Page 20 of Puck My Stepbrother (Pucked and Possessed #2)

LEVI

“ D o you have your head up your ass or something?” Ryan Detenbeck asked me in the locker room after practice.

I ignored him at first, mostly because that sounded like a perfectly normal question.

You know, if you play for the Larkin Lions.

Something about his tone struck me as different from the other times he or my other teammates had asked that.

I only gave him the time of day because the dope was standing there staring at me.

“Of course I don’t,” I said. “Why would you say that?”

“You were distracted out there.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Don’t tell me that, dude. You were totally in la-la land. You weren’t playing like your normal self—the guy that goes out there ready to bite people’s heads off. No disrespect, bro, but this is getting kinda normal for you.”

Normally, a comment like that would’ve fired me up.

You can’t let guys challenge your work ethic or your toughness; I don’t care if they’re a teammate or His Holiness the Pope.

The moment they do, you should deliver a knuckle sandwich straight to their mouth.

But I didn’t feel fired up. I didn’t even ball my hand into a fist.

I stared down at my phone, which I’d never had a problem with before.

Now I felt addicted to it, but at least I understood why.

I scrolled through Quinn’s Facebook profile.

I’d never actually friended him on the platform.

I knew he would’ve made a big deal out of that.

He didn’t have many photos, but I wanted to admire the ones he’d posted for as long as possible.

Viewing them carried me off into a sweet dream. Yeah, I know how cheesy that sounds, but I’m not about to lie to you. Not after everything else I’ve confessed. My teammate, on the other hand…

“Everything’s normal. You know it is.”

Detenbeck shook his head. “No, dude. It’s like you’ve got something consuming you mind, body, and soul. Bet I know what it is, too.”

“Why don’t you tell me, wiseass?”

“I’m waiting for you to tell me what’s going on.”

Awesome. I could tell him I’d gotten caught up with a gorgeous blonde with enormous headlights. She’d been sitting on my face nightly before I’d mounted her. I’m sure Detenbeck would’ve believed that and been proud of me too, but he’d still call it a distraction.

Maybe that wasn’t such a great alternative after all. But what the hell was I supposed to tell him?

“You know you’ve got to set personal stuff aside, right?” he asked.

“Why should I? I’ve balanced the two forever. No need to stop now.”

“Maybe you think I’m being ridiculous?—”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Just remember, I’m the guy who won a national title, and I like how that feels.

I liked all the media attention we got, I liked how we were practically worshipped in this city, and I like the boost it gave my chances of being drafted to the NHL.

I want to have that feeling again. That means we’ve got to win again, and everyone has to be at their best, including you. ”

I heard everything he said, but I wasn’t listening, if that makes sense.

To me, this wasn’t new. Quinn Standish had taken up so much space in my mind that he should’ve been paying rent. The problem had ballooned over the last few weeks, that was all.

You know, if you call thinking about Quinn all the time a problem.

I hadn’t stopped thinking about Quinn in one way or another since moving into the house with him, but those thoughts had intensified after last night. Made perfect sense to me. I’d come within a hair of winning him over—but I hadn’t closed the deal.

By now you know I’m the kind of guy who gets what he wants.

For that reason, I’d continued my pursuit of Quinn.

When he’d snuggled up with me on the couch, I’d had him in my grasp.

He’d come to me because he wanted to, which said a lot—but then he took off.

He acted like something had startled him, but I didn’t know what.

I hadn’t done anything bad. It made no sense.

Why would he snuggle up with me and then run?

“Hello?” Detenbeck asked.

“What?”

“You spaced out on me again.”

I wanted to apologize for spacing out, but I stayed quiet. If I caved every time someone was unhappy with me, I really would go soft.

“What’s her name?” Detenbeck asked.

“What?”

“You didn’t answer me a minute ago, but it’s pretty obvious you’ve got someone on your mind. I know that look. So why don’t you go ahead and just spill it?”

There’s nothing to spill , I wanted to say. But that wouldn’t work. Apparently my teammate was a mind reader.

I hated myself for not just telling him about Quinn. No one should ever feel ashamed of having fallen head-over-heels for someone as beautiful and smart as him.

Why couldn’t I just tell him? Kayden Preston and Erik De Ruiter had come out as a couple on our hockey team, and no one had judged them. The media had treated them like their little darlings. Best of all, no one had ever questioned their toughness. So technically, I had nothing to lose.

I’d just leave out how we would soon be stepbrothers.

But the situation was more complicated than that, and I knew it.

“How do you know you’re in love?” I asked.

“So it is a woman?”

I wouldn’t give my teammate the satisfaction of knowing he was heading in the right direction.

“Just answer the question, would you?” I asked.

“Why are you asking me?”

“Because you’re at least ten or fifteen percent smarter than the rest of the guys on this team.”

“Hey, thanks.”

“But not smart enough to realize that’s not really a compliment.”

Detenbeck recoiled like my comment had stung him.

“You get a lot of ass, don’t you?” I asked.

“Not as much as you.”

“Now that’s a compliment. But hey, you get your share. You’re a hockey player.”

He half-smiled, showing a dimple, as if being a pussy magnet went with the territory.

“Have you ever had two at the same time?” I asked.

“You mean like a threesome?”

“Sure, but I also mean juggling two or more in general.”

“Holy cow. You’ve got that many on the go, like for real ? No wonder you’re distracted.”

I rolled my eyes. It was a bad analogy, but I had to throw a hypothetical at him without giving away too much.

“I mean, think about it,” I said. “That situation would seem great. Nothing but fun times. But then you realize you’re in love with one of them.”

“So you’re not just distracted because you’re banging a handful of girls at once?”

“When did I ever say I was doing that?”

“You did just a second ago. I mean, um, er…never mind.”

“I’m just throwing a what if at you. Let’s say you’re having fun times with a girl, but it turns out you feel way more than you ever expected to.”

Saying it felt liberating. I still wanted to keep the specifics secret from him, at least for now. If I wanted to be with Quinn, those things couldn’t stay secret forever. Sooner or later, everyone would know.

“Come on, Levi,” Detenbeck said. “Don’t tell me you’re going soft on me.”

Now I wanted to slug him. He could say anything he wanted, but I would never tolerate him questioning my toughness.

“The guys are starting to notice the difference in you,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Your game, Levi. You’re not going out there and knocking ’em dead like you normally do. We expect you to take no prisoners out there. Hate to say it, bro, but it’s like we’re seeing a different Levi Dunn out there.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that. As far as I was concerned, I hadn’t changed one bit.

“So what do you want me to do about it?” I asked.

“I dunno. Far be it from me to tell anyone not to grab all the pussy he can get.”

I laughed at that, partly because hockey players always found those kinds of jokes funny, but mostly because I wasn’t after pussy at all.

My teammate still hadn’t gotten the point, but I didn’t feel ready to share the truth.

Like I said, the guys could handle a gay teammate, even if I didn’t use that label.

Problem was, I didn’t know if they wanted another one.

Like, Erik De Ruiter and Kayden Preston had brought a lot of attention to the Larkin Lions unintentionally.

Plus, they’d only come out after bringing a national title to Buffalo.

Did the Lions want lightning to strike twice before we brought home a second championship?

Also, Ryan Detenbeck was a goalie, not a shrink. I could tell him I’d never been in love before, but he wouldn’t understand that. Maybe he could understand coming close with someone and not sealing the deal—but did I want to admit that to him?

“Whoever this girl is,” Detenbeck said, “she’s a dime a dozen. You can replace her.”

“Like replacing the air filter in your car?”

“I wouldn’t go that far, Levi, but you get my point.”

“How do you replace a person, especially when you’ve…”

When I’ve what? Fallen uncontrollably in love? Yeah, that was normal talk around the Lions locker room.

My teammate shrugged like I’d been blathering on. Fuck him. He couldn’t speak my language anyway. Ryan Detenbeck had only lived in a world of easy pussy that came and went. I’d been a citizen of that world too, but my life was more complicated.

I liked girls, but now I wanted Quinn and only Quinn. He’d played hard to get, which I didn’t mind because part of me liked the challenge. This conversation with the Larkin Lions goalie had taught me that anything worth having was always hard to get.

“You’re not gonna go telling the guys I’ve gone soft, are you?” I asked.

“No.”

“You’re a good teammate, and a good friend, too.”

“I don’t need to tell them because they’re seen more than enough evidence for themselves.”

I punched his arm and he pretended like it didn’t hurt, but pressed his hand to the sore spot anyway.

Wimp.

We slung our hockey bags over our shoulders and headed out of the locker room. Still, I knew I wasn’t out of the woods with Ryan Detenbeck.

“So what are you going to do?” he asked.

“I’m going to scale the mountain.”

He paused, half-smiling, like he only vaguely understood my meaning, but it excited him anyway.

“I didn’t finish the job,” I said. “That’s the real problem. And it’s a mistake I won’t repeat.”

When we parted ways, I felt relieved to get the heck away from him. Bad enough I’d slipped into a funk. I didn’t need anyone pointing it out. And I sure didn’t need him suggesting that I could cost the Larkin Lions the championship.

I understood now that I’d allowed Quinn to get away after he’d come right to me. Instead of staying in charge, I’d allowed him to play with my head—and my heart. Now that I understood my own feelings, I had to act. No more playing around.

Time to retake control.