Page 11

CHAPTER 11

March 5 th

11:46 A.M.

It felt like it was happening almost around her rather than inside her.

Ava watched with a sort of detachment as the panic bubbling under her skin got stronger.

Being back home was supposed to make everything better. She was supposed to be safe here, happy, and able to start healing.

Only it felt like the opposite was happening.

While she’d been held prisoner on that ship, she’d known the only chance she stood at escaping, no matter how small it may be, was if she kept a clear head. Her life depended on her ability to shut off her fear, to bottle it away in a place deep inside her where she didn't have to feel it.

Turned out you could only do that for so long before it just came bursting out anyway.

That was how she felt right now.

Seconds away from exploding.

It didn't help that Nathaniel hadn't come back to see her after her parents had scared him away. She’d managed to get his number from Chelsea. Thank goodness her friend was a romantic at heart because as soon as she’d asked, Chelsea’s gray eyes lit up with excitement and she’d immediately gone and tracked down the SEAL’s number.

Not that it had done any good.

He hadn't answered her call, and he hadn't responded to her text. Not wanting to come off as too desperate and needy she hadn't tried again. In the end, just because she felt the stirrings of something for him, and just because she would have sworn he felt it, too, didn't mean she could force him to want to do anything about it.

Nor would she want to.

But she did know that having him there would help. He grounded her, centered her, and kept a hand on the lid of her bottled-up emotions.

Only he wasn't there, and neither were Chelsea or Teresa.

Yep, her parents had scared her friends away as well.

Well, not scared them away, but they had made it so unpleasant and uncomfortable for everyone that after only half an hour last night, her friends had made their excuses and headed home.

How desperately she wanted to go with them.

She felt a lot better physically, but her doctors wanted to keep her for another day or two while they ran more tests and ensured that she was fully recovered before they discharged her.

Which meant she was stuck there with her parents.

Forced to listen to her mother ramble on and on about how it would be so lovely if she met an eligible doctor and they got married. When she wasn't rambling about that her mother was trying to convince her to leave her job and marry the man they’d chosen for her so she could live a nice, comfortable lifestyle.

As though that was what she wanted.

Or as if she’d be any safer.

It wasn't because of her job at Prey that she’d been abducted, she’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. It could have happened to anyone no matter their financial standing, job, or marital status.

Feeling trapped in the bed just like she’d been on the boat, surrounded by people who didn't really care about her other than what they could get from her, had the bubbling of emotions getting stronger.

How much longer could she hold them in?

All of a sudden, the squeak of an approaching meal trolley cut through the sounds of her mother’s voice.

The trolley that brought her food on the ship had a squeaky wheel.

Just like that, the lid on the bottle of her emotions came off, and all of her pent-up terror came springing out.

She couldn’t breathe.

There was no oxygen in the room.

And what was that petrified keening sound she could hear?

Was that her?

Was she making that awful sound?

If she was, she sounded so broken, so utterly destroyed that for a moment Ava had to believe she was never going to get any better. That what she’d been through had affected her on such a deep level that it would be impossible to get past it.

Vaguely she was aware of people moving about her, of a steady hand on her shoulder, of an oxygen mask being put over her face, of a soothing voice murmuring that she was safe, that she was just having a panic attack, that it was completely normal.

Normal.

The last thing Ava felt right now.

But the cool puff of air against her lips helped her to drag in more oxygen, and the reassuring voice and hand did help to calm her racing heart. At least a little. Enough that she could work on slowing her breathing and remind herself that she was no longer on that ship of death, she’d escaped, Nathaniel had got her home, and she was safe in the hospital.

“There you go, Ava, you're doing great,” the voice encouraged, and she realized it was one of the nurses who had been taking care of her. The woman was older, with soft, fluffy white hair and a round belly, reminding Ava of Mrs. Claus, and that helped her calm further.

Just a panic attack.

Normal, apparently, for someone who’d been through what she had.

Still, the clearer her mind became, the more she noticed. Like the fact that her father hadn't moved from the chair by the window where he’d been tapping away on his phone from the moment he sat down. Obviously, he would rather be anywhere else but there.

Her mother had her arms crossed over her chest and a disapproving look on her face. Like Ava had had a panic attack just to annoy her. Her mother didn't really want to be there either so why had her parents even bothered to come? They’d been notified as a formality apparently, because they were her next of kin, but that didn't mean they had to come. They could have stayed home and sent a card and some flowers.

“Do you know what triggered the panic attack?” the nurse asked. Apparently knowing her triggers would help her avoid them. Too bad no one realized just being there was the biggest trigger at all and she would actually heal better and quicker at home.

“The wheel on the meal trolley squeaked, like the one on the boat,” she replied, tugging down the oxygen mask since she could breathe more easily and the feel of it against her skin made her claustrophobic. She well remembered the mask that was held to her face as she was knocked out for her surgery, how utterly helpless and terrified she’d been.

“Okay, we’ll get that fixed ASAP,” the nurse assured her.

After more assurances that she was okay, the nurse left, and since that was the only barrier between her mother staying quiet and saying exactly what she wanted, her mother stepped forward and opened her mouth.

“You know, Ava, you have to see now what your father and I have been telling you all along. You are not cut out for this kind of life. Why don’t you just come home with us? I’ve already talked to Bentley, and he’s still willing to marry you. I think that would be best for everyone.”

This time it wasn't terror that came bubbling out of her mouth, it was pure anger.

Shoving herself up on the bed, wincing only slightly at the tug on the wound on her stomach, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and pushed to her feet, pleased when she didn't sway or wobble. “You know what, mother? You need to leave. Now.”

“Ava, please, you're being a drama queen. Again.” Her mother tutted disapprovingly, and she hated that her panic attack had been witnessed by someone who would use it against her.

“A drama queen? Really, mother? It’s called a panic attack, and I had it because I was just kidnapped and held captive by organ traffickers. You know they took my kidney, right? They would have kept taking organs until there was nothing left. You say I'm not cut out for this life, but I escaped. Me. I got out. No one else. I’m the one who found a way to get to that lifeboat and off the ship. I set in motion my own rescue, so don’t you ever imply that I'm weak and pathetic again.”

Pausing to drag in a breath, Ava realized she was shaking with rage.

Never in her life had she unloaded like this on her parents. She’d stood up for herself but she’d never yelled like this.

It felt good.

“You know what's pathetic? The way you treat me. The way you treat other people. I already told you I don’t want to marry that stuffy, smug, conceited Bentley, who’s two decades older than me, and I haven’t changed my mind. Because of you and your snobby attitude, the people I care about, the people I want around me while I heal, are keeping their distance and I won't allow it any longer. Get out. Now.”

“You don’t mean that, Ava.”

“Never meant anything more in my life, Mother. Leave, and don’t come back. I don’t want to see you again.”

The sad fact was that it was the truth.

If her parents couldn’t even be bothered to act like they cared about her after she’d almost died, she didn't want them in her life. Besides, they’d already cut her off financially when she was eighteen and refused to follow their orders any longer, so what else could they do to her?

Maybe if she could get rid of them Nathaniel would consider coming back. Even if it was just as her friend and nothing more ever developed between them. She’d take friendship with the man who saved her life over the people who had given her life any day.

* * *

March 5 th

1:32 P.M.

He should head home.

Nathaniel knew that as he sat in his hotel room staring into space, not really seeing anything at all.

There was nothing for him to do there. Going back to see Ava would be ridiculous now that he knew the kind of world she’d come from and what she was no doubt accustomed to. Because he knew if he even gave himself an inch, he’d wind up taking a mile, he hadn't answered when she’d called, nor had he replied to her text.

It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was because he wanted to too much.

If you’d asked him a week ago, he would have quite calmly and confidently explained that given his awful childhood and the propensity for addiction that might run through his veins he was content to remain single for the rest of his life. Not just content, but happy to remain single. He had his job and his team and didn't need anything else. Certainly not a relationship that would require him to be vulnerable with another person and hand over the opportunity for them to hurt him.

Being with Ava would guarantee that he’d wind up hurt. How could he not? She came from a world where everything was at her fingertips, and he came from a world where he had to fight for every scrap he got.

So making a clean break and heading back home was the smarter option. Yet every time he opened his phone intending to book a plane ticket, he couldn’t seem to follow through. There was nothing there for him, he should leave. His duty to Ava was completed, and even if he was able to figure something out with Ava, no way would her parents ever accept him, and he could hardly ask her to choose him over her own family.

Stuck.

That’s how he felt.

Unable to completely go back to his comfortable single existence now that he’d gotten the smallest taste of what it would be like to take the plunge and allow someone else in. But also, unable to go forward because he already knew that nothing was ever going to happen with him and Ava, Nathaniel didn't know what to do.

It wasn’t like he could stay there forever, and yet the thought of heading home left him feeling like he’d been doused in icy water.

A knock at his door had him jumping to his feet. Could it be Ava? She should be in the hospital still but maybe they’d discharged her this morning. She’d tracked down his phone number, so he wouldn't put it above her to have tracked down the hotel he was staying at too.

The idea of seeing her again left him feeling a whole lot more buzzed than it should given he’d spent most of the last twenty-four hours convincing himself there would never be anything more between him and Ava than the fact that he’d saved her life in Mexico.

Throwing open the door to his room, he was shocked, and yeah, disappointed, when he saw six men standing there instead of the one woman he ached to have one more glance at.

“What are you guys doing here?” he asked Rocco’s SEAL team as he walked back into his room leaving the door open behind him. If the guys were there, maybe they had an update on the trafficking ring. While he was not officially on the case, since he was on temporary leave, nothing stopped him from helping if he chose to, and he didn't think Eagle Oswald would have a problem with it even if his commander might.

“What are you doing here?” Bubba countered as the guys trailed into the room after him and Gumby shut and locked the door.

“Haven't booked a flight out yet,” he replied, dropping into the chair he’d been sitting in most of the day and half the night. Every dream he had ended either with Ava being chased through the jungle and him unable to stop the traffickers from getting her, or with her naked and moaning beneath him.

Neither was conducive to sleep only for vastly different reasons.

“No why are you here ?” Bubba asked.

“The hotel was reasonable and not too expensive.” Did it really matter which hotel he stayed at? Not even the Plaza itself was going to be good enough when where he really wanted to be was Ava’s hospital room watching over her.

A hand smacked the side of his head, and he looked up at Rex in annoyance. What the hell was he thinking?

“Hey,” he snapped, glaring at his fellow SEAL. “What was that for?”

“How dense do you have to be?” Rex asked with an accompanying eye roll.

“I’m not being dense,” Nathaniel said.

“Pretty sure you are, dude,” Ace countered.

“Why are you here in a hotel and not in the hospital with Ava?” Phantom asked the question he and his whole team were apparently attempting to ask.

Since going into detail about his terrible childhood, Ava’s perfect life with everything she could ever want, and how those differences were too big to overcome, and he wasn't even sure he wanted to ask her out anyway, was too much effort, Nathaniel merely shrugged.

Apparently, that wasn't good enough.

“Don’t get you, man,” Phantom said with a shake of his head. “You put everything on the line for her. You might not have been given a direct order not to stick around and rescue her, but you knew your commander didn't want you to. Now you're on leave, we all know you’ll be cleared to come back since your comms was knocked out so you technically didn't disobey any orders, but you were prepared to. You were prepared to risk everything for her, and now you're backing away. I just don’t get it.”

Probably because Phantom really had laid everything on the line for Kalee. Almost lost everything as well.

But he did it all for a woman in trouble, a woman he wound up falling in love with.

Phantom had gone back to Timor-Leste when he learned that Kalee had survived the attack and was being held captive by rebels. Alone. Without his team. Without anyone’s knowledge. He’d rescued her, and hidden out with her, giving her time to heal, before he returned to face the consequences of his actions.

Without asking, Nathaniel knew the man was completely happy and content with his choices, and that he would make the same ones again even if it had cost him the career he loved and the comradery of his teammates.

Only their circumstances weren't the same. Phantom and Kalee had fallen in love, while he and Ava were … attracted to one another? It felt deeper than that, there was definitely a pull there to learn more about her and see where things went. It wouldn't cost him his career to pursue Ava, but it might cost him his peace and sanity.

Both of which he’d worked so hard to claim.

“I went and saw her,” he admitted.

“Then why aren't you still with her?” Rocco asked, looking truly confused. “She seemed to like you, I doubt she’d have kicked you out.”

“She didn't. But someone else did.”

“You met her parents,” Gumby said.

“You guys did too?”

“Went to check up on her early this morning,” Gumby explained. “Had the oh-so-wonderful pleasure of meeting Mr. and Mrs. Hendricks.”

“Delightful, aren't they?” he asked dryly.

“They’re obnoxious people,” Ace agreed, “but Ava isn’t. She’s nothing like them.”

“Never thought she was.” There was no way the sweet, brave, strong woman he’d first met in that life raft was anything like the people who had raised her. But they had raised her in the lap of luxury and being with him would be anything but.

“But you left her alone because of them, so on some level you must associate their behavior with her,” Bubba pushed.

“Wasn't like that, it’s …” he trailed off not wanting to say the words out loud no matter how true they may be.

“It’s what?” Phantom asked in a tone that suggested he might already know the answer.

“I’m not good enough for her,” he said, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. “Got nothing to offer her. She’s better off without me. Better off with a man who can give her everything she deserves.”

“Pretty presumptuous of you to decide what Ava wants, needs, or deserves,” Rocco said with an arched brow, daring him to disagree.

Not that he could.

His fellow SEAL was right. He was making major presumptions about what Ava wanted out of life, but it wasn't to paint her as a snobby socialite who cared about clothes, jewelry, houses, and nothing else, it was his own insecurities talking.

“There’s something you should know about Ava,” Phantom told him.

Panic lit up like a forest fire in his chest. “What? Is she okay? Did something happen?”

“She’s okay,” Phantom quickly assured him. “But she kicked her parents out, told them to leave and not come back.”

She’d done what?

Thrown out her own parents?

Told them not to return?

Was it because of him? Because of how they’d treated him?

Or was that just wishful thinking on his part?

Had he been too rash writing off any sort of relationship with her just because she’d been born into a wealthy family?

Was he being as superficial as he was all but accusing her of being?

Should he go back and see her again? Talk to her? Try to figure out if there could be something between them? Or was it better to leave things the way they were and not risk getting hurt?