Page 22 of Rulebreaker (Gamebreakers #4)

TWENTY-TWO

Lily

“Sweetheart…we’ll be on the ground in a few minutes.” Atlas’s soft breath against my ear rouses me from a deep sleep. It was only supposed to be a nap but apparently, my body had other plans.

“Can’t we circle a few times?” I plead groggily.

A warm hand cups my cheek. “We can. Are you sure you want to?”

I sigh, leaning into his touch. “It feels like I fell asleep ten minutes ago.”

“You fell asleep the moment you closed your eyes. In the five minutes it took me to send an email and come join you, you were out. I didn’t want to disturb you so I got some work done while you got some much-needed rest.”

“Ugh.” I roll onto my back and stretch. “I thought we would cuddle.”

“We have the next forty-eight hours to cuddle. ”

I smile and sit up. We’re back in Los Angeles after a glorious week in the Midwest with Atlas.

I have two days off and Atlas decided we should fly back so I can meet the new baby and he can catch up on work at the office.

Honestly, I think he had a hard time not being at work or spending time with Frankie.

From what Jade has told me, she loves the baby but really hates not being the center of attention anymore–and Atlas wants to make sure she knows nothing has changed.

I’m not sure how I feel because, at the end of the day, everything is going to change, no matter how much everyone tries to soften the blow.

Will they love her less? Of course not. But logistically, a new baby is going to require time, energy, and–above all else–love.

Frankie is going to have to get used to it.

As the newcomer in the group, I’m keeping my mouth shut. For now anyway.

“Do you want to use the bathroom before we land?”

“I probably should.” I slide out of bed and use the facilities, taking a few minutes to freshen up.

I do look tired, and I can’t figure out why.

Atlas and I have a very healthy sex life, but he’s acutely in tune to my needs, and sleep is at the top of that list. I take vitamins and supplements, work out as much as my schedule allows, and eat healthy.

I can’t help but wonder if this is stress-related.

Things are heating up with Atlas and it’s past the time for me to tell him about Stan.

Stan .

Legally, he’s my husband.

Emotionally, he was a friend and mentor that I stupidly allowed to manipulate me.

At the same time, I wouldn’t be where I am without him. And he’s sick. Dying .

He has no one else, and since we’re legally separated, it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong.

Except the part where I’m lying. To my friends. To Atlas. To the world.

Atlas won’t like it, and I understand because I would be devastated if the shoe were on the other foot, but every time I try to tell him I chicken out.

What if he leaves me?

I’ve fallen deeply in love with him and the idea of losing him is…well, I can’t even imagine my world without him in it. His quirky smile. Incredible intellect. Fierce business acumen. All of that coupled with his gentleness with Frankie. With me. With Briar .

And none of that even touches the passion between us.

It’s not just good sex.

It’s a connection that surpasses anything I’ve felt before–by a lot.

Somehow, some way, I have to find the words to come clean.

Sooner rather than later.

Atlas won’t be happy, that much I know, but he’ll be extra unhappy if he finds out any way but from me telling him.

If only I could figure out how.

Maisey is an absolute doll.

My friend Sandy has two kids and both of them came out looking like squished aliens with bad skin. They all outgrew it and are adorable now, but most newborns are kind of funny looking.

Not Maisey.

She looks like a Gerber baby–with big blue eyes, round cheeks, and the plumpest, pinkest little lips below a button nose. It’s the most ridiculous stereotype but there’s no denying how beautiful she is.

“How are you ?” I ask Aspen as the five of us girls gather in the great room of her and Banks’s house. Maisey is sleeping fitfully in my arms–she’s a warm, cuddly handful and I’m enjoying holding her more than I thought I would.

“All things considered, I’m fine,” she says with a smile. “Banks refuses to let me do anything but sleep and take care of the baby, so I’m a very lucky lady.”

“How’s the night nurse working out?” Briar asks.

“She’s amazing.” Aspen says with a happy sigh.

“I mean, I knew Atlas would only hire the best, but she’s beyond my wildest dreams. By the time I wake up in the morning, Maisey is changed, fed, and ready for quality time.

And Banks is incredibly hands-on. He goes to the gym in the morning, when she’s the least fussy and I’m the most rested, and the rest of the day we take turns.

It’s been a lot better than I thought it would be. ”

“That’s nice,” Jade says, clapping a hand over her mouth to cover a yawn. “Geez, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m either starving or sleeping. I probably need a check-up.”

“Or a pregnancy test,” Willow murmurs.

We all freeze, staring at her like she’s suddenly sprouted wings.

“What?” Willow asks, frowning. “She’s been eating like she just got done with a year-long fast, and she’s tired all the time. When was your last period?”

Jade’s mouth falls open and then she snaps it shut. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not… pregnant .”

“You sure?” Briar asks quietly.

There's another weird silence.

“And how would you feel if you are?” I ask .

She frowns, blinking a few times.

“Would Royal be okay with it?” Aspen asks.

“Aren’t you going on tour soon?” I add.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Jade says, shaking her head. “We haven’t even been together for a year. Babies are not on the radar.”

Aspen arches her brows. “You know Banks and I were barely together a few months when I got pregnant.”

“I’m supposed to be leaving on tour in October,” Jade whispers. “Pregnancy would be a disaster.”

“That’s what I thought too.” Aspen smiles.

“Also what I thought when I found out I was pregnant,” Briar says, looking away. “I thought my life was over.”

“You must have felt so alone,” Willow says softly, reaching for her hand.

“At first,” she admits, the glazed look on her face telling us she’s a million miles away. Then she blinks, refocuses. “But once I told Dash, well, the guys took me under their wing and I’ve never been alone.”

“Do you think about him?” Aspen asks gently. “Frankie’s father?”

In my limited experience, Briar never, ever shows vulnerability, but the emotion in her eyes is impossible to miss.

“I try not to,” Briar admits, “but sometimes I can’t help it. Especially when I look at her.”

“Does she look like him?” I ask curiously.

“Yes.” She pulls in a shaky breath. “But he’s gone and now there’s West. Who’s amazing. I think I’m going to introduce them. I mean, she knows him already, but we’re getting to the point where he’s going to become Mommy’s Boyfriend, as opposed to Uncle Banks’ teammate.”

“Yeah?” Jade stares at her. “Like, it’s official? Boyfriend and girlfriend?”

Briar’s cheeks redden. “Well…yeah. We had the, um, exclusivity conversation.”

“Exclusivity?” I ask. “Like, no dating other people?”

“Yup.” Briar’s face is still bright red.

“How come you’re blushing?” I ask suspiciously. “Do we not talk about sex in this group? Because Jade and I absolutely do…”

Jade giggles. “Oh, we talk about sex. It’s just that Briar hasn't had any to talk about!”

“Wait–you haven’t had sex since you got pregnant with Frankie?" I stare at her.

It doesn't seem possible, but Briar’s face gets even redder.

“You know almost every detail of my sex life,” Jade grumbles. “And you can’t tell us about yours?”

“There’s been nothing to tell!” Briar protests.

“Yes, part of it is because of Frankie and being extra careful about anyone I bring into her life. Not to mention the four Neanderthals in the other room who don’t give me the slightest modicum of privacy…

but West isn’t afraid of them. Or the fact that I come with a kid. Or my history with her dad.”

I put my hand on my chest. “I might have fallen a little in love with him now too.”

“Same.” Willow grins at me.

Briar sighs, a small smile playing on her lips. “He’s wonderful. Truly.”

“Wonderful enough to make you forget Frankie’s father?” Jade asks quietly.

All playfulness gone, Briar takes a moment.

“You know, I see him every time I look at my daughter. That will probably never go away. I loved him fiercely. Despite what happened, he was a great love of my life. I don’t know if he was the love of my life, we didn’t have enough time for that, but he was the love of my life until now.

And no matter how many times I wish things could have been different, he’s gone and I’m finally moving forward.

” She smiles sadly. “I can’t ever forget Frankie’s father because she’s the living personification of him, but I’m starting to forget the love I had for him.

Even though it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

And West is great. I seriously think that he could be my future. ”

Her words hit me right in the gut.

I have to pull up my big girl pants and tell Atlas the truth because the consequences of not telling him could be devastating. I’ve been around the block enough times to know a love like this–and a man like Atlas–doesn’t come around every day.

Losing him is unthinkable.

“Oh, yeah!” Aspen squeals in obvious delight. “You have a boyfriend!”

“Who has a boyfriend?” Banks asks, coming around the corner and frowning.

Briar rolls her eyes. “See what I mean?”

“Out!” Aspen points in the direction from which he came. “This is girl talk. Love you, but you need to go.”

“I was just checking on–” he begins.

“Banks. Not now.” Aspen gives him an exasperated look and he grimaces.

“Yes, dear.”

He slips back outside and the five of us roar with laughter.