Page 64

I didn't care about where Ivan had been.

I didn't care if he possibly betrayed me all along.

Or even lied to me at some point.

Right now, he looked like home and all I wanted to do was hug him.

Which naturally caught him off guard, entirely unaccustomed to my affection.

But after he processed my actions, he immediately hugged me back, sitting down on the bed with me as Sevan stood up.

"I'm going to go check on Arina," she said, respectfully giving us our space as she walked out of my bedroom and softly closed the door behind her.

I remained silent in Ivan's arms, relaxing further against him as I cherished the fact that he was the last person I had left from what felt like my old life.

Which had been burned to the ground, leaving nothing but painful ashes.

"Kol," Ivan spoke for once, naturally catching me off guard, "He sent me out of town for a possible lead on you."

I furrowed my brows, processing what Ivan just told me.

So Ivan wasn't aware of any of this going on...

He was lied to and sent out of town by Nikolai.

Who helped organize half of this with Nerissa.

Very sickening.

"He is dead—I killed him," I said, clenching my jaw as I drew in a deep restrained breath.

Mostly because I feel very overwhelmed with emotions right now.

"He was very bad person to you," Ivan whispered as I pulled away from his chest to meet his light eyes, "He deserved worse than death for what he did."

I nodded a few times, "I do not even care about the lying or manipulation, Ivo," I whispered, drawing in a deeper breath, "It is only that he is the reason..." I trailed off, clenching my jaw to get my unwanted emotions under control, "Yuri is... dead and he is the reason."

Ivan nodded a few times, but it was his face—how it softened as he stared at me.

And it wasn't pity like everyone else would typically show.

It was almost like he felt my pain too.

Like we shared it.

"I cannot—I can't breathe," I forced out, feeling my eyes burn as I anxiously played with my hands, "Everything hurts very badly and I do not know what to do."

Ivan immediately nodded, gently pulling me back in for a hug, "You let it out," he calmly said as I practically clung to him for some sort of support, "It is called crying, Via."

I shook my head, "I do not know how to cry... it is unfamiliar and—"

"Via you..." Ivan unconsciously cut me short, letting out a deep breath, "You are already crying."

I furrowed my brows, realizing his shirt was damp because of my eyes.

My eyes that only burned more with uncontrollable tears.

"This is scary," I whispered, shaking my head as I quickly wiped my tears away, "I have no control over this?"

Ivan shook his head, "You do not," he clarified as more tears escaped my eyes.

Before I unconsciously sniffled, lowering down to lay my head in Ivan's lap as I cried even harder.

And the more I let it out, the more intense it grew.

I was sobbinguncontrollably at some point as Ivan continued to hold me close.

He sat with me for an endless amount of time, remaining silent as I willingly let myself cry for once.

I had never really cried—maybe over small things as a child.

But otherwise, it never happened to me.

"We take care of Arina now," Ivan suddenly said, noticing my crying had slowly faded off, "Or you do—she needs you very much."

I shook my head, "She hates me," I said as I wiped under my eyes.

"She does not hate you," Ivan quickly shut my assumption down, "She is only upset but she is not mad at you."

I wiped more of my tears away, "She should be mad at me—she should hate me," I whispered, feeling the roughest emotions swallow me whole.

"Via you are not responsible for this—you helped get them off streets," Ivan said, disagreeing with my point of view entirely, "Nerissa and Nikolai did this."

I let out a deep sigh, "But they wouldn't have taken them if it weren't for—"

"No matter what, you will try to convince yourself that it is your fault," Ivan cut me short, his tone nothing but calm and genuine with me, "You killed the only people you could have blamed and now you are the only one left."

I nodded almost a few times in a row, sniffling as more tears burned in my eyes.

"But it is not your fault, Via," Ivan said, his tone entirely serious with me, "And Kol... well, let us just say that I would have killed him if you did not. He was a dead man anyway."

I forced a weak smile at Ivan's protective tone, wiping more of my tears as I processed the fact that he was actually here and talking to me.

"You will not leave quite yet right?" I whispered, turning my head slightly to meet Ivan's light eyes.

"I stay as long as you need," Ivan immediately assured me.

I nodded a few times, letting out a deep sigh as I relaxed back in his lap.

And for once my eyes calmly fell closed, inhaling through my nose and letting it out as a deep sigh.

I didn't bother trying to rest my eyes, instead, I willingly fell asleep.

Especially after the lack of sleep I got on the flight over to Moscow—and then being locked in a cell for hours.

I could finally relax my body for a moment, feeling safe in Ivan's presence as he sat calmly underneath me.

I was unsure how long I had been asleep before I was awoken by the feeling of arms gently sliding underneath me.

Which made my brows furrow, blinking my puffy eyes open as I adjusted to the dark room that was illuminated by only a lamp.

"Sev," I whispered, staring up at her as she carefully laid me in the bed—making sure my head was resting properly on the fluffed pillow.

"Go back to sleep baby," Sevan whispered, gently caressing the edge of my jawline.

Which naturally made my heavy eyes fall shut.

Until they snapped right back open at my realization, "Ivan," I forced out, glancing past Sevan.

And luckily Ivan stood right beside her, not leaving my side quite yet.

"I check on Arina," Ivan explained, earning a few nods from my girlfriend.

"And I'll stay here with you," Sevan added, motioning over to my nightstand, "I brought food if you're hungry."

I nodded almost immediately, "Very hungry," I said before I could think it through.

They both nodded at my response—before Ivan left the room and Sevan sat down beside me as she grabbed the tray from the nightstand.

"Your favorites," Sevan said as she pulled the gold conch away from the plate.

Which revealed my usual borsch soup.

And... pizza?

I grabbed the pizza first, taking an abnormally large bite as I chewed a few times.

Almost impatiently given my hunger.

Sevan only remained silent as I ate, raising the glass of water to my lips every once in a while for a sip.

And even once I was done with my pizza—the crust and all, I was ready to eat the borsch soup too.

Which Sevan instinctively fed to me while I grabbed the slice of sourdough bread to eat in between bites.

"I am ready for explanation now," I suddenly said, eyeing Sevan as I swallowed my previous sip of water.

"Zi," Sevan murmured, setting the glass of water down on the tray, "I don't think now is a good time to have that talk."

I blinked a few times, "But I want to have it right now," I said, leaning away when she tried to feed me another bite of the soup, "I need to have it right now or else you cannot be in my bed."

Sevan sighed softly—before she inevitably nodded, "Are you done eating at least?" she asked me, setting the spoon in the bowl.

"Da," I mumbled, immediately causing her to move the tray over to the nightstand—focusing her attention purely on me.

"Nerissa claimed to be your relative when I was looking for your possible replacement," Sevan went to explain, her dark eyes never once glancing away from mine, "This was before we met—before I had you locked in that room. I always plan effectively."

I nodded once, knowing she always aimed to be steps ahead.

I could at least count on that.

"I never knew what her relation to you was and Nerissa never proved anything so I never took it seriously," Sevan said, her voice entirely calm and lowered with me, "If I would have had to replace you then I would've done that research, but I never did."

I tilted my head at her, "But you never said anything when Nerissa revealed she was my sister," I pointed out, realizing she had played in my face.

Which angered me.

"Zinovia, respectfully, you had a full-on breakdown in front of me," Sevan said, her tone softening slightly, "It was more about your safety to me—and if I mentioned one word at that moment about knowing anything, it would have only made the situation worse for you."

I shook my head, "But you could've—"

"You were talking about Xanax and physically hurting yourself, no I could not," Sevan immediately shut my disagreement down.

"But would you have ever told me, Sevan?" I asked, knowing Nerissa herself had to be the one to say something.

Sevan pursed her lips briefly, "I think it would've come up but not in this huge way," she tried to explain, tilting her head slightly, "On my end, it didn't feel like that much because I never knew she was your actual sister."

I remained silent for a moment, seeing Sevan's side of things better.

Especially with her explanation.

I also see the predicament she was put in.

One where she had to choose my safety over telling me that she knew part of it.

But even then she didn't.

She never really took Nerissa's claim seriously.

And I know that because Sevan had asked me to stop looking at Nerissa during the dinner she interrupted between us.

It was so long ago, but I recall it all.

Sevan wanted my eyes away from Nerissa and on her.

Something she wouldn't have said had she actually known she was my sister or believed she was related to me.

So I think...

I think I can forgive her.

Especially after the lie I have harbored.

Now feels like a good time to finally get that one off of my chest.

We can call it even maybe.

"I really am sorry for keeping it from you, Zinovia," Sevan spoke again, breaking the deep silence between us, "It wasn't intentional in the way Nerissa made it out to be and I can promise that."

I nodded a few times at her genuine apology, "I... I move past it," I determined in a whisper, suddenly contemplating my next words.

"Yeah?" Sevan clarified, staring so deeply into my eyes that it made my face burn up.

I nodded almost wordlessly, "Da, because I... I..." I trailed off again, furrowing my brows at the words I was physically unable to speak out into the air between us.

It was Sevan's dark eyes that held mine with anticipation—how she gently grabbed my hand as soon as she noticed my hesitation.

I cannot tell her.

I physically cannot tell her.

I think this is something I simply take to the grave.

"I love you," I whispered before I could think it through, shedding at least one of the weights off of my shoulders.

And my words alone made Sevan's brows visibly raise.

Before a slow smile grew on her lips, naturally making my heart practically shoot out of my chest.

"I love you too, Zi," she whispered back to me, leaning down to briefly kiss my lips.

And I didn't hesitate to kiss her back, leaning deeper into her warm body as I tangled my legs with hers.

"So," Sevan whispered, kissing my lips again, "Much."

I smiled slightly when she briefly kissed my lips again, "So so much," I repeated back in emphasis as we pulled away.

And almost immediately, Sevan pulled me into the biggest hug of my life—holding me so presently in her arms.

"You are very warm," I murmured, relaxing down further into her body, "I enjoy your hugs very much."

Sevan hummed softly, "I enjoy yours more," she said, gently squeezing my waist, "And after everything you've been through, all I want to do is hold you right now."

I let out a deep sigh at her words, relaxing even more in her arms, "I would love that very much," I admitted in a soft whisper.

"Good because I want to hold you all night—and even in the morning," she murmured as I contently nuzzled into her neck.

"All morning please," I whispered in correction, allowing my eyes to fall shut as I began only thinking about this moment right here.

Or my previous moment with Ivan.

Everything else I pushed away from my head.

Including Yuri.

And Arina.

Someone who I hoped would be a little less angry at me in the morning—when I planned to talk to her about this all.