Page 26 of Pyg

13

GASLIGHT GODDESS

A lice stirred, squeezing her eyes shut and opening them again, trying to adjust to the low light. The curtains were still open, but daylight had faded to dusk. She tried to sit up, but was immediately reacquainted with pain; a sharp stabbing in her wrist that radiated up her arm, and a dull throb in her knee. Alice slowly attempted to flare her fingers and recoiled with the pain of it. With her left arm, she flicked on the bedside lamp to look for bruising and turned to see the indentation of where someone had been lying next to her. Fran?

So strange that Alice had, until recently, yearned for the woman to occupy her space. She’d imagined a life where they’d wake up and fall asleep alongside one another as part of a normal routine. But this — this felt like an invasion. She’d asked her to leave, hadn’t she?

Alice glanced at the closed door and noticed the strip of light underneath. She got to her feet and, with her pain-free hand, pulled her robe around her as best she could. Her hair would be a frizzy fright, but she wasn’t trying to impress anyone. With a steadying breath, Alice hobbled into the hall and followed the light to the lounge. Fran smiled up at her from the couch, where she was sitting with a glass of wine in one hand, her phone in the other.

“Hello, sleepyhead. You’ve had a good couple of hours. Feeling any better?”

Alice shook her head. “No, not really. My wrist, it’s?—”

“Let me see.” Fran placed her glass on the coffee table — no bloody coaster — and stood. She took Alice’s arm and glanced at it for a moment, before peering into her face. “You do look a bit of a fright, you poor thing. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you makeup-free.”

“What?”

“Well, you know we’re usually done up and out and about, aren’t we?” She rubbed Alice’s upper arm, in what was probably intended to be a tender gesture, but it made Alice’s insides squirm. Fran swung around, taking in the room.

“I was wrong about your flat before. Having spent the afternoon here, it’s actually quite pleasant. A lick of paint here and there, and perhaps some new curtains, it could be —”

“Fran, why are you still here?”

Fran scoffed. “Charming! I wanted to see you. Patch things up after our little spat.”

Alice closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose. “What world are you living in?”

“Oh, Alice. Don’t be so melodramatic!”

Alice tensed her jaw to clamp down on the scream building inside her. Why won’t she fucking leave?

“Sit yourself down and I’ll pour you a glass — it’s delicious, for a white. And let’s just have a little chat. If you don’t feel differently afterwards, I’ll go. I promise.”

With a shaky exhale, Alice conceded and limped to the couch. Moments later, Fran shuffled up next to her and passed her a glass, which she clinked with her own.

Alice took a large sip and swished it around her dry mouth.

Fran leaned in, arranging her lips into a conciliatory smile as she rested a warm hand on Alice’s thigh. “Look, I’m sorry you got upset with me. I really am. I didn’t mean to?—”

Alice growled in frustration. She moved to clench her fists, but pain shot up her arm. Fuck. Fran bristled and sat up straight, widening the gap between them.

“Are you going to continue behaving like a petulant child, or will you hear me out? What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry you got the wrong end of the stick about everything.”

Alice chewed her lip.

“It’s possible I led you to believe that I was going to leave my husband. And, whilst Jeremy may drive me wild, he and I… well, let’s just say we have our arrangements.”

Alice scoffed. “Arrangements?”

“Yes, I understand you’ve been clued in now. Jeremy appreciates that I have certain needs… and I’ve smoothed things over with him about all this, so you needn’t worry. You can have your little job back. No rush, take some time — whenever you’re ready.”

Alice’s eyes widened, and she shook her head. Is she for-fucking-real?

Fran leaned in and rubbed Alice’s thigh again.

“Oh, and there’s another thing. Jeremy has agreed for you and me to go on a trip together. So, let’s get it booked up before you go back to work.”

The material of Alice’s robe bunched under Fran’s hand as it crept higher.

“Imagine us sitting out at sunset, sipping a Barolo amongst the Italian vines. Dipping our toes in the delicious pool, swimming… naked, under the stars. I can’t wait. It’s all arranged. You just need to book the flights with Jeremy’s credit card.” Fran inhaled and closed her eyes. “Mmm,” she murmured as if transported there already.

Alice stared down at Fran’s hand, the platinum band on her ring finger glinting in the light. She’d always felt so guilty when she caught sight of it before, but now she saw it for what it was — Fran’s meal ticket. Jeremy’s collar. Fine if it suited them, but Alice wanted no part of it.

She cleared her throat and Fran’s eyes flickered open. Her serene smile faltered when she saw it wasn’t reflected on Alice’s face.

“Have you finished saying what you have to say?” Alice asked with a confidence she didn’t realise she had, especially in the presence of Fran.

Fran sat up, her hand falling away from Alice’s inner thigh.

“You’ve really got gaslighting down to a fine art, haven’t you? You’re like the fucking goddess of gaslighting. Believe it or not, I don’t want my little job back. I don’t want you back. And I don’t want anything to do with whatever twisted shit you and Jeremy have going on.”

Fran stiffened and sniffed. “You’re skating on very thin ice, Alice. You know I’m not a patient woman.”

Alice laughed, surprising herself almost as much as Fran. How had I ever thought this woman had it all together? That a life with her would be anything but chaos and heartache?

A knock at the front door snatched Alice’s attention, and she sprung to her feet, flinching as pain seared through her knee. She looked down at Fran’s face, scrunched in confusion.

“Well, thanks for the chat, but I don’t feel any differently.”

Fran’s lips puckered.

“I have plans this evening. So, if you don’t mind.” Alice motioned to the door, but Fran didn’t move. Another knock, and Alice released an exasperated sigh. She limped along the hallway and opened the door. Her heart squeezed at the sight of Ash, brandishing two large pizza boxes and a bottle of wine.

The smile fell from Ash’s face as she took Alice in. So much for being a fully functional adult. It went from bad to worse.

“You better come in.” Alice hobbled aside, cradling her wrist. “I’ve had a bit of an afternoon.”

“What’s happened?” Ash asked as she stepped out of her trainers.

Alice grimaced and jutted her chin towards the lounge. “Fran,” she mouthed.

Ash’s eyes widened. “Has she hurt you?”

Alice sniffed a laugh. “No, not physically, anyway. I fell out of the bath and?—”

“Shit, Alice. I should check you over.”

Alice grinned. “Steady on, Doc. First things first.” She shuffled along the hallway with Ash in her wake.

Fran stood facing the window, her wine glass empty on the coffee table. Alice gestured for Ash to put the pizza boxes in the kitchen.

“I’m not leaving, Alice. Not until you see sense,” Fran said without turning around.

“Er, Fran. I have company. I told you, I have plans.”

Fran remained fixed in place at the window, as if turning into the room would force her to face reality. “Well, you better un-plan your evening. We’re sorting this out, once and for all.”

Alice looked over her shoulder. Ash stood awkwardly behind her.

“Fran, I really would like you to leave now, please.”

Fran spun around, red-rimmed eyes brimming with tears. She whipped her jacket from the dining chair and rushed past Alice. Then, coming to a halt in the hallway, she turned, nostrils flaring, and screamed,

“Why is it so difficult for you to understand, Alice? I love you, you stupid girl. This isn’t over.”

Alice’s mouth hung open as Fran stormed out, slamming the front door behind her. Alice cradled her wrist and collapsed onto the couch. Ash darted to her side.

“Bloody hell, Alice. Are you alright?”

Shock waves rippled through Alice, and her whole body trembled.

“May I take a look at your arm?”

Alice held out her arm and Ash carefully pulled up the sleeve of the pink robe, the frown lines deepening on her brow as she gently examined Alice’s wrist.

“Okay, I hate to tell you this, but I think you might’ve fractured it. We need to get you to A any excuse, eh?”

Alice opened her eyes and gave the grinning doctor a sidelong glance.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, I popped by to see George.”

“When?”

“Er, when you were called for your X-ray, and I went to get us tea and snacks.”

“How’s he doing?”

“He’s okay. He sent his love and told me to tell you that you’re a klutz — smashing his head and breaking your bones all in one week.”

Alice laughed.

“He saw the neurologist today, but he hadn’t really understood what they’d told him. So, I went to find out more, but when I returned, he was asleep.”

“Bless him. What did you find out?”

“I shouldn’t really be telling you…” Ash’s grip tightened on the steering wheel, as if wrestling with her better judgement. “But seeing as I’ve already broken so many rules and I don’t want you worrying… The scans came back normal, so it isn’t neurological. They think George experienced some sort of dissociative fugue.”

“A what now?”

“It’s like a temporary amnesia. Typically, when it happens, the person ends up somewhere completely unexpected and can’t remember who they are.”

“Wow, yeah, that fits. Have they any idea what caused it?”

“With George’s confusion and tiredness, it’s hard to pin down anything definitive. But that sort of thing is often triggered by something traumatic. Given how worked up he was when he first came in, that tracks.”

“They still haven’t reached his brother?”

Ash shook her head. “And we’ve still had no luck finding a charger for that damn phone of his either. It’s a relic.”

“So, what’ll happen to him?”

“They need to make sure he isn’t a risk to himself, and that it won’t happen again. I mean, he could’ve been killed if you hadn’t found him and brought him in.”

“I’m glad I did.”

Ash’s eyes flicked from the road to Alice and back. “I’m glad it was you, too.”

Alice swallowed, recalling the way her body had responded to just the hint of Ash’s touch earlier; every nerve ending alive and alert to her proximity. Alice would’ve detonated in her hands if there’d been more… but Ash didn’t want more. Did she?

Ash cleared her throat. “Back to George. He’ll probably need to see a psychologist, but I’m sure you’re familiar with NHS waiting lists — things are stretched, so I don’t know how soon that’ll be.”

Alice puffed out a breath, her mind immediately turning to Truscote and Dalton’s pro bono caseloads. But she hadn’t exactly left things on good terms. It’d be a bit cheeky to ask for a favour right now, and the thought sickened her.

“Speaking of trauma, what happened earlier with Fran, that was… pretty intense. Do you want to talk about it?”

Alice looked out of the side window. Black hedgerows blurred against a deep indigo sky. “I’m not really sure what to say. I’ve never seen her like that. And what she said…. well, she’s never said that to me before.”

And that was the truth. Fran’s words had bounced around in Alice’s head ever since she’d screamed them at her. I love you, you stupid girl.

It had been vaguely terrifying, yet also electrifying. Alice knew if Ash hadn’t been there, she likely would’ve ended up in bed with Fran after that outburst, because being wanted with such violent passion was insanely erotic.

Ash sighed, as if reading Alice’s mind for the second time in as many minutes.

“No one’s ever said that to me before,” Alice said in an almost-whisper of something she’d never spoken aloud, but always held in the back of her mind.

Ash glanced across, her face scrunched in confusion. “What?… really?”

“Yeah, really… well, aside from Maggie. And my mum when she was alive. No, no one else.”

Ash frowned. “I find that hard to believe.”

Alice laughed. “Why? Because I’m just so lovable?”

Ash glanced at her again, her face serious, like she was about to deliver difficult news to a patient. “Yeah, you are. Even more so because you don’t see it yourself.”

Alice looked into her lap and picked the Velcro on her splint with her good hand. She didn’t know what to say to that. Apparently, Ash didn’t know what else to say either, as only the low hum of the radio sounded between them until Ash pulled up alongside Alice’s Fiesta.

The amber light from the streetlamp cast a warm glow in the car and dark shadows on their faces. Ash sharply inhaled. She unclipped her seatbelt and twisted around, harpooning Alice with that serious gaze.

“I’m sorry that the first time someone said it to you, it was full of anger and derision.” Ash flung her hands up. “I mean, she literally chased it with an insult and a threat. I barely know you, Alice… but you deserve so much better than that.”

Alice’s heart squeezed in her chest. She had to look away, or she’d cry.

After another sharp inhale, Ash continued. “And I’m probably overstepping here, but that didn’t look like love from where I was standing; it looked like control.”

Alice nodded slowly. Ash was right, but what if that was it? What if Fran’s love was the best she’d ever have? What if it was the only love she’d ever have? Wasn’t something better than nothing? And besides, isn’t love like water? When you’re thirsty, who cares where it comes from? You’d drink from the gutter if you were desperate enough.

Ash smiled. “Lecture over; you’re tired, and hopefully hungry because I bought two ridiculous pizzas. Let’s get you inside and comfortable. I’ll have a couple of slices and then I’ll leave you in peace.”

* * *

“Mmm, I’m stuffed. That was delicious.” Alice patted her stomach and flopped back into the couch cushions.

“Told you! Fat Tony’s makes the best pizza in town. I’m ashamed to say I’m very well acquainted with most of the takeaways in Leamington. I’ve tried them all!” Ash leaned over the box as she bit into another slice, mozzarella stretching from her mouth to her hand.

“It must be difficult with your work schedule.”

Ash nodded as she chewed. “I guess it’s laziness, but it’s hard to get the motivation to cook for one.”

“Oh, I hear you! But to be honest, even when I do cook, it isn’t great.”

“I love cooking. I’ll cook for you sometime — that’ll solve a problem for both of us.”

“You’re on.” Alice grinned. Amazingly, Ash still wasn’t sick of her or scared away by her chaotic little life .

Ash beamed her wonky smile and closed the pizza box, stacking it on top of the other empty one. “And we have leftovers!”

Alice laughed. “I should think so. You bought enough to feed the entire street.”

“You can’t beat a slice of cold pizza for breakfast! I always buy extra for that exact purpose. Right, I’ll get these tidied up. Do you want a cuppa?”

“My bladder won’t thank me later, but yeah, I’d love one.” Alice shuffled to get up. “You’re my guest though, I should?—”

Ash held out a hand. “No, I insist. Patient trumps guest.”

Alice sniffed out a laugh. “For the last time, you’re off duty, and I’m not your patient.”

Ash raised an eyebrow. “Just shut up and let me take care of you, alright?”

Alice grinned and settled back into her nest of cushions.

“And call your sister. Or text her, or whatever. You said to remind you.”

Ash moved into the kitchen and Alice pulled out her phone. A quick call was easier than trying to text with her left hand. She scrolled to Maggie in her contacts and hit the call button, for once hoping for voicemail. Maggie picked up after two rings.

“Darling sister! How are the achy muscles? Or should I refrain from rubbing the — I told you so — salt in the wounds?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that, actually. I’m still a bit sore, but achy muscles aren’t a patch on my broken wrist and bruised knee.”

“Come again?”

“Er, yeah… so, I had a bit of an accident earlier. Long story short, I fell out of the bath. I’m fine, just a bit broken, I guess.”

“Oh Al, why didn’t you call me?”

“Well, Fran was here?—”

“Oh, bloody hell, Alice?—”

“She just showed up, Mags. It wasn’t planned and she’s long since gone. That’s a whole different story for another time.” Alice glanced over at Ash as she moved around in the kitchenette like it was her own.

“Do you need me to come over? Markus is at a client function tonight anyway, so I can stay if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. Ash is here.”

Maggie huffed a laugh. “Of course she is. Well, remember what I said? Be careful. Give yourself some time.”

“Yeah, I know. I will. I am. And it isn’t like that, I told you.”

“Sure, keep saying it and you might convince at least one of us.”

“Stop it,” Alice hissed through clenched teeth, trying to fight the grin overtaking her lips. Warmth spread through her as Ash returned with a mug in each hand. “Maggie says hi.”

“Hey, Maggie,” Ash called out towards the phone.

“Anyway, I gotta go, Mags.”

“Call me if you need me, Al. And behave — not that it sounds like you’d be much use to anyone in bed right now anyway.”

“Maggie!”

Maggie laughed and Alice ended the call, shaking her head as she smirked at the phone.

Ash raised her eyebrows. “White, no sugar. Did I get that right?”

“Spot on, thank you. I know it’s late, but do you fancy watching something?”

“Yeah, I’d love to, if you’re not too tired?”

* * *

Alice woke under the grey chenille blanket in a nest of cushions. Triumphant music played over rolling credits and the light from the screen flickered in the low-lit room. Noticing something soft and warm under her feet, she lifted her head to see Ash reclined next to her. Alice’s feet were resting in Ash’s lap. Bollocks.

“Oh hey, you’re awake. Sorry, was it too loud?” Ash reached for the remote control.

“No, no, it’s fine.” Alice stretched and moved to sit up. Fuck, wrist… knee. “Ow, shit. Sorry, I must have fallen asleep on you.”

Ash smiled. “Now we’re even.”

“Did I miss much?”

“Yeah, only most of it.” Ash laughed. “It’s time for you to have some more painkillers. Let me sort that out and I’ll head off.” Ash peeled herself from the couch, yawning as she stretched up. She padded towards the kitchen.

“Ash?”

She spun around. “Yup?”

“Will you stay tonight?” Alice asked, and the question hung between them, along with all her vulnerability and doubt. She didn’t mean like that, because this evening hadn’t been like that . It had been two friends sharing a pizza and hanging out. Literally, Netflix and chill — if it didn’t mean sex, but what it said on the tin. “Please?” she added as an afterthought, as if she didn’t sound needy enough already.

Ash stepped back towards her, an unreadable look on her face. She perched on the edge of the couch.

“I’m really pleased you asked. I’ve been worried about leaving you tonight, but I didn’t want to sound like a creep by asking to stay.”

Alice released the breath she’d been holding.

“Can you lend me a T-shirt? I’ll sleep on the settee.”

Alice shook her head. “No. I mean, yes, I can lend you a T-shirt, but no, you’ll sleep in with me. It’s a king-size bed, there’s plenty of room and we’re just friends, right?”

Ash’s cheeks flamed. “Yeah, I mean, of course. If you’re sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not intruding, you’re doing me a favour. I don’t want to be alone. No funny business. Besides, I’m hardly in any fit state.” Alice held up her splinted wrist.

Ash exhaled a breathy laugh. “No, I don’t suppose you are.”

* * *

Whilst Alice hunted around in the bathroom cabinet, Ash scooped up the fallen shower curtain and draped it over the bath.

“I’ll have a go at fixing that for you tomorrow, if you like? Should be easy enough, I’ll just have to grab some new hooks.”

“Doctor and handywoman. Is there no end to your talents?”

Ash’s cheeks flushed. Alice grinned and presented her with a new toothbrush.

“Help yourself to anything else you need.”

Alice’s stomach flipped as she returned to the bedroom, the king-size bed looming in front of her like a pool of possibilities. She quickly smoothed out the rumpled duvet and flipped the pillow where Fran had lain earlier — uninvited.

With the fleeting thought of Fran came the echo of “I love you, you stupid, stupid girl.” Alice shook the words from her head and undressed, which was manageable until she reached her bra. Twisting her good arm behind her back, she could reach the clasp with her fingertips, but couldn’t flick it open.

“I think that’s a job for me.” Ash’s voice came from behind as she stepped up and uncoupled the bra’s clasps. Alice held the cups in place on her tumbling breasts, and craned to look over her shoulder, but Ash had already retreated.

Alice pulled on a T-shirt and some striped pyjama bottoms, then set out an oversized T-shirt for Ash — she picked one of her favourites for sleeping in. She offered pyjama bottoms too, but with a blush Ash declined.

“My legs get hot. I prefer to just sleep in my pants, if that’s okay?”

Alice swallowed hard. Of course she does. And of course, Ash’s pants turned out to be fitted boxer-briefs that hugged her so perfectly around her hips and arse that Alice had to fight the urge to reach out and pull her close enough to run her fingers beneath the tight fabric. She tried to look away, but her eyes wouldn’t obey. Watching Ash get ready for bed did little to quench her desire, and it was charging the air between them with want. Surely it isn’t just me feeling this. Ash had gone awfully quiet.

Alice couldn’t recall a time when she’d had another woman in her bed and not slept with her. Maybe this was why she didn’t have any female friends? But not everyone had this effect on her; this was something else. Oh, get a grip. The voice in her head sounded suspiciously like Maggie, throwing a cup of cold water over her libido.

“Do you need anything else before I jump in?” Ash had untied her hair, and it hung loose to her collarbones.

“No.” Alice smiled. “Thank you.”

Ash pulled back the duvet and slipped underneath. So close, yet so far away — a tundra of bed between them. She lay on her back and looked up at the high ceiling.

“Shall I turn out the light?” asked Alice.

Ash turned her head on the pillow and glanced over with those chocolate-brown eyes. “Yeah, go for it.”

Alice flicked the switch, plunging the room into darkness. She couldn’t see her, but she sensed Ash was still looking in her direction.

“I, er, I haven’t done this for a long time,” said Ash.

“Done what?”

“Stayed over with someone.”

“No?”

“Not since Sam, actually. I’m sorry if I’ve made things awkward at all, it’s just?—”

“You haven’t. I mean… it’s not awkward, is it? Like you said, we’re friends.” Alice reached across, searching for Ash’s hand amidst the sheets. She eventually found it, laced their fingers together and squeezed. “I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the last few days.”

“I, er… I meant what I said earlier.”

“Which bit?”

“When I said you don’t realise how lovely you are.”

And at that, guilt clenched in Alice’s gut.

She thinks I’m some sort of saint, and all I can think about is getting in her knickers.

Alice freed her fingers and rolled over. “Night, Ash.”