Page 48 of Revelry (Cowgirls Do It Better #2)

Gertie

As soon as I saw her, I burst into tears.

“Oh, Gertie, no!” she cried, throwing her arms around me. I sobbed into my mother’s arms and I felt Cathy envelop me too and shuffle us all awkwardly into the house.

“I’m sorry,” I snuffled.

“No, we should have called first, but we wanted to surprise you.” Mom’s voice was muffled from my shirt. I drew back, staring at her with watery eyes and she stroked my cheeks. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

I didn’t know where to start so I just blurted out in a half sob. “I fell in love with a booooy!”

And collapsed against her again. The unmistakable feel of her shaking had me drawing back. I narrowed my eyes as I took in her lower lip pressed between her teeth.

“Are you laughing at me?”

“No, no, she’s not. Are you, Lucy? Because that would be mean,” Cathy scolded, and my mom ducked her head.

“I’m not laughing because it’s funny. I’m just glad it’s not something much worse, that’s all.” She looked between us, waiting for us to see the humor. “We’ve been through worse, you’ve got to admit.”

Then I felt my lip curl up in a smile and tried to rearrange my features to a mock scowl. Once we were settled on the couch and Cathy had made tea for us, my mom took my hand.

“Tell us all about this jackass who isn’t good enough for my daughter.”

I began to talk about Tate when Mom interrupted me.

Her eyes wide. “Tate? As in Next-Door-Tate?”

I nodded sheepishly.

“Well, I’m not surprised. Whenever we did have our brief conversations, he always managed to ask about you in some roundabout way. Like he didn’t want to ask but couldn’t stop himself.”

My heart went all melty over that. Tate didn’t socialize but on the rare occasion he did, he did it with my mom and even asked about me? That had to show he cared, right?

But the problem wasn’t that he didn’t care, it’s that he didn’t love . And that’s what I needed.

I explained about Tate needing fun, needing to heal and my own need to heal after my trauma. During this part, Cathy gripped my hand, her eyes watery and I didn’t feel like she was just my mom’s partner. I felt like she was family and in this with us.

Mom shook her head. “That man sure did need to learn how to have fun. I always worried about him working so much and never seeing any friends. That’s no way to live when you’re so young. I’ve been worried about him ever since his mama died.”

“It sounds like you’ve spent a lot of time together. And in doing so, you fell in love?” Cathy asked.

I nodded. “He’s a great man. He’s so caring about others, but he hides it behind this gruff personality.

He’s passionate and dedicated to animals.

He’s overcome so much, working so hard to fight his impulses and he’s become an incredibly caring, loving person despite all the reasons not to.

But he’s closed himself off from people.

He’s got so much to give to another person, if he ever wanted that… ” I trailed off.

“But he doesn’t want that?” Cathy asked.

I glanced at her and shrugged. “I thought he might, but it’s been weeks, and he’s not reached out. I have to admit I have been avoiding him. I’m scared that if I see him, I’ll fall at his feet and beg him to love me.”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Mom asked.

Cathy laughed. “Maybe she should preserve her dignity?”

Mom arched a brow at Cathy. “Like you did? You preserved your damn dignity so much that this,” she gestured between them, “almost never happened.”

Cathy rolled her eyes and turned back to me.

“Some people are worth losing your dignity over. Some people are hard work and come with baggage so heavy you think the load will never lighten.” She reached across and squeezed Mom’s hand.

“But you know who’s worth it. Then you’ll help lighten the load and see them truly shine. ”

A lump formed in my throat. Tate had been shining so damn bright. He was worth it, I knew he was, but he was so stubborn sometimes.

“It’s not me that’s the awkward one. And why should I? Just because he said sorry ? Like I haven’t heard that before.”

“He’s not your father. Or Shithead Gary. Tate has never been like either of them, he’s not that kind of man. My only advice is to give him time,” Mom said. “He’ll come around, when he realizes you won’t be here forever, he’ll know. He’ll choose you.”

“I hope so, but I also don’t know if I can do it again. Open myself up to a man who already is so challenging,” I replied sadly. But speaking to Mom and Cathy had helped. They were right, Mom had so much baggage I thought she would never let anyone in, but Cathy had given her the space she needed.

I needed to give Tate some space to mull everything over, but would he change his mind? He still had issues he needed to work through, and he still didn’t want a family.

God, it all felt hopeless.

“Anyway, why are you home? Not that I’m not happy about it.” I glanced between them.

Mom grinned wide. “We’re back to pack up! San Francisco was everything we hoped it would be.” She took a deep breath. “I took the leap of faith, and it was so worth it. Cathy’s business is doing amazingly and I’m running a domestic violence support group.”

My throat tightened. “That’s amazing, Mom. I’m so proud of you,” I rasped.

She nodded, her smile wobbling slightly. “So, we’re back to take a look at the house and see what we want to take with us.” She looked at Cathy and then darted her eyes away. “It does mean that we’ll be selling it. I’m sorry, baby girl.”

I held up my hands. “No, don’t apologize. Thank you so much for letting me stay here. I couldn’t have gotten on my feet without you.”

Cathy brushed a curl behind my ear in a motherly gesture. “What are you going to do next, Gertie?”

“I don’t know. I thought…” Sighing, I buried my head in my hands. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No, tell us.”

“I thought I could…” I took a deep breath, cringing as I revealed my dream, feeling like some silly teenager.

“Maybe start my own ice creamery.” I didn’t wait to gauge their reactions, just jumped up, pacing.

“But it’s stupid, I know. It’s Tate’s fault really, he told me I could do anything.

He believed in me and for some reason, it made me think I could really do it. ”

Mom stood up and grabbed my hands in hers. “You can do it. Who’s going to stop you? Only you, Gertrude Phyllis Hartman.”

“Don’t full name me,” I huffed.

“Don’t you remember all the times you used to make me ice cream when I was sad?”

I shook my head as I racked my brain but came up with nothing. Maybe I’d blocked out the memories of when she was sad. It usually meant my father had hurt us.

“You’re incredibly talented and you love it so much. You love to make people happy and ice cream makes everyone happy.”

“Except people with lactose intolerance.” Cathy ducked her head when my mom glared at her and muttered not helpful .

Cathy shot me a rueful smile. “Sorry.”

“Sorbet is dairy-free but I can make non-dairy ice cream. I’m sure I can.” I frowned, my brain flicking through other types of milk to use. “I’d just make it with coconut milk instead. I could do a coconut and pecan flavored one, ooh with caramel sauce! I’ll make one that everyone will love.”

Mom squeezed my hands tighter. “See? Look at that! Someone put an obstacle in your way, and you immediately knocked it down. Tate is right to have so much faith in you, you can do this.”

Her praise lit me up but I still hedged. “I don’t know.”

Cathy joined us. “There will always be a thousand reasons not to do something. Ask yourself, if you looked back in thirty years, would you be happy with your decision not to follow your dream?”

There was that word again, my dream.

“I was terrified when I opened my first gallery. And granted my most recent one wasn’t a smashing success but what did we do? We pivoted and I found my right audience. San Francisco has given my creativity and career a new lease of life. Maybe the return to Reverence can do the same for you?”

I listened to her words, but my mind was busy planning new flavors and recipes using coconut milk. Coco-chocolate would be a great combination, and coconut lime. I wanted to write these all down and try them immediately.

“You’re right. I need to go shopping!” I looked around for my purse.

“I need to go to the gallery to see how much needs packing up, so I’ll come with you,” Cathy said, and I nodded, my mind whirring away with creativity.

We parked outside the grocery store. Mrs. Brown glared at me as I went in, still not over the TP incident. Like, it was twenty years ago, what gives? I ran around looking for what I needed but not finding coconut milk. I reluctantly approached my enemy.

“Hey Mrs. Brown, how are you today? Do you have any coconut milk?”

Her over-lipsticked mouth twisted in displeasure. “Does this look like a Whole Foods?”

I glared. “A simple no would have sufficed.”

She took great pleasure in repeating, “No.”

Cathy came up behind me and put a hand on my arm, pasting a sickly-sweet smile on her face.

“Patricia, so great to see you out front and serving customers for once rather than entertaining the bag boy in the stock room. It’s a shame you couldn’t find any coconut milk with the amount of time you’ve spent back there.”

Mrs. Brown turned scarlet and sputtered her denial and I turned to Cathy, giving her a sly smirk. Eventually Mrs. Brown revealed she had seen some coconut milk and grudgingly produced this a few moments later.

“Have a lovely day.” Cathy shot her a saccharine smile over her shoulder as she ushered me out of the store. “Never could stand that woman and her holier-than-thou attitude. Someone needed to bring her down a peg or two.”

I shook my head. “You really caught her with the bag boy?”

She shuddered. “Don’t remind me. I’ve had that bullet locked and loaded for years, dirty old woman.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever loved you more,” I teased. But Cathy’s eyes filled with tears at my words and she cleared her throat before tugging me across the street to the gallery.

I watched as she unlocked the door and went inside, heading to the back office.

I hung back, glancing around, taking in the natural lighting from the large windows.

I could picture couples having coffee, children eating sundaes and me behind a cotton candy pink counter, serving cones with colorful scoops of ice cream and sprinkles.

I could also picture Tate standing there helping me out and immediately shook that image away.

I imagined the ice cream counter with the window showing all the flavors, the ice cream shaped specials board, the machines whirring away making drinks. I saw a future of ice cream-making evenings, renting the place out for birthday parties and book clubs.

My blood rushed through my veins in excitement. I pictured a career here, a life and future and I wanted it now. Eager to live my dream.

“Gertie?” Cathy’s voice broke through my thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Where did you go? I’ve been calling you for ages.”

I smiled as I looked round. “I guess I just got lost in a dream.”

Cathy’s lips lifted in a knowing smirk. “This would make a great ice creamery. Right on the main strip, plenty of space in the back for freezers and a kitchen. The lease is almost up so…” She trailed off, waggling her brows at me.

I laughed. “I’m getting far too ahead of myself. I don’t know how to do this at all.”

“Then let’s start with a trip to the bank to see if we can get a loan,” she said, looping her arm through mine.

We headed towards the door, and I glanced over the road and saw straight into Tate’s veterinary practice.

I could see him, talking to a family. Our eyes met through the glass and a sizzle of awareness rolled down my spine, my heart beating wildly in my chest at the way his mouth ticked up on one side.

“On second thoughts, maybe this is a mistake.” I couldn’t imagine seeing this man every day and knowing I couldn’t have him.

Cathy’s stare followed mine across the road to Tate. She squeezed my arm.

“Have faith.”

I could have faith, I just couldn’t have a broken heart anymore. But I could do hard things and I could bury myself in my new business and the ranch.

Then at night I would just have to forget how it felt to be in his arms, to have him wrapped all around me and know I’d never feel anything that perfect ever again.