Page 49 of Perfect Storm (Toronto Thunder #1)

But how could Aidan say no? He felt caught between his long friendship with Mo, a friendship that meant he’d give Mo whatever he needed, no questions asked, and being QB1 and a captain, who should always be willing to hear a teammate out.

“Sure,” Aidan said and, inclining his head towards the library, guided him and Mo that direction.

He had no idea what Mo wanted to talk about—though he had some idea—but he was still surprised when they stopped in front of a set of bookshelves, lined with leather-bound, gold-embossed volumes, and Mo said, “I’ve been thinking.”

“A dangerous hobby,” Aidan tried to joke.

“I mean it,” Mo said, still so earnest. Where had all this earnestness come from? Aidan didn’t quite recognize it, and it was making him uneasy.

“Okay,” Aidan said. “What have you been thinking about?”

Mo took a deep breath. Set his wine down, which made Aidan even more anxious. “You know what we talked about in June.”

Like Aidan was going to fucking forget. “Yes.”

“I know I blew you off—”

Aidan wasn’t going to let that slide. Had Mo turned him down? Yes. But he’d done it nicely. Thoughtfully. There’d been no blowing off of anyone.

“No, you didn’t,” Aidan said. “I told you how I felt and you told me you didn’t feel the same. End of story.”

Mo’s dark eyes seemed to be pleading with him to understand what he was trying to say without him actually fucking saying it. “You surprised me. Fucking floored me, to be honest.”

“I got that.” That hadn’t felt great either, but it hadn’t been too shocking, considering that Aidan had spent years trying to keep his feelings under wraps.

“I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t thought about it. I still don’t know if I . . .” Mo hesitated. “I don’t know if I do like guys, but God, being back here with you, playing together again, catching your passes again, I just . . .it makes me wonder.”

Aidan told himself to be sympathetic, but his voice came out flat. “Makes you wonder what?”

He should be thrilled that they were having this conversation but all he felt was vaguely nauseous and like he should absolutely be finding Levi sometime in this century.

“Makes me wonder if I was too quick to dismiss it. Maybe we should . . .I don’t know.” Mo’s smile was guileless. He had no fucking idea what was going on now. He only thought Aidan had been in love with him in June and now, in September, that Aidan was still in love with him.

“You’re trying to say that you want to what . . .date me?”

“I don’t know?” Mo was still trying to say it, which Aidan got. He had struggled with what to say for three years. It had only been three months for Mo.

“Yeah you do,” Aidan said.

Mo blew out an unsteady breath. “I’m not saying I feel the same. But maybe I could. I think I was too quick to dismiss it before.”

It was not a grand declaration of love. It was not Morris falling to his knees saying he’d made a massive mistake. It was too wishy-washy to be considered any of those things. Way too many “maybes” and “mights.”

Three months ago, Aidan would’ve jumped on it anyway.

Now he just hung back, uncertain what he should say.

“We’re just . . .we’re good together, Aidan,” Mo said.

Aidan had always believed that, but now he wasn’t sure that extended to all the ways he’d once hoped for.

But it would be crazy to tell Mo no. The Aidan of three months ago was screaming at him to take Mo up on whatever he was offering.

But the Aidan of three months ago didn’t know what it was like to have Levi.

“Yeah, we are. On the field.”

Mo shot him a look. “Seriously?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I told you I was in love with you and then you said it wasn’t going to happen. That was almost four months ago.”

“Yeah. But then I got traded here, and I’d been thinking, and now . . .it was like we got a second chance.” Mo wasn’t begging exactly, but there was a part of Aidan—much quieter now, but not completely silent—that wanted to believe he sort of was.

“I don’t know,” Aidan finally said.

He should tell Mo about Levi, but he didn’t know if he could.

Regardless of anyone currently in his bed or worming their way into his heart, Aidan was sure he didn’t entirely like the idea of let’s see how it goes.

That sounded like a recipe for Aidan getting his heart broken a second time. And the first time hadn’t exactly been a picnic.

Mo was staring at him like he hadn’t believed how this conversation was going. That was fair; Aidan couldn’t really believe how this conversation was going.

“You don’t know?” Mo questioned.

Aidan huffed out a breath. “You know how you didn’t know what to tell me three months ago? I don’t know what to fucking say to you now, Mo. This is . . .it’s a lot. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“I know.” Mo had the nerve to look understanding.

Part of Aidan—the heartbroken part from three months ago—wanted to say yes, if only because if he said yes, maybe it would erase the way he’d felt.

But the other part was screaming at him that if he agreed, it would mean that the next time he saw Levi, it wouldn’t be to celebrate his first win as a Thunder player, but to tell him that he’d need to move back to the guest room.

Aidan could not imagine doing that.

He also couldn’t imagine looking Mo in the eye and telling him that no, he wasn’t interested after everything that had happened.

What would that say about his supposedly strong feelings?

Aidan didn’t know.

He just plain fucking didn’t know.

Maybe that was all he could say right now.

“I really don’t know,” Aidan said again. “Obviously you want an answer but I can’t. Give me some time.”

Aidan wasn’t sure what time was going to buy him—hopefully some kind of clarity—but there wasn’t anything else to say.

“That’s only fair,” Mo said wryly. “Considering what I said to you three months ago.”

Aidan nodded. He finished his drink. Wished he already had another one even though he rarely had more than one during the season. But this? This called for it.

“I’m gonna—” He gestured towards the doorway which led to the bar.

“Alright,” Mo said. Patted him on the back. Maybe if Aidan had given him even slightly more encouragement, his fingers might’ve lingered. But the touch was brief, and Aidan couldn’t even say he was disappointed.

When he emerged into the main room, there was Levi, hanging out at the bar with Griff, Lane, and Trevor.

“Hey,” he said, catching Levi’s elbow. Unlike Mo, his touch lingered. Aidan couldn’t help it, even though he was touching Levi in front of three of their teammates.

“There you are.” Levi grinned. “Wondered where you went to.”

Like Aidan hadn’t been looking for Levi for fucking ever before Mo had dragged him into their private conversation.

“Been looking for you,” Aidan said. He didn’t know how to tell Levi what Mo had just said to him—and he obviously couldn’t say it in front of any of these guys.

“Yeah?” Levi wiggled his eyebrows.

It should’ve been stupid. Not hot.

But it was hot.

“Have another drink,” Levi said. “Then we’re going.”

“Oh, we are?” Aidan raised an eyebrow.

“Got a better celebration in mind,” Levi said.

There was no question in Aidan’s mind that he wanted it. Wanted Levi. Because didn’t he always?

It was on the tip of his tongue to say yes, your victory party sounds like the best fucking idea ever. One hundred and ten percent, ten out of ten, all gold stars.

But then he thought about what Mo had said. What Mo had just suggested. And even though he wanted it, craved it nearly, he didn’t know what kind of person that made him to take advantage of Levi’s desire while not being totally honest about what was going through his head right now.

“Um,” he said.

Levi looked surprised. Not disappointed, at least. But surprised.

“Hey, bro, it’s all good. You played a hard game today. We’ll table it for later.” Levi smiled at him, as bright as ever, and his touch on Aidan’s shoulder lingered.

Maybe it would be fine. Aidan let out the breath he’d been holding.

He had another drink. Laughed with his teammates. Lifted his glass in so many toasts he lost count.

Even joined in the chorus of boos when Cam said something careless about where they’d be in February.

“Can’t jinx us, rook,” Dawson teased him, slinging an arm around the punter’s shoulders.

Cam had blushed, Dawson ruffling his hair with his other hand. “You’re good, rook.”

When Aidan had finally finished his drink, quietly consulting with the bartender to cover everyone’s tabs, he met Levi’s gaze and Levi nodded.

But Levi was quiet in the cab as they headed back to the condo.

Aidan knew he should say something—he didn’t think he could tell him what had happened with Mo, because that would mean having to parse out what it meant, and Aidan had yet to figure that out—but he could make small talk.

Normally, conversation flowed between them so easily.

Maybe Aidan had brought on Levi’s silence by not being enthusiastic about sex. Or maybe he was just tired from the game, and Aidan was being neurotic, imagining the worst-case scenario.

“You good?” Aidan said, nudging him with his leg. He couldn’t kiss him, even though he wanted to, because they were in the back of a cab, and the driver had definitely recognized them, congratulating them on a great game when they’d first climbed in.

“Yeah, ’course,” Levi said, their eyes meeting in the dark.

The cab stopped in front of their building and they climbed out, Aidan nodding along and giving the guy an autograph on top of a really healthy tip.

“It was a good day,” Aidan said when they were in the elevator, floors flashing past. “Would’ve liked it if it didn’t come down to the last few plays, but I’ll take it.”

Levi shot him a wry smile. “Overachiever,” he joked gently.

Between the fond tone and the teasing, Aidan was fairly certain everything between them was okay, but then they walked into the condo and instead of Levi heading with Aidan into the bedroom they’d been sharing for weeks now, Levi went straight into the guest room without a word.

What the fuck. Aidan didn’t want that. Aidan hated that.

Aidan hesitated in the hallway, eyeing the open doorway. Listening to the noises of Levi undeniably getting ready for bed.

Maybe Levi wanted his space, but fuck that noise. Maybe it was unfair, but Aidan didn’t want to give it to him.

They hadn’t talked about it, but Aidan liked having Levi in his bed for more reasons than just sex. It was more than just sex. Aidan believed that, and he wanted Levi to believe it too.

He made the decision in a second and didn’t let himself overthink it.

Approaching the guest room, he leaned against the doorframe, trying to appear casual about it. Like internally he wasn’t strongly considering grabbing Levi’s arm and dragging him to his bed like a caveman with a particularly tasty morsel he didn’t want to share.

“What’s up?” Aidan asked, watching as Levi unbuttoned the shirt he’d worn to Vault, tossing it into the empty laundry hamper. Empty because he’d been using the one in Aidan’s room.

The one he should still be using, the voice in Aidan’s brain screamed.

Levi glanced over at him. “Going to bed,” he said. He didn’t sound short, but there was an edginess to his tone that Aidan also hated.

He’d fucked this up. Don’t fuck this up, he could imagine Riley yelling at him right now.

I’m fucking trying, he yelled right back.

Try harder. These days it felt like Riley always got the last word, and Aidan loved him so much, he couldn’t even be angry about it.

“In here?” Aidan questioned as carefully as he was able. Because damnit, Riley, he was trying.

A flush climbed up Levi’s cheeks. “I wasn’t sure, I didn’t want to overstep and you didn’t seem interested earlier . . .”

“Was a long day.” That much was true. “Doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my space. Doesn’t mean I want you to come back in here. But if that’s what you want . . .” Aidan trailed off. Hoping desperately it wasn’t what Levi wanted.

“I don’t,” Levi said.

Aidan hadn’t even realized his shoulders were tense until they were relaxing, sloping downwards again.

“Well then,” Aidan said.

Levi smiled, goofy this time, but it felt like they were both in on the joke. We’re both being stupid, bro, he could imagine Levi saying, but Levi didn’t have to, because it was so obvious.

Levi hadn’t even gotten far in getting ready for bed without Aidan, but it still felt so right to have him back in the bathroom next to Aidan, brushing his teeth and getting water everywhere, splashing up on the mirror in a way that Aidan tried to pretend didn’t bother him.

It turned out though that the most important thing was that it was happening at all. Aidan couldn’t even imagine if Levi had ended up dotting the guest room bathroom mirror.

They crawled into bed, and for a second, Levi seemed like he was going to keep to his side in a way he rarely did, then he turned over, sliding a hand over Aidan’s hip.

“You know if you still want to talk about it—the Mo stuff—you can,” Levi said quietly, his expression hard to see in the dark.

“I know.” Aidan hesitated. He wanted to say more, but what could he say? He’d just freaked out internally because Levi had tried to give him space he didn’t want. “When there’s something I need to say, I’ll say it.”

Levi was quiet for a long moment. “Alright,” he said.

This too, Aidan realized, was about trust.

Trust that when Aidan had something to say, he’d say it. But it didn’t just go one way. Aidan was going to have to trust that when he figured out what the fuck he was doing, when he did find the words, Levi would be willing to listen to them.

Levi leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Aidan’s cheek. “It’s all good. Go to sleep,” he murmured.

And to Aidan’s surprise, he closed his eyes and actually did.