Page 5 of Rulebreaker (Gamebreakers #4)

FIVE

Atlas

“And if that’s it…” I say, grabbing the stack of papers and tapping them on my desk to line them up along their edges.

Only once they’re perfectly aligned do I place them in their proper folder.

That then goes in the hanging file in my desk drawer.

Most of my work is digital, but when I’m working on a particularly tough project, I prefer to revert back to paper.

Writing my ideas out helps me keep them in order, helps me prioritize.

And with as many things as I have happening at any one time, I truly need that.

The order. The list. Prioritizing and making sure I don’t forget anything important.

Briar is great. She carries a heavy load to continue making sure my company is successful and profitable. She’s invested, and I truly couldn’t do it without her.

But some things are always going to fall to me .

That’s how it’s always been.

I scrounged together dinner for myself by the time was six, even if it was just a peanut butter sandwich. I always did my homework, my projects, studied for my tests without a parent reminding me.

Because my dad wasn’t there.

Because my mom just didn’t have it in her.

Anyway, it was my responsibility. Mine. No one else’s. Because no one else would ever step in, would ever go to bat for me.

It’s probably why I never made it into the NHL like Banks did.

Secretly, I really wanted it.

But I wasn’t enough of a team player to make it that far.

I could squeak out a scholarship to a good university because I needed that, because I would have struggled to get my degree any other way, but I wasn’t ready for the big leagues.

I couldn’t bring myself to fully rely on my teammates.

My shrink would say that I know precisely what childhood trauma brought that about—and I do, that hyper-independence, never able to rely on anyone but myself, and the myriad of issues that foster care brings—but part of me thinks it’s simpler than that.

I don’t connect to people.

Not like Banks does or Dash. Hell, not even like Royal who pretty much played The Man in the Iron Mask until he fell for Jade.

There’s something broken inside me.

Or that’s what I always thought.

Because I didn’t feel broken when I was kissing Lily, when the tight sheath of her body was clamping down around me. I didn’t feel broken when she was smiling at me, teasing me .

I only felt it when she kissed me on the cheek and walked away without a second look.

“Um,” Briar says, yanking me roughly to the surface of my mind, and away from where my thoughts have drifted continually since I left Denver (that being Lily). “Want to finish that thought, big guy?”

I scowl.

I hate it when she calls me that—something she knows because her green eyes dance with humor and her lips tip up at the edges.

“I just had a thought about the Donovan contract,” I lie.

“Oh yeah?” she asks, calling me on the blatant—at least to the woman who’s become my right hand over the last few years—lie. “Tell me.”

“It’s late,” I say. This isn’t a lie. She needs to get home to her daughter—and my goddaughter—Frankie. “I’ll run it down and fill you in if you need to take care of anything else on that front.”

She studies me closely.

Does it long enough for me to grit my teeth so I don’t fidget.

“You haven’t been the same since you dropped Lily off in Denver last week.”

She’s right.

Because for a moment I felt like I held the world.

Then she walked out of my life without so much as a backward glance.

“Things are busy,” I say. “And Banks and the guys are too busy being in love for us to get on the ice and work off some of the frustrations that come with negotiating with Titan Capital.”

Truth. And also truth.

Just…not all of it.

She winces—because she’s dealt with the Titan Capital negotiations more than anyone else in the company. They—and their CEO, Jean-Michel Dubois—are ruthless and capable.

A deadly combination.

What’s worse? Jean-Michel is a good guy. He won’t fuck people over who’ve earned his trust and he has a strong moral code that I can’t help but admire.

But fuck if the man won’t squeeze every penny, every concession out of a negotiation.

“That’s part of it,” Briar agrees. “Everyone else is busy—Banks is worried about Aspen, since the baby will be here soon, and Jade and Royal are traveling and playing shows. Even Willow booked that movie and since Dash is her personal bodyguard, they’re preoccupied too.”

“Yeah,” I agree.

“But that’s not all of it.”

It’s not.

Not by a fucking long shot.

But what am I going to tell her?

I got my feelings hurt because I had the best sex of my life and the beautiful woman who gave me that just walked the fuck away?

Yeah, I’d rather have my right nut surgically removed without anesthesia, thank you very much.

“You’ve been off for months,” she says.

I open my mouth.

But don’t so much as get a word out.

“You hide it well, and the guys have been too distracted to really hold your feet to the fire and demand an explanation.”

Christ.

“But I’m not the guys. I see it. I see you. ” She sighs and waves a hand in my direction. “Of course, I can tell by that stubborn scowl you’re sporting that you’re not going to dish out your deepest darkest secrets just because I ask. ”

I am scowling.

And her words have it deepening.

“But I need you to know, I see it. I feel it. And?—”

I brace.

“I’m here if you ever want to talk.” She gives me a sad smile. “As a friend. As a surrogate sister.”

“Thanks,” I mutter.

“And now you sound like you’re chewing glass. But”—she picks up her coat, her backpack, having dropped both into the chair beside her when she popped into my office earlier to check in before she leaves for the day. “I know when a man’s had enough for one day.”

Thank fuck.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nod, wave, and then focus back on my papers, on organizing my desk, on controlling the small things I can control.

I’m so engrossed in it that I miss Briar pausing in the doorway.

At least until she says, “For the record, it’s been months of you being off.” A beat, my fingers tightening on the stack. “But that off has increased exponentially ever since you gave a certain pop star a ride on the company jet.”

I open my mouth to tell her that it’s not like she thinks.

That I had meetings in Denver anyway.

But Briar’s made her point.

And then I’m alone in my office…

With nothing but memories of one incredible night with a pop star to keep me warm.