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That evening it was back to everything that was normal for me.

Handling drop-ins, ensuring shipment was distributed properly, and even checking in with different mafia leaders.

Only this time Sevan seemed to be such a present force in my head.

All I could think about was her or what she was doing.

I was also beyond fucking irritated that Kairos had ruined everything.

Specifically, our trip—where I looked forward to doing a lot of things to Sevan.

Sexually of course.

But who am I fucking kidding?

I enjoy her company too.

Something I want to have more of.

I'm just very unsure of how to say that aloud willingly.

That I...

Maybe I want more.

But what is more?

Especially to me?

Or her?

Or even us?

I think this is all better as it is.

It almost feels like the safest option.

I am very unsure of my thoughts—or what they could manifest in to.

So I need to stick with what I know is best.

Sex.

That's all.

Even if I keep replaying our fleeting goodbyes as soon as we touched down in Moscow.

How she kissed me goodbye, telling me she would see me soon.

Her lips were very soft—and the kiss was nothing but gentle.

It was something that still lingered even hours later.

I was aware Sevan wasn't staying in Moscow considering she remained on the private plane—meanwhile, I got escorted off to one of the numerous SUVs waiting on me.

Which made me assume Sevan might be in Colombia.

Or elsewhere?

She did not tell me her whereabouts.

Or any of her plans in fact.

"Via?" Nikolai said, cutting me from my thoughts.

I forced a hum, still staring at the chess board, "Da," I murmured.

"You stare at chess board for very long time," Nikolai pointed out as I finally took my next move.

Which caused Ivan to correct his posture, zoning back into the longest game we had probably ever had.

But I can't fucking think straight.

I still win though.

"Business occupies my mind," I lied, watching as Ivan took the move that would ultimately make him lose.

Nikolai nodded at me, sitting down on the nearby couch, "We handle anything you need," he offered.

I nodded, deciding to remain silent as I took my next move.

We had finished up with various tasks of business early tonight.

And ever since we've been playing this singular game of chess that I can't fucking focus on.

Sevan's driving me insane.

Something that seems to be customary when it comes to her.

"Checkmate," I mumbled, immediately grabbing my phone, "We play second game," I told him as I unlocked it.

Because fuck the idea of just sex.

Fuck the executioners.

And for once, I won't say fuck Sevan.

Instead, I texted her.

I texted her with my own thoughts yelling at me screaming at me not to.

Because she clearly stated she needed time to handle some stuff.

Yet I did it anyway.

It was simple.

I just typed up a text saying only her name and sent it.

And as soon as my phone was locked and set back down, I could finally focus on our next game of chess.

Especially after asking Nikolai for a Xanax and a glass of vodka.

My nerves were officially calm.

And texting her helped more than I was willing to admit.

My thoughts felt way less chaotic.

And ater finishing another game of chess, I showered and got unready without a single overwhelming thought regarding her.

And that was very nice.

Until I realized my text had gone unanswered.

It had been three hours and forty-seven minutes and Sevan had yet to answer me.

What does she do with her time?

And where is she?

I wanted to know it all.

Especially regarding what could be keeping her so fucking busy.

Or who.

Is she in Colombia?

With Mireya maybe?

Nyet, nyet, she has told me many times about her relationship with Mireya.

Still I couldn't help the different thoughts—ones that made me want to text her again.

So I quickly left my room before I could, fighting the spiral that was desperate to consume me.

Food was the first thing on my mind.

Something sweet sounded very good.

So I began searching the empty kitchen for cake or cookies—something that sent me years back, recalling the nights my father would catch me.

"Zi?" his familiar deep voice called out, immediately making me glance over my shoulder.

And as soon as my father glanced down at my lips coated in cookie crumbs, he shook his head at me.

"Again?" he said, walking closer to me as I remained seated on the counter.

I shrugged, "I am very hungry," I stated bluntly, watching as he opened the fridge.

"Only for sweets," he pointed out in a smart tone, grabbing the carton of milk.

I hummed happily, "Only for sweets," I repeated back to him, watching as he grabbed a glass to pour my milk in.

And then he joined me—sitting beside me as he held my glass of milk for me.

It was silent between us for a few moments but only in the best way.

Silence was all we ever needed.

All my father really did was lift the glass of milk whenever I needed a sip, handing me a napkin to wipe my face when I was done.

"We watch movie now," my father said as he set the empty glass in the sink.

I rolled my eyes, "Child's movie," I reminded him, knowing that's what he wanted us to watch.

But I am thirteen now.

I do not need child's movies.

I like serious, gruesome shows.

"You are always a child in my eyes," my father pointed out as we walked side by side.

I glanced over to him, "When will I ever be adult to you?" I decided to ask him.

Which immediately made a chuckle vibrate in his chest.

"When I walk you down the aisle," he countered back, opening the tall door and motioning me through.

I let out a dramatic huff, "I do not get married—I kill people and live happy life," I insisted, recalling what marriage and a family did to my mother.

"There will be one person you don't want to kill, Zi," my father told me as we walked down the dim hallway, "A very long time from now."

I felt my lips twitch up, "I torture them instead?" I purposely asked him.

Which made my father shake his head as another chuckle bubbled in his throat, "With love and care, da," he specified.

I scrunched my nose up, "Sounds like worst torture," I mumbled, nudging his arm slightly before grabbing his hand to hold in mine.

I suddenly glanced over, noticing the door creak open to the kitchen.

Which immediately made my eyes narrow, wondering who it could be.

Until her small figure suddenly emerged into the kitchen—walking very quietly through the dim dark room.

Until a scream that she quickly muffled fell from her lips, noticing my presence as I sat on the counter.

Which immediately made her fear melt into anger.

"What are you doing here?" Arina said with a narrowed look.

"I live here," I reminded her, watching as she walked closer to me.

Arina rolled her eyes, "I spend time alone in here," she said, subtly eyeing the plate of cookies.

"Not tonight," I pointed out with a raised brow.

Arina only crossed her arms over her chest, "I go somewhere else," she determined.

"Nyet," I immediately said, motioning down to the plate, "You have cookie," I said, slightly feeling taken aback by my own generous offer.

But I enjoy Arina's company—especially when she is very mean.

It is annoyingly nice.

Arina suddenly let out a deep sigh, turning around so she could lean back and slide up onto the counter.

"I have one cookie," she mumbled almost reluctantly, grabbing one of the soft cookies that she immediately bit into.

I sat still, watching as she ate her cookie.

Until I slowly slid off the counter and walked over to the fridge, opening it to grab the carton of milk.

And as soon as I poured a glass of the cold milk, I slid back up onto the counter beside Arina and set the glass between us.

I tilted my head as soon as she lowered her cookie down, dunking it in the milk rather than taking a sip of it.

But even at the cost of my slight intrigue, I remained silent—deciding to grab a cookie and try this new technique for myself.

I did it exactly how she had done it, breaking the cookie in half and dipping it down into the glass of milk.

And as soon as I took a bite, I furrowed my brows slightly—chewing the soggy wet chocolate chip cookie.

Which was very... good?

Da, very good.

"Do you hate me very much?" I suddenly decided to ask, wondering where Arina's thoughts were.

"Da," Arina immediately said as she chewed a few times.

Until her chewing suddenly stalled.

And she glanced over to me, meeting my eyes even in the dim kitchen.

It was silent for a few moments.

Almost a tense silence.

Until Arina suddenly drew in a deep breath and said—

"Nyet."

And almost as soon as the words fell from her lips, she unconsciously glanced down to the broken cookie in her hands.

I nodded once at her honest response, "I don't... hate you very much either," I whispered almost hesitantly.

Arina nodded a few times.

Yet she couldn't bring herself to glance back up and meet my stare.

"I am uh thankful for my papa," she murmured, breaking apart the cookie in her hand, "He is happier here."

I nodded once, "He is very happy," I determined, not wanting to press her for more.

Even if her words weirdly made me smile, knowing what she meant even if she didn't say it.

"I am very happy," Arina suddenly whispered.

Although it was so soft, I could barely tell if I hallucinated her words.

But with how she subtly glanced up to me and met my stare—I knew I hadn't.

"I am happy you are happy," I assured her, noticing her slight anxiousness that came from her honesty.

Something I could relate to.

Arina nodded once.

And then nodded again, blinking a few times when her lips twitched up slightly.

They lifted up so far that Arina naturally hid her face as she continued eating her cookie, refusing to let her smile show in front of me.

Even if it was very bright and beautiful.

But I let it go unspoken, knowing she preferred it that way.

"We watch movie together," I suddenly determined, sliding down from the counter.

Arina blinked a few times, "But the cookies—"

"We take them with us," I cut her short, grabbing the plate and motioning her down.

Arina furrowed her brows, "But we do not hang out," she pointed out almost in observation.

"We do right now," I countered back as she slid down from the counter almost hesitantly.

"Very weird," Arina murmured under her breath.

I nodded once, "Very weird indeed," I agreed with her as she grabbed the glass of milk.

And as we walked side by side, I began to feel a weird contentment.

I actually look forward to this movie... and eating cookies with milk.

And it seems Arina might feel the same way.

Mostly because of how excited she seemed to pick out a movie and settle on the couch beside me.

It almost reminded me of myself all of those years ago with my father.

Except, there was a noticeable gap between us during the Disney movie, unlike how it usually was with me and my father.

This gap remained throughout the entirety of the movie, keeping the plate of cookies between us that we continued to snack on.

Until we eventually put the plate on the coffee table—and Arina had grabbed one of the pillows to lay on, draping her legs over my lap.

Which naturally made me blink a few times, feeling entirely unequipped for such a moment.

So I sat there silently, not bothering to acknowledge this weird progress it felt like we had made.

Arina had fallen asleep, which to me meant she felt comfortable enough around me to do so.

It also meant I could not leave her down here or risk waking her to take her upstairs.

So I hesitantly lifted my legs onto the couch beside hers, adjusting the pillow beside me to lay on.

And as the movie credits rolled with the soft music playing, I allowed my heavy eyes to fall shut.

My head rested against the cushion, daring not to move an inch.

Mostly because I was too aware of Arina's small, quiet breaths beside me.

Her legs remained stretched comfortably beside me, remaining nuzzled into the pillow.

Her face was so much calmer as she slept—any trace of her usual irritation was gone.

She looked so calm, so vulnerable—two things I often pretended didn't exist in her.

The hate I thought she held for me helped me pretend so.

I let out a deep sigh, adjusting the blanket we had over us and leaning up to tuck it more over her small frame.

Arina immediately stirred slightly, murmuring something too soft to hear, and shifted closer to my body.

I stayed still, blinking a few times before I hesitantly laid back down fully to finally sleep.

Something that felt easier now.