Page 51 of Peacock Me Like a Hurricane (Rise of the Resistance #2)

DELILAH

“ T his place is a dump.”

I know, I know. You think I’m biased, right? Maybe I’m even being a little snooty after moving to the Rift’s version of the royal vacation home. No, I’m not. It’s become a dump.

As much as I hate Sari and Belle for opening this place, I know the power of having a gathering area. It gets people excited because it’s new, everyone is here, and it gives them a place to socialize that doesn’t violate their private spaces. So I relented and didn’t have it blown off the face of the Rift on ‘accident’.

That is what I suspect the Company did to Sari’s previous bar, Dirty Deeds. A sign saying ‘closed’ appeared on the door one day and there was a smoking hole in the ground the next. I’m not sure why Sari didn’t learn her lesson after the first bar went boom, but that’s Sari for you.

Most of my family members have made appearances here since it opened. They’re glad-handing: singing a song or two, taking part in theme weeks, and monitoring the landscape. I visited the first week to make an impression. That is how I know that this means that it IS becoming Dirty Deeds revisited. That place needed a power wash to get clean enough to look at the floor and furniture, much less to sit on it.

I sigh, watching various community members take turns at the mic. I listen to some of my friends and their families. They all seem happy, but I don’t know who is putting on a public face and who is enjoying themselves anymore.

I seem down for someone who got the best news of the century, right?

It’s been a few days since I broke the news to everyone. They acted calm in public, but I don’t trust it. Every single person I talked to smelled like lies—sweaty socks, if you’re wondering—and I couldn’t bring myself to push them until they were honest with me.

Rafe and I discussed their reactions. Sari and Wilde had already warned the rest of the crew before I could even get to them because no one seemed surprised.

It’s too quiet. Something is happening that I don’t know about; I guarantee it.

“Something is going on and I don’t like it.”

“Oi, Nancy, we’re here!”

I look up and smile, gesturing to the open seats at my table. Hex, Leo, and the rest of the gang pull another table over and get settled in. Hex plops a five- inch binder down and my eyes widen. “What the hell is that ?”

“It’s the party planning bible, kitty. It’s no different from any other shindig we’ve thrown.” Leo shakes his head as if I’ve lost my mind, then asks, “Drinks everyone? I’ll head up and see if anyone is even around to pour.”

“Probably not,” Philomena says, looking disgusted. “My boys have been avoiding the day crowd since their co-owners abandoned the upkeep on the place. Their family isn’t doing much to help, either. Janus has had it with scrubbing everything down every day to clean up messes he’d rather not identify.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, too aggravated to put words together. Why in the fuck did those two goddamned idiots force this bar open only to abandon it in less than a month?

Never mind, I know why.

Sari wanted something to piss me off, and Belle suggested re-creating DD so they could be in control. Since Belle has the attention span of a gnat and Sari’s too busy helping Wilde get a leg up on Talia, they have dropped the whole thing. I don’t blame Roman or Janus for not wanting to get left holding the mop. Their whole ‘no rules’ makes for some messy playtime in this universe. I’d hate to think about the things they’ve had to clean up.

Music plays and I look up to see Michaela singing a pop tune from the eighties. She’s belting away like she’s at her prom, beaming out at the crowd. At least the community members are having fun—the tables full of people hooting and hollering for her haven’t noticed that this went from a karaoke bar to a dive.

Philomena sighs as if it’s the most troublesome thing in the world and gets up. “I’m allowed behind the bar. Give me a list, reprobates. I’ll pour, Leo will fetch, and we will knock out the decorations and food choices so we can split up the errands. I wish the loafer were here so we could get the costume ideas and pick up what he needs, too.”

“He is not yet ready for this exposure,” Siren says, her eyes darting around the room. “The waters are deep and the sharks swim in the shallow end.”

I arch a brow, thinking for a moment I’ve hit my head since she sounds like that bloody riddle droid that Hex loves so much. “What?”

“Oh, don’t be dense, Queen D. She’s being metaphorical. The artist didn’t want to step into the spotlight yet because he doesn’t want to get swarmed. The vacuum of ladies in his life makes him shark bait,” Philomena calls over her shoulder as she walks away.

“Not that he needs to worry about it. We’ve got his back,” Sandrine says, popping an enormous bubble. “Buzz would love to find a playmate.”

I shudder and wave my hand. “Christ, not in front of me. You’ll give me a coronary. That’s the last thing I need right now.”

Hex chuckles and makes a googly face. “Not with the bayyyyy-beeeee! !”

My eyes narrow and I growl. “Baby or not, I’ll de-fang the next person who acts like I’m a piece of fine china. No. Special. Treatment.”

“Correct. No special treatment. Predators breed in the wild every day, and that does not mean that they are any less dangerous than those who are not with child. Perhaps they are even more so.” Siren gives me a small, knowing smile, as if she has every confidence that I’ll be ripping off heads until the day the baby’s born.

“Thank you, Siren. I agree.”

Leo walks up with a tray, followed by Philomena, and they hand out the drinks. “Okay, fangs and friends, let’s get down to business.”

I hold up my hand. “If anyone gets up to sing a song from a Disney movie after that, I’ll skewer you all.”

“Spoilsport,” Hex grumbles. “Fine, let’s plan.”

After the marathon design session with the family, I popped back to my other home. I’m tired and worse for the wear.

Worrying about the blowback from my announcement and the concerns the girls raised about behavior at the party are weighing on my mind. I can’t very well cancel the damned thing. They all warned me and well, I didn’t listen.

It’s all on me if it goes sideways. Yay!

Taurus stalks in like a dark cloud on the horizon. It’s odd, but I feel the irritation running through him and I wonder if he had Cuban for lunch. Indigestion makes him cranky every time.

“Bloody spicy git,” he mutters, striding into the closet.

Mystery solved: Cuban. “You okay, baby?”

He comes out of the closet after changing into more comfortable clothes He’s meticulous about his fancy duds and chides me about how not careful that I am. My problem is years of being spoiled by Hex, who’s always done all that for us. In a house as big as mine, everyone owns something and we function as a unit, taking care of our things for everyone.

I know; I’m a brat.

I also don’t own clothing and accessories that one could sell to pay off the debt of a third world country—he does.

“Indigestion, plus Talia had an irritating visit with the blogger. She’s feeling weird, and it’s bleeding in a little.”

I arch a brow. “Irritating how?”

“They have invited her to their house for the weekend. I figured that she’d gotten horizontal with him much sooner than intended when she called from somewhere NOT our home before the church fiasco. It’s not appealing to think about THAT, but she’s been having a decent time with him. As much as I loathe that little toad he lives with, I want my woman to be happy. Hell knows I am.”

He gives me a toothy grin, then shakes his head.

I nod, understanding the Catch-22, as my mate and I have been there. I hate Hex’s girl’s family, we’re not fond of our own mates, and I worry about Philomena’s boys functioning as gossip diggers.

“Right. I think you might have been right about ‘ye old English’ jumping the gun on how fast things will go based on what Talia’s lines are. Some discussion set her teeth on edge. I know everyone else in this little ‘berg is all into ‘the free loving families’ thing, but that’s not how we work. The gnome should know that by now, and Wilde suggested otherwise.”

Blinking, I start an internal countdown to curb my temper. Now that I have a good working relationship with the Beast, my bloody magick goes off the rails when I get emotional. With him already in this mood, it won’t help anything if I go crazy and zap us to Mars or something. “Otherwise?”

“He suggested Talia should steal me back if she’s feeling lonely. It made me wonder if it was his way of trying to get you alone, despite your conversation today. It also made her wonder if his courtship of her “was less about her and more about evening the score with you.”

Hell yes, it is. I bloody told him I worry about that. That’s what Sari and Wilde do . Jesus Christ, no one ever, ever fucking listens to me. I should not have to present a full-blown case to the judge and jury to get people to realize that I dislike saying bad things about people I care about and when I do, there’s fucking reason.

“Uh- huh. What else?” There’s always a ‘what else’ with them, you see.

“Evelyn. Evie.” His eyes narrow and his glare falls on me.

That son of a bitch! “I told him that naming the baby was between you and me and we were not taking suggestions, regardless of who makes them. That jackass. ” I jump off the bed, stalking to the bar. I’m filled with anger and energy that sizzles over my skin. Therefore I didn’t want her near them. They can’t stop themselves and they don’t want to. They have to ruin everything for everyone.

He watches me, head tilted. “Talia told her she knew about the gnome saying that you’re neutering me. I don’t think she quite gets that being nice for the sake of you, and now for Talia isn’t being neutered; it’s being respectful of those you love.”

Snorting, I shake my head as I stare into the glass of scotch. “She most definitely does not.”

“According to her, there’s a passel of people you’re not given dues to because of me.”

His expression is melancholy, and I growl low into the glass again, glad that I’d worked out a spell that helps me protect the baby but allows me to take the edge off. It’s not a pleasant process, mind you, and a little gross on the back end, so I won’t go into detail. However, it works, and she is safe. Don’t worry for a second, yeah?

“We don’t work on the ‘family love’ concept and everyone else does. It feels like we’re ruining everything and it might have been better for us not to even have come along.”

I cross over the bed, bend down, and cup his face. “Don’t say that. It’s not true, and I don’t care if anyone else agrees with me. They can all go fuck themselves. I haven’t been this happy in a long time and they can chew on that fat because they fed it to me.”

He sighs. “See, we have casual playtime with no problem. I could have done Tamara or Blondie—no big deal. It would have been interesting, and that’s it. Then you came along, all prickly and stompy with that milk dud heart…”

He’s not listening to me. Whatever Sari has said to Talia is messing with his head. I don’t know how to fix it and it’s making me panic, but I promised I’d do better about the freak outs, so here I am. I drawl, looking into the glass as I walk to the bay window. “I like our home. I enjoy having you to myself and I enjoy being here with you. It’s often the only place I want to be.”

“What are you saying, baby?” he asks.

“I think Sari knows that. Look at the seeds she’s planting. This bloody bullshit is why I hate being around those two.”

“I have to be honest. If you’re saying that you prefer being exclusive with me, even knowing that it might not always be possible for you, and even after the baby you’d still want that from me, despite the fact that you might not honor it yourself, I need to know. It’s going to decide some things for me.”

“I have been sort of exclusive with you. I like it, but I can’t leave people I love and hurt them. Not after Rhea. I won’t be her. I’ve been choosing you over Sari’s family for a while now.”

That part is true. I’ve been with him so much that I haven’t been around many others unless I have to, and with all the turmoil in the community, I haven’t had the time to give much to anyone else. It’s part of the reason this bullshit with Sari is coming up. My guess is that she’s raising the flag for Constantine and Shea, too.

“Regardless of what you don’t think you should ask from me, or wouldn’t deny me, tell me the truth. Do you want me to be only yours? Outside of my primary.”

I look down at my hands, warring with my heart, my ethics, and my internal gauge of what’s right and fair, I whisper, “Yeah, I do. I want to rip people limb from limb when I think about them touching you. I feel awful saying it because I can’t guarantee that myself. It’s not fair to ask you to give what I can’t reciprocate. I feel guilty even thinking about it.” I run my hand over my chest, a little green at the gills from saying it out loud.

“Sod it, Deli! I’m not asking about fairness; I’m asking what you bloody well feel; I want you all to myself. I want to be a greedy, possessive, stingy wench about it. I don’t know why because I’ve never wanted to kill someone so much as I want to kill Tamara when you showed me those texts. But there it is.”

Feeling like a total bitch, I walk over and drop onto the couch, tucking myself into the cushions as if making myself smaller will lessen the pinch.

He lets out a breath, looking at his left hand. I sit my chin on my knees, spreading my long hair curtain around me like a shield. The air is shrinking around me as I wait. “People don’t understand the way I’m wired. They can’t figure out why the big bad would want to be faithful to one—now two—chits. I don’t have the stomach for being second. I’m defined by my choices. I don’t ask others to make the same decisions, but I need to know what they stand for. The only person—aside from the golden goddess—that I trust to tell me what they need is you.”

He looks up and meets my eyes. “You don’t always do that without me making an issue about it, and you’re riddled by guilt and ‘shouldn’ts’. I don’t know if you meant it like that, but when I took this ring, I chose the finger to wear it on. I said something to you without saying it. and I’ve mentioned it in passing once or twice, as well.”

I lick my lips. He has mentioned it and I caught it, to tell the truth, but since I’ve never seen him even blink at maybe returning the gift—I’ve sort of pushed it out of my mind. I know it's like he can’t because of what I can’t give him. That’s my choice and I know it, but it hurts, so I don’t mention it. He’s not trying to hurt me, I know, but still. I speak, wanting to tread away from that topic as best I can because I cannot bear the thought of him telling me those reasons out loud.

My heart can’t take that from him.

“The reason that I can’t always say it is because of my ethics and due to people and their blasted rules. It’s hard for me to know if I’m crossing a line that I didn’t know about. I know you’re different and I’m trying to be better about it. I’ve crossed lines I didn’t mean to before with a couple of people, and I got burned. Please understand that I’m trying to make it easier. Sometimes, I get afraid that I’ll screw it all up and lose you. That would kill me.”

His look is serious. “There is only one way you could ever lose me. Lie to me, or keep something from me because you think I’ll hurt or betray me, and I’m so gone that it’ll be like I was never here. That is the only way—the only way — you lose me. I walked into this with my eyes open about your past. Few things I’ve learned since then? I know you have to be with your other mates. I know and I hate it. It’s like a very large, serrated blade tearing through my heart and lungs, but I know it. I live with it, and I’ll live with it after it happens. It hurts worse than you’d want to imagine.”

My eyes close and I want to scream ‘but I don’t want to’, but I can’t. I don’t know how to extricate myself from the mess I’m in. I don’t want to be her. So, I nod and murmur, “When I gave you that, I meant something by it. I was so happy and humbled when you put it where you did because I love you so much. Truth be told, if I could only be with you and none of the rest, I would, but I can’t. I love them and would never hurt them like that. I just can’t do it after her.”

“I know, baby. I’d never ask you to do that for me, but it helps to know you’d prefer it was different, though. I got into something with you I may not have gotten into had I known how much it would stir up among the hive. If I hadn’t, it would have been a poor decision. The bottom line is that, there’s nothing—no amount of personal pain—that could be more of a tragedy than never having known you would have been.”

A stray tear leaks from my eye and I clamp my lips together, hoping to keep it together. “I’m thrilled. I’m so happy to be with you like I am, doing what we did. I do not care if they’re all buzzing around like bees in a bonnet. I do not decide what I want based on what the crowd thinks and wants. I base that on what I want and need. Period. I want and need you and if they don’t like it, it’s not my problem.”

I’m stretching a little there, because this speech is my ideal Deli—the woman I was before all the pain. I want to be her again and telling him this makes it real. “I’m not responsible for everyone’s happiness and don’t care to be. If they love me, they get over things they may not like because of that. If not, they deal with that decision on their own. You’re not stirring up stuff that’s not already stirred up. Things have not been the same with Wilde since the big December mess. Somewhere inside, I’m sure he knows that.”

That makes his brows furrow, but he doesn’t press me. “The golden goddess is going to continue seeing him.”

“That’s fine with me. It’s a bad idea, but I learned a long time ago not to care who Wilde is screwing. I’m destined to be unhappy if I do.”

“She’s going to do it more than she’s played with him so far, though. She’s been far too accepting of his behavior than she should.”

“Wilde has plenty of people pounding on his door. I’ve never contemplated having him to myself because he’d never do it. He doesn’t even tell me who he’s seeing. I don’t care what Wilde does; I’m only worried about her. She has to set clear, unbreakable boundaries. It’s very important.”

Please, please listen to me this time. Dear Goddess, please let them hear me this time.

“She wants Sari and Wilde to know that it’s not because she’s jealous of you and I. Bottom line, she’s not. I wouldn’t be here if she had a problem with it.”

“Rafe has no problem with us. He’s never jealous over anything because he’s very secure. He’s shared me from day one and we fell in love almost at first sight. We can talk about loving the same person and be comfortable. He’s never going to be an issue and don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

“Talia’s going to need to make sure they understand—no, that’s not a good way to say it. You can’t make people understand; the only thing I can do is tell them the truth. She’s going to let them know she will not be stomping in here, dragging me back home, or asking to join us in a group fuck for prosperity’s sake.”

I nod, contemplating how to say this without spilling the beans on the big secret that I still do not want to even think about talking about—with anyone. “She needs to be clear as a bell about her intentions with Wilde. Because I promise he has his own agenda that he will not share. That’s who he is. Now, he may ignore what she tells him, but she has to be as clear as she can. It’s important to draw lines and not let him cross them—not even a little.”

“Does it bother you that I think of myself as your husband now?” He looks nervous as he approaches the couch, twisting the ring on his finger.

“Are you kidding? No, I love that you do. It makes me all warm and fuzzy and stuff.”

“You’re okay with my decision to be exclusive with you because of this ring? That means that the next time I talk to Tamara, and she goes for me, I give her the smack down.”

I don’t answer for a moment, imagining that situation.

“I swear, woman, you better not have a sodding problem with me being exclusive with you!”

My voice is low and trembling a bit because so many emotions are hitting me at once. I’m having such a hard time containing them all while making sure that I look sane. “Baby, I love that you want to be only with me. I’ve never—no one has ever even offered. No one has wanted me that much before. It makes me very awed.” I wipe my eyes, because damned if they aren’t leaking. Fuck.

He tugs me into his lap and holds me close. “I can’t help it. I love you too much.”

Wrapping around him, I mutter, “I love you so much it hurts.”

“Christ, I hope we don’t have to do that again; it’s gut wrenching.”

I nod. “Hard stuff sucks.”

“Baby, can I ask you a question?” When I nod, he mumbles, “Why don’t you want me to meet the rest of your family?”

“Who in the hell said that?”

He shrugs, looking chagrined. “No one.”

“Are you sure of that?” I look at him, tilting my head. “If I gave that impression, I didn’t mean to by any stretch.”

“I mean, I know my family isn’t extensive, but you’ve met Talia, Damien’s stopped by and, the only one you’ve not seen, though she’s been here, is Theodora.”

“I want you to meet them. I’m so damned greedy about time with you, I haven’t wanted to give any up to other people. But I made a big deal about the party on purpose, though, you know.”

He blinks. “Wait, are you serious? You’re not poking me or anything, are you?”

I shake my head. “Well, Leo’s been here and so has Hex: cleaning up and filling the fridge. Though they haven’t stayed long enough to meet you.”

“I’ve not met them because you’re hoarding me?”

“Kind of?”

“I’ve been thinking bad thoughts. That’s what I get for assuming, I guess.”

I give him a sheepish look. I have been escaping to here with him, avoiding the crush of all the other obligations I have and getting away from the ever-present drama that I am almost certain Sari is orchestrating in the background. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was ashamed. or something. I can have one or two of them stop by tonight if you’d like.”

“No, no, it’s okay, love. Now that I know why they’ve not been by and know that it’s not me, I’m okay.”

“It’s not you at all. I promise. I’m proud that you’re mine and I want everyone to know. I want you to know my family. I’m sure you’ll get along with Philomena, because she gets along with almost no one.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sodding rich and appreciate a right good bitch, so that makes sense.” He grins and puts his hands behind his head.

“She is a bitch, though, she’s been good about holding the fort down for me.”

“You’re stuck with me, then. Everyone will love me and you love me most of all.” He tugs me closer and runs a fang down my mark, making me shiver.

“I don’t have a complaint there.”

His smile is wicked, and he pulls back. “Speaking of less pleasant branches of your family tree, I saw you did a pleasant set over at that hellhole the twat opened. Excellent choice, that.”

“I love Elvis,” I sigh. “His voice is… oooh.”

“That brings us back to hunk of burning clone, baby.”

“If you sing Elvis to me one day, I promise to swoon.”

He blinks, looking amazed. “Are you making fun of me, baby?”

“If you get up there and sing me some Elvis, good Elvis, I promise to sit and swoon — in front of the entire bar, even.” I grin, waiting to see if he takes the bait.

I’ve made small appearances as a political thing at that blasted bar. Since I like karaoke, I go under the auspices of singing a song for whatever theme they’ve picked that week. Sometimes, I send the boys or gals to do it for me, because I need a constant eye on that Southern bitch. We suffer the horrid performances people give so I can watch for trouble. Taurus on stage, singing to me, will make an impression—a firm one.

“Well, I could do a ballad or two for the right chit,” he scratches his chin, rising to the bait I threw as I grin.

“Oh, come now, baby. You’re a brilliant singer and you know it. Not to mention you love people to watch you strut and you want to see me swoon.”

Pausing for a moment, he looks thoughtful again and I know I have him.

“There is that. Did any of your other gits sing Elvis to you? I ride on no one’s coattails.”

“Did anyone else sing Elvis for me? Not that I know of.”

“Fine, I’ll do it,” he grumps, pretending that he won’t enjoy every second of every person in that godforsaken hole watching him in jealousy.

I smile and hug him, sighing. He spoils me.