Page 24 of Reanimated Ruin (Hearts In Horror #1)

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Cat

I WAS SITTING on the couch pouting when Jules came back downstairs by himself. He informed us he was going to let Dom cool off upstairs and take first watch. Sadie offered to take the other shift, but I sent her to bed insisting if she was tired she should go. There was no way I was going to fall asleep with how worked up I was. She gave my shoulder a light reassuring squeeze before disappearing upstairs. Jules came over and took her spot next to me, not saying a word, just sitting in silence with me while I stewed.

“Does Dom always act like a bossy know it all or is that something he reserves just for me? I mean who put him in charge, anyway?” I finally spoke after a few minutes.

“I think it’s just with you,” he chuckled lightly. “He meant well. If I’m being completely honest, I agree with him. Before you go and start on me too, it’s only cause we care about you. I completely understand how badly you want to get to your sister, but if we don’t use our heads, then we’ll never make it there. Then what? I know you’re going crazy with how close we are, but think about it, we’re close. We’re in the home stretch. Tomorrow she’ll be back in your arms and we’ll figure out as a group where to go from there. Everyone is on your side, Cat. We all want the same thing, we just want it safely.”

Now knowing that all three of them felt the same way and having some time to calm down, I was starting to feel like an ungrateful child throwing a temper tantrum. They were all coming with me to help save my sister in the middle of a damn zombie apocalypse. I should be thanking them constantly for that fact alone.

It had been foolish of me to expect them to carry on after coming in such close contact with a group of people who clearly had ill intentions. It was bad enough we had the infected to worry about. Now we had to be wary of every single other group of living we came across. As if I could afford to lose my trust in the human race more than I already had.

“I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I’m super grateful you guys are helping me get to her. It’s just I can’t help but keep picturing her terrified and wondering where I am. I was supposed to be on my way there when this all went down. My parents might not be concerned, but I know she’s probably worrying herself sick. She’s always been scared of the dark and monsters. Now they’re real and I’m not there to protect her like I always said I would.”

He reached down and grabbed my hand, pulling it into his lap and interlacing our fingers. I leaned my head down onto his shoulder and was hit with a wave of nostalgia. This felt like old Cat and Jules, like no time had passed at all and we were still kids leaning on one another for support. His presence was so comforting, each point of contact between our bodies had warmth radiating through me. He was stroking his thumb gently up and down the back of my hand in a soothing motion.

“Trust me, she knows you’re coming,” He spoke softly. “The Cat I knew would have done anything for the people she loves, and they know it. I’m willing to bet that’s the same Cat she grew up with. She just has to hold on a few more hours. We’ll get there and everything will be okay.”

“She’s only four, Jules,” I whispered. “It’s been five days. What if something happened to my parents? What if something happened to her? I won’t be able to live with myself if she’s-”

“You can’t think about that. You’ll drive yourself crazy wondering about the what ifs,” he said and lightly nudged my head off his shoulder so he could look me in the eye. “As soon as the sun comes up, we will be on our way and nothing will stop us from getting there. We’re only a half an hour away.”

“Okay,” I nodded, choking back tears.

He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead, then leaned back to offer me a sweet reassuring smile. I was struck by how strikingly beautiful he was, his steely gray eyes capturing and mesmerizing me. Just as I had been in the motel room last night with Dom, I was suddenly once again overcome with the urge to throw myself at Jules.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me. A terrible day and being shown an ounce of affection was apparently the perfect recipe to instantly soak my panties through. He could see the shift in my eyes, the hunger that was now filling them that wasn’t there moments ago. After being touch starved for basically my entire life, I was desperate to have his hands roving all over my body.

Dom had made me feel horrible about myself the other night, re-invoking a childhood insecurity of brunettes being inferior to blondes. Of course, I wasn’t his type, but Sadie was. How could I blame him? She had the fit hot blonde thing going for her. If I was gay, which sometimes I think would be easier, I would totally go after her too. But alas, here I was pining after two guys, one who reciprocated and one who apparently wasn’t even attracted to me.

The way Jules was looking at me right now, though, made me feel like the most desirable woman in the world. Just seeing how I made him feel wasn’t good enough. I wanted to feel it vibrating through my bones and flowing through my veins. I wanted to hear him moan in pleasure while I made him feel things no one else could.

The way he’d looked at me while I was on my knees in front of him was one of the top five best moments of my life. My body was crying out, craving him like he was oxygen and I was at the bottom of a pool, slowly running out of air, so I leaned forward and kissed him.

I pulled back for a moment to look at him before he came rearing back at me fiercely, kissing me and running his hands through my hair. I pushed on his chest to get him to sit back against the couch and climbed into his lap. One of his arms snaked around my waist to pull my body flush to his. His arms were so long that he was able to graze my breast with his hand in the process of sealing me to him. My nipples were rubbing against his chest, hard with how turned on I was and it was causing me to shiver at the sensation.

It was making me desperate for friction. I didn’t care that I was just pissed the absolute hell off less than a couple minutes ago or that I was a few more bad days away from cracking entirely. All that mattered at that moment was how badly I wanted to feel something good, anything . Apparently, my attempt at casual sex had been the wrong approach. Maybe it wouldn’t be all that scary to dive headfirst into what’s between me and Jules.

I know we’d fooled around the other day, but it was sort of frightening to go all the way with him. What if it just made our already complicated situation worse? I decided fuck it and began to kiss down his neck, knowing that was what had him like putty in my hands before. When he let out a soft groan as I ground my hips against the bulge that was very obviously very hard underneath me.

“Please, Jules,” I said in a sultry whisper into his ear. “Make me forget all about today. I need you .”

“Ugh, Kitty,” he said as his head fell back against the couch with a troubled expression now crossing his face. “You have no idea how bad I want to take you up on that, I really do. But I don’t think you’ve necessarily been reacting to the trauma of the past few days in the healthiest way.”

“What do you mean?” I sat back on his lap and crossed my arms with a frown on my face.

“Hey, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. Just hear me out, okay?” He requested and continued when I didn’t protest. “It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you. Believe me, you’re the only girl I’ve ever been able to dream about. It’s just, it seems like you might be using it to cope with all the intense emotions we’re all having, and I totally get it. I know you have feelings for me, so I don’t take it personal. Just when you do it with a certain other person, they might get the impression that you’re just using them to blow off steam.”

Was he talking about Dom? Had they talked about the other night and he’d told him what happened? My face flushed with embarrassment at now knowing Jules knew all about how he’d rejected me. Perhaps it hadn’t been the kind of rejection I’d thought. It wasn’t because he didn’t want me, but because he did and thought I didn’t?

Here I was saying things between us weren’t complicated and now I was super confused. It would be ridiculous if both of us were holding back our feelings for each other because we both believed it wasn’t reciprocated.

“If you’re talking about who I think you’re talking about,” I started slowly. “I mean, for fuck’s sake, there’s only four of us here and I’m definitely not trying to seduce Sadie. Dom has only ever had casual relationships before. Was I supposed to assume he’d be interested in one with me? Maybe if he just used his words like a big boy and told me how he felt, this all could have been avoided. Instead, he decided to freak out on me like a child and say nasty things.”

“Do you have feelings for him?” He asked. “Were you honest with him? Or did you lie to him and yourself when you told him you could keep things casual?”

“Of course I have feelings for him,” I whispered sheepishly. “You know how he is, though, that can be intimidating. He could get any girl he wanted and does. Why would he settle down? Especially him knowing how I feel about you, too. Even with the state of the world, I’m sure we’ll find other survivors eventually and his options will open back up, then he’ll forget all about me.”

“I’ve always thought you were one of the smartest people I know, but sometimes you say the stupidest shit,” he teased. “I don’t understand how to this day you still can’t see how amazing you are. I’m not the only one who sees it, Kitty. I don’t want to meddle in your guy’s relationship, but all I’m going to say is I think you guys need to have a talk. A real one. When you’re ready. He also told me about the stupid stuff he said, and I know he feels like shit about it. I can attest firsthand that blondes have never been his type.”

The last part drew a small smile out of me. Jules tucked a piece of hair that had fallen into my face behind my ear. He stroked his hand down my cheek from there, his thumb dragging across my lower lip, then to my chin to drag my face closer to his.

“For the record, blondes have never been my type either,” he purred, staring into my soul, his demeanor suddenly dark and lustful. “ You are my type, every single little thing about you. Don’t ever think for one second that you aren’t enough for someone because you are everything. Just know I do want you, even if I won’t take you up on it tonight. This house is too small and quiet to do the things I want to do to you. When I finally get to fuck you, I don’t want to have to muffle a single moan that comes out of that perfect mouth.”

I’d never heard him talk like that, ever. I had no idea someone so sweet could have such a filthy mouth. Why did he have to say such enticing things when he had no intention of making his words become reality tonight? I leaned forward and kissed him, darting my tongue out to lick his when he opened his mouth to welcome me in.

I pressed forward to rub my body against his, but he grabbed my arms, lifting me off of him, then placing me on the couch next to him. Both of us sat there for a second, staring at each other and breathing hard.

“I’m going to have to sit on the opposite side of the couch if we can’t keep our hands to ourselves,” he threatened playfully. “We’re supposed to be on watch anyway, and there’s actually a threat to look out for tonight.”

It had finally gotten dark and as he said that I saw headlights flash by the window. I couldn’t hear the truck, so they had to have been on an adjacent street, but they were still out there hunting for us. That was all I needed to sober me up enough to stop trying to get into Jules’s pants.

We sat there and chatted for three hours until it was time to wake the others and take our turn to get some sleep. We talked about life, what it had looked like in the years we’d been strangers. I certainly omitted some details, though. Such as the strip club I’d worked at and the man I’d murdered. Is a lie by omission as bad as an outright, bold-faced lie?

I tried to argue with him to let Dom keep sleeping. I wasn’t tired and I’d take second watch too, but he flat out refused. Once he woke up Dom, I lost all motivation to try to fight it because I knew they’d gang up on me, so I just started getting ready for bed. When I’d changed into the more comfortable outfit I’d deemed for my new sleeping clothes, Jules came into the room.

“I know you and Sadie usually sleep in the same bed together so I thought it might be easier for you to fall asleep if I slept in here with you,” he said, suddenly acting all shy even though we’d had our tongues down each other’s throats a few hours ago.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” I replied with a smile. “Just so you know, she cuddles me so you’re on big spoon duty.”

“I think I can manage that,” he said with a big grin of his own.

We laid down on the bed together and he came up behind me, pulling me into the crook of his large body and throwing an arm around me. I settled in, pushing myself back against him so there wasn’t an inch separating us and interlaced my fingers with his on the hand resting right above my heart. He kissed my hair, then nuzzled his face into my neck and took a few deep breaths, inhaling my scent and sighing contentedly after.

This felt like home.

Though as I was fading off to sleep, I couldn’t help but feel like there should be someone else here in this bed with us, sandwiching me in and holding me between them all night long.