Page 62 of Running from Drac

“Why are you whispering?” I question.

“Pippa is asleep in the next room, and she doesn’t know what went down tonight.”

Pippa… it’s always fucking Pippa.

“Fuck Pippa. Talk to me normally. That bitch doesn’t deserve to sleep.”

“Damn, Eddie, what’s gotten into you?” Amber asks, a little stunned. If she had any idea what I’m carrying right now, she wouldn’t ask.

“Nothing,” I mutter. “I’m just tired of her shit, that’s all.”

Amber sighs, but there’s frustration underneath it. “So, you’re still not going to tell me what’s wrong, I’m guessing.”

“My best friend just got arrested for protecting your goddamn maid of honor. How the fuck am I supposed to feel?”

Her voice sharpens. “I don’t know, Eddie. But it feels like you’re keeping something from me. I saw it in your eyes at the club. You were going to say something about the night we brokeup. Did you fuck somebody? Is that what you were trying to tell me?”

My chest tightens.Shit, did Pippa already tell her?

“Because if you did, it’s fine,” she continues, trying to keep her voice steady. “You broke up with me. I deserved it. If you slept with someone else, I get why.”

She might say it’s fine, but I know better. If she knew who it was, she’d never forgive me.

“Amber, don’t pretend like you're fine,” I chastise. “I hear it in your voice. You’re pissed.”

“I am, Eddie. But not because of that. I’m mad because you won’t talk to me about it. You said no more lies. You swore to me we’d move on from this, and you’re still lying to my face. You want to marry me, but I can’t get married on an altar of lies, Eddie. That’s not the way I want a marriage to start.”

She’s got a point, one that I feel like a sharp dagger.

Just come clean.

The sigh that escapes me feels like it’s dragging my soul out with it. I already know that telling her everything will destroy what we’re trying to rebuild. But if I don’t tell her something, there won’t be anything left to rebuild anyway, just a shaky foundation and loose boards.

“I was drunk,” I admit.

“I figured.”

“It only happened once. That night.”

“Okay,” she says. But I can feel her stiffen, even through the phone. Her voice is soft, but there’s anger simmering underneath it. “Who was it?”

“Nobody you know,” I lie. “Just a girl I met at a party. She meant nothing.”

“And that’s what you’ve been holding back?”

My answer comes out clipped and short. “Yup.”

“Shit, Eddie, that’s nothing.”

It’s not nothing. Not to me, and it definitely wouldn’t be to her if she knew the truth. Guilt laced sweat crawls down my forehead, and I absentmindedly wipe it away. The lie sits heavy in my gut, the heaviness dragging me down like I’m being tethered by chains made of regret. The longer I keep the truth from her, the bigger the hole gets, and I’m afraid if I don’t come totally clean with her soon, that pit I’m digging will eventually become my grave.

“It doesn’t feel like nothing,” I whisper, the guilt clawing at my temples.

“But we were broken up. You just found out I cheated on you in Vegas, and after everything that was said, I don’t blame you for finding someone else to lay with that night.”

“Did you?”

She clears her throat uncomfortably. “No, but that doesn’t mean what you did was wrong. Is it fucked up? Slightly. Does it make me angry? Yeah, a little. But I’m not going to punish you for it, Eddie. You’re human. You made a mistake. Guys do stupid things.”