Page 26 of Right the Wrongs (Broken Vows #5)

In my mind, I can see her turn away from the mirror and focus her attention on me.

She always did that, stopped whatever she was doing, and gave me all her attention.

“They lied. Sure, I figured out how to breathe again, but there hasn’t been a major event in my life where one of my first thoughts wasn’t how much I missed you and wished you were there.

The day I found out I was pregnant with Parker, I needed you so bad.

When I got married to Griffin, I wished Dad were there to walk me down the aisle, or you were there helping me get ready.

Every time my kids have a birthday party, game, or any other milestone, I miss you. ”

I take a moment to try and hold on a little longer.

“And now, I feel so lost and confused, and of course, I miss you now too. I don’t believe this is ever going to get better anymore.

I just got better at living with it. Right now, though, I’m struggling.

I guess Dolores figured that out. I’m surprised she didn’t take me to the cemetery, but come to think of it, I have seen her talking to her late husband out in her flower garden.

That is where he used to spend time with her while she tended to her flower beds. ”

“So, here I am, I guess, coming to find you in the last place I saw you. I wish I could hear you again. I don’t have anything with the sound of your voice. I just want to hear you again.”

The details of the last night I sat in here with her while she got ready for a date with my dad start to come back to me. More than any other night, I’ve tried to push that one out of my mind until I nearly forgot it completely.

Not anymore. This is the memory, the night everything changed, and the direction of my life shifted dramatically.

The memory is so strong now that I’m not fighting it, that it feels like it’s happening right now.

“Hey, Bean, you look pretty,” my mom says, looking into the mirror.

“Thanks, Mom. Is it okay if Liam comes over while you guys are out?” I say, following along with our conversation that night, seventeen years ago.

She frowns for a second, then I watch her shake it off. “If you really want him to. Just?—”

“Just what, Mom?” I repeat, upset with myself that my final interaction with her was me acting like a brat.

“I worry that you are going to let him get you off track. You should be focused on school, hanging out with friends, and getting ready for college. I just don’t think Liam is going anywhere, not for a long while at least, and you—” I close my eyes and remember her framing my face in her hands before brushing my hair behind my ears “—my darling girl, are going everywhere, as long as you don’t let him hold you back. ”

“C’mon, mom, it’s not like we’re getting married or anything. We’ve got years before we start thinking that seriously about the future,” I argue.

Funny how one tragic event can turn everything on its head.

“I’m just worried you’ll lose yourself in him.

I know that might sound weird for me to say, because I did marry your dad pretty soon after graduation, but my dreams were always to build this family.

You are more like your dad. I never held him back.

Even though we married young, he still followed through with his goal of becoming a radiology technician, and a few years later, we bought this house.

He didn’t lose himself in me, and I’ve always been the same person.

I know who I am and what I want. If you can tell me that what you want is a life with Liam Hale and to build a family with him, then I won’t say another word about it, except to wish you well. ”

I shrug, as I did then. “I don’t know Mom. Maybe after I go to school. We’ll see. I think I do want to have a family while I’m still young, but I want to run my own business first.”

“The right person for you will be the one who builds you up. The one who wants to see you reach all of your goals, and who will move heaven and earth to help you do just that. I’ve seen how selfish Liam can be.

Not saying anything against him, most young men are selfish at this stage in their development.

No matter what he says or does, it reflects on him and his character, not you. Remember that for me, okay?”

“Sure, Mom,” I say.

“That’s my girl.” She turns her back to me and sweeps her honey hair over her shoulder. “Now, zip me up. I think I’ve kept your dad waiting long enough.”

The memory dissolves, and I feel her loss as acutely as I did that night.

I cry out and drop to my knees. Years of pain spill free along with a mountain of regret.

I pushed that night, and many others out of my head.

I thought I did it out of the pain of losing them, but I can see so clearly now that I did it because of shame.

I wasn’t strong enough to endure the pain of losing them, so I let Liam drag me along just like my mom feared.

For so long, I’ve been worried that Griffin would see through the facade that I’ve put on to the weak person that Liam saw.

First, I thought I’d lose him; I didn’t realize that what I really feared was that I’d already lost myself.

The thing I didn’t see is that I’ve been rebuilding myself into the person that I was always meant to be.

My mom was right, the right person does care more about building you up than gaining some relief from tearing you down. Griffin has only ever brought out the best in me. I’m not lost, because he found me and brought me back to myself.

I still can’t figure out why Liam is still able to get to me, but Dolores was right about where to find the answers. I’m at the beginning, and I’ll keep going down this path until I figure out why. I owe Griffin that much because he’s always gone the extra mile for me.