Page 13

THIRTEEN

WILLOW

FOUR YEARS LATER

"Mama, look! I drew our family!"

I smile as Wren holds up her drawing, her face beaming with pride. The stick figures are barely recognizable, but I can make out myself, Wren, and Aunt Natalia.

"It's beautiful, sweetheart," I say, kneeling down to her level. "Why don't we hang it on the fridge?"

Wren nods enthusiastically, her dark curls bouncing. As I pin the drawing to the refrigerator, I can't help but feel amazed by how much she's grown. At four years old, she's a ball of energy, always laughing, always curious. Her eyes, so like her father's, sparkle with mischief and intelligence.

"Mama, can we go to the park today?" Wren asks, tugging on my hand.

I glance at the clock. It's Saturday, and I have a pile of papers to grade for my first-grade class. But one look at Wren's hopeful face, and I know the papers can wait.

"Of course we can, Little Bird," I say, using the nickname that's stuck since she was born. "Let's get you ready."

As I help Wren put on her shoes, I think about how much our lives have changed over the past five months. Moving back to Boston was a difficult decision, but the teaching position was too good to pass up. Plus, I couldn't keep running forever. I had to face my fears for Wren's sake.

Natalia, bless her, insisted on coming with us. "We're family," she had said simply when I tried to protest. Her parents' deaths two years ago had been devastating, but it also brought us even closer. She's as much Wren's aunt as if we were related by blood.

The park is busy, but thankfully, not so much that it’s uncomfortable. Wren immediately runs to the swings. Her favorite. As I push her, listening to her squeals of happiness, I scan the area out of habit. Even after all this time, I can't shake the fear that someone from my past might recognize me.

"Higher, Mama!" Wren calls out, and I oblige, pushing her a little harder.

"Be careful, Little Bird," I caution, but I'm smiling. Her fearlessness both thrills and terrifies me.

She’s so much like Ezra, it’s uncanny how much she resembles him, and not just in looks but personality. She’s larger than life. At first, it was hard seeing those eyes of hers. It was a constant reminder of him and what happened. But the love I have for my daughter outweighed the hurt.

Once she’s finished on the swing, I take a seat on the bench and watch my little girl play. I never thought I could have so much love in my heart for someone, but the moment my daughter was born, I realized just how much I loved her.

As I watch Wren play, my mind drifts to Ezra, as it often does when I look at our daughter. The pain has dulled over the years, but it's never fully gone away. Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks about me, if he regrets what happened. But then I remember the cold look in his eyes as he stood by and watched me suffer, and I push those thoughts away.

"Mama, can I go on the slide?" Wren asks, pulling me from my reverie.

"Of course, sweetie. I'll be right here watching you."

Five months back in Boston, and so far, we've managed to avoid any reminders of my past. But I can't shake the feeling that it's only a matter of time before something happens.

It’s been five years since I’ve seen my family. My mom called not long after I left for Portland, demanding to talk to Ivy. When I told her I hadn’t seen my sister, she was angry that I didn’t seem to care that Ivy was missing. She told me I needed to get over what Lochlann did to me as Ivy was hurting. I hung up. I won’t ever allow my parents to treat me the way they did while I was growing up.

I haven't dated since Ezra. Between raising Wren and my career, I haven't had the time or inclination. And if I'm honest with myself, I'm scared to let anyone get that close again.

"Mama, look at me!" Wren calls from the top of the slide. I wave and give her a thumbs up, my heart swelling with love. Both Wren and Natalia are my shining lights. When things get tough, they’re both loving me unconditionally and showing me just how far I’ve come.

"Time to go home, Little Bird," I say a while later.

"Aww, do we have to?" she pouts.

"Yes, sweetie. We need to get dinner started. Maybe we can watch a movie after?"

This perks her up, and she happily takes my hand. As we leave the park, she talks animatedly about the fun she was having and asks if we can go back again soon. I’m beyond happy that she’ll never have to deal with the neglect that I went through. I would never, could never, make my child feel so unloved and unimportant like my parents did to me.

As I start dinner, with Wren "helping" by mixing the salad, I think about my life and just how far I’ve come. I did what I set out to do. I became a teacher, just as I always wanted. I worked my ass off to make it happen.

"Mama, I'm done!" Wren announces proudly, holding up the salad bowl.

"Great job, sweetie," I praise, inspecting her work. "It looks delicious."

As we sit down to eat, Wren chatters away about her friends and what she’d like to do tomorrow. She also tells me about her upcoming ballet recital. I listen attentively, loving her enthusiasm for life. She's so innocent, so untouched by the darkness that once consumed my world. I intend to keep it that way for as long as possible.

After dinner, as promised, we curl up on the couch for a movie. Wren snuggles into my side, her warmth a comfort I never knew I needed until I had her. I think about Natalia, out on a date with her new boyfriend. I'm happy for her, truly. She deserves all the love in the world after everything she's done for us. But a small part of me can't help but feel envious. Not of her specifically, but of the ease with which she can open her heart to someone new.

The movie ends, and I realize Wren has fallen asleep against me. I carefully lift her and carry her to her bedroom. As I tuck her in, placing a soft kiss on her forehead, I whisper, "I love you, Little Bird. Sweet dreams."

Back in the living room, I pour myself a glass of wine, settle on the couch, and send Natalia a quick message.

Me: Wren has a sleepover next week. We need a catch up. Are you free?

She hasn’t been open with me about her new boyfriend. All I know is that she’s dating and I’m pretty sure it’s serious.

Natalia responds quickly.

Nat: Yes, definitely. Drinks and dinner at my place? xoxo

Me: Sounds perfect. Speak soon x

I smile. God, I’ve missed Nat. Although we speak practically every day, she’s been hesitant about telling me about her new guy. Maybe next week she’ll open up to me.

Natalia hands me a glass of wine as she takes a seat beside me. “Honey,” she says softly, “please don’t be mad.”

I wasn’t able to do dinner as by the time I got Wren settled at her friend’s house, it was late. But I’m here now and it’s finally time to get answers.

I shake my head. “I’m not mad, Nat. I’m truly not. Hurt, a little, but I know you and I know that for you not to be open means you’ve caught feelings and you’re trying to process everything.”

“I really like him,” she whispers. “Like really like him. But there’s so much about him that I don’t know.”

I reach out and hold her hand. “Falling in love is scary.”

“He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. He’s in a motorcycle club,” she continues to whisper. My entire body freezes. It’s as though all the air has left my lungs. “He’s a great guy,” Nat tries to assure me.

“Oh,” I mumble, placing my glass down onto the table. “What’s his name?” I need my hands together so that she doesn’t see them shaking.

“Ghost,” Nat says with a beaming smile. “He’s amazing.”

My heart races. God, no. “Ghost?” I whisper, praying I misheard.

Nat laughs. “I know, I need to find out his real name. It’s weird calling him Ghost all the time.”

My hand trembles, and I’m struggling to breathe. “What motorcycle club is he affiliated with?”

“Saint’s Outlaws. He’s the president. He took over when his father died.”

God no. Oh no. I can feel the panic rise within me. No way she’s dating Ghost—the man who stood beside Rogue as they watched me be tortured.

My cell buzzes and I glance down at it. It’s from Helena, Wren’s friend's mom, along with a picture of Wren and Tamara playing with dolls.

Helena: Wren and Tamara are having a great time. Have a great evening, Willow, and we’ll see you tomorrow.

“Shit, I have to go. Wren wants to come home,” I lie as I rise to my feet. I need to get out of here. It feels like the walls are closing in on me. I need space. I need to breathe. “Thanks for the drink, Nat. I’ll speak to you soon.”

As soon as I'm out of Nat's house, I lean against the wall, trying to catch my breath. Ghost—the Saints Outlaws—Rogue. God, it's all coming back—the pain, the fear, the betrayal. Memories I've tried so hard to bury are resurfacing with a vengeance, threatening to send me into a tailspin. I can feel the panic attack rising. I need to get home.

I make it to my car and sit there for a long moment, gripping the steering wheel tightly. What am I going to do? Nat is dating a member of the motorcycle club that tortured me. The same motorcycle club that Ezra, Wren's father, belongs to.

My mind races. Should I tell Nat the truth? But that would mean revealing what the Saint’s Outlaws did to me. Nat knows the majority of it, though she doesn’t know the name of the motorcycle club. I couldn’t bring myself to say the name out loud. What if Ghost recognizes my name? What if he tells Ezra? What if Ezra wants my daughter?

The thought of Ezra finding out about Wren sends a chill down my spine. No. I can't let that happen. I won't let him anywhere near our daughter.

I start the car, my hands shaking. I need to think, to plan. As I drive home, I make a decision. I won't tell Nat the truth, not yet. But I'll have to be careful. I'll need to avoid any situation where I might run into Ghost or any other members of the Saints Outlaws.

And if worst comes to worst... we'll leave. Again. I've done it before, I can do it again. I'll do whatever it takes to protect Wren.

When I get home, I collapse onto the couch, the weight of everything crashing down on me. I thought I was past this, that I had moved on. But now, it feels like the past five years have been wiped away, and I'm right back where I started— scared, alone, and running from my past.

I close my eyes, taking deep breaths to calm myself. One day at a time, I remind myself. That's how I've gotten through everything so far. One day at a time.

Three days have passed since I learned about Natalia's relationship with Ghost, and I'm still reeling. Every night, I wake up in a cold sweat, nightmares of Rogue and the Saints Outlaws flooding my mind. In my dreams, they find me, find Wren. I see Rogue's cold eyes as he takes our daughter away, and I'm powerless to stop him.

I've been going through the motions, trying to keep things normal for Wren's sake. But inside, I'm a mess of fear and anxiety. The panic attacks I thought I'd left behind have returned with a vengeance. Sometimes, it's all I can do to breathe through them and not let Wren see how scared I am.

As I watch Wren play with her dolls, blissfully unaware of the fear and pain inside me, I can't help but think about what might happen if Rogue finds out about her. Would he try to take her away? The thought of Wren anywhere near that life, near the violence and danger of the Saints Outlaws, makes me physically ill.

But it's not just Rogue and the Saints that I'm worried about. The knowledge that Natalia is dating Ghost has brought all my old fears rushing back. What if Lochlann finds out I'm back in Boston? What if my family, who I haven't spoken to in five years, somehow learns where I am?

I've spent the last few days thinking about what needs to happen, weighing our options. Part of me wants to run again, to pack up our lives and disappear. But I look at Wren, at how happy she is here, how well she's settling into her new school, and I hesitate. Is it fair to uproot her again because of my fears?

Then there's Natalia. She's been my rock for so long, my family when I had no one else. The thought of leaving her behind, especially now that she's found happiness with Ghost, breaks my heart. But how can I stay, knowing that every day brings the risk of my past catching up with me?

I've been avoiding Natalia's calls, making excuses about being busy with work. I know I can't keep this up forever, but I'm terrified of facing her. What if the Saints Outlaws hurt me again? Or worse, hurt Wren?

As night falls and I tuck Wren into bed, I sit on the edge of her bed, watching her peaceful face as she drifts off to sleep. I brush a curl from her forehead. She looks so much like Rogue. It's both a blessing and a curse—I see the man I once loved in her features, but I also see the man who stood by and let me be tortured.

"I'll keep you safe, Little Bird," I whisper, kissing her forehead.

Back in the living room, I curl up on the couch, wrapping myself in a blanket as I try to quiet my racing thoughts. I know I need to make a decision, and soon. Every day that passes is another day that someone could recognize me, could connect the dots between me and Wren.

My phone buzzes with another text from Natalia:

Willow, can we please talk?

I stare at the message, guilt gnawing at me. Natalia deserves better than this. She's been nothing but kind and supportive, and here I am, shutting her out because I'm too scared to face the truth.

With shaking hands, I type out a reply:

Me: I'm sorry, Nat. Can you come over tomorrow night after Wren's in bed?

Her response is almost immediate:

Of course. I'll be there at 8. Love you xxx

I put the phone down, my heart racing. She knows everything. Every painful memory, Nat knows it all. She’s in love with Ghost, and I would never ruin that for her, but the two of them being together means there’s a risk that the Saint’s Outlaws could find out about Wren.

As I lay in bed that night, sleep eludes me. My mind keeps conjuring worst-case scenarios—Rogue showing up at our door, Lochlann finding us, my parents trying to take Wren away. I know some of these fears are irrational, but after everything I've been through, it's hard to separate the real threats from the imagined ones.

Morning comes too soon after a night filled with restless sleep. I drag myself out of bed, putting on a brave face for Wren.

"Mama, are you okay?" Wren asks as I brush her hair, her big eyes full of concern in the mirror.

I force a smile. "Of course, Little Bird. Just a bit tired. Are you excited for school today?"

She nods enthusiastically, launching into a story about her friends and their plans for recess. I listen, trying to push away the fear that's been my constant companion these past few days.

After dropping Wren off at school, I head to work, grateful for the distraction teaching provides. But as the day wears on, my anxiety about tonight's conversation with Natalia grows.

By the time I pick Wren up from her after-school program, I'm a bundle of nerves. We go through our usual evening routine—dinner, bath time, story time—but my mind is elsewhere, rehearsing what I'm going to say to Natalia.

As I tuck Wren into bed, she grabs my hand. "Mama, you look sad. Did I do something wrong?"

My heart breaks at her words. I sit on the edge of her bed, pulling her into a tight hug. "No, Little Bird. You haven't done anything wrong. You're perfect, and I love you so much."

Wren hugs me back fiercely. "I love you too, Mama. Don't be sad, okay?"

I kiss the top of her head, blinking back tears. "I'll try, sweetheart. Now get some sleep. Sweet dreams."

As I close her door, I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the conversation to come. At 8 o'clock sharp, there's a knock at the door. I open it to find Natalia standing there, concern etched on her face. Natalia immediately pulls me into a tight hug.

"Willow, what's going on?" she asks softly as she pulls back. "I've been so worried about you."

I take a shaky breath, gesturing for her to come inside. We settle on the couch, and for a moment, I'm at a loss for words. How do I even begin to explain the turmoil I've been going through?

"Nat," I start, my voice barely above a whisper, "I'm scared."

Her brow furrows with concern. "Scared of what, honey?" She knows what they did to me and how much it’s affected me.

“Them hurting me again, or you, or Wren. They don’t know about her. What’s going to happen if they do find out about my daughter? What if they try to take her away?”

Natalia's eyes widen with understanding. "Oh, Willow," she says softly, reaching out to take my hand. "Is this about Ghost? About him being in the Saints Outlaws?"

I nod, tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm so happy that you've found someone, Nat. I really am. But all the fear I thought I overcame has just come rushing back."

Natalia squeezes my hand. "I'm so sorry. I should have realized how difficult this would be for you. I promise, we’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that you or Wren won’t be hurt. I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help you.”

I nod, wiping my eyes. "Me too, but there’s nothing we can do. Is there?"

"What do you want to do?" she asks gently. "Do you want to leave Boston?"

I hesitate, torn between my fear and my desire for stability for Wren. "I don't know," I admit. "Part of me wants to run again, but Wren's happy here. She's settled in school, she has friends. Is it fair to uproot her again because of my past?"

“She is really happy here, but she could be happy anywhere,” Nat say softly. “You’ve just got your dream job, Will,” she sighs. “God, this is all fucked up. I really am sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I whisper. “You can’t help who you fall in love with. But he’s treating you right?”

The smile on her face tells me everything. “He really is.”

She’s so madly in love, and I’m happy for her. I just wish her being in love didn’t bring so much fear and anxiety to me, but there’s nothing I can do. I'll always support Natalia, just as she’s always supported me, and take it one day at a time.

We sit down and she tells me everything that Ghost’s told her since finding out that she’s my best friend. He’s turned the club around and put it onto a path it wasn’t on before. He’s sorry for what happened to me and said it wasn’t something he wanted to happen, but he couldn’t go against his father—against the president. She assures me that what happened to me would never happen again.

It takes a while for me to calm down, for me to truly understand her words and hear what she’s saying. Maybe there’s nothing for me to be upset about. Storm is dead, and with Ghost as president, maybe things are changing. Maybe I am safe.

“Promise me that no one will hurt Wren, that Rogue will not find out about her—at least until I’m ready.”

“Never,” she vows. “I’ll never allow you or Wren to be harmed. You’re my sister, Will, not by blood, but by life. I won’t ever let you be hurt.”

I nod, feeling slightly less overwhelmed and fearful. I guess time will tell what happens, but I know that this time I’m not alone.