Page 11 of Promised Secret (Promises, Promises #3)

Chapter Eight

CLAY

“I hear you’re volunteering at the hugging booth at the summer fair this weekend.” Mom’s voice sounded over my earbuds while I tidied up my desk for the night.

When I imagined joining the force, I thought I’d mostly be working out in the field, helping people and saving lives. In reality, the job was more paperwork than anything else.

A call coming in about a disturbance in the park? Paperwork. Breaking up an argument between neighbors who couldn’t agree on the neighborhood’s theme for the quarter? More paperwork. And that happened a lot more than I would have thought.

I was honestly surprised how often I’d get called out to settle a minor dispute between disgruntled people who were just too stubborn to compromise.

It wasn’t what I expected, but I didn’t hate it. I liked helping people solve issues before they spiraled out of control and a fight broke out. It was my way of keeping my town safe.

“I did,” I replied to my mom as I waved goodnight to my coworkers and left the station. “I figured I’d do my part for the community.”

“That’s lovely to hear, but make sure you’re not pushing yourself, okay?”

“I’ll take care of myself,” I assured her.

The worry was obvious in her voice. I wanted to hide the extent my so-called father used to abuse me, but Mom was a lot more intuitive than I gave her credit for.

She’d seen how I became more touch averse over the years, and I wondered if she knew it was because I couldn’t stop imagining the flash of his hands coming toward me when someone reached out to me.

Mom tried getting me to go to therapy more than once, but I didn’t see the point in talking about my feelings. I’d rather use that time to hang out with Dan.

I turned the corner and bumped into a kid who was chasing a flyaway balloon. I scooped the kid up before he could fall on his ass and snatched the balloon string with my other hand and handed it to the kid. He giggled and threw his tiny arms around my neck to thank me.

See? I was fine. I didn’t even so much as flinch away from the kid.

A woman—his mom, probably—came running over and scolded the kid for running off without her. She took the kid back, thanking me as she continued to fret over her child.

“Is everything okay there, Clay?” Mom prompted.

The kid just giggled and waved at me as his mom carried them back to where the rest of their family waited for them. I waved back.

“Yeah, just some kid who was chasing after his balloon,” I told her, and continued my way to the clinic.

Mom went silent for a beat before saying, “You know, since you’re going to be at the fair already…”

“What?” I asked when she didn’t continue.

I could just imagine her chewing on her lip and stewing over her words. “You know I have a friend in the next town over whose neighbor has a daughter around your age.”

“Mom, no.”

I quickly shut that down, but she didn’t give up either.

“She’ll be working at one of the booths at the fair, Clay. Just a quick meeting is all I ask. You’ll both be at the fair anyway,” she pleaded.

“Not interested,” I said curtly.

I didn’t hear a sigh, but I knew she wanted to.

“But you can—”

“Mom, we’re not having this conversation again. As I told you before, I’ll find someone when the time is right.”

“You don’t even date, Clay. Your stepbrother, I hear all about the people he’s seeing, but you? Nothing. I don’t hear about anyone by your side. No woman…or man…”

She said the last part probingly, the question clear in her voice.

“Jesus, Mom. Do you think I’m, what, gay? Bi? And I just never bothered to tell you about it?” I told her.

I’d never been attracted to a guy, but if that attraction ever appeared, I wouldn’t be afraid to admit it. I knew Mom and Victor wouldn’t care. They fully supported Dan when he came out as bi.

I just wasn’t attracted to men in that way.

My mind decided now was the right moment to bring up the memory of the time I got an erection kissing Dan. I blamed it on the alcohol, and Dan for being a damn good kisser.

It was purely an accident. Besides, it wasn’t like I kissed Dan because I had the desire for it. I was only comforting him.

The hot-tub kiss didn’t seem like he was the one being comforted.

That kiss had been all for me. I’d been aggressive and fucking stupid to do that at Jones’ cabin, where we could have gotten caught at any moment.

But I’d felt Dan pulling away, and I needed confirmation that he was still there with me.

It hadn’t solved anything. Afterwards, Dan pretended like the hot-tub kiss never happened, and I could feel him slipping through my fingers even more.

“I don’t know what to think, honey,” Mom said, a slight tremble in her voice that troubled me. “Sometimes I worry because of what happened between me and your—my ex-husband—it messed something up for you. Like you no longer believe in love or want to find love. I’m so scared I failed you.”

“Mom…”

She sucked in a deep, steadying breath. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to burden you. I just worry, Clay. You and Dan are so close now, but what’s going to happen when he finds someone to settle down with? Who will be by your side?”

My fists tightened by my side just at the thought of Dan belonging to someone else.

It’d always been us—Dan and me—against the world.

We’d planned on joining the police force together, and when Dan decided to take over the family clinic, he still thought of us as a unit, protecting our community together.

I couldn’t imagine a world where I was the sidekick to Dan and his future partner—the third wheel. But it was bound to happen eventually, wasn’t it? Dan would find someone he wanted to be with and fall in love. It was what he wanted. Why else would he date so much?

Then where would that leave me?

“I’ll be fine,” I said weakly. Even I didn’t believe my words.

Mom didn’t call me out on it. “Just think about it, okay?” she said instead.

The clinic came into sight. I stopped and rubbed my eyes. “Listen, Mom. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I said, in lieu of a reply.

“Okay, honey. I love you. Tell Dan I said hi.”

“I will, and love you, too,” I said and ended the call.

I stayed outside of the clinic for a minute, trying to get a hold of my emotions. Things had been so weird with Dan lately that I’d been on edge. I didn’t know up from down anymore.

All I knew was that something was changing between us, something big and unavoidable, and I didn’t like it.

They say the only constant in life was change, and wasn’t that the shittiest thing ever?

I knew I couldn’t stall forever, so I pulled my shit together and entered the clinic.

Rosa had left already, but Dan and Frederick were sitting in the waiting area, heads close together as they looked at something inside the cardboard box on Frederick’s lap.

Dan looked up when I entered, and a huge smile lit up his face when he saw me. It reminded me of the first time we’d met.

Our positions had been reversed then. I was sitting where he was, and there was no one else here. It was just us.

I’d been a scared little kid, and Dan had been the hero who cut through the darkness to introduce light back into my life. And I’d bathed in the glow of his existence ever since. I needed it.

“Clay!” Dan waved me over, a hint of his usual self returning. I couldn’t have walked away even if I wanted to. “Take a look at these cuties.”

Frederick angled the box to reveal two small noses poking out through wood shavings.

“Are those…rats?” I squeaked. I’d never been so close to rats before. The most I knew about them was from that one movie about the rat chef and all the news I hear about the diseases they spread. Instinctively, I took a step away.

My hesitance didn’t go unnoticed by Dan. Of course it didn’t.

He reached into the box—fucking fearless—and scooped a rat from where they’d buried deeper into the wood shavings.

The rat squeaked, but probably realizing Dan wasn’t going to hurt it, quieted down. The rat was mostly gray, with a small patch of white near its hind legs. It was what I expected a rat to look like, except its tail was hooked instead of straight.

“His name is Hook because of his tail. He was born like this,” Frederick explained.

Hook sniffed Dan’s hand, his little whiskers dancing at the action. He turned around again and curled his hooked tail around Dan’s fingers.

“Isn’t he adorable?” Dan gushed, petting Hook’s little head. The rodent closed its eyes like it was enjoying the head pats and let out a high-pitched, choppy sound signaling its happiness.

Even I had to admit it was pretty cute, which was something I never would have considered a rat to be.

“This one is Captain,” Frederick said, lifting Hook’s companion from the box. This one was mostly white with a large gray splotch on its back.

“Frederick’s friend from the animal shelter he volunteers at brought them in,” Dan said, eyes bright and round as he looked at the man.

Well, fuckity-doo.

As if I didn’t need yet another reason to dislike the man. Why did he have to be so fucking nice and perfect and sitting so close to Dan?

I tried pushing the jealousy down, but Dan’s cautious glance at me told me I wasn’t as successful as I hoped.

“Their previous owners had to give them up, so Frederick was going to foster them until they found a new home, but I think I’m going to adopt them,” Dan said, petting Hook. I wondered if the rat understood, because his squeaks sounded even more excited now.

“You are?” I asked, a little hurt that he hadn’t even talked to me about this first.

Frederick looked between Dan and me, a frown on his face. “I can foster them if you want to think it over first.”

“There’s nothing to think over,” Dan insisted. “There’s plenty of space in my room for a large habitat for them.”

Frederick glanced at me again, probably worried about my lack of enthusiasm for this plan since Dan and I lived together.

I didn’t give a shit about the rats. Dan could adopt a hundred if he wanted to, and I wouldn’t care. It was the fact he didn’t even tell me he wanted to adopt them, the fact he was planning all this with Frederick instead of me.

The crazy monster of envy was eating me alive.

“Of course we’ll adopt them,” I said, voice rough and emotions high. “There’s a ton of space in the living room for them.”

Dan eyed me. “It’s okay, Clay. You don’t have to be a part of this.”

His words were like a sucker punch to the stomach.

“We’re adopting them,” I rasped out, and something in my tone must have stopped him from arguing more.

It wasn’t about the fucking rats at all.

Dan was making changes in his life that didn’t include me, and I didn’t know how to stop it. All I could do was try to keep up.