Page 13

Chapter 13

JAMIE

J amie

The team plane gleams in the California sunshine as we cross the tarmac. The sharp scent of jet fuel mingles with fresh coffee, and the metal railing is cool to the touch as I climb the stairs to board.

Since I seem to be intent on torturing myself, I take the seat right across the aisle from Rylan's workstation. My stomach twists while he goes through his precise setup routine, but now I see the cracks in the calm, ordered front he puts on for the world. The slight tremor in his hands. The way his tie is a tiny bit crooked. Details I wouldn't have noticed before last night.

Sarah, our flight attendant, breaks through my mental spiral with her usual warmth."Good morning, boys! Coffee's ready."She catches Rylan's eye and gives him a bright smile."Black, two sugars for the captain?"

"Thanks, Sarah."His voice is steady and professional. As if he didn't fall apart in my arms six hours ago. Now he's all crisp suit and perfect posture, every inch the respected team captain. Before last night, I would've been impressed, but now I want to mess him up again. To make him lose that rigid control like he did when he was writhing underneath me, begging for more.

The plane's recycled air feels thick as he arranges his workspace. Laptop aligned at perfect right angles to his iPad. Coffee positionedpreciselyto the right. Game notes spread out with military precision and those eleventy-thousand different highlighters at the ready. It's like he said last night, if he can control all these little things, maybe it'll seem like he can control the big things too. Big things like whatever is going on between us.

Louis comes down the aisle and plops down into the seat beside mine. He glances between Rylan and me like he can sense the tension between us.

"Morning, boys. You two missed out on some great poutine last night. Gotta hand it to Reeses Pieces, the man can pick out the best food in any given city."

Charlie's silly nickname earns a grin from both Rylan and me, and my stomach flips at the glimpse of his real smile breaking through this tension.

Rylan loosens his tie, and the mark I left below his collarbone flashes into my mind. It's not visible, but just knowing it's right there, behind the fabric of his dress shirt is enough to send a rush of blood to my dick. Of course, I also know how his breath hitched when I put that mark there, how his fingers tightened in my hair, how his whole body trembled...

Jesus Christ, I need to get a grip.

Now he won't even glance in my direction.

The plane starts to taxi, and I pretend to be absorbed in my phone while watching Rylan. He's going through Coach's game notes from last night, moving his highlighter across the page with mechanical precision, but he's been on the same paragraph for ten minutes. When we lift off, he grips the armrests sotightlyhis knuckles go white. I noticed ityesterday, but today it feelsweirdlyintimate. It's like one more secret I'm not supposed to know about him.

Louis stretches out beside me."You good?"he asks, his voice pitched below the ambient noise.

I force my face into what I hope is casual indifference."Yeah, fine." Lies ."Just tired." Well, that's true, at least.

"Uh-huh."Lou's looking at me like I'm a puzzle he's trying to put together, but he can't quite make the pieces fit. I yawn and give an exaggerated stretch."Stayed up late to review the game tape,"I add. More lies.Actually, I was too busy watching your best friend fall apart in my arms, but we're not gonna talk about that.

Fuck, I need to be careful. Rylan told me Lou has no idea about him.

After the seatbelt sign dings off, most of the guys settle in for naps, Lou included. Charlie's already snoringsoftly, while the rookie, Gagnon, is absorbed in some video game two rows up. Nobody's paying attention to me, and how I can't stop stealing glances at our team captain.

He's still pretending to study his game notes, but he's bouncing his leg. That's a new one. The Rylan Collings I knew before last night was always still, always controlled. Now that I know what he looks like when his famous control shatters, I can't unsee it. I don't fucking want to unsee it. It was gorgeous.

The plane hits a patch of turbulence, and Rylan's water bottle tips, spilling water all over his notes. I pick it up from where it's rolled to my feet and grab some napkins from the seat pocket in front of me. I unbuckle andquicklyscootch across the aisle, dropping my ass into the seat beside him so I can help mop up the water that's drowned hisneatlyhighlighted game notes. When Iaccidentally-on-purpose brush my hand against his, he jerks back like he's been burned. Fucking ouch.

Our eyes meet for the first time since this morning, and Jesus . The raw vulnerability in his gaze before he slams his walls back upnearlydrops me to my knees. For a second, all the desire, fear, and shame that's warring inside him are right there, in those eyes. Fuck, I want to touch him. I want to pull him close and break down those walls the same way I did last night. I want to remind him how incredible it felt when hefinallylet himself go.

But I don't.

"I've got it,"he saysstiffly, pulling more napkins from his own seat pocket. Always so self-sufficient. So determined to handle everything alone.

Up front, Gagnon laughs at something on his screen. The sound is jarring inside our weird little tension bubble. Rylan dabs at his notes, and I pretend not to notice his shaking hands. The same way I have to pretend not to remember the way those hands felt as they explored every inch of my body last night.

I should get up and move back to my seat. Should put some distance between us. But I can't make myself move.

We hit another pocket of turbulence, harder this time, and Rylan shoots his hand out, grabbing onto my thigh, his eyes wide with fear. For one heartbeat, neither of us moves. His hand is warm through my dress pants, and his throat works as he swallows. His fingers flex against my leg and fuck, I'm going to die right here on this plane, and it will have nothing to do with the turbulence.

But then he yanks his hand back like he's been electrocuted, knocking his soggy notes to the floor.

We both bend to retrieve them and fucking hell, he still smells so delicious. That mix of expensive cologne and somethinguniquelyRylan Collings that I can taste on the back of my tongue.

"I've got it,"he snaps, but his hands are trembling sobadlyhe keeps dropping the papers."Please, don't."His voice isbarelya whisper, but in those two words, his message is clear: Don't make this harder. Don't remind me. Don't make me feel this.

Lou makes a snuffling sound from where he's stretched out in his seat across the aisle, sleeping like a baby.

"Sorry about the bumps, everyone,"the pilot says over the speaker."We're going to change altitude to find some smoother air for you. Hope I didn't disturb anyone's nap."

After things smooth out, Sarah the flight attendant comes by to see if anyone's hungry for a late breakfast slash early lunch, but the thought of food turns my stomach. Rylan, however, isn't having the same issue,predictablyordering grilled chicken and steamed vegetables with no sauce. The King of Control is back, ladies and gentlemen.

My problem is that now I know what happens when that control slips. I know the sounds he makes when he breaks down. I know the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he gives one of those rare, genuine smiles. And I know how his perfect muscles all tense when he's coming apart underneath me.

And somehow I have to sit here pretending I don't know any of those things.

Austin walks past, pausing to grab something from his bag in the overhead bin. His eyes narrowslightlyas they move between Rylan and me."Everything good here, Cap?"

"Fine."Rylan's voice is steady as he glances up at Austin. His captain mask isfirmlyin place, not a crack showing."Just reviewing last night's tape."He gestures to his iPad.

He chats with Austineasily, like nothing's different. Like what happened last night didn't shift the world on its axis. His voice is steady and professional--the same voice he uses for press conferences and team meetings. It's not the voice that whispered my name in the dark. Not the same voice that broke on a sob as he came apart in my arms.

Something in my chest cracks open when he laughs at something Austin says.

This is what it's going to be like.

Watching him beperfectlyfine while I'm drowning in everything unsaid between us.

How the fuck am I going to manage this?