Page 24 of Puck My Stepbrother (Pucked and Possessed #2)

LEVI

W e lost. Losing left a bad taste under any circumstances, and would eat away at me for days. But this loss felt different. When the clock hit all zeroes and the buzzer sounded, I didn’t give a shit that we’d wound up with the short end of the stick. It was just a game, so it didn’t mean anything.

I should’ve known something was wrong from the moment my skates hit the ice. My head hung low. I felt sluggish. The fire that burned inside me refused to ignite. I wasn’t the Levi Dunn that everyone knew, to say the least.

Normally, I hit the ice fast, struck opponents hard, took no shit from anyone, and always found ways to get the puck into the net.

But all that had changed thanks to a ginger-haired guy I’d pined over for years.

You know that phrase about being your first thought when you wake up and your last before you go to sleep? Yeah, that.

I had to do something.

Before you think I’m a total creep, I walked into Spot Coffee that day by coincidence.

I just happened to see Quinn there with his friend what’s-his-name.

I couldn’t stand to call him by his name or call him Quinn’s boyfriend.

Because he wasn’t actually his boyfriend.

They hadn’t made anything official, which worked to my advantage.

In the last month, I hadn’t cared about anything that wasn’t Quinn Standish.

Before, I’d only cared about hockey. Well, hockey, girls, and the occasional guy.

I took my mental frustrations out on the ice.

I satisfied my physical needs with those girls and the occasional guy.

They’d all been more than happy to hop into bed with me, and I’d definitely enjoyed my share of fun, but none of them had really mattered to me. I could’ve taken or left them.

With Quinn, everything had changed. I wanted his body, just like I had with the others, but I couldn’t just leave him now that I’d had him.

I wanted something more. When I was with Quinn, I felt like I was on top of the mountain, like I’d already won a Stanley Cup.

It was the most exhilarating feeling on earth, and I couldn’t give it up.

When I wasn’t with him, I wanted to be. It created a hollow and empty feeling inside me. I felt like I’d lose my mind if we spent more than a few minutes apart. Part of me realized why I felt that way, and what made Quinn different from the others.

But could I admit it, even to myself?

“What’s wrong with you, dude?” Detenbeck asked.

I didn’t reply. I couldn’t. At this point, what was left to say?

We sat in the locker room after everyone else had filed out. I knew he’d stayed just so he could grill me. I couldn’t get mad at him for going a little rough on me. The rest of the guys hadn’t even looked at me when they’d left the room.

And I knew he meant well. This wasn’t personal—he was going tough on me because I needed a swift kick in the ass. Trust me, I’ve done the same with my share of teammates. Problem was, we’d passed the stage of a kick in the ass being able to help me.

“You’re gonna have to pull your head out of your ass,” he said. “We can’t keep losing like this. Not if we want to repeat as champions.”

“I know.”

“That means you can’t keep playing the way you have.”

“It’s a team sport, bro. We win together, we lose together. Isn’t that what Coach Hardison always tells us?”

“He does. And normally that’s true. But it really only counts when every single member of this hockey team is giving one hundred and ten percent.”

“Hold on. Are you saying that I’ve been giving the Larkin Lions less than one hundred and ten percent?”

Now it was Detenbeck’s turn to avoid answering.

He was totally thinking something, and I could guess what.

But I couldn’t deny lacking the intensity I normally played with.

Any other time, I would’ve practically bitten the goalie’s head off for even making that suggestion.

I wouldn’t allow anyone to suggest I was anything less than the toughest motherfucker on the ice. Now I could barely disagree with him.

“So what if I haven’t been myself lately?” I asked.

“It’s a big deal, Levi. These things come with consequences. When we lose, you can’t say, it’s just a game .”

“And you can’t say, it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game either. Trust me, I get it.”

“Be a smartass all you want, Levi. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re hurting your own future…and that of everyone else around you.”

“Fuck off, would you?”

“Don’t start, Levi. You know I’m speaking truth here.”

“It’s a slump. That’s all it is, nothing more.”

“I know what a slump looks like, Levi. It’s when you play like shit for no good reason. This is different. I’m seeing a different guy on the ice.”

“I’m telling you, it’s nothing.”

“So you’re denying that you’ve got something else going on?”

I wanted to tell my teammate the truth. I had serious feelings for Quinn Standish that reached beyond anything I’d felt for him growing up. It wasn’t just about getting in his ass. And it wasn’t just about him becoming…what? My boyfriend?

In Quinn Standish, I saw someone who made me see the world differently. He showed me feelings I’d honestly doubted I could experience. He made me question who I really was. Most of all, I saw someone I could be with for the long haul.

I’d thought he’d just been playing a game with me before. Women did the hard-to-get act all the time. The guys I’d been with had always been about getting down to business, but that business had always been sex.

It was never about love.

Oh God, did I really just think that word?

Yes, I had. The feeling was brand new to me, but I could still identify it.

Detenbeck stared at me like I was completely out to lunch.

“Okay, let’s cut the shit,” the goalie said. “What is this really about?”

I drew a deep breath and forced it out hard. I decided answering him might make me feel better.

“You asked me before if this was about a woman.”

“Yeah.”

“And I tap-danced around the topic.”

“Yeah, I guess you did.”

“What if I told you that you were more or less in the right ballpark?”

“Great, but being right won’t help now that we’ve dug ourselves into a hole. Sorry, I mean, now that you’ve dug a hole for us.”

Normally, I would’ve fired back with something that would pass for wit in a hockey locker room. Now I couldn’t. I wanted to tell Ryan Detenbeck about what’d been going on between Quinn and me, but that felt impossible.

Maybe Quinn was right. He’d told me that being with him meant being open about our relationship with everyone. Worse, he’d told me I wasn’t capable of it. Of course, I thought he was being stupid, mostly because this was just another way for him to further his game of hard to get.

When I looked at Ryan Detenbeck, I realized that Quinn had a point.

I couldn’t do it. And if I couldn’t change that, then Quinn Standish would forever be off-limits.

We’d have a look-but-don’t-touch relationship.

As you know, I’d already done plenty of touching, but you get the point. I’d never achieve the ultimate prize.

“You look like you’ve got something you want to tell me,” Detenbeck said. “Don’t tell me it’s nothing. It isn’t just something that’s changed about you. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I’m in love.”

There, I said it.

Saying the words alone felt so freeing, like a weight lifted from my shoulders…

and my chest. Deep down, love was at the root of all this.

I was in love with Quinn Standish, and I wanted to be with him.

I sure as hell couldn’t let him wind up with another guy.

But if I said any more than I already had, Detenbeck would demand some serious answers.

“I figured,” he said.

“What, seriously?”

“Sure, bro. I know the look.”

“But guys like me don’t give that look.”

“Too late. You’ve already done it. Besides, there’s no shame in it.”

“There isn’t?”

“Of course not. Same thing’s happened to me.”

“Yeah, but that’s different. You’re a cream puff.”

He sputtered like he knew I was just talking shit. And he would’ve totally been right about that. Telling him that I was in love with Quinn Standish hung on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t say it.

“There was this girl last season,” he said. “She was more than just a hookup, you know? I thought maybe I could really have something with her. Fuck, we were falling for each other so fast.”

“I hear you.”

“To me, the world might as well have revolved around her.”

“Then what happened?”

“She dropped me like a bad habit for some asshole on the football team.”

I sputtered, trying like crazy not to laugh.

“You know, you were this close to helping me, bro.”

I held up my index finger and thumb an inch apart to demonstrate.

In a way, I still had it worse. I’d rather Quinn kick me to the curb for a football player instead of some dork like what’s-his-name. I should’ve had no competition at all.

“So what’s the deal?” he asked. “Are you going to tell me about this person who you’re so head-over-heels in love with that you’re flushing our season down the drain?”

I paused, wanting so badly to tell him the truth about me and Quinn. It stood on the tip of my tongue, ready to leap off. But if I said it now, I’d cross the point of no return.

I shook my head.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I said.

“Come ooooooon, Levi. You can’t tell me the first part without telling me the rest.”

“You really want to hear some mushy love story?”

“Now that you’ve started the story, hell yeah.”

I shook my head again, saying, “I can’t.”

Detenbeck snorted and shook his head like I was being the biggest pain in the ass.

I slung my equipment bag over my shoulder and headed for the door, realizing how right Quinn had been. If I couldn’t even admit my love for Quinn to one teammate, how could I open up to the entire world?