Page 10 of Playing With Forever (Hollow Point #4)

“I’m not a cheat,” he declared. “I was married ten years, with her fifteen, and never once did my mind turn to another woman. Not even when my marriage imploded and I spent the last three years of it trying to salvage what Celeste was hellbent on breaking. I don’t have a problem with commitment.

I’m a single father who loves his daughter and wouldn’t allow my time or attention to be diverted to anything or anyone. ”

The red flags that had been flying turned green.

But he was still a single father of a lovely young woman.

“I understand that. As you know, I’m a single mother of two boys.

What you don’t know is that it was up to me to teach those boys how to be men whom I would one day have to turn out into the world.

Part of what I had to teach them was to love a woman, and I did that by leaving their father.

So, truly, I understand the time and attention it takes to raise children by yourself.

And just to say, you’ve raised an amazing young woman who is wise beyond her years and immensely talented.

I understand your wish not to take that time away from her, but I will not be anyone’s secret. ”

“Secret?” he spat, as if the word tasted foul. “You’re sitting in my kitchen after spending the afternoon with my daughter. I think that ship has sailed, and even if it hadn’t, a woman like you is no man’s secret.”

Evan shifted around the island and gently pushed the lid of Lindy’s laptop closed before he rested his elbows on the granite and pinned me with a stare.

“This could turn to shit,” he warned. “All of it could blow up in our faces—those being mine, yours, Lindy’s, and our friends.

I can’t see the future, I can’t promise this will be smooth, or that I won’t fuck up, or that we won’t find out we’re not right for each other and whatever we start won’t end.

But I can promise I won’t step out on you—you have my word on that.

I don’t want to hide whatever it is we have, but I have to tread cautious with that, and I think you get why.

But just in case you don’t, I’ll explain; not only have I kept Lindy clear of the women I’ve spent time with, I’ve kept her away from women in general.

Very recently, and by that I mean it started Monday night at dinner with you, it was pointed out again this afternoon that what I saw as protection was really me hiding my kid from women who could hurt her. ”

I very much liked his honesty about the possibility of us exploring what was between us and not making promises he couldn’t keep, but Lindy took top billing in my response.

“Women who could hurt her?”

“Celeste and the damage she wrought is a conversation for another time. But the CliffsNotes version is my ex-wife liked drinking and going out more than she liked being a mother that didn’t change after we divorced.

She exercised her share of custody for approximately a year before she was skipping out on Lindy more than she was seeing her.

We had discussions about her not keeping her word to her daughter, Celeste didn’t like those conversations.

I gave her another year to get her shit straight before I filed for sole custody and won.

Shared custody turned into Celeste having visitation, something it’s worth noting she didn’t fight.

She was happy to see her kid every other weekend.

It freed up her time to go out to the bar and go out on the prowl.

But those visits dried up when she met someone.

They restarted when she became single. Lindy was ten when I told Celeste she either committed to being a mother and stopped jacking my girl around, or I’d put a stop to it.

In the end, I didn’t have to do anything.

Celeste removed herself from her daughter’s life, leaving a trail of destruction in her wake that ended with my girl heartbroken from her mother’s desertion.

Watching Lindy go through that, I vowed no woman would ever get close enough to her again to cause her pain. ”

Fury and revolution battled for supremacy.

I was a mother who loved and adored her children. I couldn’t imagine not wanting to spend time with my boys. Heck, even now that they were grown and living their lives, my heart ached to see them, to hear their voices over the phone. I lived for any time or communication they had to give me.

I understood where Evan was coming from, but in protecting his daughter, he’d deprived her of something she needed. And now I understood Lindy and the desperation I saw at dinner, the uncertainty when she’d asked me over to see her studio, and the shyness she’d exhibited today.

“Evan,” I whispered.

“Also very recently, that being last night and this afternoon, I see where I fucked up.”

“You didn’t mess up,” I rushed out. “You did what you did out of love and caution.”

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” he muttered. “I didn’t think about the damage I was doing. I was reacting out of fear.”

Yes, as I’d previously noted, Evan was a good father.

“I can’t say that part of me doesn’t want you for Lindy,” he admitted.

“But I’m not that selfless, and while I love my daughter and I’d give up my life for her, the reasons why I want to explore what’s between us are entirely selfish.

Straight up, Josie, you’re gorgeous, you’re phenomenal in bed, you’re a great kisser, and classy as fuck.

That is, until I get my hands and mouth on you, then you go wild for me.

I want more of what you gave me last Saturday night.

I want to get to know you better because what I already know I like.

I want my daughter to get to know you, and I trust you’ll handle her with care.

Where you succeeded in teaching your sons how to love a woman, I’ve failed in teaching my daughter how a man is supposed to love and respect her.

Don’t get that twisted, I’m not using you as some sort of lesson.

But I’m being honest, Lindy factors into my every decision, so there it is.

I need to get my head out of my ass, but until you, I wasn’t willing to put myself out there.

Celeste didn’t only fuck up Lindy, she did a number on me, too.

But more than that, I couldn’t trust Lindy’s well-being to anyone, that is, of course, until you. ”

Until you, I wasn’t willing to put myself out there.

I couldn’t remember receiving a better compliment in my life, not just that he was willing to put himself out there to explore things with me, but also that he trusted me with his daughter.

For all my life, I’d been a planner. I weighed my options, I overthought every outcome. After my divorce, this overthinking became nearly paralyzing. I overanalyzed everything out of fear I’d miss the same signs Dameon had given.

But right then, I made a split-second decision.

“You can trust that no matter what happens between us, I will not disappear from Lindy’s life.”

I saw the relief in his hazel eyes, and since I was watching him closely, I also saw relief morph into something else—trepidation, maybe.

“Does that mean you wanna give this a shot with me and see where this goes?”

My heart pounded in my chest, my palms felt clammy, and my insecurities were working triple time to break free. But still, I wanted to get to know Evan Sanders better.

“One condition,” I told him.

“What’s that?”

“You promise me there will be no other women.”

Evan’s study of me became acute. I appreciated him taking time to consider my demand instead of immediately pacifying me with a promise.

“You have my word on that. That said, I’ll remind you I already told you, but it’s worth repeating, I don’t share either.”

He hadn’t said that, he’d said he’d lose his mind if I shared any-damn-thing with another man.

He gentled his voice when he went on, “I want to understand what you meant when you said you forgave your ex for being unfaithful once, but not when Lindy’s going to be back from the store any minute.

That conversation will take place when I know I’ll have time to see to you after you share what your ex did. ”

I liked that he didn’t want to have a rushed conversation about important things.

“There’s history with Celeste you’ll need to share, too,” I pointed out.

He nodded. “There is, and I’ll share it.”

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to smile or if the salad I’d eaten before I came over was going to make an appearance.

I was leaning toward the former, hoping the latter wouldn’t happen when Evan said, “We’re doing this.”

Indeed, we were doing this.

“Yes.”

Evan pushed off his elbows, walked back around the corner of the island, pulled the stool I was sitting on farther away from the counter, and stepped closer.

My knees automatically opened to make room for him.

He took advantage of my silent offer while lifting his hand and using his knuckles to tilt my chin back.

This time when his mouth touched mine and I opened, his tongue barely touched mine before he pulled back.

“Love your mouth, baby, but I wouldn’t love it if I was so wrapped up in losing myself to it that Lindy walked in, getting an eyeful of her old man kissing a beautiful woman.”

And I loved he got just as lost as I did when we kissed.

“I dig you’re here getting to know Lindy while making dinner with us, but I want time without my kid around. You busy tomorrow night?”

Tomorrow night.

More than I loved him getting lost in our kisses, I loved that he wasn’t wasting time asking me out.

“No. I’m free.”

Something sparked in his eyes, and I had a feeling he loved, I wasn’t playing that stupid game some women played, pretending they were busy in an effort to make a man wait for their time.

Which essentially was wasting time playing hard to get.

Not that a man shouldn’t work for a woman’s time and attention, it was just that it should go both ways.

“Dinner tomorrow,” he declared. “I’ll pick you up at six.”

I didn’t get off work until five-thirty, and I had a twenty-minute drive home.

“Make it six-thirty and you have yourself a date.”

“Six-thirty,” he immediately amended and leaned forward, sealing our date with a too-fast chaste kiss.

Evan stepped back, looked at the empty glass of iced tea sitting next to Lindy’s laptop, and asked, “Would you like to switch to wine?”

I wasn’t a big drinker. The older I got, the slower I was to recover after a night out, which meant I limited my alcohol even more.

“I’ll stick with iced tea.”

I didn’t understand Evan’s deep exhale at my denial. Nor did I get a chance to question it before the front door opened and an excited ball of energy blew through the house.

“I got chocolate chips and ice cream!”

Evan’s lips curved up into a smile.

Oh, yes, indeed, he went from extremely good-looking to downright beautiful when his daughter was around.

I was coming off the stool, preparing to help Lindy make dessert, but I froze when her gaze bounced back and forth between her father and me. She must’ve seen what she was looking for because she ended her assessment with a broad smile.

My heart pinched for the little girl who grew up without a mother, but it broke for the young woman who craved all that she missed out on.

If things ended badly with Evan, I knew it would cut deeply. But I could survive a thousand cuts and all the pain it would cause if it meant giving Lindy a fraction of what she needed, including sticking around for as long as she wanted me to.