Page 7 of Power Play (Titans Hockey #2)

The afternoon passes with just a history overview with Johnny, whose first name is Chris, but whose last name is Johnson, which naturally becomes Johnny.

He's a young kid, a few years younger than me, and tries to flirt a little, but I shut him down politely.

The company may not have a no-fraternization clause, but I don't date.

And I don't need a reputation of messing around with the players.

They need to respect me to trust me. And they need to trust me if they're going to listen to my advice.

After that I check Gabe's range of motion in his hip flexor. He's getting up there in age, and goalie is the hardest position on your hip joints. He's good, but we make an appointment for me to watch his warm-up and stretching routine, just to be safe.

One of the unspoken rules in physical therapy is the athlete is supposed to stretch twice as long as they work. If they play for an hour, they're supposed to stretch for an hour before and an hour after. In reality, everyone knows that never happens.

As I'm ready to clock out, I'm tired. Emotionally drained, sick, and fucking ready for bed. I grab an armful of patient folders to take home with me and study. If I feel up for it.

Just as I'm leaving I run into Ben.

Fuck!

"You're avoiding me," he says, his lips tilted up on the side in a cocky grin. Ben the Boy was never cocky. But he's not wrong .

I try to suppress the sigh, and the eye roll I want to give him.

I struggle around my bag and folders to shut and lock the door to my exam room behind me. "Here, let me take those," he offers, grabbing the folders from me.

"Thank you."

"What are you doing with all these anyway?"

"I'm thinking if I sleep with them under my pillow, maybe I'll absorb the information through osmosis? Worked for my anatomy exam in college."

Ben chuckles, and the familiarity of it sends a shot of warmth up my back. He's going to walk me to my car. I guess it's better now than never we have this conversation.

"I really didn't know you played for the Titans when I applied. I figured the statistics were in my favor."

"How could you not? You love hockey."

I swallow. The confession I'm about to give shows just how miserable I've been about our break up. "I... actually don't watch hockey anymore," I admit, before adding a little quieter: "I couldn't risk seeing you."

Thankfully, we're having this conversation walking, so I don't have to look him in the eye. I don't know what I will see there. And I don't know what I want to see there. Until I figure out what those two things are, I am avoiding him.

He tugs on my elbow gently, turning me towards him. I close my eyes and sigh. I don't want to do this right now.

"Are you seeing anyone?" he asks, and I risk looking at him. His whiskey-brown eyes are so familiar that my heart hurts. I've mapped every fleck of gold in them. We spent hours staring into each other's eyes, baring our souls and making promises we ended up not keeping. I can't go there again.

"No. I don't date."

"Not even me?"

Fuck, the earnestness in his voice squeezes a vice against my heart. I turn and keep walking. "Not even you," I whisper. I hate myself in this moment, but it's better for both of us if we don't go down that road again.

"Why?" He asks back, his voice threatening to break.

"I'm just starting my career, Ben. The thing I've worked so hard to studying and prepare for?

I can't risk getting distracted now. And I.

.." I have trust issue., I don't know who you are anymore.

I've had enough of being vulnerable. I can't risk another heartbreak.

We work together. Fucking choose a reason.

I can feel my walls breaking. I can feel myself wanting to pull him into my arms and act as if the last eight years never happened and pick up where we left off. So I stop and turn towards him. If he pushes, I'll give in. I need to set the line in the sand now.

"Look, Ben. You know I love you. I'll always love you.

But this is my first year in a job in the career field I've spent so long working towards.

" The training for which took me away from you I want to say.

"I just moved to a new town, I'm setting up a new apartment.

.. Tracey's here... I just... " I run my hand through my hair, a tell he knows well.

"I just need to focus on getting my life in order and my career off on the right foot.

I'm sorry, Ben, but I just don't have time to date right now. "

The smile he gives me is soft and has Ben the Boy written all over it. But there's a gleam in his eye that is indecent, and all Ben the Man .

"A couple of us are headed up to a cabin this weekend. We have three days off. We won't get another three-day weekend until after playoffs. Come with us."

The change in conversation shakes me. I shift my weight. My feet and my head hurt.

"I don't know."

"It'll give you a chance to get to know some of the players outside of the exam room. They'll get a chance to know you on a more personal level. Trust me, it'll only help them trust you and like you sooner. Drink a beer, play some card games, show them you can hang."

Shit, he's not wrong. The Titans spend more time with each other than they do their wives and families.

The Titans are a family. They travel together, eat together, work out together, play together, win together, lose together, and every staff member has a role in helping the players succeed.

.. or lose. When I interviewed with the GM, he talked about how every staff member owns an oar on this ship we call the Titans.

One person not pulling their weight could mean the early end to a season.

I love that aspect of professional sports.

I love feeling a part of something bigger than one person alone.

Hanging out, sharing some beers, showing them I'm relatable is a good idea. If I can kick this sinus infection, I just might.

"Yeah, I'll think about it. I'm still recovering from a cold."

Ben grins and I can't help the tiny tug on the corner of my lips in reply. God, he's gorgeous. He nods and smiles like he won the lottery. He's going to try to wear me down. And maybe in a few months, when I've hit my groove, I just might let him.