Page 14

CHAPTER 14

March 6 th

12:34 P.M.

This felt weird.

Not in a bad way, just odd.

In the six years Ava had lived in this apartment with her friends, she had only brought men home a handful of times. Usually when she was dating, which wasn't all that often, mostly when she got lonely and wanted the companionship that came from being in a relationship, she’d stay at his house if they were spending the night together.

Something about living with her two best friends made her feel a little embarrassed about having sex with a guy while they were in the next room. Maybe it was because she was a bit loud when she was in the middle of love-making, and knowing that other people could hear her would always take her out of the moment and ruin any enjoyment she would otherwise have gotten.

She understood this wasn't the same as that, things were still way up in the air between her and Nathaniel, but it still felt strange to be taking the elevator to her floor with him at her side. This time, there would be no team to distract them, it would be just the two of them until later today when Chelsea and Teresa came home.

“You're sure this is okay with your commander?” she asked for probably the tenth time since Nathaniel had pronounced himself her protector.

“I’m on temporary leave, so this will be fine,” he assured her as the doors dinged open and she led him down the hall to her apartment.

Guilt settled heavily in her gut. That was her fault. “I hate that you’re being punished because of me.”

“Not because of you.”

The assurance did nothing to soothe the guilt she felt. Of course, it was because of her. If he hadn't found her in the life raft he would have followed the initial plan for his op and would be with his team right now.

That wasn't the only thing that was her fault.

Her escape had also gotten everyone else on that boat killed.

Logically, she could understand how she wasn't to blame. Those people’s fate had been sealed the moment they’d been kidnapped, they would have died either way, but it was her escaping that had led to the people in charge having everyone on board slaughtered.

“Listen to me.” Large hands covered her shoulders, kneading gently. “None of this is your fault. My comms unit somehow malfunctioned. I don’t know why, but some tech genius like you will figure it out. I did not disobey a direct order. Did I know my CO wanted me to head straight to the exfil point? Yes. But did he explicitly tell me that? No. I haven’t lost my job, my commander is just annoyed with me. I did the right thing. Not only did you have intel you could give us, but you're a human being who deserved to live. Even if it cost me my job, I would make the same choice every single time. Okay?”

When he looked at her like that, so intense, so all-consuming, there was nothing else she could do but nod her acquiescence.

While it wasn't like she could magically turn off her feelings of guilt for what happened to the other victims of the traffickers, or the damage caused to Nathaniel’s career, she could make herself focus more on facts and less on feelings.

“Need to hear you say it out loud, Aves.” Nathaniel’s thumb shifted to brush ever so softly across the bandage on her neck.

It affected him.

Deeply.

She could see that.

Many times over the last few hours she’d seen him staring at it. What thoughts were running through his mind when he looked at it? Was he relieved she’d pushed him out of the way? Was it a dent to his macho alpha pride?

No.

She was certain it wasn't. Nathaniel wasn't like that. Yeah, he was all alpha and protective, but not in an arrogant, conceited kind of way. He was okay with her stepping in to protect him, but there was more to it than that. Ava just wished she knew what.

“I’ll do my best to remember that I'm not responsible for your commander being a jerk,” she said, managing a small smile for Nathaniel even though she felt like the weight of the world was currently resting on her shoulders.

Her joke made him laugh and the sound eased some of that weight. At least she wasn't carrying it alone, Nathaniel was there, and somehow, that made everything a little bit better.

“Come on, Aves, let’s get you inside. Get you fed and watered, and then all tucked in.”

“I’m not a dog, you know,” she grumbled as he grasped her elbow, took the keys from her hand, and unlocked her door, guiding her inside.

Another piece of her burden floated away as she stepped inside her home. While work was her happy place, this was her comfort place. Teresa was the most practical and laid back of the three of them, and she’d been okay with her and Chelsea doing pretty much whatever they wanted with the place.

While she and Chelsea had different tastes, they’d agreed on enough things that the large, cozy living room was a nice blend of both their styles, as was the kitchen dining room. The three of them shared the bathroom, but since it didn't really need to be decorated, that was easy enough, all they had to do was split the storage spaces so they could all keep their toiletries in there.

The walls were painted a light gold color, not the tacky kind of gold, more like someone had bottled sunlight and splashed it on the walls, then turned down the volume a little so the tone wasn’t overwhelming indoors. The carpet was thick and white, it was the softest thing she’d ever walked on, and Ava usually walked around at home barefoot just so her toes could sink into the luxurious material.

Just because she didn't possess a single creative bone in her body didn't mean that Ava didn't love art. She’d been fascinated by it even as a child, and some of her only truly happy childhood memories were of the vacations she’d taken with her parents to visit the best galleries in the world. Her favorite was the Louvre, they’d spent hours there, and in their two-week vacation in Paris, she’d asked to go back again and again, finally racking up five visits.

Because of her love of art over the years, she’d amassed quite a collection. One she was proud of. It meant going without a lot to scrimp and scrounge every cent she could to purchase a piece, but she looked at them as an investment as well as something she could enjoy every day.

The layout of the room was simple. Chelsea had picked out one of those electric fireplace entertainment cabinets that the TV sat on, with three three-seater couches in a buttery soft beige leather grouped around it, and that was it. A few decorative pillows were thrown on the couches, Chelsea’s touches, and two gorgeous statues flanking the TV screen, her addition. They were a modern twist on Aztec sculptures and cost her a small fortune, but she loved them.

“Well, welcome to our home,” she said, sweeping her arm around to indicate the room. “Kitchen and dining room is through that door.” She pointed to the door on their right. “And that door leads to our bedrooms and the bathroom.”

Nathaniel nodded, but there was an odd look on his face.

Assuming he was just tired, Ava didn't think much of it, and just led him through to the kitchen, since he was right and she did need to eat. He followed her and she opened the door and walked into their large, airy kitchen. They’d continued the gold theme into the kitchen with the walls, and the granite countertops were a mixture of browns and golds, the backsplash as well.

The counters were lined with just about every kitchen gadget you could think of. Espresso machine, bread maker, mixer, air fryer, fancy vegetable cutter, ice cream maker, slow cooker, pasta maker, and a whole bunch of others. Half the time you couldn’t even find enough counter space to actually work.

“Sorry about the mess. Teresa didn't care what we did with the rest of the place so we can't really complain about all her gadgets. She loves cooking and baking. More like obsessed with it,” Ava said with a chuckle as she headed for the fridge.

Behind her, Nathaniel didn't laugh, and when she glanced over her shoulder he had a funny look on his face.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, turning to face him. Maybe everything was catching up with him like it was with her, after all, he’d been up all night with her, and she doubted he’d had a whole lot of time to relax since they got home from Mexico.

“Nothing,” he replied, but his tone was tight like he was lying to her.

Deciding not to push it, she opened the fridge and hunted inside for some leftovers. Since Teresa loved cooking as much as she did, there were always leftovers in the fridge, and Ava found a container of pasta with vegetables and a white sauce, and pulled it out.

Opening her mouth to ask Nathaniel if he was okay with the pasta or had any allergies she needed to know about, she found him staring at the large painting hanging above their table. It was from a local artist, and it was a magical forest full of unicorns, fairies, and woodland creatures.

“That’s my favorite,” she gushed, heading over to stand beside him. “Cost me an arm and a leg but I can't say I regret it.” Who cares if she wore out her clothes until she absolutely needed new ones, and used cheap generic brand shampoos, and her bedding was no longer thousand thread count Egyptian cotton sheets like she’d had as a kid when she lived with her parents. She was more than prepared to sacrifice other aspects of her life to enjoy her expensive hobby.

“I'm sure you didn't,” he said, but something in his voice said it was more than just exhaustion going on here.

The problem was, she honestly couldn’t figure out why he was suddenly on edge when he’d been fine before they stepped inside her apartment.

* * *

March 6 th

12:10 P.M.

To say he was feeling uncomfortable would be the understatement of the century.

Nathaniel should have known that playing babysitter would be harder than he’d imagined. Logically, he knew he should have let someone else take the job, there would be no shortage of Prey people who would gladly step up to watch over one of their own.

Only the very thought of someone else watching over the woman who had him tied up in knots left him feeling like a swarm of fire ants had found their way beneath his skin and were scouring every inch of his body, leaving trails of burning pain in their wake.

Even though she wasn't really he couldn’t help but feel as though Ava was his.

He had been the one to find her, it was him who’d put their job on the line to save her, who had slept in a cave beside her, and carried her through the jungle. It was him that she’d pushed out of the way to save his life and taken a bullet for her trouble.

No one else should be with her right now.

Just him.

It was the location that was making him feel so on edge. He’d known Ava came from money. He’d met her snobby parents so it should have come as no surprise that her place wasn't just nice but high-end. It wasn't that he thought she was a snob, but it was obvious that she liked nice things, and her collection of art was worth more than he’d make in a decade.

They should have stayed in one of Prey’s apartments. Their main headquarters had several apartments included which they used as safehouses from time to time. It would have been the perfect place to hole up with Ava while she recovered and would eliminate the travel time so she could spend more time resting, but Ava had really wanted to go home.

How could he tell her no after she’d spent weeks tied to a bed as a prisoner of an organ trafficking ring?

The simple answer was he couldn’t, and now they were here, and he was slapped in the face by just how different their worlds really were.

While he made decent enough money as a SEAL, enough for him to live comfortably in his condo, there was no way he could afford the sort of lifestyle Ava was obviously accustomed to. Not only were the pieces of art hanging on her walls worth a small fortune, but her kitchen held pretty much every appliance and gadget ever invented. He knew that Prey paid their people well but with all the other luxuries he was sure she enjoyed and her art collection it was obvious that she no doubt lived off a trust fund as well.

“Are you sure nothing is wrong?” Ava asked him again as she looked across the table at him.

Giving a nod, he stuffed another forkful of pasta into his mouth so he didn't have to answer with words.

There was no way he could explain that being surrounded by her extravagant lifestyle only served to remind him that he’d grown up in the exact opposite. The differences in their childhood socioeconomic statuses had carried over into adulthood and he just didn't know how to fit into her world.

Once again Nathaniel was struck by the realization that he’d already provided the only thing he had to offer her. Since he had no intentions of letting anyone from the trafficking ring—or anyone else for that matter—get their hands on her again, he had nothing left to bring to the table.

Where did that leave him?

He’d bet every cent he owned that Ava was truly attracted to him, maybe even interested in some “unwrapping” fun. But did she want more than that? Did she really think there could be something long-lasting between them? Could the spark of attraction that arced between them grow into something more?

Because from where he was standing, it wasn't happening.

“Okay, something is clearly wrong,” Ava announced, setting her fork down and shooting him a penetrating stare like she was trying to search inside his brain and figure out what was going on with him.

Good luck.

He lived inside his brain, and he couldn’t quite figure out why he was having such a hard time dealing with the fact that Ava came from wealth and he came from nothing.

All Nathaniel knew was that it poked at every single one of the insecurities he’d carried with him from childhood.

“Nothing is wrong,” he said, aiming for nonchalance but pretty sure he failed dramatically.

“Then why have you barely spoken two words since we got here?” Ava pressed on. It was clear that was something else they didn't have in common. He was accustomed to bottling up his pain, his anger, his sadness, his fear, his everything, and she seemed to be one of those people who wanted to talk everything through, dissect it, and deal with it.

Not that he was saying her way wasn't the emotionally healthier one, he just didn't know how to do it.

“Do you not want to be here? Is that the problem? Do you regret offering to play babysitter? Do you want to go home to your team? If you do, I’ll understand.” The vulnerability in her voice hit him like a physical blow.

It wasn't that at all.

As much as he felt insecure and out of his depth with Ava, he wanted to be there. He just wished that she came from a less affluent family. Wasn't that he wanted her to have grown up struggling like he had, but why couldn’t her family just be a typical middle-class one? That he could have handled.

“Watching over you is where I want to be,” he told her completely honestly. It was just her beautiful home that was freaking him out. Not her and not being her bodyguard. “One hundred percent.”

Those big blue eyes of hers searched his, trying to ascertain if he was telling her the truth. Trying to find his weaknesses, not so she could exploit them, but so she could heal them. Somehow, he knew that without having to ask.

So why couldn’t he let her try?

If he opened up to her, told her all the jumbled fears and emotions clogged inside his brain, could she help him untangle them? Work through them even?

Or would he just be driving the final nail inside his coffin and showing her that she was way out of his league?

Fear had him keeping his mouth shut even though something inside him ordered him to purge. Somehow, he managed to fight against the urge, and instead, let her see what he wanted her to see.

With a sigh, Ava pushed back from the table. She hadn't eaten nearly enough, just half of the small plate she’d fixed for herself, the rest she’d just been pushing around.

“I think I’m going to take a long, hot bubble bath and then take a nap. I know it’s only midday, but?—”

“You haven’t slept in over a day,” he said for her so there would be no making excuses. “But you didn't eat enough.”

“Not really hungry.” She shrugged, and he knew he wasn't the only one keeping secrets. Ava was more affected by the deaths of the other people on the ship than she wanted them to know, and he didn't know how to convince her that her escaping hadn't changed their fate, merely sped it up a little.

“Anything special that might make you hungry that I can cook for dinner?” While he wasn't chef caliber like the gadgets in the kitchen implied Teresa was, he could cook fairly decently. And it would give him something to do so he stopped dwelling on the fact that he didn't deserve a woman like Ava Hendricks.

A soft smile curled her lips up, a smile that actually made it all the way up to her eyes. “You’re going to cook for me?”

“If it will get you eating a decent meal, I’d do pretty much anything.”

Her smile grew. “Well, my absolute favorite dinner in the whole world is nothing fancy.”

The urge to refute that and say a woman who had grown up the way Ava had couldn’t be anything but fancy was strong, but somehow, he managed to bite his tongue and remain silent.

“It’s just mashed potato and sausages. I’m sure there’d be some in the freezer, and potatoes in the bottom of the pantry. Knock yourself out, and make yourself at home. I’m sorry we only have the three bedrooms, so you’ll have to sleep on the couch while you’re here, but there are spare sheets, blankets, and pillows in the linen closet.”

Rounding the table, she stood beside his chair for a long moment, their gazes clashing, their emotions bubbling to the surface. He was so close to spilling every one of his secrets but then she leaned down and touched a kiss to his cheek.

“I’m glad you're here, Nathaniel.”

With that, she turned and headed out of the kitchen, leaving him staring after her more sure than ever that he could never ever in a million lifetimes deserve someone that perfect.