Page 49 of Revelry (Cowgirls Do It Better #2)

Tate

The For Sale sign went up next door and had my heart juddering in my chest.

I couldn’t lose her, I missed her so much. Every time I caught a glimpse of her, it was like my heart stopped beating. She was so damn beautiful, so vibrant and full of life and my life was empty without her. How I’d been happy previously I couldn’t even fathom.

And that For Sale sign had been the push I needed. I’d been busy working with Neil continuously to get control over some of my bigger triggers and impulses. So that I could be the man she needed me to be, the man she deserved, but time was running out.

The only thing was, I didn’t think I could tackle the biggest point on my ERP list without her by my side.

Today was the day I would ask her. I would only ask, just see what she said and pray that a part of her didn’t hate me so much she would refuse.

I arrived at the ranch for my horseshoe session as normal and did the rounds in peace. August babysat Marshmallow while his shoes were changed. Then I was alone with only Fitzwilliam to change. I stared at his black eyes, challenging me and then I suddenly had a brain wave.

Heading out of the stables, I went over to where the new corral was being built, finding Gertrude there, helping out.

“Gertrude,” I called. “Can you assist me?” I didn’t look directly at her, just focused on those tiny feet encased in lilac cowgirl boots.

“Assist you?”

“Yes.”

“No, but Jack can.”

“Jack’s busy,” I retorted. Jack looked between us and I saw the moment he caught on.

“Oh yeah, I need to uh…bye.” He hurried away.

Gertrude rolled those violet eyes before she trudged towards me.

I spun and stalked towards the stables, my triumph fleeting when I thought about how much she had avoided me lately.

I’d even had to get sneaky and swap the days I was meant to be at the ranch because she’d grown savvy to my schedule and was mysteriously absent, despite seeing her pink Beetle parked by the main house.

I waited for her to finally appear in the stables. Her boots clomped on the wooden floor as she stopped in front of me.

“What do you need?” she sighed.

“I need you to hold Fitzwilliam while I shoe him.”

“What?”

“Did you hear me?”

“Yes.” Her forehead puckered in annoyance.

“Then I don’t understand your question.”

Her jaw worked as her eyebrows slammed together. Two could play this game, just because I loved her didn’t mean she wouldn’t face off with my grouchy side. Breakthroughs in therapy didn’t mean a personality change.

“You’ve never had an issue with him before, or any of them. You’re very careful with them and respectful and they trust you.” An undertone of pride shone through her words. It filled my chest, making me feel ten fucking feet tall.

She was right, I didn’t need her here at all.

I just wanted her here. I missed when she used to play around with my stuff and ask me inane, infuriating questions.

I missed her barging into my life and pushing all my buttons.

I had so many buttons, and she always found one of them.

But I was also terrified of asking her for help in case she refused.

At least with Fitzwilliam between us, he could be used as a distraction, it made me more comfortable.

“Well, he seems snippy today. Safety first and all that,” I said, lamely.

Her eyebrow quirked in an are you serious way.

I growled, frustrated at my ruse being completely see through. “Do you ever just do what you’re asked, Gertrude?”

A frost emanated from her. “Yes, I managed to remove myself from your house just fine.” She spoke softly but her words landed like a grenade, taking us back to that fateful morning when everything fell apart.

“I’m so sorry for how I spoke to you that day. The things I said, I was lashing out and I didn’t mean them. I know that’s not forgivable but I’m hoping you’ll find some room in that enormous heart you have to do just that.”

I don’t know what I expected but she just stared at me blankly. Maybe she didn’t realize I’d spoken, although that was ridiculous considering I was staring right at her.

“Did you hear me?”

“Uh huh.” She gave me a bored stare. “So shall I stay by his head?”

“Who’s head?” I asked, mentally trying to figure out how to approach her now my apology had landed with zero reaction.

“Fitzwilliam’s?”

My resolve started to crumble and I opened my mouth to tell her she didn’t need to stay.

She didn’t even want to be near me. The realization broke my heart into sharp jagged pieces.

My apology didn’t mean jack shit to her.

She’d had thousands of them before, thousands of examples of a man apologizing and then proceeding to hurt her again.

I needed to show her I was nothing like them and never would be. I wasn’t fixed but I was getting there and I needed her in my life.

“Yes please.”

She nodded once and sucked her teeth, then headed over to his stall and drew him out to the center of the stables. I greeted him but kept my eyes on her as Fitzwilliam grew used to my touch. I murmured to him but it was like I was speaking to her.

My eyes locked onto hers, the indigo depths so deep I almost drowned in them.

“It’s okay, you’re safe with me. I won’t hurt you, I would never hurt you. I just want to make everything better for you.”

She sucked in a breath, and I saw that lower lip wobble.

It took every ounce of impulse control I’d gained not to march over to her, drag her into my arms and kiss the breath right out of her.

God, couldn’t this woman see what she did to me?

How deeply I was under her spell and never, ever wanted to wake up.

I wanted to stay locked like this forever with her, having her light up my life the way she had been.

I tore my eyes away, before I pushed her when she wasn’t ready. I would show her what she meant to me and how perfect we would be. What an amazing life we would have together.

I grabbed my tools and started scraping at Fitzwilliam’s front hoof.

I was so close to her that I could feel her heat, smell her scent.

I was surrounded by her and I wanted to lean into her, have her lose her hands in my hair, scrape my scalp and soothe me.

I hadn’t ever wanted to be soothed before but this is what she did for me.

“God, I miss you.”

She stilled next to me. I didn’t straighten, couldn’t meet her stare but I needed to tell her how I felt.

“I love you, you know. I know you won’t believe me, but I do. It took me far too long to realize, and I can’t apologize enough for that. But I do.”

I couldn’t look at her. Didn’t want to see if she rejected me so I just spoke while I went back and forth fetching different tools, finding comfort in the ritual of changing the shoes while declaring feelings I’d never spoken aloud to anyone before.

“We’ve been through similar traumas, and no one understands me like you.

Even when we were kids you pushed me, like you could see there was something in me stuck deep down that you just needed to tease to the surface.

Well, you did it, sugar. I’m not gonna lie, he’s a bit of a beast because that’s how fierce he loves you. ”

I heard her shuddering breath but I still couldn’t look at her.

“I know I hurt you and I know you’ve heard from plenty of men that they’re sorry and they won’t do it again.

I can’t promise we won’t have our tough times because that’s life, but I can promise to love you the hardest I’ve ever loved before through each challenging time.

Whether it’s you getting stressed on the first day at the ice creamery that you’re going to open, if you’re anything like you were at the fair then that’s going to require a lot of patience on my part, but damn it’ll be beautiful to watch you shine.

Or when we have kids and I struggle with the mess they make and need you to help me through it.

Or even just watching you go through childbirth.

Shit, I don’t know how other husbands do that. ”

She was crying now. “Stop, please stop.”

I flicked my stare up to her. Her cheeks and nose were blotchy and tears streaked her cheeks, her eyes watery and pained. My heart twinged knowing I’d put those tears there and wanted to swipe them away.

I shook my head fiercely. “No Gertrude, I won’t stop. I won’t stop until you understand.”

She bit her lip and looked away. “Tate…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “I can’t…”

“I know sugar, I know. I don’t blame you. I told you, I’m going to earn you.”

I headed to the forge and swapped over the horseshoe inside, taking the hot one to the anvil and inspecting the shape, needing to soften it slightly.

I banged the hammer down on the edge, twisting it over the anvil until the curve smoothed out, then brought it back to Fitzwilliam.

The hoof sizzled as I held the shoe to it and then I brushed away the charred keratin.

We didn’t talk but there was a peace between us that hadn’t existed in a while.

“Thanks for keeping me safe,” I said when I finished.

She snorted and stroked Fitzwilliam’s snout but didn’t speak. Her tears had stopped falling but the tracks remained. I liked that she didn’t try to hide them, didn’t try to wipe them away.

I rubbed the back of my neck, scared to ask this next question because I really needed her to say yes.

“I need a favor.”

I think it was my tone of voice, she understood I was asking for something serious.

“Sure.”

“I need to go somewhere, and I need you to come with me. Are you free tonight?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess I can help out a friend.”

She was so damn good to me, after everything. But she had one thing wrong. I stalked to her, her eyes widening. I towered over her, then cupped her jaw, running my thumb softly over her cheek.

“We’re not friends, Gertrude.”

*