Page 212 of Ruthless Desires: Vol. One

“I was fine.”

“Princess—”

I kiss him. All three of them are worried about me, and maybe they have reason to be. I’m a fucking wreck. But I feel stronger than I ever have knowing they’re here for me.Withme. They’re changing everything for my safety, and I’ll never forget that.

Oliver breaks off our kiss.“Please.”

“Okay. You can come in next time.” I frown. “If thereisa next time.”

“Do you know when you want to kill him?” Oliver asks.

“I… I’m not sure.”

After I showered last night, I was so tense that Elliot asked me if I wanted to soak in the bath to relax. At first thought, it sounded like a good idea. But when I imagined myself going anywhere near that much water, it took everything in me not to dissolve into panicked tears.

I just told Elliot that I was too tired. There’s so much going on in my head, and it feels like too much to dump everything on the guys. Considering I woke up in the middle of the night freaking out from my dream, I’m glad I didn’t say anything. Repeated near-drowning or not, I know how to keep my head above water. It’s a stupid fear. Embarrassing, honestly. I can get over it on my own.

Still, it doesn’t solve my immediate problem. I want Jordan to feel what I felt. But to do that, I have to get close enough to a tub full of water so I can hold him under. Unless I get over my newfound phobia of water real damn fast, I’m not sure what to do.

Sighing, I say, “Can I have a day or two to think about it?”

“Princess, you can have as much time as you need. We’re not going to rush you on this.” He eases the plate out of my hands.

I tug on my hair. “There’s just so much happening in my head. I don’t know how to process or stop thinking about yesterday. And all I can remember about Friday evening was making dinner, and then the next thing I knew I was waking up in that room. There’s just this… blank spot in my mind. I hate it. And I don’t know what to do about Jordan because I—because it’s just… a lot.”

“Do you need to talk things out? Ell likes to journal his feelings, but it’s not my thing. He always listens whenever I need him. I can do that for you, princess. If you think it’ll help.”

“That would actually be really nice. I… I don’t know where to start, though.”

He smiles. “That’s okay. I’m gonna put the plate in the kitchen and tell the guys what’s going on, and how about you meet me in the living room in a minute?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

He kisses me on the forehead before heading back the way we came. In the living room, I settle on the couch, staring at the unlit fireplace. Talking to Jordan left me nervous, and I can’t pinpoint why.

Maybe because he tried to kill you. And Andrew.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I wonder what Ludo did with Andrew. I’d ask the guys to try and find out, but I’m not sure how they’d react. Especially Rhett. Considering what he did when Adam hurt me, I’m not sure how he’d handle finding out that Ludo could’ve saved me hours earlier but chose not to.

The last thing I want is for Rhett to do something that could jeopardize their long-term revenge plans. But not telling them that Ludo showed up feels wrong. Really,reallywrong.

“Princess?”

I look up. Oliver is standing a few feet in front of me, frowning.

“You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“I… I think I’ll be okay.” My stomach feels a little off and my head hurts, but what else can be expected? I went almost two days without eating anything.

Oliver sinks onto the couch, placing his arm on top of the cushion behind me. “What’s on your mind? Do you want to talk about what happened Friday and yesterday?”

I swallow. “Sort of.”

He waits for me to gather my thoughts, letting me take my time.

When I’m ready, I say, “I’m feeling a lot of things. I’m angry at Jordan. So, so angry. He took out all of his pain on me when I was barely involved with Tyler’s death. I was so scared I wasn’t going to make it, Oliver. And when I stepped into that room to feed Jordan—when I looked into his eyes—it was like I was transported right back into the cellar.”

“Fuck,” he murmurs, his arm falling across my shoulders so he can pull me closer to him. “I knew it was a bad idea to let you go in there by yourself.”