Page 14

FOURTEEN

ROGUE

"I’ve already told Willow,” I hear Natalia laughing as she and Ghost enter the main room. She’s been around the clubhouse a lot over the past few weeks. At first, she was hesitant, wary of us all. Not that we could blame her—all she knew about us was what happened to Willow. But the brothers like her, and Ghost’s so fucking in love with her he can’t think. “Well, she guessed. I’m not able to eat much, and the smell of food makes me nauseous, and as Willow’s been through this once before, it didn’t take her long to guess.”

“What’s Willow been through before?” I growl, needing to know what’s wrong with Willow. I pull a long drag from my cigarette and watch the two of them, my brow raised as I wait for her to speak.

"Well?" I question, taking a sip of beer. She’s not answered my question. "What's this about Willow?"

I watch as she glances at Ghost, who gives her a slight nod. Natalia turns back to me. "Willow's been through pregnancy before," she says, her voice soft. "And she recognized the signs in me."

I still, the beer bottle freezing halfway to my mouth. "You're pregnant?" I ask, surprise tingeing my words.

Natalia nods, leaning into Ghost for support. "Yeah, we just found out."

I set my beer down on the table and rise to my feet. I cross the room in a few strides. “Well, I'll be damned,” I say, and the brothers in the room cheer. “Congratulations, brother,” I tell Ghost with a huge fucking smile. “I’m happy for you both.”

I know Ghost is over the moon. I can see it in his eyes. He’s lost his family—blood—but now he’s going to have a kid. Fuck, I couldn’t be happier for him. Our brothers join us and congratulate Ghost and Natalia, all wanting to celebrate the good news with them.

My body stills as I remember Nat’s words about Willow going through this before.

“Willow has a kid?” I demand.

“Yeah. Wren. She’s an absolute sweetheart. I love that kid so much,” Nat tells me with a smile.

My chest tightens at her words. Christ, Willow has a kid. Fuck. "Wren? That's... that's an unusual name."

Nat nods, a bright smile on her face. “Yeah, I love it. It suits her so much.” It’s clear to see that she does love the kid. I know that she and Willow are close, that they’re best friends, but Christ, hearing that Willow has a kid fucking kills me.

“How old is she?” I ask, trying to keep the pain from my voice.

Natalia blinks, shaking her head slightly. “Oh, um, she’s five.”

My jaw clenches as pain slashes through my chest. Fuck. What the actual fuck? “She had my kid?” I growl, unable to hide the pain any longer.

Natalia looks at me with wide eyes, like a deer caught in headlights.

“Darlin’,” Ghost says quietly, “you never told me that Wren was Rogue’s.”

The room falls silent, and I know my brothers are just as shocked as I am. Christ. What the fuck?

"I—I..." she stammers.

My fists are clenched at my side. I’ve never felt such an overwhelming sense of pain and betrayal before. Christ. "She kept my kid from me for five years?" I snarl, my voice low and dangerous.

“Oh no,” she hisses, trying to pull out of Ghost’s embrace. “What did you expect? Hmm? Tell me, Rogue, what did you expect her to do? The man she loved let her get tortured. He watched it happen and didn’t do anything about it. I’ve heard the screams from her nightmares of that night. You were supposed to love her. You were meant to protect her. Instead, you fed her to the wolves. Don’t you dare fucking stand there and get angry that she kept her child from a man who hurt her.”

My chest is heaving as I step forward, but Ghost steps in front of Natalia. Does he think I’d fucking harm her? “Easy, brother," Ghost warns, his voice low.

I stop, feeling fucking raw. "I didn't know," I say. "I didn't know she was pregnant when she left."

"Would it have made a difference?" Natalia snaps. "Would you have stopped them from hurting her if you'd known she was carrying your child?"

The room is fucking dead quiet. It was beyond messed up what happened with Willow. We all made mistakes, and I’ve lived with it every fucking day since.

"I fucked up," I admit, my voice cracking. "I've regretted that night every day for the past five years. I was wrong about what happened. So fucking wrong."

"It's not me you need to tell this to," Nat says softly.

I scrub a hand over my face. "I need to see her. I need to make this right."

"Whoa, hold on," Nat tells me, stepping around Ghost. "You can't just barge into her life after all this time. She's been through enough."

"She's mine," I grunt. She’s always been mine and that’ll never change. "And that's my kid. I have a right to see them."

"No, Rogue," Natalia says firmly. "You lost that right five years ago. Willow isn't yours anymore, and Wren doesn't even know you exist. You can't just walk into their lives and expect everything to be okay."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" I demand, my voice raw with emotion. "I can't just pretend I don't know about my own kid."

"Look, I'll talk to Willow. I'll explain what happened. But you have to promise me you won't try to contact her or Wren until she's ready. If she ever is."

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to find Willow, make sure that she’s okay, just to be close to her. I also want to meet my daughter. But Nat’s right, storming over there isn’t going to help. "Okay," I agree, but I don’t fucking like it.

Ghost is watching me, and I glare at him. This fucker knew that Willow had a kid and never fucking told me. Had he or his father let me do what I had wanted to do from the fucking get-go, I wouldn’t be in this place right now.

I turn on my heel and storm out of the clubhouse. I need to get away. I’m so fucking angry that I don’t want to be around anyone. I can’t. I’ll lose my damn mind if anyone says the wrong thing. I hop onto my bike and drive, I don’t care where the fuck I go, I just need a breather. It takes a while, but with the open road and my bike, my head starts to clear. I pull over and get off my bike.

I hear the roar of a bike approaching, but I don’t tense. I already know who it is. Hades.

“Been looking for you, brother,” he says low as he climbs off his bike.

“Well you found me,” I say, not happy that he has. I wanted peace.

“Wanted to check in with you. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay?”

My laugh is mirthless. “No, I’m fucking not. My woman had my child five years ago, and I’ve only just found out about it. Add in the fact that my president—my best friend—kept it from me...” I shake my head. “Tell me, Hades, would you be okay?”

Hades sighs heavily and sits down next to me. "No, brother. I wouldn't be okay. Not even close."

We sit in silence for a few moments, the weight of everything hanging between us.

"I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now," Hades finally says. "Finding out you have a kid... that's heavy shit."

I nod, taking another long drag of my cigarette. "I've missed so much, Hades. Her first words, first steps... everything. And it's my own damn fault."

Hades looks at me sharply. "Hey now, don't put all this on yourself. We all fucked up that night with Willow. The whole club bears that weight."

"But I was the one who loved her," I say, my voice raw. "I should have protected her. I should have known she was telling the truth."

"We all should have," Hades agrees quietly. "But what's done is done. The question is, what are you gonna do now?"

I run a hand through my hair in frustration. "I don't know, man. Natalia says I can't just barge into their lives. And she's right, I know she is. But the thought of staying away, of not seeing my kid..." I trail off, unable to finish the thought.

Hades nods thoughtfully. "Maybe you need to take this slow. Give Willow some time to process all this. Show her you've changed."

"How?" I ask, desperation creeping into my voice. "How do I show her I've changed when she won't even see me?"

"Start small," Hades suggests. "Write her a letter. Apologize for everything. Tell her how you feel about finding out about Wren. Let her know you want to make things right, but that you'll respect her wishes."

I consider his words. A letter... it's not much, but it's a start. At least it would give Willow a chance to hear me out without feeling pressured.

"Yeah," I say slowly. "Yeah, maybe that could work."

Hades claps me on the shoulder. "One step at a time, brother. You'll get there."

As we mount our bikes to head back to the clubhouse, I feel a glimmer of hope for the first time since hearing about Wren. It's small, fragile, but it's there.

I may have fucked up royally in the past, but I'm going to do whatever it takes to make things right. For Willow, for Wren, and for myself. I just hope it's not too late.

When I make it to the clubhouse, I bypass the common room, not wanting to see Ghost. I’m beyond fucking angry at him. He should have told me about Willow having a child, regardless if that child was mine or not. He kept that a secret from me and I fucking hate that he did.

Once in my room, I grab some paper and a pen, sit on my bed, and start to write a letter. I need Willow to know that I’m sorry, that I’m not the asshole who didn’t deserve her, that I want to meet my daughter.

It takes me a few tries but I finally get it right, get it to say what I want to convey to Willow.

Willow,

I know I have no right to contact you after everything that happened. What I did—what I allowed to happen to you—is unforgivable. I've lived with the guilt and regret every day for the past five years.

I wanted to find you after what happened, to apologize, to help you, but I didn’t and I’ll always regret that, along with hurting you. I wish I could turn back time and undo my mistakes. I doubt my apologies mean anything, but if they do, I truly am very sorry for not protecting you when I should have.

I recently found out about Wren. Our daughter. I can't begin to express the emotions I felt when I learned I have a child. Joy, pain, anger, regret—they've all been swirling inside me.

I want you to know that I understand why you kept her from me. After what I did, I don't blame you for wanting to protect her. But I need you to know that I've changed. The man I was five years ago, the one who stood by and let you be hurt, he's gone.

I know I have no right to ask anything of you. But if there's any chance, any at all, that you would consider letting me be a part of Wren's life, I would be eternally grateful. I've missed so much already. I don't want to miss any more.

I'll respect whatever decision you make. If you never want to see or hear from me again, I'll understand. But I had to reach out, to let you know how sorry I am for everything and how much I want to make things right.

Whatever you decide, I want you to know that I'm proud of you. You've raised our daughter on your own, built a life for yourself. You're stronger than I ever gave you credit for.

I'm sorry, Little Flower. For everything.

Yours always,

Ezra.

I seal the letter in an envelope, my hands shaking slightly as I write Willow's name on the front. Part of me wants to tear it up, to pretend I never learned about Wren. But I know I can't do that. I owe it to Willow, to Wren, and to myself to try and make things right.

I find Natalia in the common room, talking quietly with Ghost. They both look up as I approach, tension evident in their postures.

"Nat," I say, my voice gruff. "Can you give this to Willow?" I hold out the envelope.

Natalia eyes it warily. "What is it?"

"A letter," I explain. "Apologizing for everything. Telling her how I feel about Wren. Asking if there's any chance she'll let me be part of their lives."

Natalia takes the envelope slowly, as if it might bite her. "I'll give it to her," she says cautiously. "But I can't promise she'll read it."

I nod. "I understand. Just... please make sure she gets it."

As Natalia leaves, I turn to Ghost. The anger I felt earlier is still there.

"Brother," Ghost starts, but I hold up a hand to stop him.

“Not now,” I practically seethe at him.

He raises a brow at me. In the decades that we’ve been friends, I’ve never spoken to him like this. “Rogue.”

I shake my head. “No, Ghost, don’t. You fucked up, brother. Fuck, you’ve fucked up and you can’t even see it.”

Ghost sighs heavily, running a hand through his hair. "I know you're angry, brother. I get it. But you have to understand, I was trying to protect both you and Willow."

I scoff, my anger rising again. "Protect us? By keeping me in the dark about my own kid?"

"It wasn't my secret to tell," Ghost says firmly. "Natalia told me about Willow’s kid in confidence. I couldn't betray that trust. I had no idea Wren was yours."

"But you could betray mine?" I growl. "I'm your brother, Ghost. Your best friend. You should have told me."

Ghost's eyes flash with a mixture of guilt and frustration. "And what would you have done if I had told you? Gone charging off to find her? Forced your way back into her life when she clearly wasn't ready?"

His words hit me like a punch to the gut because I know he's right. If I had known about Wren earlier, I probably would have done exactly that.

"You're right," I admit grudgingly. "I would have fucked things up even more. But that doesn't make it okay that you kept this from me."

Ghost nods solemnly. "I know, brother. And I'm sorry. I was trying to do right by everyone, but I see now that I should have handled it differently."

“But yet again, I’m the one who’s fucked over. You and your fucking dad knew how much Willow meant to me. You both knew how much it fucking plagued me to doubt her, but it didn’t matter. Then shit went south and you both forbade me to go after her. All to save your own skin. I’ve played along with the demands, Ghost. I did what you asked—as my brother, my president, as my best friend—and this is how you repay me?” I shake my head. I’m so angry and betrayed right now. “I wanted to go after her. I would have had you not stopped me. I would have gotten to know my child, Ghost.”

His eyes close and I know that my words have hit him hard.

“I fucked up. Christ, I fucked up more than I can ever make amends for, but so did you. I’ve had your back since we were kids and I always thought you had mine.”

His eyes snap to mine. “I do,” he says vehemently.

“Bullshit,” I hiss. “You don’t. You know how much Willow means to me. It’s been five years and I’ve not fucked another woman. You chose Natalia over the club, over something that affects a brother. You fucked up, Ghost.”

I turn on my heel before I lose my cool any more. I storm out of the clubhouse, needing to get away before I say or do something I'll regret. Anger and betrayal are coursing through me, making it hard to think straight.

I hop on my bike and take off, no destination in mind. I just need to ride, to feel the wind against my face and try to clear my head. But no matter how fast or far I go, I can't outrun the thoughts swirling in my mind.