Page 213 of Ruthless Desires: Vol. One

“I want to hurt him. I want to kill him. But I’m struggling to figure out where my limits are. What will I regret doing? What will turn me into a monster? Am I already one for wanting to kill him?”

He sighs when I stop for a breath. “Is that why you fed him?”

Nodding, I shift so I can look him in the eye. “I don’t want to end up like him.”

“We’d never let that happen, Wren.”

I find comfort in the longevity of his promise—they’llneverlet that happen.

I want this to be forever, too.

“You’re not a monster, Wren. I don’t even think I am. Or Rhett or Ell. You’re giving Jordanexactlywhat he was going to do to you. I’d say that’s justifiable.”

“You’re sure?” I whisper.

“He took away your power over yourself,” Oliver murmurs. “That’s unforgivable.”

I let his words sink in, doing my best to believe them. Is this what the guys had to go through when they decided to go after Ludo? Did they have to live through the horror of losing Sammy while also trying to figure out if they were in the wrong?

“And while we’re on the subject of people taking away your power,” Oliver continues, “I want to talk about last night. When Rhett gave you his shirt, andyou froze up. I shouldn’t’ve pushed you. You needed privacy, and I completely invaded your space.”

I place a hand on his chest. “Thank you for understanding. And it’s okay—or at least, I get why it took a second for you to get what was happening. In the moment, I didn’t even fully understand what was going on in my head. But I do now. Sort of, anyway.”

He cups my cheek, his thumb stroking gently. “What happened?”

Shivering, I say, “I felt sohuman,Oliver. So small and weak and helpless and… crushable. And I still feel that way. I can open up to you emotionally without a problem, but the thought of taking my clothes off in front of you or anyone else makes me freeze up. I can’t explain it. I trust the three of you with my whole heart, but I just… I can’t.”

“I understand, Wren. It’s okay.”

I shake my head. “It’s not. I don’t like it.”

“Princess, Jordan tried to take away every shred of your humanity with what he did to you. He wouldn’t let you leave that room, he didn’t let you eat, he made sure you were uncomfortable and freezing, and he stole your ability to fucking breathe. Of course you’re going to have some type of aversion to vulnerability afterward.It’s okay.”

“But what if I never get over it?” I whisper.

“Do you think it’ll change how we feel about you?”

I look away.

“Wren… my god, have you been thinking that this whole time?”

“No. Yes? I don’t know. Would… would it change? What if I never want to have sex again? Because I don’t think I can. Not right now.”

“Wouldn’t change a thing,” he says. Doesn’t even hesitate.“ButI don’t think that’s going to be a problem. You’ve just been through hell. Give yourself space. I’m sure as time passes, you’ll figure out what you need to get comfortable with that level of intimacy. And until you’re ready—until there’s absolutely no doubt in your mind that you want it—we have no problem waiting. I think we’ve made that clear.”

“You have,” I whisper, running my fingers over the soft fabric of his sweater. “It means the world to me.”

“You mean the world to us, princess. And when I say you, I meanyou.Your mind and your heart, not just your body. I love all of you, and I’m pretty sure I will forever. Whether I have sex with you again or not.”

Oliver’s reassurances melt my heart, but they do something else, too. For the first time since I woke up in that empty room on Friday night, I feel like I have some control over myself again. Not only is it a relief, but a sense of safety falls over me as well.

I took this conversation to what’s probably an unlikely scenario for me—no sex ever again. But Oliver didn’t even skip a beat. No negotiations, no pleading, no anger or entitlement. Just flat out acceptance. It’s a comforting reminder that with the three of them, I’m the safest I’ve ever been.

An idea sparks in my mind. A possibility, even if it’s one that’ll take some thought.

“I might know what I need,” I say hesitantly. “I’m not sure. I want to think it over for a few days. But if I’m right, would you be willing to help me?”

Oliver stills, his expression softening. “Of course.”