Page 13 of Resistance Training
VIVIAN
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you need to finish reading Twilight so we can talk about it.
brAD
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I don’t need to finish reading this book in order to tell you how much I hate it. The writing is terrible.
VIVIAN
It’s really not, though.
brAD
No, it isn’t. The writing is better than expected. But the story is stupid.
VIVIAN
Compared to what?! War and Peace?
brAD
Literally every book that isn’t Twilight is better than this book. I will never forgive you for making me read this.
VIVIAN
I told you I would get you back for making me read Dune.
Are you just being an asshole because this is Asshole Book Club or do you really hate it? I need to know.
But also, I really do want you to like it because it was my first favorite book that wasn’t a children’s book. I could totally relate to Bella because I had to start at a new school in the middle of the year. I still like it and I think deep down you do too.
brAD
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I am not a twelve-year-old girl.
Also, you started school here two months into freshman year. That’s not the same as transferring to a new school in a different state well into senior year when everyone else at that school grew up together.
VIVIAN
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it shows a real strength of character that you’ve committed to reading this for our little book club even though you aren’t a twelve-year-old girl. You’re such an agreeable grumpy old man. I just can’t believe how long it’s taking you to read it.
brAD
First of all, I usually have to wait for you to catch up when we read books together. Secondly, I finished reading it this afternoon.
VIVIAN
You did? Why didn’t you tell me?!
brAD
Because I also had to finish my final project for Independent Study. And because there was so much talk about prom in that book, and prom tickets go on sale tomorrow. It kind of felt like you were trying to tell me something…
VIVIAN
I definitely wasn’t…
I mean, I really wasn’t. But we should talk about it tomorrow morning. Unless you want to talk about it now? I can come over real quick.
brAD
No, don’t. I have to do something.
VIVIAN
Okay, then. I look forward to discussing this further on our walk to school in the morning. And there’s also another thing I need to talk to you about.
brAD
Okay. There’s something I need to talk to you about tomorrow too. And not just about how much you owe me for making me read this book and the fact that you’re making me read this now. This could very well be the last book I ever read for ABC. And it’s Twilight. The fuck?
VIVIAN
I mean. We can still do long-distance book club. It’s not like we’re going to completely lose touch just because you’re not going to UW.
Just because you’re going to Princeton to be with the fancy brainiac matriculators.
Right?
Not loving the silence.
Okay, you need to say something exceptionally nice to me immediately before I spiral.
brAD
Okay. You were nothing like Bella Swan when you started school here. You weren’t totally pale and you didn’t quiver at all.
VIVIAN
…that it?
brAD
No. I have always liked that you aren’t too pretty.
VIVIAN
brAD
I mean you’re really pretty. Beautiful, even. Just not in an annoying over the top way.
VIVIAN
brAD
I mean like the hot girl in The Mummy.
VIVIAN
OMG I do look like her, don’t I?!
brAD
Calm down, Sparky.
But yes. That was what I thought the first time I saw you. And you’re kind. And smart. And funny. You are literally the only person in school that I actually like. As a person, I mean.
…you need to say something nice to me now, before I spiral.
VIVIAN
Thank you. Those were the nicest things you have ever said to me. Go to your front door immediately. ;)
brAD
Not again.
VIVIAN
Immediately!
brAD
You left a Twinkie and a banana on my porch?
VIVIAN
IDK what you’re busy doing, but I know you’re forgetting to eat.
brAD
And so you brought me two phallic snack foods?
VIVIAN
What can I say, it’s the shape I automatically reach for nowadays.
brAD
*Chokes on golden sponge cake*
You can’t say that kind of thing to guys, Vivian. Someone will get the wrong idea.
VIVIAN
Calm down, Bradley. I was just being quippy with you.
brAD
I was actually craving a Twinkie, though, you devious witch. Thank you.
VIVIAN
See you in the morning?
brAD
You definitely will.
May 17, 2017 at 7:43 a.m.
VIVIAN
Where did you go?!
I didn’t know he was going to show up like that, I promise!
Are you okay?
I have to get to class. I’ll find you at lunch.
May 17, 2017 at 3:30 p.m.
VIVIAN
Seriously, where did you disappear to? You aren’t really mad about this, are you? It’s just prom. He asked me yesterday afternoon and I was going to tell you this morning.
Bradley. Are we okay? It was so sweet what you did.
You do know that I was always Team Jacob, though, right?
Too soon. I’m sorry.
I am honestly so sorry.
VIVIAN
Please call me back.
May 17, 2017 at 7:35 p.m.
VIVIAN
Seriously, dude? I know you’re at home. Open the door.
Bradley. It’s just prom. He asked me before you did and he did it in front of like a hundred people. I didn’t know what to say.
brAD
Pretty sure you would have said no if you didn’t want to go with him.
VIVIAN
You’re right. I’m sorry.
brAD
To be clear, I don’t care that you don’t want to go with me. It is just prom. I just can’t believe you’re going with him of all people.
VIVIAN
I’ll tell him I won’t go with him.
brAD
Damage is done.
VIVIAN
Well, I think YOU’RE the one who’s being an asshole for not talking to me about this.
May 18, 2017 at 12:05 p.m.
VIVIAN
Okay, Stacy B. just explained to me that Brad Turner had pushed you into a ditch once and some other stuff ever since kindergarten.
I’m so sorry. I knew he gave you that nickname, but I had no idea he was that big of a dick to you. You never told me.
brAD
Why would I tell you about something that humiliating?
VIVIAN
Because I’m your friend.
brAD
You just don’t get it, do you?
VIVIAN
I’m going to tell him I won’t go out with him.
May 18, 2017 at 8:15 p.m.
VIVIAN
Okay, I had a long talk with my sister and she made some very good points. It’s not a great idea for me to back out on prom with Brad Turner, so I should go with him. But I promise I won’t enjoy it. Can we please talk about this before school tomorrow?
brAD
No. I have to turn in my Independent Study project and I’ll be working on it in the morning. Not everyone cares more about their social life than anything else.
May 19 at 7:37 p.m.
VIVIAN
I’m outside your house. I can see that your parents aren’t home. Can we talk?
Okay, now I’m starting to feel like a stalker, but I get that you don’t want to talk to me face-to-face because I’m so unbearably charming and you want to stay mad at me…
VIVIAN
So that’s it? You’re going to stay mad at me forever and pretend we were never friends because of this one thing?
Fine. I can be stubborn too.
brAD
It’s not this one thing, Vivian. This is the only thing. I’ve been waiting for you to catch up, but I’m tired of waiting.
VIVIAN
I’m so sorry I hurt you, but I think you’re being irrational and this is really unfair.
brAD
Yeah. It is unfair. Just let me go.