Page 28 of Reanimated Ruin (Hearts In Horror #1)

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Dominic

THE ROOM WE were given was far nicer than the apartment Jules and I shared, by like a lot. Julia had referred to the cooking space as a ‘kitchenette’, but it had about five more cupboards than my kitchen did. It also had an island. I’d only ever seen those at parties thrown in the homes of rich kids. Every apartment I’d ever lived in had at least one faulty appliance or a cabinet door falling off the hinges, so this was a major step up. It was crazy to think that I was going to be living in a better place during a fucking apocalypse than I did before it.

Not only that, but I was sharing the space with Cat. We weren’t exactly in the best spot right now, but with how close we were going to be living for the foreseeable future, I had hope we’d be able to figure it out. I mean, she’d trusted me to carry the most important thing in the world to her, so she couldn’t hate me that much . Then we’d shared a small moment when Rhiannon had woken up, realized it was me holding her and was perfectly fine with it. The way Cat smiled at me was pretty damn reminiscent of the looks I’d caught her throwing Jules’s way.

Maybe he’d been right, and it wasn’t that out of the realm of possibility that she felt something for me other than physical desire. I really, really fucking hoped so. When I walked in this morning to wake the two of them up and found them curled around each other, I’d wanted so badly to crawl in on the other side of her. I didn’t want to take his place, nor did I wish I was him in the moment. I simply wanted to be with her with him. I’d gone back downstairs with my mind skipping through scenes of her pressed between us, naked moaning bodies all tangled together.

“What now?” Sadie asked as we put our bags down in the main area and looked around at each other.

“Let me go lay Rhiannon down first and then we can talk.”

Cat came over, taking Rhi from me, then disappearing into one of the bedrooms.

When she came back out, we migrated over to the sitting area next to the kitchen that had a small couch and a few chairs. Cat sat on the couch with Sadie choosing the spot next to her. Jules and I both took a chair across from them.

“So Julia and her crew seem nice enough,” I started. “Wasn’t the hugest fan of that Duncan guy, though.”

“I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who got bad vibes from him,” Cat said and shot a relieved look my way.

“We can’t let one bad egg spoil the bunch, though,” Jules disputed. “I don’t know if we’re going to come across a better option when it comes to security. We can’t just keep trading off watch, only sleeping four hours a night every single night . Eventually we’ll get overworked, then sloppy and we’re bound to make a mistake that could cost us our lives. We really need to think long and hard when we make the decision to stay or go.”

Cat looked over at the closed door to the bedroom she’d just put Rhi in. I’m sure debating what’s best for her rather than taking her own needs into consideration.

“I agree,” she stated. “We could actually be safe from the infected here within the walls. I saw some other children here. Rhiannon wouldn’t have to grow up alone and might actually get the chance to be a kid. She hasn’t said a word since we found her and that’s really not like her. I think it’d be good for her.”

“You know how I feel. Whatever you think is best for her is what we’ll do,” Sadie replied and placed her hand over Cat’s. “I’m just glad to not be alone. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I had never met you. Matter of fact, I don’t want to think about it at all. What it’d be like to be alone right now. I know we’ve only known each other for like a week, but you guys are my family now. Wherever you guys go, I go.”

“I guess it’s settled then. We’ll try to make the best of things here with the intention of staying. Although I don’t think it’s the worst idea to maybe keep the supplies we got earlier in the car just in case. It’s never a bad idea to have a backup plan should shit hit the fan here.”

As much as I wanted to believe this could work out, I just liked to always have an exit strategy. It came from growing up without stability, we were always on the move so I never felt comfortable anywhere. Never felt like I could settle down and spread roots. Something always came up and we’d be on to the next town. I never truly unpacked my belongings until the six-month mark living somewhere. Even then it felt a little foolish to wait that long cause the longer we stayed somewhere, the closer we were to leaving again.

When we’d moved to Efferville, it’d been a nice change. It was the longest I’d ever been in one place. That nagging feeling never went away though, that little voice whispering ‘don’t get too comfortable, it won’t last’. Now, with the current status of the world, it was causing old fears to resurface their ugly little heads once again.

I cracked my neck from side to side to try and relieve some of the tension gathering in my shoulders, but it was no use. I tried to tell myself to relax. We weren’t on the go anymore. We didn’t have to worry as much. Something was just telling me to not let my guard down too low here.

“I agree with Dommy boy,” Sadie said cheekily. “Now that we’ve got that decided on for the time being, if no one minds if I go first, I’d very much like to take the first relaxing shower I’ve had in days. It’s not anywhere close to the same as it should be when you’re waiting for an infected to peel the curtain back to get you when you’re all naked and vulnerable.”

We all gave a light chuckle, I could relate. Each shower I’d taken at the places we’d stopped for the night along the way, I’d done so with my weapon leaned up against the side of the tub where I could see it and grab it quickly if needed. When she disappeared into the bathroom, we all were left sitting around quietly. For the first time, there was an awkward silence in the room. Cat was sitting there fidgeting her hands, staring down at them like she always did when she was nervous.

I could feel Jules staring a hole into the side of my head and I was trying to avoid his gaze cause I knew what would happen the second I did. I finally caved, turning my head to glare in his direction. He wasn’t phased by the ire in my stare, only looking from Cat then back to me and motioning with his eyes towards one of the empty bedrooms. I knew that’s what he’d be after, trying to get us to talk through our issues.

We literally just stopped having to worry about being under attack every minute of every day. I wanted to let the damn girl breathe for a second before we jumped right back into dealing with the shit show that was our situation. I gave a small shake of my head, not trying to let on to Cat that Jules and I were in the middle of a silent argument. About her. He rolled his eyes at me and ticked his head to the side as if to say ‘why the hell not?’ and I just flipped him off and mouthed that he should mind his own damn business.

“Hey Kitty,” Jules then called out, all mockingly innocent. “Dom’s been meaning to talk to you about something if you have a minute.”

He looked at me with a shit-eating grin and I wanted to fucking strangle him.

“Oh-uh he does?” She stuttered, then her eyes turned to me. “You do?”

“Yeah, I was just waiting for the right moment ,” I said through gritted teeth while clearly aiming my comment at Jules.

“Okay, well, what’s up?” She asked, slightly confused.

“Not here.” I stood up and motioned for her to follow me. “Since a certain someone is so determined to meddle in our business, I’d rather not give him the satisfaction of seeing the fruits of his labor.”

She got up and followed me. I opened the door to a bedroom and waited for her to pass through before doing the same and closing it on the sounds of Jules’s poorly muffled chortling. Well, I’m glad one of us was entertained by his antics. Cat sat down on the bed in the center of the room and fixed me in her gaze.

I looked around the room, trying to search for my words. I hadn’t had much time to prepare what I’d wanted to say with Jules springing this on me. It was a decent sized room with the essentials: a queen sized bed along one wall, an armoire and desk pushed against the one opposite of it.

There were two windows along the adjacent wall that faced out at the courtyard with trees blocking the view of the horrors beyond the perimeter. I shifted my view back to her large almond-shaped green eyes, looking up at me expectantly, and realized she was waiting for me to start talking.

“I guess I should get on with it, huh?” I leaned back against the armoire and crossed my arms. “Look, I’m really sorry about our argument back at the motel. I let my ego fuck with my head and I acted like a giant prick. I’d love to say I didn’t mean to, but it’s pretty obvious I said what I did with the intention of hurting you.”

Shame flooded through my body at remembering the look on her face as she told me to go fuck myself. I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the wood behind me with a thud. I felt a small twinge of pain from the impact, but it had nothing on the crushing weight in my chest at being seconds away from baring my soul to the one person with the ability to absolutely crush it in their hands.

“I didn’t try anything with Sadie, just so you know. Even if I didn’t think she’d snap my dick off for simply trying, I just said it to be cruel. Same thing with the you not being my type comment,” I opened my eyes and peeked at her, she was fighting a smirk at that, as if she saw right through me and knew it was bullshit even at the time. “It’s just I don’t know if I can be what you want or need me to be. I’ll always be your friend, Cat. That’ll never change. You’ll always have me in your corner for as long as you want me.”

She was frowning now, her beautiful face full of confusion, but she didn’t attempt to interrupt me.

“I know I have a reputation for not taking intimacy seriously and I only have myself to blame for that. I do understand though, that when feelings are involved, it can become something different entirely. Something far more meaningful than simply getting off or a temporary reprieve from the constant noise in your head. Sometimes it’s not just sex. You said you could do casual, but I don’t know if I can. Not with you.”

I kicked off and closed the distance between us, crouching down in front of her so we’d be face to face. Her eyes flicked between mine, searching there for answers as to what I was trying to get at.

“I may have lied when I said I wasn’t attracted to you, but that wasn’t the only thing said that night that was untrue. You said things were less complicated between us because there weren’t any feelings involved and while that may be the truth on your end, it isn’t on mine. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I can’t have a physical relationship with you, if that’s all it’ll ever be. You’re not just some meaningless hookup to me.”

“You have feelings for me?” She questioned softly, eyes wide.

I nodded and swallowed thickly before continuing.

“I meant what I said about you and Jules though, I saw you two this morning. You guys are finally where you were always meant to be. You’re so close to finally being something and I don’t want to come in between that. Both of you deserve to be happy. With each other. I’m not telling you all this because I’m trying to make you pity me. I just want you to understand where I’m coming from.”

I reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, then let my hand rest on her cheek.

“I just wanted you to know why I acted the way I did that night because you were right. I did owe you an explanation. You trusted me with your truth, even with all the risk weighing against you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s never someone’s fault for not reciprocating the feelings of another. You can’t help what you feel in your heart or don’t. I just wanted, no needed, you to know that it wasn’t because I didn’t desire you. I couldn’t live with myself for being the reason you believed yourself to be anything less than absolutely stunning. Things with you could never be casual to me because I’ve had feelings for you since the first day I met you, Cat.”

Her eyes had begun to tear up, and she was staring at me in shock. For a brief moment, she just sat there with her mouth agape. I waited for her response; I had said what I needed to say. Now what I needed was for her to forgive me, to tell me everything was okay and she’d still be my friend, no matter what. Though I hoped I hadn’t just fucked everything up further and made things even more awkward. Nothing is worse than finding out someone is pining over you when you really didn’t see them the same way and don’t know how to break it to them.

Her stare shifted down to my lips, then back up to my eyes.

She moved closer so that there were only inches separating us now.

“You’re an idiot, Dom,” she said, then closed the remaining distance between us and placed her lips to mine.

We’d kissed before. Both times had been intoxicating and lust filled. The second our lips were on each other, so were our hands, fast-paced and frantic to explore any patch of bare skin we could get access to. This time was different, we took our time and didn’t rush right to pawing at one another. Our lips moved together as if they were trying to convey feelings that couldn’t be communicated with words. I moved my hand down to gently cup the side of her neck. When we finally broke apart to come up for air, she rested her forehead against mine.

“I mean, I know I’m an idiot, but care to elaborate?” I asked with a light, breathless chuckle.

“I guess I should have said we’re both idiots because I only said what I did because I thought it was what you’d want to hear. I didn’t want you to think I was going to get weird on you if we slept together. I just thought, you know, you wouldn’t want me like that cause why would you settle for one person when you could have anyone you wanted? I knew, or at least hoped, we’d find a place like this eventually and your options would open back up. Not that I’m trying to say all you do is sleep around. Fuck, I’m so bad at this. I’m always saying or doing something wrong. I’m so sorry.” Her cheeks reddened and tried to turn her head to hide her face in her hair.

“Hey, no, where are you going?” I gently turned her back to face me once again. “This is all unfamiliar territory for me, too. We’re gonna take some missteps here and there. I’m sorry I got so upset. I could have just told you how I was feeling instead of throwing a tempter tantrum like a man-child. At the end of the day, I just really want to be with you, in more than just a physical way. I thought initially that it could be enough to just have you that way as long as I was getting to have you at all, but I realized I couldn’t. It would tear me to pieces because you are everything to me. The only reason nothing has ever worked out for me with anyone else is because they weren’t you. Every single last beautiful woman still alive could be here at this QZ and it still wouldn’t matter because they’re not you. ”

I reached down and brought one of her hands to my lips, kissing the back of it, then each knuckle. When I looked back up at her face, she had a single tear streaming down her cheek, and I brushed it away with my thumb.

“I want to be with you, too. Ever since we’ve been reunited, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Even when we were apart, you never really left my mind. I carried a little piece of you and Jules around in my heart with me everywhere I went. When I saw you again, even though I was scared, I was so happy. Whether I acknowledged it or not, I knew deep down there was no way I was ever going to be able to let you guys go again. Now every night when I go to sleep I find myself wishing you were there laying beside me.”

“Even last night when you were with Jules?” I asked, vulnerability lacing my words.

“ Especially last night,” she replied, blushing once again and darting her eyes away to avoid mine. “I couldn’t stop imagining you there on the other side of me. As important to me as it is what I have with him, I want you too. Sometimes I feel incredibly selfish for it. How can I ask that of you two? To share my affection when I definitely wouldn’t be willing to do the same if it came to either of you and another girl.”

“Because it feels right,” I answered simply. “We’ve talked about it, you know. Jules and myself. We’re both on the same page and have no qualms about sharing you. There is no one else for either of us. We both understand what it’s like to adore you and then have to live without you. With how much him and I care about each other, how could we expect the other to live that way when we know exactly how it feels? He’s my best friend, after all, has been since we were kids. Until a week ago, we shared an apartment and ran a business together. I know I don’t have to worry about how he’ll treat you or if he’ll truly appreciate what he has. It feels like it was always meant to be this way, the three of us together as we’re supposed to be.”

She stopped avoiding my gaze and clung to it now.

“So we’re really doing this, huh? You like-like me and I like-like you,” she said with a smirk, using the old phrase from when we were just children discussing schoolyard crushes.

“Yup,” I answered with my own smile. “You, Jules and me all one big huge like-like fest. I like you, you like him, he likes me.”

“Oh, yeah?” She quipped, one eyebrow darting up. “You guys like each other, too?”

“Hey! Not like that! You knew what I meant,” I shot out, tackling her back onto the bed and attempting to tickle her.

“No?” She giggled and tried to squirm away from me. “So you guys won’t kiss for me?”

I pinned her arms on either side of her and purred into her ear.

“Only if you ask real nice, maybe then we could be convinced.”