NINE
WILLOW
I slowly sink down onto the bed. My entire body aches. I’ve been back in my dorm room for five hours and I’m still trying to make sense of what happened. My life has imploded and I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do. I can’t tell anyone about what happened. If I do, Rogue and the motorcycle brothers will kill me.
The door opens and my body tenses, but when I glance over, rage rushes through me as I see Ivy saunter in with a bright smile on her face.
Her smile falters as she takes in my battered appearance. "Willow? What happened to you?"
I laugh bitterly. "Like you don't know."
Confusion crosses her face. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb, Ivy," I spit out. "I know it was you meeting with Lochlann and the Hawks. You're the one who stole information from the Saints Outlaws. But they thought it was me."
Ivy's eyes widen in shock. "Willow, I?—"
"Save it," I cut her off. "Do you have any idea what they did to me? What Ezra let them do to me?"
Guilt flashes across Ivy's face, quickly replaced by defensiveness. "I didn't mean for you to get hurt," she says. "But you don't understand. Lochlann said he needed that information to protect me. He said the Saints Outlaws Motorcycle Club were dangerous."
"Dangerous?" I laugh harshly. "You have no idea. They tortured me, Ivy. They branded me." I lift my nightdress to show her the angry burn on my hip.
Ivy gasps, her hand flying to her mouth. "Oh my god, Willow. I'm so sorry. I never thought?—"
"No, you didn't think," I snap. "You never do. You just do whatever you want, consequences be damned. And I'm always the one who pays the price."
"That's not fair," Ivy protests. "I was trying to protect you too! Lochlann said?—"
"Lochlann is a liar," I interrupt. "He's using you, Ivy. Can't you see that?"
Ivy's face hardens. "You're wrong about him. Lochlann loves me. He's the only one who's ever really understood me."
I shake my head in disbelief. "Are you serious right now? After everything that's happened, you're still defending him?"
"You're just jealous," Ivy spits out. "You've always been jealous of me. Well guess what, Willow? I'm the talented one. I'm the special one. You're just... ordinary."
Her words cut deep, echoing the insecurities I've carried my whole life. "Get out," I whisper.
"Gladly," Ivy sneers. "But this isn't over. You'll see. Lochlann and I, we're going to make the Saints pay for what they did to you."
As she storms out, slamming the door behind her, I collapse onto my bed, overwhelmed by pain and betrayal. How did everything go so wrong?
Tears fall thick and fast. This is too damn much to bear. I’m so lost, so hurt, and I have no one to turn to.
I must have dozed off, because the next thing I know, I'm jolted awake by a pounding on my door.
"Willow!" Ivy's voice calls out. "I need to talk to you!"
I struggle to sit up, my body still wracked with pain, as Ivy barges into my room. But she's not alone. My blood runs cold as I see Lochlann enter behind her, his cold eyes raking over me.
"What is he doing here?" I demand, fear and anger warring inside me.
"We need to talk," Ivy says, her voice hard. "About what happened with the Saints."
I shake my head, backing away as far as I can on the small bed. "No. I don't want to talk to either of you. Get out."
Lochlann steps forward, a predatory gleam in his eyes. "Now, now, sweetheart. That's not very friendly. After all, we're practically family."
"You're not my family," I spit out. "You used my sister and got me tortured. Stay away from me."
Ivy's face twists with anger. "Stop being so dramatic, Willow. It wasn't that bad."
I stare at her in disbelief. "Wasn't that bad? They branded me, Ivy! They beat me for days!"
"And whose fault is that?" Ivy sneers. "If you had just told them the truth?—"
"The truth that you were the one who betrayed them?" I interrupt. "That you're the one working with the Hawks?"
Lochlann's hand shoots out, grabbing my arm painfully. "Watch your mouth, little girl," he growls. "You don't know what you're talking about."
I try to pull away, but his grip is like iron. "Let go of me!"
"Lochlann," Ivy says, her voice uncertain, "maybe we should go."
But Lochlann's eyes are fixed on me, a cruel smile spreading across his face. "No, I don't think so. I think it's time we taught little Willow here a lesson about keeping her mouth shut."
Before I can react, Lochlann shoves me back onto the bed. I cry out in pain as my battered body hits the mattress.
"Lochlann, what are you doing?" Ivy asks, her voice high with panic.
"Teaching your sister a lesson," Lochlann growls, pinning me down. "You might want to step outside for this, babe."
I struggle against him, but I'm weak from days of torture and lack of food. "No! Stop! Ivy, please!"
But Ivy just stands there, frozen, as Lochlann starts to tear at my clothes. I scream, fighting with every ounce of strength I have left, but it's not enough.
As Lochlann forces himself on me, I lock eyes with Ivy. I see the horror in her eyes, the realization of what she's done. But she doesn't move. She doesn't try to stop him. She just watches.
Every thrust, every groan, every movement is painful, horrific, and terrifying. I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I can’t even escape.
As Lochlann violates me, I can feel the little bit of self-respect I had left shattering into a million pieces. Tears stream down my face, but I refuse to let him hear me scream. I will not give him the satisfaction.
When it's over, he rolls off of me and gets dressed. "Next time, think before you talk," he sneers.
I curl up into a ball, shaking uncontrollably as he leaves the room, slamming the door behind him. I'm vaguely aware of Ivy sobbing in the corner, but I can't bring myself to care about her right now.
All I can think about is how I'm ruined. Broken and used by a monster who didn't even have the decency to look me in the eye. And my own sister stood by and let it happen.
I don't know how long I lay there before I hear Ivy’s cries getting louder. I can also hear her apologizing over and over again, and I realize she’s on the phone with someone.
Not even thirty minutes later and there’s a knock at the door. Both Ivy and I are still in the same position. Neither of us have spoken to one another. How the hell am I going to speak to someone who brought a man into my room and watched him rape me without doing anything to stop him?
I don't answer the door. I don’t have the energy to get up. I watch as Ivy gets up to answer it. Within seconds, my parents are rushing into the room. My mom glances over at me, her eyes widening in horror as she takes in my disheveled appearance, my torn nightdress that barely covers me, and my swollen eyes. "Oh my god, Willow! What happened?"
She rushes over to me, trying to hug me, but I flinch away from her touch. "Don't touch me!" I hiss between clenched teeth. "Just... just leave me alone."
Mom backs away, her expression crumpling. "Willow, please..."
I laugh mirthlessly at her pleading and sit up on the edge of my bed, pulling the covers around me tightly even though nothing could ever make me feel safe again.
"Please what?" I hiss, my voice raw with pain and anger. "Please let you comfort me now, after years of ignoring me in favor of your precious Ivy? Please pretend like you actually care?"
Mom recoils as if I've slapped her. "Of course I care! You're my daughter."
"Am I?" I laugh bitterly. "Because it sure hasn't felt like it for most of my life."
Dad steps forward, his face grave. "Willow, what happened to you? Who did this?"
I glance at Ivy, who's huddled in the corner, tears streaming down her face. "Why don't you ask your favorite daughter?" I spit out. "She's the one who brought him here."
Mom and Dad turn to look at Ivy, confusion and horror dawning on their faces.
"Ivy?" Mom whispers. "What is she talking about?"
Ivy breaks down sobbing. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't know he would... I didn't think..."
"You never do," I say coldly. "You never think about anyone but yourself."
Dad's face hardens as he puts the pieces together. "Ivy, did you bring a man here who... who hurt your sister?"
Ivy nods miserably, unable to meet anyone's eyes.
Mom gasps, her hand flying to her mouth. "Oh my god. Oh my god, Willow, we need to call the police?—"
"No!" I shout, panic rising in my chest. "No police. You don't understand. If I go to the police, they'll kill me."
"Who?" Dad demands. "Who's threatening you?"
I shake my head, tears spilling over. "I can't... I can't tell you. It's not safe. None of this is safe."
Mom sits down on the bed beside me, reaching out as if to touch me before thinking better of it. "Willow, honey, please. Let us help you."
But as I look at her pleading face, all I can see is years of disappointment and dismissal. All the times she praised Ivy while ignoring my achievements. All the times she made me feel less than invisible.
"You want to help me?" I say, my voice eerily calm. "Then leave. All of you. Just go."
"We can't leave you like this," Dad protests. "You're hurt. You need?—"
"What I need," I interrupt, "is for you all to get out. Now."
They try to argue, to reason with me, but I've shut down. I stare blankly at the wall until finally, reluctantly, they leave. As the door closes behind them, I hear Mom start to sob.
For a long moment, I just sit here, numb. Then slowly, mechanically, I start to move. I pull out a duffel bag and start throwing clothes into it. I don't want to be here anymore. I can’t. Boston holds too many bad memories, too much fear. It’s time for me to leave, go somewhere and get the hell out of the city.
Where? I don’t know. All I know is I can’t stay here.
The Amtrak train pulls into Portland station in the early afternoon. I step off, clutching my duffel bag tightly, feeling lost and alone in this unfamiliar city. When I arrived at the train station, the first train out of there was to Portland, and that’s exactly where I am now.
My body still aches from the torture and... I can't even bring myself to think about what Lochlann did. I just need to find somewhere safe to rest and figure out my next move.
I wander the streets until I find a small cafe tucked away on a quiet corner. Perfect. Somewhere I can hide for a while and figure out my next plan. Before this, all I wanted to do was get the hell out of Boston.
I order a coffee and sink into a booth in the back, pulling my oversized hoodie tighter around me. The large sunglasses hide most of my face, but I still feel exposed, vulnerable.
As I sip my coffee, trying to stay calm despite the panic bubbling just below the surface, I notice a girl about my age watching me from across the cafe. She has kind eyes and a gentle smile. Whenever anyone has watched me since the attack, I’ve flinched and shielded myself, but with this girl, there’s a sense of ease as she watches me. There’s no pity or questions in her eyes, just sadness. I don’t feel like an animal at the zoo being watched.
After a few minutes, she approaches my table. "Hi," she says softly. "I'm sorry if this is weird, but... are you okay? You look like you might need a friend."
I tense, ready to flee, but something in her voice stops me. She seems genuinely concerned. Tears well in my eyes, and I’m so grateful I have my sunglasses on, shielding them.
"I'm... I'm fine," I manage to say, my voice hoarse.
The girl slides into the booth across from me. "I'm Natalia," she says. "And forgive me for saying so, but you don't look fine. Is there anything I can do to help?"
I hesitate, torn between my instinct to run and my desperate need for kindness. "I... I don't know," I admit finally, and God, it feels so good to admit it. I don’t know if I’m okay. I don’t know if I’m ever going to be.
"I'm new in town. I don't really have anywhere to go."
Natalia's eyes soften with sympathy. "That must be scary," she says. “What are your plans? Do you have something sorted?”
I shake my head, my heart racing as I realize just how stupid I’ve been. I escaped Boston out of fear, but I’m alone in a new city with no one I know and nowhere to go. “I just had to leave,” I whisper.
She watches me for a moment, her eyes soft and her gaze filled with concern. "Listen, I know we just met, but I have a couch in my apartment. You're welcome to crash there for a few days while you get on your feet."
I stare at her, shocked by the offer. My heart fills with warmth and hope, but also fear. "Why would you do that for a stranger?"
Natalia shrugs. "Because sometimes we all need a friend. Sometimes a little kindness can make all the difference. You look like you’ve been through hell and back. I’d hope that if I were in a similar situation, someone would offer to help me."
I feel tears welling up in my eyes. After everything I've been through, this simple act of kindness is almost too much to bear.
"Thank you," I whisper. "I... I'd like that."
Natalia smiles warmly. "That’s good. I’m glad. I’d be worried about you if you didn’t stay. What's your name?"
I hesitate for a moment before answering. "Willow," I say softly. "My name is Willow."
As we leave the cafe together, I feel a tiny spark of hope ignite in my chest. Maybe, just maybe, things will get better from here.