Page 27

Chapter 27

RYLAN

T he room is quiet, just our breathing and the faint hum of the hotel's air conditioning. Jamie's fingers trace lazy patterns on my skin, and I let myself sink into the sensation. Unfortunately, it's not long before reality starts to creep back in.

What are we doing?

"Hey." Jamie's voice is concerned. He must feel how I've tensed up. "I can hear you thinking from here."

I force myself to take a steady breath. I'm not going to panic and run like I did before, but I know we have to talk about… whatever this is.

"Jamie..." My voice comes out gravelly. "We should probably..."

"If you're about to tell me this was a mistake again, I'm going to strongly disagree," he says, his tone calm but firm.

I shift against him, needing to see his face. In the dim light, his eyes are serious despite his attempt at lightness.

"It's not a mistake. But it's also not… It's not that simple," I manage.

"Why not?" His hand stills on my shoulder. "Because you're not out? Because I am? Because we're teammates?"

"All of the above?" I try to pull away, but he holds me in place, and no part of me wants to fight him. "Jamie, I can't ask you to hide yourself because of me."

"You're not asking." His voice is firm but gentle. "I'm offering."

That stops me. "What?"

"Look." He props himself up on one elbow, his blue eyes intent on mine. "After Florida... I can't afford any drama. I can't have any more headlines about my personal life."

Understanding dawns slowly. "You... you want to keep this quiet too?"

"For now." His thumb brushes my jaw. "Until we figure out what this is. Until we're both ready."

Hope flares in my chest. "Are you sure? Because it's not fair to ask you to hide, just because I'm too much of a cowar—"

"Hey." He cuts me off again, placing the pad of his thumb against my lips. "This isn't about you asking for anything. This is us making a choice that works right now. For both of us."

I search his face for any hint that he's just saying what I want to hear. But all I can find is sincerity and warmth.

"Jamie..." My voice catches. "It's not fair to you. I don't want to hurt you."

"I can decide what's fair to me," he says firmly. "And if you don't want to hurt me, don't run away again." His words are barely a whisper. "Let me have this much of you, at least."

The raw honesty in his voice undoes me. Nick would've had the courage to be open about who he loved. He never let fear hold him back. But I'm not Nick, and Jamie Pirelli deserves better than a half-assed, secret, quasi-relationship. Still, when I press my forehead to his, I know I can't walk away. "Okay," I breathe...

"Yeah?" His smile is hopeful. It kills me.

"Yeah." I let myself trace the curve of his lips. "But only if you're sure. I couldn't stand it if you grew to resent me."

"I'm sure." He catches my hand, pressing a kiss to my palm. "We'll figure it out together. Right now let's just take it one day at a time."

JAMIE

I keep my expression carefully hopeful as Rylan settles back against me, but my mind is racing. What am I doing? This is exactly the kind of complicated situation I promised myself I'd avoid after Florida. The last thing I need is more rumors, more speculation, more potential for scandal.

But watching Rylan's walls start to come up again, seeing that panic in his eyes... I couldn't let him run. Not again. Not after seeing how fucking perfect he is when he finally lets himself feel. When he leans into what he truly wants. Leans into who he is.

"You're sure about this?" he asks again, his voice small in a way that makes my chest ache.

"Absolutely." It's the truth. I'm sure I want it. What I don't tell him is how terrified I am of falling deeper into this. I don't tell him I can already feel myself caring too much, wanting too much. That I'm afraid I already want so much more than Rylan will ever be able to give.

His fingers trace patterns on my chest, and I try, unsuccessfully, not to shiver. "It's just... you've worked so hard to be open about who you are. To be a role model. And I'm asking you to go backward..."

"Hey." I tilt his chin up, needing him to believe this. "You're not asking anything. This is my choice too. And after everything in Florida..." I swallow hard, remembering the nasty headlines and whispers. "Privacy sounds pretty good right now."

It's not a total lie. The thought of more media scrutiny turns my stomach. But the bigger truth, that I'm already half in love with him and willing to accept whatever he can give me, feels way too dangerous to say out loud.

"There's no pressure, okay? No expectations. Just this. Just us."

Some of the tension leaves his body and guilt twists in my gut. Because there are expectations, aren't there? Every time he gives me a glimpse of who he really is behind all of his armor, it makes me hope for more. Leads me to imagine a future where we don't have to hide, where I can hold his hand in public, where...

Stop it. That's not what this is.

"We should get some sleep," he murmurs, fitting himself closer to me. "Early practice tomorrow."

"Yeah." I wrap my arm around him, loving how perfectly his body fits with mine. How right this feels, even though I know it's probably going to break my heart.

Because the truth is, I'll take whatever pieces of himself he's willing to share. Even if it means hiding. Even if it means watching him maintain his careful distance in public. Even if it means lying to myself about secret hotel room hookups being enough.

But then Rylan makes this soft sound as he drifts off. He's so trusting and vulnerable like this, in a way he never is anywhere else, and I know it's too late. I'm already so far gone for this man I'll take whatever he'll give me, and love it.

I press another kiss to his temple, breathing in the comfortable scent of his shampoo. I close my eyes and try to convince myself this won't end with my heart in pieces.

One day at a time , I think, echoing my earlier words to him. Just take it one day at a time.

Even if every day I fall a little harder for this man who may never be ready to catch me.