Page 47

“ T hat bitch broke my nose!” Calista glowered as she held a blood-soaked towel to her face.

“That Telvian kicked your ass,” the drill sergeant said.

“Maybe next time you shouldn’t rely on cheap tricks.

” She glared, but kept her mouth shut. “Go on, Haeflinger. Head to the Medical Bay and get your nose cleaned up.” To Blondie’s credit, she stood up tall, wiped the blood as it trickled down, and marched out of the training arena.

The sergeant turned back to face me. “Nice work, de la Puente. You just earned yourself and the rest of your team a night off. I suggest you all use the time wisely.” And with that, he left us.

“That was rich!” Edith started, high-fiving me. “I would have paid good money to have recorded that girl fly through the air when you kicked her in the face.”

“Yeah,” I replied half-heartedly, the back of my head pounding from breaking Calista’s nose. I wasn’t sure how I felt about annihilating her the way I did. It just felt wrong .

“Nicely done, de la Puente,” Jim said, patting me on the back. “See you all tomorrow.”

I waved him off and then turned to find Matias right in front of me, causing me to leap back in surprise. He gave a weak laugh. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, you just startled me is all.”

“Can we talk?” He stepped closer and took one of my hands in his.

“Please.” It was like a time machine. I wasn’t in a gym in the North anymore, but back in the forest. Back to stolen kisses and hands that wandered over peaks and valleys.

And my heart ached. I ached for what we had, and for what we had lost.

I opened my mouth to tell him yes . To tell him I missed him, that I remembered what once was ours, but I hesitated. Something inside of me pulled on my heartstrings, told me that I would ruin everything, that Matias was the past and something else waited for me in my future. “I—”

“Sorry, bub.” Edith snaked in between us, grabbing our clasped hands, pulling them apart, and then snuggling her hand in mine.

She turned and patted Matias on the cheek.

“You know I love ya, buddy, but have you seen this girl’s face?

She’s got less than twenty-four hours to get this mug cleaned up, and she has to help me buy my dress tomorrow.

So, heart-felt confessions of dying love will have to wait. ”

Matias flushed red as he looked away nervously, and I couldn’t blame him. I could feel the heat burning on my face too—or maybe it was swelling?—as I instinctively turned to look at Wes. But he looked busy examining his cuticles. No hint of any emotion whatsoever.

“Edith,” Matias protested.

“Nope, nope, nope,” she sang back, each word getting progressively higher as she tugged me toward the door of the arena.

“I’m taking her for the night, Wessy-Boy,” she added over her shoulder.

“I’ll bring her back home before party time!

” She didn’t even wait for a response. With one hand, she pushed open the door while the other dragged me out.

I looked back over my shoulder and felt my chest squeeze because all it took was one look to understand what my heart was trying to tell me.

They were both there.

Matias stood, feet shoulder width apart, blackish-brown tousled locks framing his deep chocolate brown eyes.

And then there was Wes, standing just a foot behind him, his blond hair swept cleanly back into his low ponytail, eyes like freshly cut grass glistening in the golden rays of the sun.

They both watched me as I walked away from them.

My past and my future.

And my heart yearned for them both.

***

After a long stay in the infirmary, I was given instructions to ice my face, take an assortment of pills, and was given a few injections, all with the promise that my bruising would be much lighter than normal—easily covered up with make-up—and that the swelling would be gone by morning.

From there, Edith had me call a limo to pick us up and take us to a hotel in town.

She was all too happy to announce that I was the First Daughter of Telvia on a diplomatic errand for the Dissenters, and that they should charge our room to President De’vor.

When the concierge questioned her, the stink she put up—along with the limo bearing the Calvernon family crest—shut him up, and he assigned us a room.

I wondered what Sasha was going to think when she got the bill.

The room was nice enough. Edith was a glutton, ordering almost everything off the room service menu. And after pigging out, we washed up and got ready for bed.

“Ooo! I’m so excited!” she gushed, gripping her pillow. “I asked Jeremiah to be my escort for tomorrow.”

“Who’s that?”

“ What ? You don’t remember?” Edith looked at me like I had grown a third eye. “He’s the guy who was standing outside the medical tent when Chelsea got back.”

The memory of the gorgeous Black soldier standing outside the medical bay, refusing to let us in, fluttered through my mind. “That guy? He survived the attack?”

“Yeah, he did. And he’s got a sexy ass scar across his cheek to prove it,” she purred.

Jeez. Leave it to Edith. I smiled. “Are you guys dating now?”

“He doesn’t know it yet, but absolutely,” she declared confidently.

I laughed, and then winced as my whole body protested against the contractions of my abs. “Ow,” I moaned through the laughter. “Don’t make me laugh anymore. It hurts too much.”

Edith giggled. “You earned every one of those sore spots, baby. Damn! You kicked so much ass today. I just loved it!”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know if showing up the chick that’s supposed to keep me alive was such a great idea. She’ll probably help the REG just to get me out of the picture.”

“Nah,” Edith waved me off. “Calista’s a total evil B.I.T.C.H., but I doubt she’ll risk pissing Wes off and destroying her chances of getting back with him. They’ve kept this whole engagement thing under super wraps.”

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag tomorrow, so …”

Edith’s eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. “ What! For real?”

I rubbed my face and moaned as I was reminded that touching my face was the worst idea ever. “Yeah. Charles wants Wes to propose at the gala. That’s the big announcement. Surprise,” I deadpanned.

Edith folded her legs, eyes still wide. “Oh, never mind what I said then. You might as well paint a giant bullseye on your back. Once Calista figures out she’s out of the game because he put a ring on it, she’s going to want you out. ”

“Wait. Are you serious? You really think she’d…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence.

Edith raised her brows, biting her cheek. “I’d seriously hope not, but I told you that girl was bad news. And when she wants something, she will destroy anything that gets in her way.”

“She sounds like a psychopath.”

Edith shrugged her shoulders. “I’m no therapist, but the girl’s got major issues.”

I closed my eyes, moaning. “Why does this crap always happen to me? It’s like I’m a magnet for crazy people!”

“You said it, not me. I told you you needed therapy.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “You could at least try to be useful here.”

She chuckled. “Look, it’s gonna be fine.

Calista’s going to be more focused on keeping her own ass alive.

I definitely don’t think she’s going to protect you at all costs like she’s supposed to, but I highly doubt she’s going to focus on scheming some way of killing you.

Besides, you’ve got the rest of us. Jim’s still there to watch your every move, and you know Matias, Wes, and I have your back. So I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Easy for her to say, but her point was still a valid one. I didn’t have the luxury of worrying about Blondie. The mission was bad enough. I just had to stay focused on that. “I guess you’re right.”

“Hey, totally changing the subject here, but what is the deal with you, Matias, and Wes?”

I groaned, rolling my eyes into the back of my head.

“I don’t even know. I haven’t been able to talk to Matias at all.

And things between Wes and I…” I halted.

The memory of being drunk and curled up on my bed with him fluttered through my mind, sending my heart into an erratic beat.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted Edith to know about that.

Something about it seemed way too private for me to gossip about.

Plus, I wasn’t entirely convinced the whole thing had happened either.

“ Yeess …?” She leaned forward hungrily.

“It’s just…it’s just weird.”

“Weird how?” She was fishing.

“I don’t know how to explain it, but I just feel…” What? What did I feel? How do you explain something when you don’t even know what that something is?

Once upon a time, I feared Wes, but I was drawn to him because he looked like Chase.

But then I saw him for him . For the unique man that he was, with all his flaws and all his strengths.

And the more I saw of him, the more I understood the complexity of the person who stood before me.

The deeper I dove into those layers, the more I realized Wes was a tortured hero, always fighting to do the right thing, making the hard choices, but never getting the credit.

Hell, he didn’t even want the credit. He shrugged it off with his awful attitude and an air of indifference. But I knew better.

I knew that underneath that stoic mask was a tortured soul just needing to be loved.

In many ways, Wes and I were the same. But he was afraid…

afraid to love and be loved in return. That’s where we differed.

I craved acceptance, craved knowing that I was worthy of being loved.

I wanted it desperately. But Wes…it’s what he needed , but he was too afraid to accept it.

“ Hello! Earth to Mara… Don’t leave a girl hanging now.”

I blinked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to space out.”

“Yeah, no shit. And you left me hanging here waiting for you to profess your endless love for Wes.”

“What? No! ” There was no way. There were a lot of confusing emotions in there, but love was not one of them.

Edith rolled her eyes with a groan. “God, you’re going to drive me crazy. I’m serious now…you need therapy. How is it you can never put this crap together yourself, huh? How can you not see what’s right in front of you?”

I waved her off. “Stop, Edith. It’s not like that.” Something niggled inside of me. The pit of my stomach swirled.

“Whatever, newbie. I can’t even deal with you right now.

If you can’t figure out what’s going on in your own head, then that’s your problem—I don’t get paid nearly enough to help you untangle your rat’s nest of a brain.

” With a tilt of her head, she narrowed her gaze at me.

“It’s like you’re trying to be dense or something. ”

“I am not—”

“Yes, you are!” she pushed back. “You’re totally trying to squelch out anything you feel for Wes, but I don’t understand why. You’re getting married , so why do you keep stamping out any emotions you have for him?”

“That’s not true.” I argued. But is it true? “Wes and I are just friends stuck in a marriage neither one of us wants—”

“That’s BS, Mara. That’s BS and you know it,” she snapped back at me. “When you told me about Sasha promising you to him, I believed it then. I believed you had some feelings for Wes, but that what you felt for Matias was stronger. But it’s all different now.”

“Nothing has changed.” Do I really believe that?

“Baloney! Everything has changed. Don’t think I didn’t see that exchange at the mission meeting.

I was in the audience, Mara. I watched as you almost lost your shit in front of everyone.

And you know what else I saw? I saw a guy who has kept everyone at arm’s length, who wears a fuck-you attitude like it’s his Sunday’s best, reveal his entire hand.

The way he looked at you, the way his face changed into this total look of concern.

The way he brought you close to him and whispered in your ear.

It was all on full display, girl. And when you turned to face him—BAM!

I saw it in you too. It all changed. I know I argued with you about getting promised, but once I saw that exchange, I changed my mind. ”

Holy mother… Was that what it looked like to everyone? Was she right? I opened my mouth to say something, to push back, but Edith wasn’t finished.

“Now you tell me this, and you better be freaking honest. Why are you pushing him away? This is the guy you’re marrying , for god’s sake.” She paused, her next words coming out softer. “Why won’t you allow yourself to love him, Mara? What’s going on?”

I froze. Here I was, thinking I was doing a great job of keeping my schemes under wraps.

But I was wrong. Somehow, I was leaving hints of my plans, and Edith was sniffing them out like a damn bloodhound.

And I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her I was never going to marry Wes.

That I was going to hightail it out of the North the second I had my brother back.

But I couldn’t. I didn’t know what the aftermath of my leaving was going to be.

The less she knew, the better…for her sake.

I took in a deep breath, slipped on my best poker face, and looked Edith square in the eyes. “There is nothing going on. Wes and I are friends. I know what you think you saw, but you’re wrong.”

Edith’s brows furrowed as she frowned. “Fine. Be that way.” She shuffled on the bed, getting under her covers.

“I’m not stupid, Mara. You’re lying to me.

But whatever. Don’t come whining to me when you realize you fucked everything up.

You want to make your bed by yourself? Fine.

But don’t expect me to help you clean up your mess when it all blows up in your face.

” She leaned over, turned off the light, and we were thrown into darkness.

I sat there for a moment, shocked and hurt. Because I didn’t want to lie to Edith. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. But what choice did I have? Quietly, I slipped under my own covers and leaned back onto my pillow, staring up into the darkness.

Was I doing the right thing?

Everything was getting messed up and becoming more complicated than I had initially planned.

As if that wasn’t enough, I was losing sight of why I was doing what I was doing.

It was as if my reasons were slipping from my fingers, leaving me confused and lost. I blew out a breath as I turned on my side and closed my eyes.

But no matter how hard I tried, the thoughts just kept coming. And all I thought about was Wes.