Page 18 of Reanimated Ruin (Hearts In Horror #1)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Julius

OF ALL THE things that could possibly go wrong during my watch while everyone else was allegedly sleeping, finding Dom with his hands down Cat’s pants and her tits in his mouth was not even close to on my radar. When I first went upstairs to wake him up for his shift, I could hear muffled movement coming from the room. I walked right up to the open door, thinking maybe he was already awake or perhaps hadn’t even been able to fall asleep. I was entirely unprepared for what my eyes took in.

Cat laying on her back, her long dark hair fanned out around her and her eyes rolled back in pleasure. One full breast on clear display and Dom’s head covering the other. One of his hands covering her mouth to muffle the sounds he was pulling from her. The part that I couldn’t draw my eyes away from was the movements of his other hand, the one cloaked by the cloth of her shorts but clearly driving in and out of her. I was immobilized for a few breaths, stuck staring and taken aback by the sight I was slowly beginning to process.

When I finally snapped out of it, my blood started to boil and I couldn’t bite my tongue. Part of me wanted to not even say a word, just barge in and rip him off her. The logical half was whispering that I had no right. She wasn’t mine. It was slightly satisfying to see the looks on their faces, though, like two little kids with their hands caught in the cookie jar. But it also hurt. I could tell from both their expressions that they knew, maybe in hindsight, that what they were doing could be considered a betrayal.

The true treachery came from inside my very own pants though because now I was sitting here seething while also enduring one of the hardest erections of my life. Visions of Cat, with her top down and her head thrown back in ecstasy, filled my mind relentlessly. I had to remind myself I should be mad, not turned on, but it was difficult with my cock throbbing painfully. I couldn’t decide who to be more upset with. The rational side of my brain told me Dom, because we were still friends and roommates at that. There was an unspoken rule to not go after someone you know your friend was interested in.

The irrational side told me Cat because she already knew we were on thin ice, slowly traversing back to safe territory. Why would she go and do something to fuck that up? The longer I thought about it, I knew it was just my jealousy talking. I really had no right to dictate who she could or couldn’t hook up with, as shitty as it may make me feel. I lost that right when I let my chance with her slip through my fingers. Maybe I should consider myself lucky for ever even getting that one night with her, even if all we did was make out and cuddle.

If it was Dom she wanted, I guess I could try to learn to live with it. Isn’t having her as a friend better than not having her in my life at all? Hell knows I’ve been a ghost of a person without her. Maybe I should even consider myself lucky Dom stuck around to deal with a sorry sap like me all this time. At least all this self depreciation was killing my hard on because from my position on the couch I could see him descending the stairs out of the corner of my eye then start to walk up to me apprehensively.

“You don’t have to approach me like some wild animal that’s gonna attack,” I bit out. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. It wasn’t right. It’s not like she’s my girl or anything. If she wants to fool around with you, who am I to get in the way?”

His shoulders sagged with relief, the tension leaving his body instantly. He crossed the distance and sat down on the couch next to me that we’d pushed over to the big bay window to watch out front.

“Come on, don’t be like that. Look man, I’m sorry too,” he said and seemed like he truly meant it, though I had a feeling there was going to be a ‘but’ coming. “But now that it’s kind of out in the open, I don’t want to have to keep lying to you. I’ve always had feelings for Cat, from the first moment I laid eyes on her, I just kind of kept it to myself. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, you know, spoil the dynamic, so I just tried to ignore it and shove it down. Then you told me you guys kissed and I thought I lost my chance to ever do something about it. I never planned on acting on it. I know it sounds corny but it just sort of happened.”

It made sense now looking back. His approach to her leaving really wasn’t all that far off from my own. He never had a true relationship with any of his flings, just meaninglessly filled his time as a way to distract himself. After losing Cat, I lost interest in dating. I just wasn’t willing to put myself back out there again. I thought perhaps if I met the right person maybe the desire would reignite but it never did. He’d slept with plenty of women but was still yet to find ‘the one’ and it was starting to look like that reason was her.

“So what, you guys are just a thing now?” I asked dejectedly, feeling rather pathetic once again. “Yesterday you were yelling at me for forgiving so easily and now you’re back on good enough terms for her to choose you?”

“Who said she had to ‘choose’ either of us?” He replied simply. “At least I’m not going to make her choose. It was always just the three of us versus the world before, anyway. We loved her then and I don’t know about you, but I still love her now. She could put me on a leash and walk me like a dog. As long as she’ll have me, I’m hers. I just don’t want to risk ever losing her again.”

I’d never heard him talk about anyone like that before. It would take some time, but maybe I could wrap my mind around it, provided it was something she’d want too. After all, he was my best friend and I couldn’t very well selfishly sentence him to the same hell I’d been wallowing in all this time without her.

We still hadn’t cleared the air when it came to our current feelings for one another. I knew I still wanted her just as bad as ever, but I also knew a lot has happened between now and then, so I had to be realistic. It was easier for her to forgive Dom because he never said a bunch of horrible things to her. Only turned his back on her. Because of me.

“Well, that’s up to her, I guess,” I said and frowned. “We still haven’t gotten the chance to talk about whether or not she still has feelings for me. Did she say anything to you about it?”

“Not specifically, but she clearly still cares about you a lot,” he answered. “She was worried after you walked in that you’d never forgive or talk to her again. She wanted to come down and talk to you herself, but I wanted to make sure you’d calmed down first. In the morning, after you both get some sleep, you guys should talk.”

Well, at least she wasn’t going to run and hide this time. She was willing to talk things through. It made me feel extra like a piece of shit now for losing my temper earlier. She was growing, becoming more mature as a person, and I was still frozen in time, just an angry kid lashing out. I’d hope she’d give me whatever number chance I was on at this point, even though I very well may not have been deserving.

I’d always had a temper, but the last few years it just had a way of getting away from me. I’d had a better hold on it before Cat left, then my parents passed away in a car accident two years ago and it just took on a life of its own. No matter what I did: meditation, relaxing hobbies, therapy.

You name it. I’ve tried it.

The only thing that helped even in the slightest was working out until I was dripping sweat and couldn’t physically continue. I rarely took it out on the people around me, typically internalizing it, but when it came to Cat, it was always simmering too close to the surface. Waiting to spill out and get the chance to burn her.

It’s not like I placed any of the blame on her. It was almost like the anger was with myself and being around her brought it out. I knew this was all my fault. My fault for not manning up sooner. My fault for not hearing her out that night everything went to shit. My fault she left.

When it all boiled down, I found myself entirely undeserving of her. Looking into her face resulted in me feeling deep rooted hatred, not for her but for myself. It was more important now than ever to try and reel it in because it could very well be the reason I lose the best person I’d ever met if I didn’t.

“Yeah, it’s probably a good idea to sleep on it first,” I admitted. “I seriously can’t afford any more slip-ups with her or she’ll shut me out for good.”

“Give her more credit than that,” he muttered. “She may not be the exact same Cat we knew back then, but the old her is still in there. She comes out sometimes if you watch closely enough. You didn’t see the look in her eyes after what you said to her at the showers. It crushed her, dude. I think she wants to fix things with you just as bad as you do.”

I wanted to believe him. I really did .

After that, we just sat in silence, giving me time to digest as everything from tonight went round and round in my mind. It was hard to not sit here anxiety stricken with your thoughts circling while on watch, intentionally staring out the window at all the horrors below.

For the last hour or so, I’d had my eye on the grocery store across the street. I’d watched a group of around five guys sneak through the parking lot and enter the building. Dom came down while they were still inside. During our conversation, I made sure to still keep my eye out for their exit.

I wanted to make sure they had no intention of trying to get into the condos next, specifically ours. While it was a relief to see other living people, who knew their intentions? We had two young chicks with us and no actual weapons. I’d seen enough apocalypse movies to be wary of strangers. Especially a group of dudes who could easily overpower us.

Just then, a bunch of gunfire from across the street rang out. It was still dark outside, so the flashes of the guns going off in the store could be seen, lighting up the inside briefly, but not enough to truly see what was going on. Dom and I stood up, getting closer to the window to get a better view. Infected that had been previously milling about the parking lot and street were now surging towards the commotion. They piled up in front of the glass doors and windows, taking very little time or effort to shatter it before beginning to flood into the building.

Just as quickly as it all began, the gunfire ceased. Well, guess now we most likely won’t have to worry about those guys coming over here next . Not alive, at least. I thought back to earlier how I’d hesitated when it came to the old lady attacking us and how it’d been to be so close to something I’ve only seen on television.

Next time I hoped I’d be more prepared because seeing how easy it was for five men with guns to be overtaken so quickly, I couldn’t let that be us once we got out of here. We had a long way to go to make it home. A two-hour drive turned into four, taking the back roads and who knew how many more hours tacked on top for all the unexpected issues I’m sure we’re going to run into. We had to find some kind of weapons before we even thought about leaving.

“We should probably try to look around in the morning for whatever kind of weapons we can find,” I said to Dom, both of us still staring out across the street.

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “Looks like that might not be a bad idea. Go ahead and go to bed. I got it from here. There’s a lot to do in the morning. We should probably go through this place from top to bottom for anything that might be useful. Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention, Cat’s gonna travel with us to Efferville. Maybe we can even go check on her sister with her. I can’t stomach the thought of her going there alone, so I offered.”

“Sounds like a plan. I don’t like it either. Don’t be afraid to wake me if you need me,” I said over my shoulder as I headed upstairs.

I decided to take a shower before bed to try and relax my nervous system. I didn’t know how I was ever going to get a whole eight hours of sleep ever again with all the things I’ve seen in the past few days. Knowing Cat was safe and sound under the same roof as me would hopefully provide at least a bit of ease.

I bet it’d be a whole lot easier with her wrapped up tightly in my arms. The image of her, breast bared and body writhing on the very bed I was about to climb into, burst back into my mind. I turned the water temperature to ice cold to kill the desire coursing through my veins, trying its best to flood my crotch to get it on the same page.

When I got out and put on a pair of shorts to sleep in, I thought I was in the clear. All thoughts of the girl I wanted more than anything iced out. That was until I laid in the bed and was enveloped by her sweet scent surrounding me as she’d been sprawled out on these sheets only an hour earlier. I could feel myself stiffening and I knew I’d never be able to sleep now, plagued with thoughts of her muffled moans echoing around the inside of my head.

I slipped my hand into my waistband and pulled out my hardened cock, gripping it tightly, and began pumping up and down slowly. In my mind, it was me who’d been above her, taking her nipples into my mouth to devour them, driving her wild. Only I wouldn’t cover her mouth, wouldn’t dare silence the sweet sounds of her calling out my name repeatedly. As I let my mind wander and indulge in fantasies I rarely allowed it to drift to, my hand moved faster and faster.

I’d pull her shorts down so I could finally get a look at the pretty little pussy I’d imagined so many times to find it every bit as perfect as I always knew it’d be. I’d get to taste her at last, savor every last drop of her while she cries out in pleasure. Once she came all over my face, I’d crawl up her body, line myself up with her entrance and sink in deep. I didn’t know what it was like to be inside of someone, but the thought of feeling her clamp around my length had me spilling all over myself. My breath came in stuttered, shallow huffs as I massaged out the last lingering bits of my climax.

I’d give anything to be someone she wanted. If she had no desire for my heart, she could take whatever part of me she did want. I’d let her pick and choose, I knew it. It’s already all hers, anyway. I just longed to be something to her, something other than a piece of her past that hurt to think about. The pleasure I’d just experienced was quickly leaving my body as I cleaned myself up.

It was being replaced with a dull ache in my chest, that ever present feeling of something missing. This is why I usually never let myself daydream of being inside her, because it always just left me feeling empty and hollow. At least I was finally beginning to tire now and could hopefully manage a few hours of sleep before the sun came up.

I made a vow to myself to stop getting in my own damn way so often. If I could just stop, cool down and think before I opened my big mouth, it would solve so much of my problems. Things always seemed to go better for Dom because he was easier, not wound so tight.

I knew I could be softer, too. I had accomplished it at the stadium. We had reached some kind of common ground, then I went and fucked it up again. I just knew I couldn’t keep putting this pressure on her or else she’d run from me again. Maybe for good this time.