Page 18 of Power Play (Titans Hockey #2)

Chapter fifteen

Lacey

H oly shit, I'm dragging ass.

College was tough. It's designed to be. No one in charge of anyone else's physical health can slack or be lazy. They have to be the best of the best. So the Kinesiology and the Doctor of Physical Therapy program I attended put their students through the ringer.

I feel a lot like that. Late nights, cheap food, travel, poor sleep - it's all adding up to one very fucking tired Lacey.

But I can't give up. I can't show weakness.

I'm not complaining. I knew that going into sports therapy.

I'm just trying to explain why my eyes are drooping and it's only ten-thirty in the morning.

I make a mental note to find a local doctor who can give me Vitamin B shots. They helped a lot in college.

I check Rick's range of motion and work a little on a shoulder that wants to freeze up on us after one too many checks to the boards.

After he's out, Jonesy's next. My feelings are mixed.

I can't deny the chemistry we had that one day.

Lightning sparked between us. I'd never experienced hate fucking.

And I don't think that's what it was, but.

..frustration fucking? We verbally spar like it's foreplay.

He infuriates me just as much as he pulls me in.

I know, it's pathetic. It's the typical, 'damaged-bad-boy you want to change'.

It's a fucking cliche, but I can't resist my attraction to him.

My only hope is to ignore how much he pushes me, infuriates me, turns me on, and keep it professional .

So, when he swaggers in, three minutes late, cocky grin in place, I'm not surprised. What surprises me is that he smells like egg, and that smell makes my stomach summersault on itself and liquid to flood my mouth. Oh my God, I'm about to throw up.

I grip my stomach as it clenches painfully on itself. "What the fuck, Jonesy?! Did you bathe in an egg salad sandwich?"

I dry heave as I run out of my office, trying to breathe deeply through my nose and out of my mouth, now that I'm not around whatever that was. Fuck, the gym smells like sweat, dirty socks, and disinfectant and it's still somehow better than Jonesy.

I push past a few guys and stumble to the woman's bathroom before I retch into the nearest toilet.

Christ, I knew my stomach had been off from all the travel, but I didn’t think it was this bad. Fuck, maybe I needed a day off.

Lauren bursts into the bathroom a second later. She must have seen my not-so-stealthy exit.

"Hey, girl..." she whispers, hands up like she's approaching a wild horse. "You good?"

Still hugging the porcelain with one hand, I wave the other. "Just fine. Just adjusting to so much travel. And Jonesy smells like a he bathed in a fucking egg salad sandwich."

I cut my eyes to her to see her reaction. Her lips thin.

"Ooookkkaaayyy,” she says, carefully dragging out the syllables. “.... let’s say I believe that," she starts, her voice calming and soothing. "Then it won't matter when your last period was, right? Or who you've been with?"

She steps closer until she's rubbing my back. Oh God, I know exactly what she's asking .

"There's no way, I'm on the pill."

If pity had a spokesperson, it would be Lauren Novikov. She nods. "Of course, of course, but do you have an app where you track your period?"

I grip the porcelain again as I shove my phone at her. She angles it to my face, so it unlocks and then she searches my period tracking app.

I turn to the toilet again as another wave of nausea grips me.

When I look back at her, though, the blood drains from my face.

She looks at me, and I know. Holy fuck, the truth hits me like a goddamn Mack truck.

I'm pregnant.

In an instant of clarity, I realize how it happened. I'd gotten a sinus infection on the plane, moving to the new team. Antibiotics counteract birth control. I've fucked three men without birth control. Well, Jonesy used a condom at least. I wince. Condoms which are only 87% effective.

I'd slept with Ben four weeks ago in the cabin. Scott two weeks later and Jonesy, four days after that. The math is terrifying

Christ. I pinch the bridge of my nose, fighting off tears.

I'm single, in a new city, and a new job, pregnant by one of three men.

How the fuck did I let this happen?! I'm so controlled, so measured, so constant.

But I look back at all three times with Ben, Scott and Jonesy and none of it was reckless.

Well, maybe Jonesy was. But I can't find it in me to be ashamed.

Or to regret any of it. Each of them gave me exactly what I needed in the moment. Each time was perfect.

And I don't prescribe to the idea that men can play the field, but women can't .

I can't stop the tears now. They come unbidden, and honestly, I don't even know why I'm crying.

I'm pregnant. I'm going to keep the child.

I don't care who the dad is, I can raise this baby on my own.

I will raise this baby on my own. Fuck, I never thought I'd have kids.

Now, suddenly, I'm a mother? I place my hand protectively below my belly button and just cry.

Lauren wraps me in her arms and pulls me to standing. "Babies are blessings, no matter how they were conceived or who their parents are," she whispers against my temple, and I can't help but cry more. She's right. I've got this.

"Why is it always bathrooms?" I ask, still crying.

"What?"

"Why is it women always love and cry for each other in bathrooms? It's weird."

Lauren laughs.

I have to tell three men they may be the potential father, and deal with whatever reaction they have. I take a deep breath in and out. Lauren releases me and studies my face to see if I'm ready.

Lauren picks up on my nerves. "Do you know who the father is?"

I give her a look.

"Okay, so we play it by ear." She grabs my shoulders again and turns me towards her.

"But that baby is a Titan. And the Titans mean family.

So, whether that baby has a father or not, they have dozens of uncles and aunts who will be more than happy to be your village.

You're not alone. Christ, with the Titans, you'll never be alone. "

I smile. It's sweet of her. And I believe her.

The WAGs are a tight-knit community, and if you're in, you're in.

I have no doubt that with their help, I can raise this baby on my own.

My heart swells. I'm so fucking grateful for this rag-tag group of found family.

I'm not a WAG. I'm a physical therapist for the team.

But Lauren is both a physical therapist and a WAG.

And she's more than willing to accept me into their ranks, love and support me.

I'll have to reflect later on how much that affects me.

I roll my shoulders back and go to the sink. I rinse my face off and dry my tears. This baby is unexpected, but not unwanted and not unloved. I can do this.

Lauren stands by my side the entire time, and I pull on her strength.

I nod. Signaling I'm ready to tackle whatever may come.

But when we open the door, and Ben, Jonesy, and Scott are standing in the hallway, looking at me, I almost lose my composure.

I stand in the doorway of the bathroom, they stand in the hallway, Lauren stands next to me, holding my hand.

I look at all three men. All three of them are guarded, cut off, wearing steely facades. Except Ben, underneath his reversed persona is hope. Fuck, I'm a terrible person.

I'm shaking like a leaf, but I nod to Lauren. I can handle this. It's going to be a fucking shit show. And I might end up alone, but she's born enough of my baggage. I want the damage to her to be minimal. She kisses the back of my hand and promises she's just a call away. I believe her.

I square up my shoulders as much as I can while shaking.

My chest tightens as I step into the hallway, facing all three of them.

The weight of their gazes pins me in place, and I can’t seem to catch my breath.

"I’m pregnant," I finally say, the words heavy and irreversible.

"And it could be…" My voice cracks, and I have to take a deep breath to continue.

I am barely holding it together. "It could be any of yours.”

I try to say it with strength, but my eyes cut to Scott, and I can't help the shaking my body does.

"I never meant... it might not be yours... I don't need anything... I can do this by myself..."

My eyes dart all around. I especially don't want Scott to think he's been trapped again. I have no idea what Jonesy's reaction will be. I know Ben wants kids, but he's also early in his career. He needs to be focusing on his performance on the ice.

"I didn't use a condom with Scott or Ben, but I did with you, Garrett. So it's probably not yours."

He winces.

"It ripped."

"What?!"

"When I took it off to throw it away, I saw the tip of it had ripped."

"And you didn't tell me?!"

"I figured the chances of you getting pregnant were small, and we weren't exactly on friendly terms."

I want to be angry with him, but it takes two to tango, and that ripped tip could have happened to anyone.

Ben walks up to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders.

"Fuck, baby, you're shaking."

I am. I know that I am. But I'm strong. He has to know why.

"If I'm pregnant, I'm going to keep the baby.

" The thought of doing otherwise makes me sick to my stomach.

"I don't want anyone in my life who feels obligated.

I don't want anyone in my life who will feel like my child is a burden.

" I look at Scott. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

I'd been taking antibiotics and it slipped my mind.

You don't need to do anything. I've got it.

I never want you to feel like you're in.

.." Ben's arms are around me but I'm shaking like a leaf.

Ben hugs me tighter.

Scott steps closer, tilting my head up by my chin. "Here's the difference, darling. You haven't lied to me. I don't love that you've been with other men. But you told me the truth. The truth is worth more than you know."

I can't help the shake in me. Ben tries to hold me tighter. "But what if I'm just like your ex-wife? I promise I don't want anything from you. If you end but being the biological father, I can still take care of everything on my own."

Scott's eyes get darker. As if that were possible.

"You're mine. Which means whatever child you give birth to, is mine, too. Honestly, I've been dying for another chance with you. Looks like I got it." The lopsided grin he gives me makes my lower stomach flip, at the same time it stops my heart.

Ben, Scott and I look to Jonesy. His face is pale and shocked. He takes a step backwards and I can't help the stab of disappointment that gives me.

“I… I need some air,” Jonesy mutters, his voice strained. He looks at me like he wants to say something more, but the words won’t come. His face twists with guilt, frustration, and something I can’t name before he turns and leaves, his footsteps echoing down the hall.

Scott growls his disapproval, but turns to me.

I look wide-eyed to Ben. "I can't... "

My breaths are coming fast and shallow, now, and I think I'm on the verge of a panic attack. "What if... genetic mutations... are inheritable?"

Ben rubs up and down my arms. "You said, ' If you're pregnant.' You haven't taken a test?"

I shake my head, grateful for the lifeline.

"No. I've been tired and sick to my stomach a lot, but figured I was under too much stress.

" Understanding passes through Ben's eyes and I'm grateful for at least one ally.

"But when Jonesy walked in smelling like eggs and I lost my lunch, Lauren came into the bathroom after me and I realized I've missed my period. "

The shaking starts again at the enormity of my situation. I'm pregnant. I have a child. In my belly. And I don't know who the father is. I'm the disappointment my parents think I am.

Ben's steady, steadfast, sure. "Well first things first, we go to your doctor and get a test, so that we know for sure.

And maybe an ultrasound-thingy to see how far along you are?

When did you..." he trails off and looks at Scott like he's seeing them for the first time.

I shake my head. I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to see Ben's heart actively breaking.

He steels his spine. God, Ben's one of the good ones. Scott looks at me hungrily, as if he's remembering our night together.

"I'm coming," he growls, his head low and menacing. "And he's coming, too?" He nods his head to Ben.

This is all too much to handle. But if I make an appointment, that buys me time. So, I nod.