Page 41 of Quiet as Kept

“You don’t understand your mother’s pain.”

I nodded slowly. “And neither one of you understands mine.”

“I do, Son.” Tears rolled down her face and that didn’t move me at all. Those few tears couldn’t compete with all the tears I’d cried as a kid. “And I’m sorry.”

“Son,” my dad said. “I apologize. I should’ve handled this differently.”

I truly wished he would have. Then maybe everything wouldn’t be this fucked up. Gannon and Vivienne left the office. I turned to Jayla.

She sucked her teeth. “I guess you feel the same way about me that you feel about your mother.”

“Is there a reason that I shouldn’t?”

She didn’t respond.

“Where’s your guy, Jayla? I thought he was supposed to show up here, gather you and your things, and move y’all into The Excelsior Grand Hotel. Where’s he at?”

“He’s still in Miami.” She waved her hand dismissively. “This is the kind of shit he does. He makes promises that he doesn’t keep. He tells me that he’s coming for me, then he doesn’t.”

I laced my fingers together then cracked my knuckles. “I hate that for you, but you can’t stay here. Like I told Vivienne, I don’t know you.”

“You don’t know me? We were together for three years.”

“Where’ve you been, Jay? You dipped out over a year ago. Said you were going to Miami for a mommy makeover. You stayed gone for three months. When you finally decided to explain yourself and the real reason for staying in Miami, you told me you met somebody. When you returned to our home where we?—”

“Why are you bringing up old shit, Kept?”

“Lived together, raising two children,” I continued, ignoring her, “you collected your material possessions and walked away. This is our second time seeing you since then. I got your parental rights revoked based on abandonment. You live with a millionaire, who wouldn’t or didn’t give you the money to fly home to even show up in court. Now, you’re back trying to assert yourself and tell people who can and can’t attend to my daughters?”

“You never talk, then when you finally do, it’s to spew hateful shit. Your mother really fucked you up.”

“And what did your mother do to you that you could walk away from your two beautiful daughters for a man who doesn’t give a shit about you?”

My house was claustrophobic. My anxiety was pressing down on me. I read the text from my father.

Big G:Listen June, I heard what you said to me and Vivienne tonight. There’s a lot we need to talk about. And we will. But for right now, Vivienne got a migraine from all the crying she was doing. I made her lay down. She fell asleep. Unless you absolutely need us out tonight, we’ll leave in the morning.

Me:Cool.

Jayla didn’t text me, but I knew she was on the same energy. I knew she wasn’t leaving until the next day. I felt like if I had to circle back and revisit her getting the fuck out, I was going to crash out.

What I could do was remove myself from the situation. I remembered being at my great-grandmother’s house and walking past the television while she was watching Iyanla. That lady would place both hands on her head and tell the person looking for her guidance to “save yourself.” That’s what I decided to do—save myself.

I knocked lightly then stepped into Xarielle’s room. She smelled freshly showered as she sat crisscross applesauce on the bed with the bible in her lap.

“I was looking for a few encouraging scriptures.” She gave me a small smile.

“I need to get the fuck out of here before my head explodes.”

She uncrossed her legs and stood from the bed. “What do I need to do?”

“Grab some clothes. Whatever you think you might need.”

“Okay. Let me grab a few things and my babies. We’re not leaving them here without us. I mean, I trust your sister and Yahirah?—”

I cut her off. “Say less.”

Trinity had bathed both girls and put them in their pajamas. They both sat up in the bed they were sharing when they saw us.