Page 45 of Revelry (Cowgirls Do It Better #2)

Gertie

I didn’t want to wake up.

I was snuggled in Tate’s strong arms, my ear pressed to his warm chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. So solid, so vital and so alive. His scent teased me, tantalized me and made me want a taste but I needed to put my libido on hold because something was bothering me, big time.

Tate had managed to distract me all night, like he knew I wanted to have a conversation. Every time I opened my mouth, he did something that gave me an orgasm.

Not that I was complaining. As someone who went without for so long, I’m more than grateful. But he was hiding behind it because he didn’t want to have a difficult conversation and if we’re going to have a real relationship, friendship…whatever…then difficult conversations needed to be had.

“Are you awake?” I whispered, placing a soft kiss to the center of his chest.

He made a rumbling sound which I assumed was yes, but the poor man was exhausted; he’d been up all night doing the Lord’s work.

Rolling onto my front, I swept my hair off of my face and found him peeking at me with one eye open, the other squeezed shut.

“Don’t tell me you want to go again? ” A slow, salacious smirk lifted one side of his mouth, and I nearly screamed yes! at the sight of that sleepy smile. But no, I was sore. I needed recovery and more importantly, I needed answers.

I pushed out a shaky breath, nibbling on my cuticle. “Can we talk about last night?”

He closed his one eye. “What about it?” His tone was resigned.

I sat up, wrapping my arm around my knees and reaching for his hand, wanting to be connected while I talked to him. I played with his long fingers, pressing the fleshy tips and linking ours together.

“Why did you treat Jake like that?”

His eyes popped open. “Who’s Jake?”

“Your half-brother, Jake.”

He sat up, pulling his hand away. “How do you know his name? Even I don’t know his name.”

“You don’t know his name? Tate.” I shook my head, stunned. “They came over and bought ice cream. I spoke to them.”

His eyes widened. “You spoke to them?”

“Yes. They were customers, Tate, I couldn’t ignore them.”

“When you say them…do you mean him too?” he spat, bitterness lining each word.

I paused, not sure how to handle his reaction. “I did.”

“And let me guess, he asked you to speak to me. To try and get through to me. He wanted you to help him out and you said ‘sure’, meanwhile becoming as thick as thieves?” He sprang off the bed and started pacing.

If I wasn’t so worried about how he was reacting, I would be marveling at how good he looked in those tight boxers, straining to hold him in.

“Well…it might be nice to have a conversation—” I began.

“Perfect. Fucking perfect, Gertrude. You’re choosing his side? I can’t believe this!”

I lifted to my knees on the bed, reaching for him but he stepped away. “No, that’s not it at all.”

“It sure sounds like that!” he snapped, facing me, his fingers clicking continually with his agitation.

“No, Tate. I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing that. I said no and he understood. He didn’t try to push it or anything, he immediately backed off.”

Tate snorted in derision. “Oh well that means he’s such a nice guy then, doesn’t it?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying…look your brother wanted to meet you and I have a bleeding heart so—”

“So, you interfered?” Tate snapped.

I recoiled. “Jake is just a child, what happened isn’t his fault, Tate. He didn’t ask for this any more than you did and he wants to meet you, you’re his family.”

“Do I look like I care? Family hasn’t exactly been great for me,” he snarled. I reared back, shocked at his reaction. “Why would I want to meet him? Why would I want to have a relationship with him?”

I looked around, floundering for a response. “Because maybe he’s curious about you?”

He fixed me with a cold look. “Like I said, do I care?”

A chill swept through me at his detachment. “Tate, this isn’t you. I know you’re not big on people and socializing but, you’re not mean .”

He spun away, his fists clenching but there was an air of sadness about him that I hadn’t seen since I first returned to Reverence.

“Do you feel guilty?” I asked quietly.

His stare whipped to me and fire flashed in his silver gaze. “No.”

I shook my head because, yes, he did. It was then that I saw just how much anger and resentment he still had over what happened.

He continued pacing, his fingers clicking over and over again.

Guilt swamped me that I’d caused his OCD to flare up.

But this also made it evident that he needed to resolve the situation with his father and half-siblings to move forward and control his impulses, to resolve his issues.

“I think you need to get closure on this whole thing. And the way to do that is to face your father. This anger and bitterness you’re carrying around will continue to hurt you and those around you, unless you find a way to cope and move on.”

“Stop Gertrude, just stop it. You’ve pushed and pushed me these last few months and I’ve let you. I’ve indulged you, but it ends here.”

I flinched. “You’ve indulged me?”

“Stay out of it, it isn’t your business. You’re not my girlfriend, you’re not a part of my life, it’s nothing to do with you.” His words whipped from him and each one ricocheted off my bleeding heart. “I wouldn’t push you to make amends with your father.”

My stomach dropped. “That’s completely different.”

He stood there, chest heaving with all his anger. His eyes pleaded like he wished he could take those words back, but he’d said them.

I could feel tears forming and I pushed out a shaky breath.

“Okay Tate, I hear you. I won’t get involved in your life anymore, especially if I’m not a part of it.” My lip wobbled but I wouldn’t cry in front of him. If I wasn’t part of his life, then I didn’t want him to see how much he affected me. “I just wanted to help you.”

His head dropped back, and he cursed before he stormed out of the room and then I heard the bathroom door slam.

I knew the conversation was over and I didn’t know what to do.

Did I stay, did I go? What was he expecting?

We were in that awkward phase of on the edge of something between us, but we also hadn’t discussed it.

I heard the shower turn on and decided to wait and see, he might cool down and be open to talking.

I sat in bed, waiting and eventually he appeared, water dripping from his hair, a towel slung low on his hips. He didn’t look at me as he entered the room, he just rummaged for his clothes and got dressed. He was freezing me out, just like my ex did and I was motionless.

Eventually, as he fastened his watch he flicked his stare to me. “You can let yourself out. And get your damn shower fixed, I’m fed up of you relying on me for that.”

A lump grew in my throat and before I could say anything, he left the room.

I’d overstepped our boundaries and pushed him too far. Thinking I had an insight into him but his callous words suggested I didn’t know him at all.

I hadn’t been planning on caring for him so much.

I had been planning to walk away from this casual fling that suddenly didn’t feel so casual.

Because after a while, I’d realized I never wanted to walk away from him.

And it wasn’t a new feeling, I’d thought about him over the years, wondered what had happened to him.

We were meant to be something our entire lives.

Although he could clearly walk away from me and that hit me harder than his words had. This man who had shown me more support, affection and care in a handful of weeks than my husband, or any man ever had.

I could hear him banging around downstairs, he hadn’t left yet.

I slowly gathered my things, feeling like some cheap one-night stand instead of a friend or lover.

I was angry with Tate for being cruel and lashing out because he was hurt.

I was angry at myself for attaching so much to our relationship when clearly, he didn’t have as much regard for me as I thought.

I wouldn’t be treated like shit again. I wouldn’t let myself sit and wallow over another man who didn’t want me and didn’t even deserve me.

Sadness tried to envelop me but I ignored it. I refused to feel sad over this ridiculous fight that escalated so quickly. I wasn’t the same woman I had been, I was worth more and wouldn’t be treated badly by men again when I hadn’t done anything wrong.

I hovered in the kitchen doorway. Tate’s shoulders were hunched, back muscles pulled taught as he faced the stove. I took one last look at him, my heart bleeding out from his pain and my hurt.

“One day you’re going to wake up all alone and wonder how you threw away one of the best things that ever happened to you.” His shoulder hunched further at my words. “And when that day comes, just know, I’m sorry for you.”