Page 35 of Quiet as Kept
“And then for your ex to show up on the same day with the exact same energy as your bio mom . . .”
“Say word! All I wanted to do was give my daughter the birthday party she asked for and spend some time with my family. I didn’t expect all this fucking drama.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
I found her hand in the darkness of the front porch, took it in mine, and threaded our fingers together. “This. Just keep doing this.”
“Keep doing what? What am I doing?”
“Being my calm. Helping me keep my head from exploding, Xari.”
She moved closer to me. “You called me Xari.”
“Yeah,” I said softly. “I don’t want to keep you at a distance anymore.”
“You’ve been trying to keep me at a distance, Kept?” She snickered.
I snickered too. “You couldn’t tell?”
“Not the way you were massaging my feet on the deck last night.”
“I spooked you. You couldn’t get away from me fast enough after that.”
She turned on her side. “Did you not feel that spark? It traveled right through my body and landed in a place that it should not have landed. I work for you, Kept.”
“I don’t give a shit about that.” I waved the thought off. “We have a connection. It’s deeper than just the fact that you love my girls. I like seeing you every day. I like hanging out on the deck every night, talking about everything and nothing. You know more about me than the woman I have two children with. Than the woman who birthed me. I don’t think it’s crazy to want to explore that.”
“I don’t want to have a fling with my employer.”
“You think I’m trying to show my girls a fling? I’m not trying to have a fling. If I wanted to fuck up on something, I wouldn’t shit where I live. This is different from that. Like I said, I like being around you, Xarielle. I’m trying to explore that.”
Both of us were quiet just laying together in the silence of a Jackson Island night.
“What do you want, Xari?”
“Something I’ve never had–to be loved and cherished. To be considered and protected. And I’ll give the same back to the person who gives those things to me.”
“Say less.”
We fell into silence again. I didn’t know what was going through her mind, but I was thinking about her, about how sweet she was, about how I’d never known a person with such a pure heart outside of my daughters. But they were babies. The harshness of life hadn’t been given the opportunity to corrupt them yet.
Xarielle was given a fucked up hand—absentee mother, disengaged grandmother, and mean and jealous family members just to name a few things. According to her, she’d been living in a shoebox sized apartment, working a dead-end job, and driving a trap-ass vehicle for at least the last seven years with no clue as to how to better her own situation. But she still had light in her eyes. She still had hope. She still operated in goodness. She was still open. She wasn’t bitter. That right there drew me to her. The fact that she wasn’t bitter was sexy as hell to me.
“Just so you know, I’m firing Sanders’s ass.”
“Okay. Can we get a lady instructor? I’m saying, not some Sports Illustrated swimsuit model baddie chick. Like a regular lady who can swim and teach others to swim, somebody motherly or a gay guy.”
I rolled over on my side so I was looking at her profile.
“Did this dude do something to make you uncomfortable? Did he touch you inappropriately?” I felt my blood start to boil. I was going to have to fuck this dude up.
“No, nothing like that. As a woman, I’m just hyper aware of the vibes men are putting out. If they seem safe, like I can let down my guard, or if they feel . . . I’m not sure ifunsafeis the word. They might not necessarily feel unsafe, but they feel questionable.”
I squeezed her hand.
Her sigh was heavy, weighed down with angst. “They make you feel like things could go either way. Like they could be cool, and you could walk away with everything being everything. Or things could go left, and you might end up using your self-defense skills, your mace, or your Glock on them. Let’s just say that when I was in the pool with him today, I kept my eye on his nuts. Just in case I had to squeeze the hell out of them or kick him in them.”
“He’s definitely fired. I didn’t like the way the motherfucker was ogling you in your bikini. But my father mentioned that he was kinda handsy with you today. I knew I was firing his ass. I just didn’t know if I needed to fuck him up as well.”