Page 9

CHAPTER NINE: REPUTATION

OWEN

The ice feels heavier under my skates today, like I’m pushing against invisible resistance with every stride. Practice is grueling—not because the drills are harder or the coaches yell more than usual. It’s me. My head isn’t here. It’s stuck in a loop, replaying the same questions over and over again.

Stacey has a kid.

Stacey has a kid .

"Focus, Scott!" Coach yells from the bench as I fumble a pass. The puck slides off my stick, spinning uselessly to the boards. I grunt in frustration, skating hard to recover it, but I’m a step too slow.

“Shake it off, man,” Jayce mutters as we reset for the next drill.

I nod without looking at him. How can I explain that my mind is a million miles away? I’ve tried to convince myself it doesn’t matter. Stacey moved on. She has her life, and I have mine. However, the more I think about Millie, with her sharp eyes and little quirks, the harder it is to ignore the nagging thought clawing at the back of my mind.

Stacey was with someone else. Some faceless bastard who got her pregnant and… what? Left? Died? Is he still around, pining for Stacey while he co-parents Millie with her?

I miss a check in the next drill, getting knocked off balance and sent sprawling to the ice.

“Dude, you good?” Zander asks, offering a hand to pull me up.

I shake my head. “Yeah. Just distracted.”

"Get your head in the game. You’re skating like a rookie.”

His words sting more than they should. I force myself to focus for the rest of practice, but it’s impossible not to think of Stacey, Millie, and the asshole who swept into my girl’s life when I wasn’t around to stop him. By the time practice is over, I feel like I’ve run a marathon. My legs ache, my lungs burn, and my mind is still a tangled mess. I head to the locker room, peeling off my gear in silence while the rest of the guys chatter around me. All I can think about is Stacey. I was so confident things would warm up between us once I apologized and cleared the air, but that didn’t go well, and then…

Fuck, I knew I wasn’t over her, but I didn’t realize I was still this crazy about her. I tried so hard over the years to move on. When I never got a response from her to my letter, part of me hoped she just never got it… but she did.

Did it mean nothing to her?

I poured my heart out in that letter, and then never heard from her. I’d thought we were in love. Really, truly in love. Wasn’t that worth anything to her? It always stunned me how easily she could ignore what I’d written to her, but it never crossed my mind that she’d actually find someone else. Be with someone else.

Have a child with someone who wasn’t me.

The thought makes me clench my teeth as frustration pulses through me. Damn it, I need to know more.

Who the fuck dared to touch my woman? Is he still in her life? If he is, he needs to know that Stacey is mine.

I catch Carson as he’s packing up. If anyone knows something about Stacey, it would be him. I hesitate, but then approach him, clearing my throat.

“Hey, Carson,” I say as casually as I can manage. “What’s the story with Stacey’s kid?”

Carson raises an eyebrow.

“Millie? Oh, she’s awesome.” He chuckles. “You’ll see her around a lot, I’m sure.”

I try to keep my tone light, acting like I’m just making conversation. “So, um… is Stacey seeing anyone? What about the father? He in the picture at all?”

Carson shrugs, grabbing his duffle bag and slinging it over his shoulder. “Far as I can tell, she’s single, but she’s also super private about that kind of stuff.” He pauses, glancing at me, as if trying to read between the lines of my questions. “Millie’s dad isn’t in the picture. Stacey told us it was just some guy she hooked up with after high school. A one-night stand thing.”

I bite down hard, barely managing to keep my face neutral. I hate the idea that she was with someone else right after I left, but what right do I have to be upset over it? We weren’t technically together anymore. She could do whatever she wanted. I have no right to want to drill my fist into the guy’s face over and over, whoever he might be.

“You look tense, man,” Carson says.

“Nah.” I shake my head. “Just…”

“Tough practice.” Carson laughs. “Hey, listen, the guys are all hitting The Night Hawk tonight. It’s our go-to bar. Named after the team and what not. We haven’t given you a proper welcome yet, so if you’re game, we could go grab a drink and hang out for a while?”

“Yeah,” I quickly nod, latching onto the idea. “That sounds great. I’m totally down.”

“All righty,” Carson slaps me on the shoulder. “I’ll let the other guys know and we’ll head out.”

“Sounds like a plan.” This is perfect. Not only will I get a distraction from my spiraling thoughts, but I’ll be able to bond with my new teammates. It’s a win-win.

The Night Hawk is a busy place, even for a weekday. Walking through the door, there’s a dance floor to the right, tables, chairs, and booths to the left, and the long bartop straight ahead. Night Hawks hockey memorabilia hangs from every wall. Carson, Jensen, Wilder, Zander, and Jayce are already grouped together at one end of the bar.

When I reach them, they all greet me with wide smiles and bruising thumps on the shoulders and back.

“Dude, what’d you want?” Carson asks.

“Just a beer. Lager. Whatever’s on tap,” I say. Beer is safer when I’m in public. It’s a lot harder for me to get fucked up on beer.

Once I have my drink, Wilder drops his arm around my shoulders.“Tell me, is it true your nickname in Canada was ‘Choir Boy?’”

“Oh, shit, how’d you hear about that?” I say with an embarrassed chuckle.

“Got my sources.” He winks and drops his arm from around me. “You’ve got a reputation as a bit of a golden boy. No scandals. No drunken escapades. Not gonna lie, man, you seem kinda boring on paper.”

Boring. Yes, I’m sure I might seem that way to most people. I’m actually okay with that. I’d rather keep my wild side a secret. Confined to the bedroom, where I’m the one in total control for a change. The press back home would have a field day if my proclivities were ever leaked.

I force myself to smile.

“Just never been much of a partier, I guess.”

“What about women?” Zander pipes in—then pauses, catching himself. “Or are you into guys? If you are, that’s obviously totally cool, and I didn’t mean to make assumptions…”

“I’m straight,” I assure him. “Just haven’t had much time to date, and I’m just a pretty private guy in general. Having a somewhat high-profile family will do that to you.”

I catch Jayce’s eye and he nods. “Hell yeah it does.”

“You won’t be short of female attention here,” Wilder says.

“True,” Zander nods, though he doesn’t sound as enthusiastic about that point as Wilder does.

Jensen, who’s been leaning back against the bar, quietly chuckles. “I mean, if rabid puck bunnies and fans are your thing. If you want something more substantial, you’re probably out of luck. Most of the women who come in here want one thing and one thing only: to brag to their friends that they screwed a hockey player.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Wilder smirks.

“To each their own,” Jensen replies. “Personally, I prefer a woman who wants more from me than my dick.”

“Only a dude with a small dick would say that,” Wilder teases.

“I gotta side with Jensen on this one,” Carson says. “Going home to Skyler every night is the highlight of my day.”

Jensen nods. “I can’t imagine my life without Grace. I never thought I wanted a relationship until I met her, and now I know I was always just waiting for her to come along.”

I arch my brow, surprised by his words. None of these guys strike me as overly sentimental.

Wilder pretends to wipe a tear from his eye. “That’s so beautiful, Reece. You’ve really opened my eyes to the power of love.”

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Of course, some guys are just perpetual man-whores like you, Wilder.”

“How am I supposed to find my Cinderella if I don’t take the glass slipper around to as many girls as possible?” Wilder asks.

“And by glass slipper, you mean your dick?” Jayce interjects.

Wilder nods. “Exactly.”

We all laugh and I feel myself relaxing. I like the dynamics between these guys. They’re not just teammates, they’re friends. I was never really close with any of the guys on my old team. We respected each other and trusted each other on the ice, but my teammates were wary of me because of who my stepfather was.

As the guys continue to banter back and forth, I get up and tell the group I’m going to get another drink, but I’m stepping back a little just to catch my breath. Jayce moves to stand next to me and gives me a grin.

“How you doing, man? Overwhelmed by these animals yet?”

Chuckling, I shake my head. “Not at all. It’s kind of refreshing that they don’t feel the need to censor themselves around me.”

“Was that an issue with your old team?”

Sighing, I lean back against the bar. “Yeah, it was.”

“Because of your family.”

It’s not a question, but I nod. “Yep.”

He relaxes against the bar next to me. “I get that. These guys don’t care about any of that stuff. If you can play and you’re not a total asshole, they’ll bring you into the fold.”

“That’s good to hear.”

Jayce glances around and shoots me a knowing look. “One thing I will say about growing up rich is that you get used to more quality liquor than places like this offer.”

I glance at him and arch my brow. “Are you a booze snob?”

“Absolutely, and between you and me, I know this place downtown that’s a little more… upscale. A club that I think you’d like. I could take you sometime, if you’re interested.”

I look down at my glass of cheap beer and let out an amused snort. “You know what? That sounds great. I’d definitely be interested in checking it out.”

“Great!” Jayce claps me on the shoulder. “It’s a man-date.”

Laughing, I turn and order another cheap beer.

Jensen and Carson don’t stay too much longer, claiming they have to get home to their women. As the night progresses, the bar gets more crowded, and beautiful girls flock around me, Zander, Jayce, and Wilder. I watch as Jayce and Wilder soak up the attention, flirting and turning on the charm for every one of their admirers. Zander is more contained than the other two. Curious, I slip over to him. He grins at me and we clink our bottles together.

“How’s it going?” he asks.

“Great,” I reply. “How you doing?”

He shrugs. “I’m fine.”

There’s a wistfulness underlying his tone that surprises me.

“You don’t seem that into all this attention.”

A small chuckle slips past his lips. “Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a pretty girl’s attention as much as the next guy. It’s just…”

He doesn’t continue. “Just what?”

He hesitates, then explains. “Well, there was this girl that I was really into. Super smart, gorgeous, and the perfect balance of nerdy and sexy. We really bonded. I thought that we might be more. She didn’t feel the same. Truth is, she was already in love with someone else, she was just fighting it.”

Damn, I hadn’t really expected him to open up to me like this. “That sucks. I’m sorry, man.”

He shrugs. “It’s okay, really. She’s happy. We’re still friends, and it’s for the best. Fuck, I sound so sappy. Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be sorry,” I tell him. “I get it. I had that once. There… was a girl I thought I’d be with forever. She was my best friend.”

I hesitate to say that the girl was Stacey. I don’t want to make things even more awkward for either of us at work. Plus, it feels like I’d be telling a secret that’s not fully mine to tell. Stacey has a life here that I know nothing about, and I don't want to disrupt it by telling everyone about our past together.

“What happened?” Zander asks.

“We were young,” I hedge. “Our lives took us in separate ways. Still, that connection set the standard, so I get where you’re coming from.”

Zander gives me a wide smile. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

I laugh, and at that moment, several girls break away from the group surrounding Wilder and Jayce and saunter our way. Zander flirts with them more enthusiastically than before, as if our talk was able to clear his head and get his mind off the one who got away.

Unfortunately, now I can’t stop thinking of Stacey. I’d usually be more willing to engage in a mindless hookup, but not tonight.

While the other three guys are distracted, I slip away.

As I drive back home, my mind wanders back to the letter I wrote to Stacey all those years ago. It sounds foolish, but back then, I thought she’d wait for me. I definitely didn’t expect that she’d hook up with somebody else right after, much less have a baby with him.

Did she fuck another guy to try and forget me and get over the break up? Was she too embarrassed to stay in touch after she got pregnant?

Damn it, how could she sleep with someone else so soon after I left? I didn’t even think about hooking up with someone else until my sophomore year of college, and that was strictly sex, nothing more. I just couldn’t bring myself to be with anyone else because I could only think of her… but she apparently didn’t have that same problem.

I’ve finally found her again, but nothing is the same as it was before. I’m not sure if I should try to reconcile with her or finally move on and leave my feelings behind for good.