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CHAPTER TWO: THE FALLOUT

STACEY

When I pull back into the driveway of my house, I can’t force myself to get out of the car. My cheeks are still wet with tears, but I’m not crying anymore. I don’t think I physically can. I’m too exhausted and heartbroken. I turn the engine off and just sit there, staring ahead at the closed garage door. I don’t know what to do now. Owen’s gone. I’m pregnant.

How did everything go so wrong so fast?

Finally, I open the car door and get out. It feels like I’m walking through a thick haze as I make my way up the porch to the front door. The world around me seems to have lost some of its color. Its vibrancy. Everything seems dull and lifeless, a reflection of what I’m feeling right now. My own house no longer feels safe.

I’m just… numb. It’s like my body has shut down my emotions because it knows if I could feel anything right now, I’d shatter into a million little pieces.

My brain has gone into survival mode.

Opening the door, I step into the house and drop my bookbag on the floor next to me. I just want to go upstairs, bury myself in my bed, and try to wake up from this nightmare I’ve found myself in.

“Stacey Dixon.” My mother’s voice is hot and furious. “What the hell is this?”

I freeze mid-stride at the sharp sound of Mom’s rage. Slowly, I turn to find her standing in the doorway to the kitchen, her green eyes flashing with fury. She’s still wearing her blue scrubs from her shift at the hospital, and her red hair is pulled back into a tight bun at the back of her head. She’s holding up her hand and I see that she’s clutching…

Oh, fuck.

She’s holding my positive pregnancy test.

“Where… where did you get that?”

“I was gathering the bathroom trash to take it out. It fell out of the bin when I was dumping it.” She throws the plastic stick onto the floor at my feet. “Are you fucking pregnant, Stacey?”

Just like that, my numbness vanishes, burned away by the overwhelming fear pulsing through me. My pain at finding Owen’s house empty slices through me like razor blades and I nearly double over as my stomach pitches. I think I might be sick.

When I’m able to get my emotions under control enough that I can focus, I look back up and meet my mom’s gaze. Her glare hasn’t ceased

“Yes,” I whisper. “I am.”

She explodes.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Stacey? What have I always told you? You need to focus on your future. Keep your head down, get good grades, go to college. Make something of yourself! How many single, pregnant 18-year-olds make it through medical school, huh? You’ve fucked that all up now, haven’t you? You’ve thrown your future away because you couldn’t keep your goddamn legs closed.”

I wince, each one her accusations whips against me like a physical blow. I knew she’d be furious. I knew she’d blame me, that I’ve ruined my life. It doesn’t make her harsh words hurt any less.

“Mom, please, I didn’t mean?—”

“Of course you didn’t mean to get knocked up,” she hisses. “Do you think I meant to get pregnant with you when I was nineteen? No! I had so many plans and goals for myself, but I had to put all that aside because I had to be a parent. Do you think you’re ready for this, Stacey? Do you think you can give up everything to raise this baby?”

Tears form in my eyes as anger and hurt rushes through me.

“I’m well aware that I’m the biggest mistake you ever made!” I shout, my voice trembling with pain. “You’ve made a point to tell me my whole life all about the sacrifices you had to make in order to raise me. I get it! I messed up, but I’m going to figure this out.”

She rolls her eyes and scoffs. “You have no idea what you’re in for. And what about the father? I’m assuming it’s Owen’s baby? What’s he going to do to step up for his child?”

I press my lips tight together, not wanting to admit that he’s gone. That he never responded to my voicemail telling him about the pregnancy.

That I’m totally alone in this.

“Well?” Mom puts her hands on her hips and stares at me expectantly. “What did he say when you told him?”

“It doesn’t matter,” I murmur, dropping my gaze from hers.

There’s a beat of silence and then she lets out a bark of bitter laughter.

“Oh, fantastic! Not only is my teenage daughter pregnant, but her baby daddy is flaking out on her. This is perfect. Just perfect, Stacey! I guess you can kiss Wisconsin—Madison goodbye now, huh?”

My tears are rushing down my cheeks now and I sob, “Mom, please… stop…”

“And you’d better not expect me to take care of this baby for you,” she continues, completely ignoring my growing distress. “I have a life of my own and a demanding career that I’m not going to sacrifice to clean up your mess. I’ve worked too hard and too long to build a life for myself. When I got pregnant, I did what I needed to. Put in the time and the work motherhood required. And you are going to do the same. I refuse to do it all over again because my daughter made a terrible mistake, you understand?”

“I don’t want your help!” I scream, reaching the limit of my control. She can preach all she wants about pulling myself up by my bootstraps like she did or whatever, but I know the truth. She doesn’t want to help me because she doesn’t want to give up her social life. Her partying and her boyfriends. Mom lost out on going wild in her twenties like every other normal college student, so she’s been making up for lost time since I’m older and able to take care of myself. “I don’t want you anywhere near me or my baby! The last thing I want is to have you spreading your bitterness to us. I’m not going to end up like you, Mom. I’m going to love this child with everything I have and they will never feel like a burden or a mistake. That’s all I’ve ever been to you, right? Nothing but a fucking mistake you can’t get rid of!”

“Don’t you talk to me like that!” she thunders, new rage flashing in her eyes—I’ve drawn blood. “I’ve given you everything. Everything! I made sure you had every opportunity to be a success. I worked my ass off to provide you with a good life. You’re a smart girl, Stacey. You had a bright future, but you’ve pissed it all away because some boy convinced you to let him stick it in.”

“You’re horrible! How can you say all this to me?!” I’ve never felt so much fury before. Everything that I’ve been holding back for the last twenty four hours is just unleashing itself… no, more like everything I’ve been holding back for the last seventeen years. “I hate you!”

Turning, I storm up the stairs, but she’s not about to let me have the last word.

“You hate me now, but when that baby comes, you’ll understand what I’ve had to put up with!”

My tears continue to flow, hot and angry, blurring my vision as I make it to the second floor and run to my room, slamming the door shut behind me.

Two weeks after my epic fight with my mom, I’m making my way through the arrival terminal of Denver International Airport, looking through the crowd to try and find my grandma. Mom decided to ship me here instead of dealing with me herself. I’m glad. I don’t have to deal with her, or face the embarrassment of being pregnant around all of my and Owen’s friends.

Especially after finding out that Owen did, in fact, move to Canada. He left me. He ran away to live with his new rich family in his new rich boy life, free from worry.

He never called or texted, but I did get a letter from him.

That letter was the worst part. Every sentence of it confirmed just how much of a heartless asshole he really is, and how little I actually meant to him. The paper is now tucked away in a folder in my book bag. I kept it so I can always remember how cruel Owen was, so I’m never tempted to try and reconnect with him.

A familiar figure pushes through the crowd to get to me. She’s wearing a wide smile, her glasses perched precariously on her nose and her graying red hair cut short and curly around her head.

“There you are!” Gram exclaims, opening her arms and pulling me into a tight hug. “Oh, look at you! You’re so beautiful, sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re here.”

I’m a little taken aback by her warm greeting and look up at her with a frown. “Really? You are?”

She nods, furrowing her brow. “Of course I am. When your Mom called and asked if you could come stay with me, I was overjoyed. I’ve missed you so much.”

I can’t make sense of her cheerful demeanor. Shouldn’t she be disappointed in me, just like Mom is? Angry that I’ve ruined my life? Mom and Gram aren’t close. Admittedly, since Gram moved to Denver when I was little, I don’t know her very well. I’ve only met her a handful of times at family functions. I always assumed she and Mom had their falling out because of Mom’s pregnancy. That’s what Mom always said, anyway. But based on her reaction here, maybe that’s not really the case—maybe there’s something else that went down because this warm and loving response is exactly what I needed after how Mom reacted. I was expecting Gram to be cold and disapproving like Mom, but this… I wouldn’t have dared hope I’d get a reception like this.

“Gram… Mom told you, right?” I lower my voice and look around as my cheeks heat with embarrassment. “I’m pregnant.”

“Of course she told me,” Gram replies. “Don’t worry, I’ve been researching OBGYNs in the city. I’ve narrowed it down to a few highly rated doctors. You’ll just have to pick which one you want to see.”

I blink up at her. Before I fully realize what’s happening, tears are pouring from my eyes. I begin to sob, dropping my head into my hands to try and hide my face.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Gram’s voice is soft and kind, and she wraps her arms around me. I press my face against her shoulder as I continue to cry. “I know you’re going through a lot right now, and things might feel hopeless, but I promise you’ll get through this. I’m here for you, and I’m going to help you every step of the way, okay?”

“Why?” I whimper, peeking up at her. “Why aren’t you mad at me? Mom is so angry, she could hardly look at me the past two weeks. She told me you would act the same way, just like you did when she got pregnant with me.”

Gram gives me a sympathetic look and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Your mother is just struggling because she thinks this is all her fault. She’s angry because she, herself, refused my help back then. I wasn’t angry about her pregnancy… I was angry about the choices she’d made that led to it. She wanted to prove she could do it all on her own. You know how your mother is. Always so stubborn. She thinks she messed up somehow, and so she’s lashing out. That’s her problem, not yours.” She moves her hands to my face and forces my gaze to meet hers. “Whatever she might have told you, I want you to forget it. She’s angry and she’s never been good at controlling her temper.”

“She says I’ve ruined my life. That I’ve thrown my future away.”

Gram’s smile is a little sad, but also encouraging. “That’s not true at all. Yes, you’ll have to adjust your plans and reassess what matters most to you, but this baby is not the end of your life. It’s just the beginning! Maybe it’s not the most ideal situation, but there’s no reason you can’t build something wonderful from this. It won’t be easy and it’ll take hard work, but I have total faith in you. You just have to have faith in yourself.”

Her words are like a soothing balm to my soul. Apart from Grace, Gram is the first person who isn’t acting like my pregnancy is a complete catastrophe. Her confidence gives me a little bit of hope… I still have no idea how I’m going to manage any of this.

If I have someone by my side who actually believes in me and wants to see me succeed, maybe this won’t be the disaster I’ve been thinking it will be.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Gram says, looping an arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go get your luggage, and then how about grabbing something to eat? You’re probably starving.”

“I… I am pretty hungry,” I admit, wiping my cheeks with the sleeve of my shirt. “Could we get pizza? I’ve been really craving it.”

“You got it,” Gram nods with a smile. She gives me another kiss on the head. “Let’s get out of here.”

As Gram leads me through the busy terminal to the baggage claim, a sense of calm settles over me and I feel like I can breathe for the first time since the two pink lines turned my world upside down. Maybe things can be okay.