Page 13 of Reanimated Ruin (Hearts In Horror #1)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Julius

I WAS FLOATING on a cloud the entire walk back to my tent. I hadn’t felt this light since I don’t know when. It felt like I’d shed about fifty pounds in excess baggage. While Cat and I hadn’t managed to put completely aside our issues, it was most certainly a step in the right direction. While it still irked me she wouldn’t tell me what exactly was so special about Scott, I was beginning to think maybe it was something I could look past.

I mean, he couldn’t have been that special if it never went any further than one night. I had spent so much time with tunnel vision on how the situation affected me. She had a point, though, I hadn’t really stopped to consider the consequences it had for her. Perhaps her sentence had already been served and I didn’t need to add insult to injury.

It was just so great to be in her presence again. My fury had made it easy to forget how captivating she was. When she was sitting in front of me, it felt like the entire world faded away, leaving only her in a golden ray of light. This is what gave her so much power to destroy me in the first place. I wanted to dive headfirst into every feeling I had for her and drown in them with no regard for my wellbeing. I had to remind myself not to get too ahead of myself. Just because she’d agreed to give reviving our friendship a try didn’t mean we’d be able to pick up right where we left off.

“What’s got you all starry-eyed?” Dom asked me when I strolled into the tent, lounging casually on his cot.

“I just got back from a talk with Cat,” I began to gush. “It actually didn’t go horribly like I expected. She still wouldn’t talk about Scott at all, but we kind of came to an agreement to try and move past all our bullshit. I don’t know, man, I’ve been turning it over in my mind and is it really necessary to keep holding it over her head?”

“So what, you guys just kissed and made up? A few hours ago, you were scowling at her during dinner now. What, you’re holding hands and playing house again?” He asked with a little edge to his voice.

“Well no, not exactly,” I started speaking slowly with trepidation. I might have been reading him wrong, but it almost seemed like he was starting to get worked up. “She’s still mad at us and knows we are too, but she said she’d think about turning over a new leaf. Come on dude, it was four years ago. If I can try to move past it, why can’t you?”

“Cause I’m not the one she kissed, right?” He questioned with a sneer. “I should just forgive her for moving away without a single care in the world for what she was leaving behind because you two had a talk and everything is just fucking peachy now, right?”

“ Did I do something to piss you off? I thought we were on the same page. I mean, even you said she couldn’t keep running from us in here. Thought the plan was to track her down and make her hear us out,” I replied to his outburst in confusion.

“That’s just always how it goes with her. She fucks you over and who takes your side? Dom. She breaks your heart. Who hangs out with your mopey ass and picks up the pieces? Dom. She leaves us behind in the dust and you don’t ever want to talk about it. Who shuts the fuck up? Dom. Then we find her again. You go and agree to shit without talking to me. Who’s feelings get pushed to the wayside for the millionth time? Fucking Dom.”

He had taken a few steps towards me as he was saying all this, absolutely seething at this point. He had a crazed look to his eye and I can honestly say I’d never seen him this pissed off. Especially not directed at me. I didn’t understand, though. I thought he’d be happy about this? Even maybe excited for me after seeing how destroyed I’d been after things went down the way they did.

“I made excuses for you in high school, wrote if off on account of all teenagers being pretty self centered,” he continued. “But we’re adults now, take a look around and realize that you weren’t the only person she hurt. You don’t get to accept conditions on my behalf. I’m my own person and I’m still livid. That should have been a conversation the three of us had together. Was it ever really ‘the three of us’? Or was it always Jules and Cat plus Dom?”

“Look, I never knew you felt that way. I’m sorry. I know I was a shitty friend for a while there. My head was stuck up my ass sulking around like a bitch, but I really do appreciate you sticking by me for it all. You’re my best friend, dude. I don’t want you mad at me, too. Cat leaving affected you, too. I’m not blind to that. We’ll talk to her again and tell her the three of us need to have a discussion together to clear the air as a group. You know you’re just as much a part of the friendship as she used to be. I’m sorry I made everything weird by kissing her. Sometimes I wish I never even went there with her. Maybe everything would be different,” I replied.

“Yeah, you really went and goofed everything up there, brother,” he teased, some of the tension leaving his body. “I’m sorry I lost my shit on you. I think with all this infected bullshit and seeing her after all these years, it has my nerves a little fried. Yeah, I can be an asshole, but I’m usually better at keeping my head on straight. It just kills me how she could leave and stay gone. Like how was she able to deal with that? I never could have done it to her. For me, it felt like having a limb cut off.”

“I don’t know if it really was as easy for her as we thought,” I said somberly. “It feels like there’s so much to the story we don’t know and probably never will. She seems broken too. I don’t think her leaving left any of us whole.”

“It might take me a bit to stop seeing it as something she did to herself. I know you’re ready to forget the past, but I can’t just kill the part of me that grew as a result so easily. It’s had a lot of time to grow and fester in the dark. I’ll try to work on it though, I know it’s a somewhat me problem so cut me some slack if I get a little testy at times,” he threw me a lopsided grin.

“You act like this is my first time weathering the storm when you get into one of your moods. Remember when Cat said ‘Ew, gross, no’ when I dared her to kiss you during truth or dare? You were a little bitch about it for days. I’m not the only one who can be a victim to mood swings,” I reminded him.

“Only because she said gross!” His cheeks turned red as he jumped to defend himself. “It’s not like I really wanted her to or anything. She just didn’t have to act so disgusted! I’d kissed plenty of girls by that point and gotten zero complaints.”

“Chill out,” I chuckled. “You don’t have to convince me, man. I was home the time that crazy chick you were dating from the tattoo shop down the road came pounding on our apartment door at two in the morning cause you ghosted her. I know all about your playboy ways.”

With that he smiled proudly, as if I’d sufficiently proved his point of not being unappealing to the opposite sex. He didn’t have to try to substantiate his track record to me. We were roommates after all, had been the three years after high school. I’d seen many women come and go. Never daring to try to learn their names after one time I called one by another’s name and had cost Dom a night of peace as a result. I guess I punished myself as well cause I could hear her screaming at him through the walls. And then was gifted with the pleasure of listening to his phone ring off the hook following her departure until he just ended up turning it off. Oops , my bad .

“At least girls came around looking for me. When’s the last time you got laid or even talked to a girl at that?” Dom accused playfully.

What he didn’t know is I’d never gotten laid, period. I’d lied to him in high school, well really, I just went with someone else’s lie and never really clarified it as false. Mallory had bragged to all her friends that we had gone all the way when we were dating. Really what happened was at one of her parties when I’d had a little too much to drink she tried to go down on me but I rejected her.

I had already been thinking about breaking up with her for a while and it didn’t feel right. But one of her friends walked in and saw us, too embarrassed to admit that she’d gotten turned down and with a bit of spite, she ended up telling everyone we’d fucked. I was sixteen and kinda ashamed to admit to still being a virgin, so I just went with it, but dumped her a week later anyway, cause no one likes a liar.

After everything happened with Cat, I just never really met anyone else I’d clicked with the way I did with her. I could have gone the route Dom did and just have meaningless hook ups but I just didn’t find any interest in it. After all, I’d witnessed enough drama it had caused him to not want to indulge myself. I didn’t judge him at all for the way he chose to live, it just wasn’t for me. Maybe it scared me to let anyone else in, but all I knew is you can’t get your feelings hurt if you don’t put them in someone else’s hands to crush.

“Don’t worry about me, worry about yourself and if there’s any little Dom’s out there running around causing chaos,” I shot back, ducking to dodge the pillow he threw my way.

“Don’t even joke like that. This tent is made of plastic, I’m sure, but you better find some wood to knock on right now. Take it back, say you didn’t mean it!”

“Give me your head, that’s shits as hollow as a log,” I said as he tossed a shoe off the ground at my head. “All right, truce, truce!”

We joked around for a little longer until our tent mates came back and started tucking in for the night. Not wanting to keep them up, we decided to do the same ourselves. After the light went out and it was quiet, I had a few minutes to reflect on the day before sleep finally came.

I didn’t have a lot to look forward to lately, especially not now with a mystery illness on the rise, but I now found a piece of my frozen over heart starting to defrost. Even though I was still full of trepidation, more cautious with my trust than ever, I couldn’t help but wish Cat was laying in my bed curled around like she was once before.