Page 22 of Peacock Me Like a Hurricane (Rise of the Resistance #2)
TAURUS
“ T he family thing isn’t your fault; it’s mine. So is the random massacre.”
“I know that, but I hurt you again and that is all my fault. I should tell them for you; I can tell them for you. Let me tell them it’s my fault. They can punish me.”
“You hurt me very badly, but my actions are my responsibility. I’ll take the penalty because I admit, I’d do it again. Unfortunately, the Company frowns on thirty-three unscheduled, random slaughters.” I sigh, knowing that this is going to be an absolute nightmare. Besides which, I’m so sodding spent physically that I can hardly keep myself upright.
“I started it. I made it happen. I did it. I can take that blame.”
“Stop. I wish I’d known, and I wish it didn’t get dumped on me by Wilde and Sari. I accept that you forgot, and that it wasn’t intentional. I don’t understand it, but I accept it as your truth. I don’t forgive myself for not giving you a chance to explain before I went smash and slash. I apologize for that because it was childish and not good treatment of someone I love.”
That part is true. Despite my rage, the feeling that I acted impulsively by not allowing her to explain before I lost it has irked me all night. It didn’t stop me from tearing everything in my path apart, but it was there.
“I love you; I don’t want you to go. The whole time you were gone, I couldn’t function. I shut down because I was so raw. I don’t blame you at all—not after all the things people have done lately. Especially not since I did something similar when I locked myself in the bathroom. I didn’t destroy anything, but I’m not big with destruction as much as curling inside myself and not coming out. I don’t judge you; I have no room to talk.”
“I judge me,” I say, shaking my head. “I live by simple rules and one is ‘don’t do anything that makes you unable to look at yourself in the mirror afterward’. I hold myself responsible for every action I’ve taken since I stepped into that bathroom, and I’m going to have to deal with that. But I owe you an apology. I should have—at the very least—treated you with the respect due my mate.”
“I accept your apology, even if I don’t think I deserve it.”
She shrinks down again and my brows furrow. “I should tell you that it’s becoming increasingly clear that I’m a jealous sod. Again, this is my problem, and not one you are responsible for.”
“You’re honest about it. I can accept that if you can.”
“I’m sorry I got messy on you.” I look at her, my eyes softening when I remember that she’s had a lot to juggle emotionally. After the story she just told, I wonder how much more there was before I came on the scene.
“It’s my fault.”
“You may have noticed I have a thing with honesty.”
“I want to be honest. If there’s something you want to know, now’s the time to ask.”
“I don’t think I could handle any more dark uglies, pet.”
Her expression is relieved. I tuck that away for later, wondering what she thought she was going to have to share that is worse than this. “I, unfortunately, have no secrets to speak of. That's the problem with being arrogant and shameless, I suppose. Who knew being me had its drawbacks?”
She should have laughed at that. Normally, she would have. Instead, she nods and murmurs, “Every time I’ve claimed someone, it’s been followed by some big nasty thing that mars the experience. Something always rains on my parade. Also, I should mention that bitten people I’m not mated to on my list. Not all, and it’s not a secret, but you might not know.”
“Then to me, it’s a secret. Not a hidden secret, but—okay, maybe an unknown. I don’t count biting the same as mating. Though, I’ve got a thing with no blood play with non-mates, as you know.”
“I know. That’s why I mentioned it. Some were droids, so no blood. I don’t know where that fits into your world.”
“That’s a personal preference. I’ve seen what biting between non-mates can do. I never, ever, bled Blondie.”
“I never touched her.”
“Talia did; is that a problem?”
“No. I had experience with Sari—as you know—and Lily.”
“I thought of something that no one knows. People will be hurt if it ever gets spoken beyond this garden, though.” She just looks back at me, waiting. “My relationship with Blondie had nothing to do with her and everything to do with Talia. I probably don’t have to say much more.”
“Yeah, I get what you’re saying. I, um, I have a secret I can share. The only person I ever told this to was Rhea because she wouldn’t make fun of me.”
Dropping her head, she lets out a breath. “When the beast got hard to control, I did something bad by accident. I was doing better with caging Her by the time you met me—which isn’t saying a lot, I know—but before that, I was with Mercury. He wanted to take pictures because he’s a big voyeur. He had the idea to take pics of me changing and then of her. I let him, and it led to where you’d think it would because I was naked. She was prowling, he was frisky, and I bit him. I didn’t intend for it to be a skin piercing bite—because Mercury doesn’t do that even with Lily—but I slipped. Lily was mad because she thought I’d violated her lines.”
He blinks at me, and I look down, shrugging in embarrassment. “I was really upset about it. I didn’t say anything because Lily, um, never talked about it again. I was in a fragile place because of other things, so the reaction hit me hard. Mercury hardly comes around anymore. I didn’t tell them how much that hurt, and it was a small thing that got bigger and bigger. I even had his tattoo removed because it made me sad and ashamed. That, combined with all the other stuff, made me decide that I had to figure out what to do about her. So, I came to find you. It’s a big secret that I don’t talk about. It actually still hurts to talk about it.”
“I don’t see the embarrassment here, pet. You didn’t have control and he provoked the beast. There’s a little blame in both columns.”
“You wouldn’t see it, because it’s a slice of Deli insanity. It really upset me when Mercury disappeared. He was a playmate, but also a friend. I felt like I screwed up big time, but I couldn’t say anything to resolve it. I sort of maybe expected them to notice that I wasn’t looking for him. Once I let it go for so long, it got ridiculous.”
“Sort of like the thing with Rhea and me that I didn’t know about.”
“Yeah, sort of. I never told Sari, and she’s dying to fix it. If Rhea tells her to get back in with her, I’ll never hear the end of it. I was unintentionally passive aggressive.”
“I’m at a loss when people don’t say what’s on their minds. I live at the other end of the spectrum.”
I turn my body gently and look at the house behind us, an inscrutable expression on my face. The full moon highlights my bloody clothes and makes the open wound under my arm visible. It glistens with six inches of white that can only be exposed rib. Finally, I turn back to her and lapse into silence. I’m not sure where to go from here, especially with her still in the fucking shroud.
“Let me help you, please. You’re hurt.” She pokes one hand out as if reaching for me.
“No.” She shrinks back in—almost tighter—and I curse myself. “N-not yet.”
Nodding silently, she gnaws on her lips.
I pause. “Unless I pass out, then you can keep me alive. I’m still bleeding; I can feel it.”
She eyes me from above the line of the blanket again as if assessing the wounds she can see in severity and figuring out how much time before something turns threatening.
“That’s it, then? All our cards are finally on the table?”
She keeps watching me, then murmurs, “Yes.”
“If I kick it, you can keep me alive—no more, no less. Talia will know and send Damien to get me.” I give her a serious look, knowing that she’s past focusing on anything but the blood now.
“Okay.” Her eyes darken and she shrinks smaller yet again.
“Well, short of telling you Company stuff or giving you a Taurus hit list, I’m remarkably tame. One will get you killed, the other gets you disgusted with me, so we won’t go there. Are you sure I haven’t bored you in the sack? It’s not one of those ‘hiding the truth to spare feelings’ gigs, is it?”
Shaking her head emphatically—a feat for someone who’s practically in a burka—she murmurs, “No.”
“You still love me, even with all this stuff in my head and heart?” I look down at my bruised, broken, and bloody self.
“Yes. Very much.”
“You won’t forget we’ve mated or not want to claim me as a mate, will you?”
“I’ve wanted everyone to know for a while. I love you and I would have shouted it to everyone if it hadn’t been for worrying about hurting Rhea. I’m not worried about that now. And I could never forget I mated with you, baby. I can feel you inside me all the time. I’ve never done some of the things we do before.”
“I appreciate the clarification, Sandwich. By the way, don’t you even think about repudiating me—ever. We’re mated; we’re going to sodding stay mated.”
“It never crossed my mind. I’m not on the boat with that, even for the exes.”
“I don’t like it because of the damage it can do to the split parties. I’m of the mind that if a relationship ends—even if it’s badly—there should be an effort to look fondly on the good times. But—and there’s a big but—sometimes that’s impossible because of the behavior of both parties. You do what you need to do when you need to do it, love. I won’t judge you.” I lean back against the chair, the blood loss getting to me. “You’re sure you love me? You’re positive?”
“Yes.”
“Hypothetically, if I had to hide out from the Company squads, you wouldn’t mind me using your basement?”
“I might even be convinced to bring you food if you asked nicely.”
“That’s the nurturing part of you. So, if I keep you, you won’t purposely hurt me, and I’ll promise not to go off half-cocked without getting your side of things.”
“I would do everything in my power to keep from hurting you again.”
“I hope so, because this twice in two days shit is for the more foul birds.” I stand, still shaky and my mind is getting fuzzy. “Give me your hand. Be careful— you can bring the blanket.” She stands, letting the blanket loose for the first time in what seems like hours. I hold her hand delicately and look into her eyes. “I love you. I forgive you and I hope you forgive me. I have had my issues resolved in what I believe to be an honest and sincerely repentant manner. I endeavored to treat you with the love and respect I feel for you. If you agree to these points, we can go from here.”
Swallowing hard, she looks at her hand, not at me. “I forgive you. I love you. I never want to lose you.”
I squeeze her fingers tentatively and hold my breath long enough to bend to her lips and brush them with mine. “I love you, mate.” I apparate us to the bedroom, but it drains my reserve and I stumble. “I have to give Theodora credit. She does excellent work.” The door is fixed, the blood is gone, and the glass vase from yesterday has been replaced.
“She does, but I think you need to sit down.”
“I feel like I need to die, but at least I cleared the air between us.” I struggle to breathe and finally give in. “Can you fix me?”
“I can.” She walks me to the bed slowly, then climbs on, finally shed of that damned blanket. “You gotta drink, though. No pretty popping closed stuff for this. Can you do it without going too far?”
“Shit, I think I punctured a sodding lung. You mean without draining you?”
“At least, without killing me.”
“I’ll hear your heart; I won’t kill you.” I look at her seriously, wanting her to know I mean it.
She nods, flicking out her claws and slicing my disgusting clothes off first. The peeling opens more wounds, but it has to happen, so I bite down so I don’t scream.
“Sod a dog. I did a number on myself this time.” Paling visibly, she blinks away tears, and it makes my heart hurt. “Shh, baby. It’s okay. You’re going to fix me right up. It’s not your fault.”
Her jaw clenches and I know she doesn’t believe me, but she keeps studying me as I get settled. “What would be easiest for you to...? Where do you want to…?”
“Feed?” I ask, my eyes teasing her gently. She’s being so cautious and so quiet. It’s unnerving. I worry, but I can’t focus on it enough to suss out what’s wrong.
“Yes.”
I look up at her mating wound wistfully, preferring the re-affirmation there, but I’m not sure I can maneuver that way. My eyes cut back to hers. “I know I’m all crumpled, baby. I know things have been hard, but I love you. I want you anywhere I can get you.”
Smiling a little, she nods. “I mean, what would be most comfy? You are definitely crumpled and I don’t want to make it worse.”
The blood loss pulls at my mind, and I sigh. “Your wrist might be easiest on us both.”
Lying on her side, she holds out her wrist and I notice another ugly set of healed, re-healed, and fresh scars that I haven’t seen before. I didn’t notice those in the past. I can’t help but wonder where they came from and why she doesn’t let them heal.
She’s told me that scars only stay when she consciously forces them to. I haven’t asked about the large one on her sternum, nor the ones on her ankle or lower tummy. Those two look to be healed tattoos, though. There are a few near her ribs that might be from the time she speared herself. Her neck and shoulders are, as expected, multiply marred in the most interesting way. I wonder if she manipulates how the scars look when she keeps them.
Does she have enough power for that?
Some of them worry me, but I can’t keep my mind on it. It’s a conversation for later, I think. I hate that I’ve gotten myself so far gone that I have to do this, but here we are. I kiss the spot on her wrist lightly, then bite in as gently as I can.
A soft groan escapes her lips, but she doesn’t pull away. I feel the sparkling magick of her blood immediately as I drink; it tingles through me like a soothing balm. Drinking from anyone would help, but from her, it’s like dipping into the Achilles pool. She tastes like a fine wine, notes of sweet and spicy with a hint of earth that must be her magick.
She’s murmuring something that sounds foreign and soothing under her breath. I assume it’s a spell to shore up herself or her powers. I hear her chanting, but it’s a wisp— like the memory of a dream—and I let it float away. Her pulse pounds in my ears, over my tongue, and in my veins, as my entire body flushes.
I barely notice her turn her head towards a set of embedded cabinets next to the closet. She points her free hand at them and then at the bedside table. Maybe I’m hallucinating, but a thick pillar candle appears to light itself, followed by a censer of jasmine and lavender incense. Her eyes cut to the light switch and the lights dim. After that, she seems to relax. She continues chanting and I look around groggily, not sure if I really saw that or not.
Suddenly, it burns inside, and I feel my internal wounds knit slowly. The pain and headiness of her blood are making my mind fuzzy, but I keep drinking, slaking the hunger that only seems to increase as I do so. ~So tired. Side effect?~
~Yes.~ Like she just remembered it, her head tilts, and she raises a limp hand to gesture at the fridge. A glass of orange juice appears in her hand and she gulps it. ~Never done this for so long. I’m going to drop off soon.~
My lungs burn like I’ve swallowed hot ash, and everything hurts. Some part of me knows that I’m healing. Another part knows I’m not done yet, so I bite down harder. Her gasp twigs my senses and I touch her heart with mine, feeling her breathing getting shallow. Her pulse jumps and I re-assess.
I can’t kill her; I won’t. I feel her heart inside me like I’m inside it and I focus on it. She stutters and falls next to me, and I realize that my staunchest supporter, the person willing to put up with my every whim, is unconscious. There’s some healing to go, but I must stop now. I lift my head from her wrist and lick the wound closed, watching it seal. “Deli? Love?”
She doesn’t move and anguish fills me. I was so bloody distracted with the magic and the wounds and her sodding scars that I wasn’t paying attention. Her breathing is light and wispy, her pulse thready, and I can feel the haze in her mind as I try to get her to respond. Every inch of my body hurts, but since I’m not in danger of kicking it, I roll to my side and squeeze her hand. ~Love?~
Exhaustion is pulling me dangerously close to slumber, but I have to try again. ~Baby, talk to me.~
~Tired.~
I collapse next to her and pull her to me, my flesh still tingling and healing. Once I get her curled into my arms, I feel relieved. ~Thank you, baby. Now, sleep. The world will wait for you on the other side. And so will I.~
~Love you.~
~Love you, too, heart of mine.~