Page 9 of Playing With Forever (Hollow Point #4)

CHAPTER FIVE

“We have everything but chocolate chips,” Lindy said as she rummaged through the pantry. “Um, and this cake mix expired like…” She paused, likely to do the math in her head. “Six months ago.”

“The mix will be fine. We can make regular vanilla cake,” I told her.

“No way, we’re totally having your chocolate chip sour cream cake. Dad’s a sucker for chocolate chips. If we have them in the house, he’ll pour some in a bowl and add a few dollops of peanut butter. Sometimes he squirts chocolate sauce all over the peanut butter.”

Good Lord, that sounded amazing. Also, it sounded equally annoying that he could eat all that sugar and calories and still have the body he had.

Proof God was a man.

“In other words, your father likes chocolate.”

“No, he loves chocolate everything.”

I didn’t understand why I was thrilled to have that tidbit of knowledge, but I was.

“What about you? What’s your favorite?” I asked, and just like all the other times I’d asked a question about her, she beamed.

“Cheesecake.”

“That’s my favorite, too. Any specific kind?”

Lindy gave me a sweet, tentative smile that was hued with more than just hesitancy—she almost seemed worried to answer, like there would be a wrong answer.

“No.” She shrugged. “Just cheesecake.”

I offered her a reassuring smile. “Agreed. Cheesecake’s awesome any way it’s served.”

More than once today, I’d wanted to pull Lindy into my arms and hug her. It was an impulse I had to fight, like right then when she was looking at me, not like a twenty-year-old young woman but a child who was lost.

“I’ll run to the store and get chocolate chips.”

Panic assailed.

Evan had gone to take a shower, leaving me and Lindy in the kitchen. There was no way I wanted to be left alone in Evan’s house while he was naked in the shower—actually, I didn’t want to be alone with Evan, period.

Not only because I’d seen his shower and I knew it was big enough for two, but also because while Lindy was there to keep me occupied, it had been easy to stay focused and not allow myself to think about the man soaping up his amazing body.

With her gone, I wouldn’t be able to stop my wayward thoughts.

“I’ll go,” I offered.

“No way. You stay and relax. I’ll be back in a flash. Besides, you weren’t done looking at my portfolio.” Lindy pushed her laptop in front of me and rushed out of the kitchen. “Be back.”

Damn.

Right, her portfolio, what we’d been looking at before Evan had come home.

She had a stockpile of finished canvases and was debating whether she should sell them or throw them away.

The mere thought of her beautiful work being thrown away broke my heart.

It would be a travesty for the world to lose out on such beauty.

And that was what we were talking about when Evan strolled in, still sweaty from what looked like a gym session.

Thankfully, Lindy had been present, or I might’ve done something regrettable, like begging Evan to take me upstairs and give me a repeat performance of last Saturday night.

Lordy, it had been a week, and I was still wondering if I’d imagined how good he was.

“Where’s Lindy?”

I blinked at the dark screen and decided keeping my eyes locked on his t-shirt-covered shoulder was the safest place to look when I told him, “She went to the store for chocolate chips.”

“Is there a reason you’re not looking at me?”

Yes!

I didn’t say that out loud.

Instead, I slowly shifted my gaze, bracing for impact, and it was a good thing I did. As ridiculous as it sounded, Evan standing in his kitchen with wet hair from his shower was incredibly sexy.

Heat crept up my neck, and the longer Evan stared at me, the hotter I became. Without a word, he stepped closer. The air between us suddenly felt supercharged—goosebumps raced up my arms despite the fever his nearness triggered.

My breath stalled when his hand came up to cradle the underside of my jaw—his thumb tracing my cheekbone while his eyes held me hostage.

This was not the first time I’d been captivated by nothing more than his gaze.

This was one of the varied reasons my night with Evan had been so intense, he either had enough experience with women or he instinctively knew sex didn’t start in the bedroom.

There was something in the way he looked at me that made me feel seen—special even.

I had all of his attention, his entire world had narrowed to me, and he’d made me the center of his universe.

It was a heady sensation knowing a man like Evan was fully engaged and attuned to my every emotion.

I knew from experience he’d miss nothing.

He’d catalog my responses and exploit them when the time was right.

All of this happened before his lips had touched mine, and that was why I’d readily agreed to go home with him last weekend. And right then, in his kitchen, with his hand cupping my jaw, he was doing it again.

Watching.

Waiting.

Memorizing.

“Evan,” I whispered.

“I shouldn’t be doing this,” he said conversationally, as if he were speaking to himself. “But fuck if I can stop thinking about you.”

He tipped my chin up, lowered his head, and captured my mouth. His tongue slid between my lips.

I whimpered at the taste of him and automatically tilted my head back, wanting more.

Evan groaned and gave it to me, deepening the kiss.

A mixture of euphoria and excitement pooled in my belly. My sex was drenched. My breasts swelled and felt heavy. He tasted like lust and longing.

He lifted his head, breaking our kiss, but didn’t go far. Our breaths still mingled when he rasped, “Goddamn, you can kiss.”

I didn’t think that was the case.

“It’s you.”

He shifted his hand so he could trace my bottom lip with his thumb. “What’s me?”

“I just follow your lead.”

Evan made a rough noise that vibrated not only against my lips but through my entire body.

God, I loved the sounds he made, and the more turned on he was, the more animalistic they became—growls and grunts, feral and wild, until they were completely untamed.

If I hadn’t seen it, heard it, felt it, I wouldn’t have believed it possible for a man such as Evan, who lived his life in such a controlled manner, to turn into a savage beast.

He rested his forehead on mine, continuing to slowly glide the pad of his thumb over my lip when he gently told me, “This isn’t smart.”

Even knowing he was right, my heart cracked. My old friend, insecurity, reared her head, reminding me I would never be enough to keep a man—my destiny had been set in stone. Loneliness would be my only companion.

“It’s not,” I agreed.

“But I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop wondering if it’s this hard to keep my distance. If I have to force my mind onto other things or they’ll stray to you, then maybe I shouldn’t be fighting so hard.”

He couldn’t stop thinking about me?

Me?

The middle-aged workaholic who went home to an empty house, ate dinner by herself, and hassled her sons to come visit.

That me?

“Evan, this could become very complicated.”

“Baby, it already is. But what isn’t is the chemistry we’ve got.”

He wasn’t wrong about that.

“Our lives are tangled, albeit those ties are loose, but more importantly, there’s also Lindy.”

Evan stood to his full height, unfortunately that meant I lost the safety his closeness afforded me. With his forehead on mine, he couldn’t see me, and that made it easier to have what was surely going to be a painful conversation.

“Yes, Lindy.”

When he said no more, I filled the void.

“I get the sense you’re not comfortable with me spending time with her, and part of that has to do with us spending the night together.”

Evan nodded and took a step back. For some asinine reason, that hurt more than it should’ve.

“Since her mother left, she’s never been around a woman I’ve been involved with.”

I could read between the lines: she’d never been introduced to a woman he’d had sex with.

“How long have you been divorced?”

“Thirteen years. Lindy was seven when I left Celeste.”

Surely in thirteen years, he had been in some sort of a relationship.

“That’s smart, not introducing your daughter to a woman until you know the relationship is serious. Especially at a young age.”

“No, Josie.” He shook his head. “I haven’t been with a woman beyond sex in thirteen years.

This is going to make me sound like an asshole, but the women I slept with knew what they were getting—no promises, no commitment.

And in the rare times the sex happened more than once, they knew I had no intention of something exclusive or permanent and didn’t expect the same from them.

So, with that, what I mean is Lindy has never so much as laid eyes on a woman I’ve been involved with. ”

I wouldn’t go as far as thinking he was an asshole, he was simply honest about who he was and what he wanted, and if a woman was okay with that—no harm, no foul.

But his commitment issues, especially the part about not being exclusive, were a deal breaker for me.

“Again, that’s smart. But I think now’s the time when I tell you I don’t share.

And while I haven’t been in a committed relationship since my husband cheated on me and I left with the understanding that commitment was wholly one-sided, I do not wish to start something that will undoubtedly end ugly because I know myself.

I know what I need, and I forgave infidelity once.

I know I could never forgive it again, and I will not knowingly enter into something with a man who has no problem with me sharing my body or my time with someone else. ”

There was a flare in his eyes when I mentioned Dameon cheating on me. But it didn’t hold a candle to the way his eyes flamed when I talked about sharing my body with another man.

“As I said, it’s complicated,” he rumbled. “Part of that complication is I’d lose my mind if you shared any damn thing with another man.”

That made my heart rate kick up a notch. But it wasn’t enough.

“Evan—”