Page 10

10

TRINSKY

W e arrived at the campsite by midafternoon to a chorus of cheers, mild concern about the medical emergency, and lighthearted teasing about surviving a few hours alone in the woods without killing each other.

“I thought we’d have to comb the forest for bodies,” Court joked.

Everyone laughed, including Jake and me. Then we brushed over the ordeal, groused about missing lunch, and went our separate ways.

We no longer had a team to supervise, so we joined others. I went with Denny and his crew; Jake joined Court’s group.

Yes, I’d thought about chucking it in and leaving, but there was enough going on that I felt useful. And truthfully, I wanted to keep an eye on Jake. From afar. What if he unintentionally said something incriminating? He’d agreed that we should forget what happened, but he could change his mind and…then what? If I’d learned anything in life, it was that you always had to be prepared for the “then whats.”

No, I didn’t want to do anything mature, you know, like talk to him and make sure we were a thousand percent on the same page. I was counting on my powers of perception to recognize any hint of a freak-out. As far as I could tell, Jake was his cool and calm self, though.

The Wood Hollow campsite looked like last night’s, but it had other amenities, like a volleyball net, bocce balls, a croquet set, and access to horseback riding at a nearby barn for those interested. I stuck to volleyball and croquet, and hung out with a ragtag group of athletes and dads who wanted to talk hockey by the fire. Jake played bocce ball, rode horses, and made s’mores with the kids.

We were in the same orbit, but our paths didn’t cross.

Till bedtime.

“One tent,” I deadpanned. “Again? Seriously?”

Jake released a tired sigh. “Yeah, they took all unnecessary gear and…here we are. You can always get a ride to Elmwood. It’s not far.”

“Me? Why don’t you go? You have a house in town, right? You can just walk home,” I huffed, lifting the canvas barrier and crawling inside. I peeked my head out and waved. “See you on the ice, buddy.”

I zipped the flap closed and unfurled my sleeping bag.

Jake unzipped it, tossing his bag through the opening. “I signed up for this. I can’t leave.”

“Well, I’m not quitting.”

“Quitting what? It’s over. Go home,” he replied in a deceptively bored tone.

“No, I don’t trust you.”

He scoffed. “Why? What do you think I’m gonna do?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “The possibilities are endless.”

“Uh-huh. How about if we agree to a single narrative for the press?” Jake gestured with air quotes. “ ‘We had an interesting two-day camp excursion, faced a couple of perilous moments, but managed to work together. We’ll save any real drama for the regular season hockey. The end.’ Whatever footage Ray has should corroborate. Thoughts?”

I wrinkled my nose. “I never use words like narrative, excursion, or perilous, but…okay. Fine.”

“Good.” He kicked off his shoes and slid into his sleeping bag fully clothed in PJs and a T-shirt, dimming the lantern and rolling over.

I thought about turning the light on just to bug him, but I wasn’t in the mood to stir up shit. I just wanted to sleep this unsettling feeling away. If I’d played this better, I’d have been in a cozy room at the Black Horse Inn, getting some shut-eye before hopping on the first flight outta here. Instead, I’d opted to stay…with Jake. And it wasn’t because I gave a shit about appearances.

I needed to know why. Why him, why now, just…why?

“Do you really think that was adrenaline gone wild?” I asked. “You know…at the sex tree?”

He sighed in the dark. “Go to sleep, Trinsky.”

“I’m serious. Has that happened to you…prior to today?”

“No.”

I let the silence gather for a few minutes, and tried again. “Are you gay?”

“No. Are you?”

“No.” Another silence. “Are you bi?”

“My personal life is none of your fucking business,” he replied in a deceptively mild tone.

“It kinda became my business when you stuck your tongue down my throat.”

Jake turned abruptly, his profile illuminated in shadow. “ You kissed me. You started it. Not me.”

True.

“Maybe I’m bi,” I whispered, mostly to myself.

“It’s not that big of a deal. A lot of people are. Good night.”

Silence.

“If I am, I’m surprised it would be you. I mean, I guess you’re attractive, but you’re not feminine…at all. And you have a fucking beard. You’re…a guy.” I ignored his muffled half laugh and continued, staring up at a seam in the canvas lining of the tent. “I would have thought I’d notice men more too. I haven’t. It’s always been women for me. I like women.”

After what felt like a twenty-minute pause, Jake rolled to face me, the whites of his eyes glinting. “It was one time, and there were extenuating circumstances. It doesn’t mean anything has changed for you. So quit overthinking it.”

“Good advice, except I don’t usually overthink anything. Have you ever kissed a guy before?”

“Why are we doing this, Trinsky?”

“That’s a yes.”

Jake gave a humorless snort. “Yes. Okay, yes, are you satisfied?”

My heart beat a little faster. “When? How often? Just one guy? Do I know him?”

He sighed again. “I’m bi, and that’s all I have to say. Good night.”

“You’ve fucked guys?” I winced at my adolescent squawk.

“Jesus, Trinsky. Shut up and go to sleep.”

“There’s no chance I’m going to sleep now. I need to know everything.”

“No, you don’t. We’re not friends.”

“No, but what we did technically made us…the L word.” I pulled a comical face, grateful he couldn’t see my expression. “For a hot second anyway.”

“The L word. Lawyers, longshoreman, lifeguards…”

“L-o-v-e-r-s,” I spelled out.

He chuckled lightly. “For fuck’s sake.”

“Whatever. I need help here. A little information. I gotta know if this is a one-off or if I’ve tripped into something I’d never known about myself. Believe me, I’m not happy you’re the one I need to consult. It’s fucking mortifying.”

Jake’s sleeping bag rustled as he propped himself on his elbow, mirroring my pose. “Sexuality is fluid and natural. Despite what society tells you, it’s not strange or unusual to be attracted to someone of the same sex. Nor is it odd for sexual awareness to crystallize later in life. There’re plenty of stories of men and women who were happily married to someone of the opposite sex for years before?—”

“Switching teams,” I finished. “Okay, but I’m thirty-three, not ninety-three. This is not later in life. And I am not attracted to you.”

“Cool. Then you have nothing to worry about. Good night.” Jake snuggled into his sleeping bag and turned his back to me.

Fucker.

If my mind had been reeling earlier, it was on a runaway train now.

Jake was bi. He’d been with men…sexually. He wasn’t freaked out. This wasn’t new to him. He had experience, and he knew what he was doing.

Jake fucking Milligan had the upper hand here, and I had more of a problem with that than I did with the concept that I too might be bi. Yes, I was aware that was messed up, but that was how shit always seemed to go with us.

I was also aware that I’d never know for sure if I was bi unless…

“We have to do it again.”