Page 32 of Puck My Stepbrother (Pucked and Possessed #2)
LEVI
“ S it down a minute, would you?” I told Quinn. “You’re gonna collapse if you keep this up.”
“How can I sit down at a time like this? There’s way too fucking much to do.”
“You just swore in a church. Does that mean you’re going to hell now?”
Quinn flashed me a look that suggested I could go to hell.
After everything I’d been through in the last few weeks, that didn’t sound too bad.
We were working together in the church’s upstairs lounge while preparing for the ceremony, which would start in a few hours.
Quinn kept checking his phone, and I knew damn well why. Did I dare point it out?
“By the way,” I said, “where’s that boyfriend of yours?”
Quinn didn’t answer. That told me everything I needed to know. Not that I expected Jeff to help us with last-minute preparations or anything, but his absence spoke volumes. My stepbrother-to-be could deny being worried all he wanted, but I knew what was really bothering him.
“He’s not coming, is he?” I asked.
“He’ll be here.”
“Right. You know, guys like him can be total flakes.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means they have no discipline. If he were coming, he should’ve been here by now. With Coach Hardison, if you’re not ten minutes early for practice or a team meeting, you’re considered late.”
“Well, good for him.”
Even at his most defiant, Quinn had never sounded so snarky.
Obviously I’d struck a nerve. But maybe that was a good thing.
Someone needed to show him what was going on with Jeff, and I was as good a person as anyone.
I’d seen situations like this play out a thousand times.
I knew what was coming, and Quinn needed a bite of a reality sandwich.
“You don’t have to get all snippy, you know,” I said.
“Why shouldn’t I? This is the most stressful day I’ve had in a long time, and you’re trying to create this doomsday scenario that totally doesn’t help.”
“I am?”
“Yes, you are. You’re assuming I’m stressed out because of Jeff.”
“You are, aren’t you?”
“Of course not. If I seem stressed, it’s because I want this wedding to go off perfectly. Jeff’s going to be here. He’s just running a little late, that’s all.”
I could’ve called Quinn on his bullshit, but I kept my thoughts to myself.
I didn’t know why, though. Before, I would’ve gladly told him the truth, even if he didn’t like it.
I would’ve reminded him that not only was I a better lover than Jeff would ever be, but at least he could depend on me. I’d never leave him hanging like this.
“You know, I haven’t exactly had it easy, either,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. We lost in the playoffs. We won’t even have a real shot at the National Championship like last year. Worse, I don’t know what my future’s gonna look like now.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Didn’t I tell you? I might not be back with the team next year.”
His eyes widened with genuine shock.
“Wait, seriously?”
“That’s right. I knew I was on thin ice—please don’t point out the pun to me.
I know. If I couldn’t pick up my play and we got knocked out of the playoffs because of it, Coach said I’d be off the team.
I would’ve thought Coach Hardison would’ve let me know one way or another after our season ended, but he’s just leaving me in limbo. ”
“But you’d never give up hockey. I know that for sure.”
“Who said anything about giving up hockey? Of course I want to stick with it. Problem is, the Larkin Lions were supposed to be my ticket to the NHL. Now, it’s looking like I might not even be able to stay on a college hockey team.”
“But what about your scholarship?”
I shrugged. I couldn’t come right out and say that I could kiss my scholarship goodbye if Hardison pulled the plug on me.
Then I’d have to admit that my real problem stemmed from Quinn himself.
I still couldn’t take my mind off the guy.
He was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought of before falling asleep.
My need for him had only intensified the closer he’d become with Jeff. Now that I knew they were having some kind of problem, I had to keep my fingers crossed.
But Quinn was stubborn. Even without Jeff in the picture, he’d put up walls and try to shut me out. If anything, I’d need to stay as strong and tough as ever.
“I don’t know what’ll happen with my scholarship,” I said. “I’ll have to figure that out.”
That was bullshit. Things didn’t just figure themselves out. I could sneak into the NHL undrafted, sure, but I saw only a slim chance of that happening. Besides, I’d always been taught to take the bull by the horns and make my own luck.
And I wouldn’t abandon that philosophy now.
I couldn’t have Quinn knowing that my longing for him had caused all of this. I’d win him over with a show of strength and my ability to control my own destiny.
“It’s not the worst thing in the world,” I said. “Some things are bigger than hockey, right?”
“Not for you.”
“Yes, even for me, Quinn. I’m not a machine, you know.”
“That’s not what you said about yourself after the first time we…”
He sounded like he didn’t want to remember anything that’d happened between us.
If anything, he wanted to strike it from his personal history, though the memory obviously kept creeping back into his mind.
He couldn’t forget those events any more than I could.
He’d certainly deny his feelings, even if I was more than happy to acknowledge them.
“Look,” I said, “I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen. Jeff is no good for you. I knew it from the first time I saw him at Spot Coffee. Now I’m seeing that I was totally right about him.”
“You weren’t right about him. He’s coming to the wedding. There’s probably a good reason he’s so late.”
I wanted to contradict my stepbrother and tell him how things really were, but I struggled to reserve myself. I wondered what it would take to drive the point home.
“You keep telling yourself that,” I said, “but ultimately you’re going to let yourself down.”
“How the hell do you know?”
“Because I’ve pulled the same shit on people before.”
“Oh, well, then I guess that proves you’d be so much better for me than Jeff, huh?”
“Of course I would, but that’s not what I’m trying to get at.”
“You can’t tell me it’s different.”
“I didn’t care about those people, Quinn. That’s how I know it’s different. You don’t pull this crap on someone you care about.”
“So you no-showed a wedding?”
“Maybe not a wedding, but the point is I didn’t show when I was expected to. Those girls felt let down. It’s the same thing with Jeff.”
“You’re only saying this shit about my boyfriend because he has something you can’t have.”
Part of that was the truth, but I had better intentions than Quinn wanted to believe. I had to tell Quinn the harsh facts because I really did care about him.
“I know you like this guy,” I said, “but I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Isn’t that interesting? Mister Macho has a sensitive side.”
“You don’t have to be like this, Quinn. I know you think I only want you because you have the best ass in Western New York?—”
“Thank you very much.”
“You’re welcome. But I wouldn’t keep chasing after the same person for nothing. I would’ve moved on by now if sex was all I wanted.”
Quinn sighed like he knew I had a point but hated to admit it.
“It’s because you’ve meant the world to me forever,” I said. “I love you, Quinn. I’ve just never known the right way to show it.”
“And Jeff loves me, too. And he knows exactly how to show it.”
By leaving you in suspense? I thought, but I wouldn’t rub it in. That would only hurt him when he was clearly lost.
Quinn checked his phone for the hundredth time, huffed, and then stuffed it back in his pocket.
“Nothing, huh?” I asked.
“Would you please shut up?”
“I can shut up, sure, but that won’t change anything. I’m just trying to tell you how things really are.”
“Well, you can stop trying, okay?”
“I know you don’t believe it, but?—”
Quinn marched out of the lounge, refusing to listen to another word. Thank God no one had been around to see that. Maybe it seemed stupid, but I wasn’t done with Quinn. If no one else would tell him the truth, then I’d have to assume that responsibility.
At least he’d hear it from someone who really cared about him.