Page 10 of Promised Secret (Promises, Promises #3)

Chapter Seven

DAN

“Thanks for coming to help,” Jones said again after Ryan and Karla left for his grandma’s place.

We were decorating the guest room—though I guess it was now officially Karla’s room. Ryker, Jones, and I used different flower stencils to cover the yellow walls with all sorts of floral arrangements.

Clay, on the other hand, was freestyling and painted flowers that had more character than our manufactured ones, but were still cohesive to the overall look of the room.

He’d pause every once in a while to add some little details to the dried flowers we’d painted on.

An extra petal or leaf here or there and shading or highlights to make the flowers really pop.

His artistic talents really shone through, and it made me wonder why he didn’t paint or draw more often.

“You know we have your back,” I told Jones, though I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Clay. There was a calm energy surrounding him as he painted that captivated me.

“You look happy,” Ryker said and clapped our friend on the shoulder.

I nodded in agreement.

“I am happy,” Jones replied. There was no hesitation or fear in his voice.

Honestly, I never thought Jones to be the settling-down type. Having a stable partner and kids? Didn’t sound like him.

When I was away at college, I’d heard all the stories of his playboy ways. Jones was like me, never said no to any guy who asked him out, and was always playing the field. That was why I was shocked when he started going steady with his ex-boyfriend, who was totally wrong for him, by the way.

Everyone besides Jones could see it at the time, which was why he ended up dating Deke for as long as he did.

But dating Deke had changed Jones. He was more demure, not entirely himself, and had catered to every one of Deke’s needs.

Maybe the loss of himself had meant the relationship was doomed to fail from the start, which was also the reason why I never thought he was the type for a steady relationship.

He wasn’t with the right person.

Things were different with Ryan. It was ironic, but Jones looked freer with the responsibility of a dog, a kid, and a partner. He seemed more like himself, too, happy and content.

I was stoked for my friend, but I couldn’t say I wasn’t jealous as hell that my friends were finding their person—or in Jones’ case, he found Ryan, Karla, and Lily.

Meanwhile, I’d found my person, but he just had to be the one person I couldn’t be with. Not really.

Not unless I wanted to shatter my lao-ba’s image of a perfect family.

A war raged inside of me. The good son who wanted to make his father proud, and the selfish part that cried how unfair it was that our parents announced their relationship first.

I sometimes wondered what would have happened if I’d confessed my feelings to Clay earlier? What would have happened if we’d started dating before they had?

I wished nothing but happiness for my lao-ba, and I really liked Sandra. They were good for each other. But that didn’t mean I could just stop the bitterness from seeping in.

What if we’d gotten together before them?

Thankfully, painting over stencils was a pretty mindless task because the thoughts continued to swirl in my mind.

My friends were joking around and ribbing Jones about possibly getting hitched soon—which he seemed very open to the idea—but my heart wasn’t really in the conversation.

“You okay? You’re awfully quiet,” Ryker said, coming to my side. Jones was at the other side of the room with Clay, chatting about painting.

“Yeah. The fumes are probably getting to me,” I replied and forced a smile.

None of my friends knew about my crush on Clay. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust them, but a secret like this felt safer never being voiced in the first place. I wouldn’t have even told Frederick if he hadn’t guessed and figured it out for himself.

Ryker studied me, probably considering his words. He frowned but didn’t try to pry information out of me, for which I was grateful.

“I’m here if you want to talk about it. We all are,” he said, patting my shoulder.

I thanked him, knowing that he meant his words. Any one of my friends would be there for me in a heartbeat if I asked—and I would do the same for them—but this was something nobody else could help me fix. Issues of the heart were often like that.

Once we’d finished painting the room, Jones and Ryker headed out front to work on Karla’s new bed. I desperately needed some fresh air. I tugged off my shirt and shorts and rounded Jones’ cabin for a soak in his hot tub.

I closed my eyes as soon as I took a seat and let the hot water loosen my tense muscles. I didn’t even have to look to know that Clay followed me. Not even a few seconds later, I heard the splash of water before a large body settled beside me.

Peeking an eye open, Clay was unsurprisingly watching me. He’d had a habit of watching me ever since we were young. It was one of the reasons I thought he might have been interested in me, too.

I was obviously wrong on that count, considering how happy he was at the news of our parents getting married and of us becoming stepbrothers.

“Why are you staring at me?” I asked him.

He chuckled, probably because I’d asked the same question every time I caught him watching me.

Clay didn’t look the least bit ashamed as he ignored my question and slid closer to my side. His arm wrapped around my shoulder, and I let him scoop me into his side.

Did I know what the heck I was doing? Not a single clue. But I did know that I shouldn’t be doing this.

I should be keeping my distance, like I’d promised myself I would. I was finally going to get over my feelings for Clay Segall.

Promises, promises.

The plan was hopeless. He was all I could think about, even while on my date last night.

He’d do things like cuddling up to me or following me to a club and forcing me to dance with him. My mind was unwilling to be dragged at his pace, but my body was weak. It craved Clay. His scent, his closeness, just him.

So, despite knowing I was only making things more difficult for myself, I fell into his arms and rested my head against his shoulder. Clay laid a soft kiss on my hair that tickled my insides.

I hated how he was able to sway my emotions with just a simple action.

“How are things going with Frederick and the guy from the club?” Clay asked.

“They’re supposed to meet up today,” I told him. “I’m surprised Frederick is seeing him again. He was so sure he wasn’t going to find anyone at the club.”

“I hope they end up dating. Then you’ll have more time for me again,” Clay muttered.

I stiffened in his hold, not daring to look at him. I knew he was watching me again.

Sometimes, I wondered if he realized how his words could be taken. Clay had always been possessive of my friendship, and I’d enabled him because I liked seeing him jealous, but now I realized I was just setting myself up for failure.

When I didn’t say anything, Clay nudged me so that I looked at him.

“Now things can go back to normal, right?” The question rumbled out of his chest.

What the fuck even was normal for us? Me pining over him while knowing I could never have him?

I didn’t think I had the spirit to keep going on like that for much longer.

Leaving Kither Springs and my family had never crossed my mind before, but maybe Frederick’s leaving and creating physical distance between him and his crush was the right idea?

Maybe going away would be the best for everyone?

“Dan?” Clay prompted when I still hadn’t said a word.

I honestly didn’t know what I could tell him without revealing that I couldn’t survive going back to normal with him. Being with him like this was already slowly killing me inside.

I kept my mouth shut for fear of what would come out. I started shaking my head, but Clay was faster. His strong hand grabbed hold of my chin, holding me there as his lips crashed against mine.

I leaned into it. His kiss breathed life back into me, and I sank into him for more. His lips worked against mine in a familiar way from all the kisses we’d shared in comfort.

It was a stupid, drunk mistake that started this vicious cycle, but I was selfish and weak for his kisses, so I let them continue. I knew I was taking advantage of his kindness, but my need for him was greater than my guilt. They were too satisfying to give up.

This time, it felt different. This kiss wasn’t for me. It was for him. And that terrified the hell out of me, because what did it mean when he needed the kisses as much as I did? You didn’t go around kissing your stepbrother—you shouldn’t want to.

The only conclusion I could come up with was that I’d led Clay so far down the wrong path that he couldn’t even think straight anymore.

Rustling came from around the cabin, as did Jones’ voice calling us for food.

I quickly pushed away from Clay, my ass slamming into the seat beside him so hard that it stung from the impact. I pushed past the pain and tried schooling my face just as Jones appeared around the corner of the cabin.

“I’m starving!” I shouted, heart hammering inside my chest.

Was my smile stiff and unnatural? Did Jones notice anything off?

I didn’t dare glance back at Clay as I climbed out of the hot tub and dried myself off.

Clay’s hot eyes bored a hole in my back, and the sweltering summer air did nothing to help the suffocation that evaporated the air in my lungs. I kept smiling through it all, even when my facial muscles started cramping from how stiff they were.

I tried to act normal during dinner, putting on my usual playful persona, and ignoring Clay switching his seat just to sit beside me.

I told myself I couldn’t react, because one wrong move and I could ruin everything.

Jones asked if I was seeing anyone, and my heart wanted to jump out of my body. I kept control over my expression and gave him some bullshit answer I knew he’d accept.

I did not look at Clay.

Not even when he snorted and showed his displeasure at hearing about the barista I saw last night. He was jealous that my time was going somewhere besides him. If only he knew he consumed my thoughts even when we were apart.

I had to keep reminding myself it was just a childish possessiveness and nothing else.

There couldn’t be.

And the sooner I got that into my delusional brain, the better.