father 'weird.'

Before I can respond, he texts again."I need to tell you something."

Well, fuck. My heart speeds up.

"What's that?"

"I should have told you this sooner. In San Diego."

My hands start to shake. Jesus, Pirelli, calm the fuck down. "You can always tell me anything, Ry."

Those motherfucking three dots start, stop, and start again. My palms sweat as I wait for his reply. Please don't end this. Not when we're just getting started.

"You were my first."

It's like I've been cross-checked from behind. I read the words again. And then again. He can't mean…

"First what?"

"My first time with another man."

The words blur on the little screen.

"Wait. Are you saying..."I stop, delete it, and try again."It was?"

Those goddamn dots taunt me. Fuck it, I can't do this over text.

My hands shake as I hit the call button. The screen is dark for a moment before he appears. His hair is a bit messy as if he's been running his hands through it. Hockey posters are taped up on the wall behind him. He's in his childhood bedroom.

"Hey,"he says softly, and fuck, he looks good.

"Hey."My voice comes out lower than usual."So, um… That night was… your first…?"

"Yeah—I mean—with a man. I've been with women before. But… yeah."

All the air leaves my lungs in a whoosh. Holy fuck. Holy fuck. Memories from that night wash over me. How responsive he was, how he trembled when I touched him, how vulnerable he looked afterward...

"Rylan..."My heart is pounding so hard I can barely think."Why didn't you tell me? I would have—"

"Would have what? Treated me differently? Like I was fragile? Like youfeltsorry for me?"

There's a defensive edge to his words. Shit, he's starting to retreat.

"No! Not--of course not. I just... I would have made sureit wasspecial. Would have taken more time to..."

I trail off, remembering how desperate we were, how we crashed into each other. If I'dknownit washis first time...

"It was special," his voice is more gentle. "It was amazing, Jamie. Because it was real. Because you saw what I needed. You saw me."

My throat closes up.

"Still," I whisper. "I wish you'd felt safe enough to tell me."

"I couldn't tell you then."He shakes his head."Shit, I almost couldn't admit it to myself. But today, talking to my dad... Something clicked, I think. I wanted you toknow."

His raw honesty makes my chest ache. I want to tell him how much it means that he trusted me, but I'm terrified of pushing too hard.

He swallows hard."I... I'm not good at this,"he manages.

"Not good at what?"

"At letting peoplegetclose to me. At being vulnerable."His eyes meet mine through the screen, dark with something that makes heat pool in my gut."At wanting things."

"What do you want, Rylan?"My voice is gravelly.

The silence stretches so longthat I worryI went too far.

"You."It's a broken-sounding whisper."I keep trying to stop, but... fuck, Jamie. I can't—I can't stop thinking about that night."

My mouth is suddenly as dry as the desert. The phone camera catches just enough light to show his chest rising and falling with quick breaths.

"Yeah?"I lick my lips."What do you think about?"

His eyes dart away, then back to mine.

"Your hands,"he whispers finally."The way you touched me. How you somehow..knewwhat I wanted."

"Fuck, Rylan."I have to adjust myself, and his eyes track the movement."If I'dknownit wasyour first time..."

"What would you have done differently?"His voice carries an edge of challenge again, but his expression is vulnerable.

"I would have taken more time."I lean closer to the screen, dropping my voice."I would have explored every inch of you. I would have found every single place on your body that makes you gasp."

His sharp inhale sends a jolt of electricity down my spine.

"Tell me what you're thinking about,"I say my voice gentle."I want tohearyou say it."

"The way your chestfeltpressed against mine. The way we… rubbed together."His voice is breathless, his pupils blown out wide.

"God, Ry."I slide my hand into my pants and let out a groan of relief when I wrap my hand around my cock."I'd wanted to touch you like that since the first time we met."

His breath hitches. "Yeah?"

"Oh, fuck yes. But that night... God, the way you responded to me was…"

"I never... I never knew it could feel like that."

Heat floods through me at his confession."Like what, baby?"

The endearment slips out without thought, but his soft moan tells me he doesn't mind.

"Like... like Icouldlet go and stop thinking. Like… I was safe. With you."

My heart stutters. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. Ifeellike the fucking king of the world.

"You were so perfect,"I tell him roughly."Are perfect. The sounds you made when I..."

"When you what?"He sounds desperate. I. Am. Here. For. It.

"When I finally got my mouth on you. God, Rylan, you were trembling so hard when I swallowed you down to the back of my throat. You're the perfect size. Like your cock was made for my mouth. And then the way you grabbed my hair, and…"Words fail me as I speed up my strokes, my breaths coming faster.

On my little screen, Icanseethe sheen of sweat that's broken out across Rylan's pecs, and the flush coloring his neck. Fuck me, I'm not going to last much longer."Fuck."The word comes out strangled.

"I've never... not like this... not with someone watching…"he gasps, biting down on his bottom lip, like he has to fight to hold himself back.

"It's okay,"I soothe."I've got you. You're so fucking gorgeous. So perfect. Just like that night. The sounds you make are going togetme off... Fuck, Rylan, I want toseeyou. Please?"

He hesitates, but then he shifts the camera, focusing on his hand as he jerks his gorgeous, impossibly hard cock.

"Oh god, Rylan,"my voice is strangled, but I manage to shift my phone so hecanseeme too. I want him toknowhow much he affects me.