Page 27

27

JAKE

D ad and Smitty’s huge yard was perfect for hosting events. C’est Bon had catered a beautiful buffet and had sponsored two bars and a dessert table with towering cakes and pastries. Music hummed in the background under lively conversation and laughter. The party was off to a raucous start.

My mom danced with Charlotte and Ella under the fairy lights, a dozen tough-looking hockey players huddled near the dessert table sharing their favorite camp moments while another group tossed a football around.

It was the kind of wholesome, feel-good fun I loved, yet I felt as if I were floating above the surface. There, but not really present.

Trinsky and I stayed close all night. If he was hungry, I followed him to the buffet. If I was thirsty, he joined me at the bar or grabbed something for both of us while I waited nearby. We chatted with friends and colleagues about campers, told stories, and laughed at jokes aimed our way. The dysfunctional duo, they called us. We didn’t mind.

It wasn’t true, and we knew it. Just as we knew the minutes were ticking by. There were bags to pack and planes to catch.

As much as I loved everyone, I wished we had the night to ourselves. We didn’t, so I pasted a smile on and did my best to stay engaged and spend time with the people who mattered most: Vinnie and Nolan, MK and Ronnie, JC and Riley, Court and Ivan, Hank and Denny, Mom and Eric, and of course, Smitty…and Dad.

“It’s always so bittersweet, isn’t it?” Dad shook the ice in his glass and sidled next to me. “End of summer, beginning of a new season. I can remember the first time you put on skates. It doesn’t seem that long ago, but time really does fly.”

“Yeah.” If my mask slipped an inch, my normally observant dad didn’t notice and that was okay by me.

Or maybe he did. Dad followed my gaze and gestured at Mason. “I heard you’ve made peace with your former foe. I’m glad. I like that kid.”

“He’s hardly a kid, Dad.”

Why was my face suddenly on fire?

“Neither are you,” he said, his voice modulated for a tone reserved for heartfelt moments.

I didn’t feel worthy of his praise, though. I was keeping a pretty important secret from the person who’d literally sacrificed everything for me, and I was struggling with the weight of impending loss. If my father went sappy on me, I might fucking break down, and that would be difficult to explain to the sixty-plus people here.

“Dad, I?—”

“I’m proud of you, Jake.” Too late. “You’ve worked hard and accomplished so much. You’re a wonderful role model to your brother and sisters, and I hope you know how much we all love you.”

Gulp .

“I do,” I whispered. “I love you too.”

Dad squeezed my shoulder, surreptitiously wiping a tear from his eye just as the music cranked up a few decibels. Smitty threw his arms in the air and leaped toward the makeshift dance floor. Ella and Charlotte shrieked with glee, and twenty or more hockey players cheered his wonky dad moves.

“I think I’d better make sure my husband doesn’t hurt himself.” He snickered. “Come on, Jake.”

“You go on.” I raised my glass, as if that meant something, and caught Mason’s stare.

There was enough of a commotion to stage a getaway without attracting attention. But we had to go now. I left via the side gate and waited for him to join me out front at his rental car.

We were quiet on the ride to my house. My ears were still ringing from the loud music, and my throat felt too tight for conversation. He reached for my hand, and that was more than enough.

We silently shed clothing in my room and came together with heartbreaking sweetness. Mason held me like a fragile thing and moved inside me, staring into my eyes as if he were looking for answers.

I didn’t have any answers. None at all. I had nothing but a gut-wrenching sense that I was on the verge of losing something I could never replace.

As I lay in his arms afterward, I swore I could feel a weblike sensation cracking in my chest. I swallowed hard and clung to the moment, determined not to be maudlin. I wanted this to be a good memory for him—a happy summer of new discovery. Only good. He deserved to be happy.

“You play us in Denver next month…preseason game.”

I nodded on his chest. “Yeah.”

“Feels like a long time from now.”

“Five weeks.”

Mason tilted my chin toward him. “I want to believe there’s a way…you know? To have something. Anything.”

“I know.”

“We should have a secret sign. Something like this.” He contorted his fingers manically. “This means ‘How are you, I’m thinking about you, and I hope you’re okay’ all at once. Try it.”

My vision blurred as I rolled sideways to mimic his gestures. “Like that?”

“No, you’re fucking up the thumb and forefinger part. Try it again.”

My chuckle sounded like blubbering. Shit . And now my eyes were leaking.

“Sorry.”

Mason hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head. “ Shh . It’s gonna be okay, baby.”

“I know. I’ll forget about you tomorrow,” I joked.

“Before dinner, for sure.”

I laugh-cried and he hugged me closer still. Silence gathered, heavy and thick with words left unsaid.

“You’re important to me, Mase. Really fucking important. You always will be.”

Mason’s Adam’s apple slid in his throat. He brought my hand to his lips. “You too. You too. Maybe someday we can…be us. For real.”

A tear fell. I swiped at my cheeks and nodded as he kissed me.

Maybe someday…

I tried to stay awake for as long as possible. I listened to his breathing, the soft inhale and exhale. I hooked my leg around his for warmth and because I couldn’t stand not touching him. I fell asleep, and it pissed me off.

I offered to make coffee in the morning, but he declined. He dressed slowly, borrowed my toothbrush to get a reaction, and followed me to the front door where he pulled me in his arms and held me as the minutes ticked away.

And then he was gone.

The click of the lock, the sound of gravel on the sidewalk, an engine starting and fading to nothing.

The ache in my chest traveled from my heart to my lungs. I couldn’t suck in a decent gulp of air, and it felt as if I were suffocating. Like I might actually pass out from a fucking broken heart. Was that even possible?