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CHAPTER FIVE

SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TAKEN his horse. A person could face public execution or exile to one of the penal colonies for such a crime.

But…well, she was his wife , and a husband wouldn’t do that to his own wife. Bitterness had crawled through her mind all the way to Freya’s house. All evening she had been quiet and reserved to the point that Freya asked her if she needed to be worried.

After all, it was beyond a little strange that Paulina showed up to the wedding party a day earlier than everyone else.

But Paulina had just said that she needed the ride.

“Where did the horse come from? He looks familiar somehow,” Freya asked while tapping her chin in wonder.

“I got him from the horse races. His rider’s name was Broderick.”

“You have Providence?” Freya asked in shock.

“I do.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Why not?”

“Broderick would never part with Providence.”

“Oh…you know him?”

“Yes, the duke is good friends with my…fiancé.” The last word tumbled out of her mouth as though Freya didn’t want to say the word.

“Duke?” Paulina’s eyes went wide.

“Yes. He’s a very good man. A bit rough around the edges, likes to partake in those horse races but tries to keep that a secret. He doesn’t want everyone knowing that he does it. But apparently you already know, so no harm in saying it.”

“Why does he race? Does he need the money?” He must be broke. That must be it.

“God no,” Freya laughed. “He’s rolling in money. Anything he wins from the races he donates to his charity to help orphans.”

Great. Just great. The man was a saint. And a duke.

“But he’s such a rake,” Paulina said. She had to throw some mud on him.

“Yes…perhaps…But apparently reformed rakes make the best husbands.”

“Once a rake, always a rake, don’t you think?”

Freya tapped her chin again, “No, he won’t stay that way. You can tell that about some men. He’s always talked about settling down and having a family. So I think when he finds the one, it will happen just like that.” Freya snapped her fingers.

The sound reverberated down Paulina’s spine. That’s exactly how it had felt for her with him…That snap. Like something had turned on inside of her and now she would never be able to experience life without knowing that new state of being.

She didn’t want to think about that right now. In fact, even the thought about thinking about it exhausted her.

“I think I’ll go to bed early this evening. Tomorrow is a big day.”

“Yes…yes, I suppose it is.” The melancholy was unmistakable in Freya’s tone.

“Are you all right? Anything you want to talk about?”

Paulina thought her cousin might make a comment about the weather, the stress of the wedding, or something equally expected. Instead, she asked, “Ever think you’re about to make the biggest mistake of your life?”

Why yes, in fact that very thought had traversed her mind more than once today. One: Going to the horse races. Two: Approaching Broderick to buy his horse. Three: Sneaking away into his trailer. Four: Seeking pleasure with him in that bed.

Her insides heated at the memory. He was…could he be…perfect?

“Only a few times,” she mumbled in reply.

“What did you do about it?” Freya was so sincere in her question that Paulina turned to her cousin and gave her a hug.

“You must follow your heart. That’s all you can do. If you think something is scary but might lead you to something great, you have to follow it.”

Freya nodded slowly, then she whispered (because apparently this was the evening for unexpected questions), “Have you ever read the pink leather bound book?” Using the word read was putting it politely.

Paulina could feel her cheeks flushing as she lowered her voice in reply, “The One With the Wanton Woman?”

Freya nodded again. “Do you ever…wonder about it?”

This was the first time Paulina had ever spoken to another living soul about anything remotely close to…sex.

“I do wonder about it. Do you?”

Freya’s cheeks were as red as an apple, but it was clear she needed to get this off of her chest. “I’m not so sure I want to do…all of it…”

All of it was referring to quite a few scandalous poses.

Paulina had a few imprinted on her mind, and now thanks to Broderick, she wanted to try a few more.

With him. But if Freya was feeling anxious, she wanted to settle her cousin’s nerves.

And coincidentally, she recalled Broderick’s words reassuring her that she was safe to do whatever felt good for her.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Just…do what feels good for you.”

Freya’s eyes widened, but more so with curiosity than anything else.

“I think that is sage advice, Paulina. I know it’s awkward to talk about this, but you told me exactly what I needed to hear this evening.

You’re a good friend. And cousin.” She squeezed her in an embrace.

“I think I shall take to bed early this evening as well. You’re right. Tomorrow is a big day.”

Feeling mixed emotions of serenity for having reassured her cousin and befuddlement for all the new things she had learned about the duke, Paulina took herself upstairs and promptly fell asleep.

Frockless.

The morning of the wedding, Paulina had to shove aside every vexatious thought about Broderick.

Freya wanted to be alone all morning, which was an unusual request for a bride, but Paulina had an inkling as to what she was feeling, so she understood.

Rather than tending to the bride, she let Freya’s five sisters have some time with her.

So instead, Paulina was outside playing with some of the children who would be attending the wedding.

At one point she felt as though someone was watching her, perhaps her sister had arrived.

But when she looked around, everyone was busy with their own affairs and Philomena was nowhere to be seen.

Wedding mornings were busy as it was, and Paulina’s was no different.

At one point she helped a child bandage their knee, at another point she was helping one of the elderly guests find some lemonade.

She had even worked some magic and organized footmen to bring out more comfortable seating as well as some shade for some of the guests.

She was especially thankful to hold little Kate and Peter while engaging in small talk with Mary and Margaret.

Two prominent ladies of the ton who had married good dukes.

All in all it had been a very good morning to distract herself from thoughts of Broderick.

That arrogant rake. Who…didn’t seem to be such a rake.

Who let her take the lead. After all he had done for her by taking care of her.

To pretend she was his wife…that was probably not something many rakes did.

Didn’t they avoid even the scent of matrimony at all costs?

And he was loyal to his horse. He wouldn’t even consider selling him.

He was kind to children. And he was a duke?

She didn’t want that kind of responsibility in her life.

Yet…he didn’t seem to let his ducal status prevent him from living the life he wanted.

Those were admirable traits in a man. Very admirable. One might almost lean toward the word lovable.