Page 32 of Paint Our Song (Cloverlily #1)

T he drive back to the city takes forever, and he plays the band’s new song on a loop obsessively. It’s all he has on until he makes it to his apartment, then he puts his earphones on and listens to it from there.

After what seems like the hundredth ignored call, he can’t take it anymore. Miles pulls up Gil’s number and calls him, nervously watching the screen blink as he waits for an answer. Gil seems to be the more patient one compared to Chase, so he’ll try him first.

“What, Miles?” Gil snaps when he picks up.

So much for relying on Gil’s patience.

“Hi,” Miles says. “I really, really need to get in touch with Calvin. He’s ignoring all my texts and calls.”

“For good reason. Why the hell didn’t you show up at the release?”

Miles shuts his eyes and throws his head back. “I am so, so sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, Miles.”

“He won’t let me apologize to him!”

“There’s not much I can—hey!” There are shuffling sounds, Chase yelling, a lot of protests from Gil, and then Chase successfully snags the phone out of Gil’s hands. He should have known they were together. They’re a package deal, and Miles doesn’t think he’s seen them apart since meeting them.

“Miles!” Chase says, when he finally talks into the phone. “The fuck is wrong with you?”

“Um. Well, lots of things.”

“You broke my boy’s heart,” he accuses.

Gil says, “Don’t tell him that.”

“I… didn’t mean to,” Miles says, voice weak. “I was wrong, okay? I was being stupid, and I backed off because I know how much you all wanted the band to stay together, and I knew being around was messing it up for all of you. Come on. Tell him to pick up his phone.”

Chase cackles. “We didn’t want the band to stay together. What are you talking about? We only agreed because Cal asked, and look at what good that’s done. Theo’s making his life miserable, and Cal’s too lost in his head because of you to even realize that. We’re having another band meeting tomorrow, and you need to convince him to fucking stop backing Theo up.”

Again, Gil says, “Don’t tell him that!”

“What do you mean?” Miles asks.

Gil takes his phone back and says, “I’m going to hang up, Miles. Sorry. ”

Jesus. In the background, he can hear Chase arguing, and then the call ends. Miles presses fingers against his eyes and sighs. He’s so lost in his thoughts that when his phone beeps, he almost jumps out of his own skin.

Chase: Cal’s probably at Camilla Hotel right now.

Right. Calvin’s been staying in a room there. Miles grabs a coat and leaves immediately.

The walk to the hotel doesn’t take him long, and he rehearses what he’s going to tell Calvin in his head. I messed up. I want to be with you —that’s what he’ll say.

Miles walks right up to the counter asking for Calvin’s room number, and predictably, they refuse to give it to him because of policy. Miles, whose family owns an inn, knows that well. Frowning, Miles gets out. He sends another text to Calvin and, as expected, gets no response.

“Miles Curtis, right?”

Caught off-guard, Miles looks up. The woman in front of him looks like, what Miles can only describe, Calvin’s female doppelg?nger.

“Hi?” Miles says. “Sorry, have we met?”

“Cassidy. Calvin’s sister.” She beams and puts a hand out. Miles shakes it, still staring at her as if she’s an apparition. Cassidy’s gorgeous, and he can see why Chase has a crush on her. Her hair’s pitch-black like Calvin’s, though it reaches past her shoulders, and even her dimples look exactly like his. Her features are softer though, her face rounder and her lips more plump, and she looks a head shorter than her brother. Cassidy adds, “I recognize you from the photos Calvin posted. Are you looking for Calvin?”

“Yeah, but he’s ignoring my calls.”

The look on her face says that she’s well-aware of that, probably even knew the answer before she asked. She puts a hand on Miles’s arm and turns him around, leading him back to the hotel. “Come. I think he’s in the hotel gym.”

“I… okay.”

“Why didn’t you go to the release?”

“Because I was stupid,” he says, because there’s really no point coming up with an excuse.

Cassidy chuckles, and they make their way to the elevators.

Miles asks, “Is Calvin going to be okay with this?” He doesn’t want to start a riff between him and his sister, too.

“Of course. I know my brother more than anyone. You’ll be fine.”

Warmth gathers in his chest. “Congratulations on the, um. Your engagement,” Miles says, glancing at the diamond ring she’s wearing.

“Thank you!” She grins wide. “I hope you can go. I mean, if you and my stupid brother can work it out.”

He rubs his neck, smiling sheepishly. “Is the band going to play at your wedding?”

“As if,” Cassidy scoffs. “He doesn’t like playing in front of his own family. Calvin’s always been ridiculously shy, though it is quite funny how he’s able to perform in front of thousands of people, but not for us.”

“He is shy,” Miles says, chuckling. “I think it’s cute.”

Cassidy eyes him .

The elevator opens to the fifth floor, and Cassidy leads the way to the gym. The sign on the wall says this floor holds amenities. Aside from the gym, there’s an indoor swimming pool, a spa, and what looks to be accommodations for pets. The hell? Did their establishment in Ridgeford have all this, too?

They reach the end of the hall and she opens a door. The gym’s empty, except for Calvin, who’s sitting on a bench and drinking from a bottle. As soon as he sees Miles, he coughs in surprise, as if the water went down the wrong pipe.

“I brought Miles,” Cassidy says, smiling. She doesn’t move from where she’s standing by the door.

“I can see that.” Calvin wipes a hand against his mouth and glowers at his sister. His sleeveless black shirt’s drenched around the collar with sweat, and he scowls and furiously wipes at his face with a towel. Miles stares at his arms, at the sweat on his neck, and those shorts, and how strong the muscles in his thighs look—

Miles swallows. This is going to be harder than he thought.

“Well, goodbye!” Cassidy says. “Hope to see you at my wedding, Miles!”

“I—”

She’s gone already and the door swings behind her.

Calvin stays seated. Leaning forward, he holds his bottle between his legs and glares at Miles. His lips are a flat line and he says nothing.

Miles steps toward him and takes a deep breath. His heart hammers in his chest. Fuck, he should do this conversation while running on the treadmill—run off the anxiety.

“Can we talk?” he asks with a lop-sided smile when he gets closer to Calvin.

“Don’t really have a choice, do I?”

He stops in front of Calvin and resists the urge to reach forward and brush the messy hair away from his forehead. Even if Miles is standing and he’s seated, Miles still feels very, very small. “Listen. I was stupid and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Calvin still says nothing.

“I didn’t stick around for the release because I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”

“How would you even ruin it?” Calvin’s voice is strained.

“You two fought at the festival because of me,” he says softly. “You fought on the podcast because of me.”

“Neither of those was your fault. Besides, what does that have to do with you not listening to the song on your own time?”

“I thought…” His voice trails off, because even as much as he wants to have this conversation and be clear about what he feels, he still has a hard time acknowledging the jealousy in him. It makes him feel small and pathetic.

Calvin reads right through him, anyway. “I told you I don’t care about my ex anymore. That song was for you. I sang it for everyone to hear, and you didn’t even bother to listen to it.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” He can’t stand how furious and hurt Calvin sounds, and his hand twitches to touch him. He really, really wants to touch him. “I wish I wasn’t so dumb and that I could take it back. I should have been there, listening to it for the first time, along with everyone else. I probably would have told Mom immediately, sent it to everyone on my phone, sang it all day even if you hate my singing, because you wrote me a song. And you sang it, too. Also, so you know, I did do all that—delayed, but I did. I’m never going to shut up about this song, and I’m pretty sure my university buddies are about to kick me out from our group chats.”

That must be the right thing to say because Calvin blushes and looks away. “Don’t let it get to your head,” he grits out. He looks down and tucks his chin against his chest, his lower lip jutting out. “We were already working on the song but put it on hold because of the band breaking up. While I was in Ridgeford, I rehashed the words and made it about you. Then the band got back together again, and the producers asked us to record the song for a new release, and Chase said we should use the new lyrics I came up with. It pissed Theo off that it was about you, and he refused to do vocals. So, I said I’d do it myself.”

He sounds defensive, and Miles finds it incredibly endearing. Miles isn’t going to survive this, not with how his heart is racing.

“I should’ve been there for the release,” Miles says. “I really am incredibly sorry for the shit I pulled. I wish I could take it back.”

All he gets for that is a disgruntled noise.

“Hey,” Miles murmurs. His heart beats loudly in his chest and maybe it’s too early to say what he’s going to say next, but he needs to. He owes it to Calvin to let him know. “I’m falling ridiculously in love with you.”

“Miles—”

“I can be a real mess sometimes. But… you. You’re incredible. The fact that you even talk to me is a mystery. You do so much for me, and we’re amazing together, and despite that I don’t deserve you—your ex deserves you even less, by the way—I’d really, really like to try. Because I’m falling ridiculously in love with you.”

Calvin cracks a smile which he hides behind a hand, his ears flaming red. “Miles, c’mon.”

“I can’t stop thinking of you. You’ve ruined me for anyone else.”

“Stop acting like I’m so perfect. I let people walk all over me.”

Miles shakes his head. “No. You’re selfless and loyal. There’s a difference.”

“I should’ve given up on trying to save our band a long time ago. But you should know I’m never going to regret any of my songs. Even if you hate them. I’ve been over my ex for a very long time, but I still love the songs I wrote.”

“Yeah… yeah, of course. I get that. I shouldn’t have made you feel like shit for that.” Miles stares at him for a long while, memorizing every detail like he always does. He’s already mixing colors in his mind. “I was being stupid. Can we please pick up from where we left off?”

Calvin’s eyes shift around the room and Miles thinks, horrified, that he’s going to say no.

Then, slowly, Calvin runs a hand through his damp hair. He exhales and says, “… Yeah. I’d like that.”

Miles’s grin spreads and there’s so much happiness in him he can’t contain it. Calvin’s expression softens, and he finally meets his eyes, smiling back at him wide enough for his dimples to show. Miles could shout at the top of his lungs, run an hour on the treadmill, lift all the weights in this damn room.

Instead, he swings his legs over the bench and sits next to Calvin, cupping his face and leaning forward. Calvin meets him halfway and kisses him, slow and tentative, as if they haven’t done this before. After the first few kisses, Miles presses in deeper, puts a hand in Calvin’s hair and kisses him open-mouthed.

Calvin’s breathless when he pulls away. “Sorry. I’m all sweaty and disgusting.”

“No, you’re really hot and that was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had. I should go to the gym more often, if this is what I’ll see.”

“Shut up.” Calvin punches him lightly on the arm.

“I listened to your new song so much the app said I was a top listener,” Miles admits. He rubs a thumb against Calvin’s knee. The gym isn’t romantic at all, with all its equipment and harsh lights, but Miles doesn’t want to move an inch.

“Did you like it?”

“Obviously! Why didn’t you tell me you were singing?”

“It was supposed to be a surprise, dumbass. You ruined it.”

Miles kisses him again to remind him that he truly is very sorry for that. “I’ll be at all your future releases. I’m not even kidding. You’re never going to be able to get rid of me.”

“I don’t want to get rid of you, though who knows if we’re having any future releases? The producers called a band meeting for us tomorrow. It sounds very serious. There’s a lot of noise because of all the stupid drama and the rumors, and they think our image right now isn’t so great. Maybe they won’t want to renew our contract anymore, since it’s more trouble than it’s worth it.”

“You only just released a song, and it’s already at the top of the charts. I was assuming your image was pretty good. ”

“We got a record amount of listens, but social media’s still going crazy. General feedback’s dropping because we’ve lost our charm, whatever that means. Plus, Theo’s insisting we get a ghostwriter.”

“What the fuck? Why?”

“Because of you,” Calvin says, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “He said he’s not going to sing love songs about my boyfriend.”

He perks up. “Boyfriend?”

“That’s what he said. What, you don’t like that word?”

“I love it. Say it again.”

Calvin smirks. “Anyway, it’s all very dumb. I’m pretty sure Chase and Gil are going to vote to break the band up again before our contract’s renewed. Honestly, I don’t blame them.”

“I thought you were going to vote for the break-up as well,” Miles states, because that’s definitely what he remembers Calvin said.

“Should I?” His voice is so unsure and defeated, and it breaks Miles’s heart.

Miles rubs his knuckles against Calvin’s arms, against the lines of his tattoos. “Yeah. I think you should back Chase and Gil up.”

“You want the band to break up?”

“Yeah. Well, no, obviously. But I don’t think you should work with Theo anymore.”

“Miles…”

“He makes you miserable, and he makes Chase and Gil miserable, too. I’m not only saying this because it drives me nuts that you’re working with your ex, but because I truly think you’ll do much better without him. Imagine what you could do, the songs you could write, if you didn’t have to deal with him.”

“We wouldn’t have a lead singer.”

Miles shrugs. “You do it.”

“I don’t want to be the lead singer. I want to write songs and play the guitar.”

“Okay, so open auditions for it. It’ll sort itself out.”

Calvin’s expression pinches, and Miles can see all the uncertainty in there. So, he kisses him again, puts a hand on his nape and gently runs a thumb across his jaw.

“I said you needed him to write songs, but I was really fucking wrong about that, wasn’t I?” Miles says.

That gets him a soft laugh. “Yes, that last one was all you.”

“And even if it wasn’t about me… You’re so incredibly talented, and you should know that. You don’t need him. Or me.” He pauses. “Okay, but I want to be with you, though. But that’s besides the point.”

Calvin smirks and raises his eyebrows.

Smiling, Miles says, “I know you think you won’t have a career if you cut him out of your life, but you will. You already do.”

He nods, then ducks his head, leaning it against Miles’s shoulder, and Miles only hopes he got his point across.

Calvin’s quiet for a long while and Miles almost misses it when he says, voice muffled, “Just so we’re clear… I’m also falling ridiculously in love with you.”

Heat radiates through Miles’s chest. His heart leaps and he doesn’t know what to do with all the emotions that surge through him, so he pulls Calvin away from his shoulder and kisses him, again and again.