Page 10 of Paint Our Song (Cloverlily #1)

T hey head toward the artists’ lounge, which is an outdoor makeshift cafeteria serving drinks and snacks to the performers. Only performers, staff, and VIP backstage pass holders can access the artists’ lounge. There’s a buzz of chatter around them, and it’s cool how they’re listening to live music from a stage. Even if they’re behind the stage, it’s as if they have their own party, with songs from famous performers.

They all take a table, and Chase quickly orders a round of drinks for everyone. Miles ends up between Gabby and Calvin, with Chase and Gil on the other side.

Miles would be giddy about being able to hang out with the band if Calvin’s silence wasn’t so unsettling. He has no idea what he and Theo talked about, but it’s clearly got him on edge. Calvin’s staring at the ground and his shoulders are tense, and he’s shaking his knee so much that Miles is honestly impressed he isn’t tiring himself out.

“So… How’d you all meet?” Gabby asks .

“We started the band back in high school,” Gil says. “Used to play at school dances and all. Took a break when we all went our own ways for college, then started playing again a few years back. Guess we were pretty good because we got a record deal after Theo posted videos online and they went viral.”

Chase scowls and folds his arms. “Fuck Theo.”

“Hey.” Calvin turns to Chase, frowning.

“No, fuck him!”

Calvin shifts in his seat and his elbow knocks against Miles’s, his warm skin startling Miles more than it should have. Frowning, Gil shakes his head at Chase, but he’s already started.

“He thinks he’s too good for us.”

“Creative differences,” Gil corrects. “He wanted to do more. He wanted more tours, more concerts, more releases. We were all going through our own things and couldn’t keep up. Family stuff, that kind of thing.”

Chase snaps, “He wanted too much, and when we suggested slowing it down, so we wouldn’t get burnt out, he said these godawful things back.”

Voice low, Gil says, “We all said awful things.”

“Cal didn’t.”

A sigh escapes Calvin, and Miles wants to reach over and smooth the crease between his eyebrows. He wants to put a hand on his knee too, to get him to stop shaking it so much.

Calvin mutters, “He was angry and didn’t mean it. He apologized.”

With a groan, Chase rolls his eyes. “You should be the last one to forgive him, with what he said to you.”

Miles simultaneously wants to know more and also wants the conversation to end right there. Before he’s able to stop himself, Miles meets Calvin’s eyes and asks, “What did he say to you?”

A beat of silence passes. Calvin, hesitating, says, “He said I was too ordinary.”

“…What?”

Miles’s mouth hangs open in shock. Because what the hell? Calvin looks away, and Gabby makes a disgruntled sound beside Miles.

“There was an entire argument,” Gil says. “Chase and Theo were at each other’s throats, and Cal here was staying out of it—but then, when Chase said that Calvin could take his place as front man, Theo went and said that.”

“And it was Gil’s last straw as well,” Chase says, shrugging. “Of course, I regret a lot of the shit I said, but he didn’t have to bring Cal into it. He especially didn’t need to bring Cal into it. The hell was he even going off on you about again earlier? What, he’s pissed because you brought Miles? After what he said to you, he has some nerve.”

“Chase,” Calvin says. “Please stop.”

“Who the fuck treats their boyfriend like this?”

His— what?

“Ex.” Calvin’s tone couldn’t be more icy.

Gil scrubs a hand over his face. “Chase. You’re being an asshole.”

“You… you didn’t know?” Chase’s voice dwindles as he looks between Gabby and Miles, and his face is white. “Cal, shit. My bad.”

“It’s whatever.” Calvin shrugs and runs a hand through his hair, then tugs at his shirt .

All his fidgeting is making Miles anxious as well, and Miles realizes it’s because he’s tracking his every movement. He’s about one eye twitch away from asking him to calm down, somehow feeling the strong urge to soothe him.

Chase grimaces. In his defense, he looks like he regrets what he’s said. He keeps moving, turning in his seat and drumming his fingers against the table, until Gil places a hand on his wrist and squeezes it. Chase’s shoulders drop and he lets out a deep exhale.

Miles tries not to stare—lots of fans talk about how Cloverlily’s bassist and drummer are an item, but he’s never realized it was the truth until now.

While Gil and Chase talk quietly, Miles peers at Calvin.

It all makes so much sense now. The puzzle pieces fit together. The way Calvin talks about Theo… or rather, how he doesn’t enjoy talking about him. He thought it was all rumors, that they were all speculations and only hopeful thinking from fans—circulating photos of them being too close, the way people over analyze what they say and link it to each other.

There’s a sourness gnawing on Miles’ insides. He turns to Calvin, who’s staring at his drink with a blank expression. Calvin must sense him staring because he looks up and meets his eyes.

“Theo’s an idiot,” Miles says, annoyed. “Not a single thing about you is ordinary.”

Calvin’s eyes widen, and Miles can’t help but notice that he finally stops fidgeting in his seat.

Chase and Gil exchange glances, eyebrows raised, and even Gabby makes a soft sound that sounds kind-of like a chuckle .

His outburst somewhat broke the tension, which is good, even if he’s just proved how much of a huge dork he can be for Calvin. Might as well wear the Calvin cap Gabby gave him. He’s never beating the allegations.

Chase reaches across the table and taps Calvin’s wrist. “Get more drinks with me.”

“Why? They’ll bring it to the table.”

“Please.”

Frowning, Calvin shrugs and gets up. Chase leads him away from the table, and not toward anyone who can actually take this order, and they stop a distance away from the group. His hands moving around wildly, Chase looks rattled.

“He’s apologizing.” Gil’s voice is calm and soft. “Chase runs his mouth when he’s stressed, and Cal’s always been hard to read… but we’ve been friends for a long time, and this is nothing.”

Theo’s been their friend for a long time, too. He has bits and pieces about their history now, has clues as to why the band decided to part ways—and it’s clear that none of them are taking this easily. Miles knows how that feels, to lose a big part of yourself. It leaves a hole in you that will never mend.

“It’s like when we fight.” Gabby teases. He knows she’s attempting to lighten the mood, but Miles is lost in his own world now.

Calvin used to date Theo.

“Cal’s a very private person,” Gil says. “But you’re right, Miles. He’s extraordinary.” His eyes flicker. “Not only because of his talent, but how he is… You won’t find anyone more selfless and loyal than him. ”

Why’s he telling Miles this, specifically? Confused, Miles nods. He takes a swig from his drink, lets the bitterness cool on his tongue.

When Chase and Calvin rejoin the group, Chase still looks hesitant. He has an arm around Calvin’s shoulder, and he squeezes him before letting go.

Gil is right—they’ll be fine.

“Oof! I forgot to ask for a second round!” Chase announces.

The conversation goes a lot more smoothly after that hiccup.

Hanging out with Cloverlily, as Miles expected, is a dream come true. Chase is loud and has no filter, which makes him outgoing and hilarious—and Gil, as it turns out, is able to read a room well. The two of them banter a lot, their conversations bouncing one another naturally, and Gabby’s able to keep up with them. It isn’t a surprise that Gabby easily meshes with them. She gets along with almost everyone she meets.

Gabby has tears in her eyes from all the laughing as she listens to all the trouble the band used to get in growing up, and Miles is simply living the life—hearing all these behind-the-scenes anecdotes about the band, from the band itself, is mind-blowing.

Miles makes no effort in hiding his enthusiasm, listening to the band’s stories, especially when it’s a story involving Calvin. He’s all ears when Chase talks about how they used to practice in Calvin’s garage, and how Calvin’s two older sisters were always an adventure to be with.

“Ah, Cassidy,” Chase sighs, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

Gabby asks, “Who’s Cassidy?”

“My first love. The one who got away.”

“I will fight you,” Calvin says, eyes narrowed, but there’s a grin tugging at the corner of his lips.

Gil offers as an explanation, “Cassidy is Cal’s sister.”

“You wouldn’t last a minute against me.” Chase winks at Calvin.

“Let’s go right now.”

Chase makes a move to get up until Gil knocks a fist against his head, and he pouts and backs off. He mumbles something about only wanting to poke fun at Calvin, and Calvin raises his eyebrows at him with a smirk.

Calvin smirking was a sight Miles could’ve gone the whole night without seeing. He’s done for now.

“I’ll go get another round,” he says, even if they’ve already established that the staff can bring it to them.

He makes his way to the drinks booth and orders beer for the table.

Miles brushes hair away from his eyes. His half ponytail is loose, and he’s just about to fix it when a waitress shoves a tray in his hands.

On his way back to the rest of the group, he runs into Calvin, who says he forgot his car keys in the tour bus. They both try to get out of each other’s way, but step in the same direction—then they try to correct themselves and step to the same side again.

“Okay, wait.” Calvin holds Miles by the elbow to steady him, and Miles’s brain short-circuits. There’s a tingling in his elbow when Calvin lets go. “I wanted to talk, actually.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for that… whatever that was.”

“Not your fault,” he says .

“Are you going back to your inn tomorrow?” Calvin asks, much to Miles’ surprise. “Any chance I can get a ride with you? I was going to take my car, but my sister wants to borrow it.”

“I’m going back on Monday. My exhibit’s running the entire weekend.”

“Can I ride back with you?” Calvin asks. He looks as if he wants to say something more, but then catches himself and stays silent instead.

Miles wonders if he was going to ask if he could go to the exhibit, but that would be wishful thinking. Truthfully, if he didn’t feel like someone from the outside looking in right now, he’d invite him.

“Ah, yeah.” The tray of beer’s heavy, and his arms are starting to ache, but he’s too proud to admit it to Calvin. “Yeah… yeah, okay.”

Calvin frowns. “If you don’t want me to, just say so. I thought you wanted to start on your campaigns.”

“I do!” he blurts out, jerking and almost dropping the tray. Hair falls over his eyes again, and he blows it away. “Sorry, I’m in my head.”

“Why’s that?”

Miles shrugs. “I feel like I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have made you invite us.”

“You didn’t make me do anything.” He sounds baffled.

When Calvin spells out the obvious like that, Miles feels like an idiot. Too bad he can’t seem to stop putting his foot in his mouth, anyway. “You were being polite. I asked, and you arranged it.”

Calvin smirks. “I’m not that polite.”

That calms Miles down, somehow. If Calvin isn’t bothered by it, then he shouldn’t feel so stupid. He shouldn’t have been there for… all that. Chase made it seem he was the reason it all went down like that. Him, specifically.

“I’m a weird ass fan who ruined your night,” Miles says, and the moment the words escape him, he winces at how stupid he sounds.

“You didn’t.” Calvin narrows his eyes. “Text me your apartment address. I’ll be there Monday morning.”

“I… Alright.”

There’s a hand on his elbow again. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know why you think you’re a weird ass fan,” Calvin says. He tilts his head and the corner of his eyes crinkle, and there’s something there that Miles can’t pinpoint. “Did you forget that I’m the one who came looking for you? I’ve been wanting to meet you for years. I’m the fan here.”

He doesn’t have an answer to that, especially when Calvin looks at him the way he does.

“I’m glad you made it,” Calvin adds, because he’s apparently not done turning Miles’s universe upside-down. It rattles him even more when Calvin frowns at the loose hair in Miles’s eyes, and he reaches as if to brush it away, but then pulls back at the last minute.

Miles awkwardly clears his throat. “Yeah, uh. Thanks for the tickets and the backstage pass. For a while I thought I wouldn’t get to use the pass because there was a typo on it, but I’m glad they didn’t notice.”

“A typo?”

“Yeah. It’s for day one of the festival. Today’s day three. ”

“Those dates are when they were registered, not the dates when they can be used.”

“Hm?” Miles frowns. “But I only asked you today.”

Suddenly, Calvin goes still, then he makes a face that Miles can only interpret as a cringe.

“Wait.” Realization hits Miles. “Did you arrange this days ago?”

After a beat of silence, Calvin says, “Yeah, because you said you might try to make it.”

Jesus Christ. Miles’s face blooms, and he looks away in an attempt to hide his blush. Suddenly, he feels stupid for ever doubting he was stepping out of bounds by inviting himself, because Calvin had arranged it way before he even asked. “I see.”

“Kind of wish you didn’t call me out for this,” Calvin says, avoiding his eyes and stepping around him.

“Sorry,” he says, not actually feeling sorry.

Calvin gives him a small smile and mutters that he’s going to go head to the bus, and Miles rushes to get back to the table before his arms give out.

Later on, when Calvin rejoins the table, Miles can’t help but steal glances at him.

Just his luck, really, that he’s clearly developing a hopeless crush on this absurdly talented guitarist, who’s withdrawn but still sincerely kind, who’s also vulnerable and shy, and who, for some reason, has yet to figure out that Miles is a fucking mess.

Or maybe Calvin doesn’t care that he’s a mess, which is an even more absurd idea to Miles.

** *

Before he turns in for the night, Miles searches up Calvin and Theo’s name. He must be a masochist, because that’s the only reason he’d do this. He insisted that Gabby take his bed, so he’s on the pull-out sofa in his living room. The clock reads two a.m. He’s absolutely exhausted, but he can’t let this go.

They have fan clubs. There’s fanfiction about them. There are articles and essays outlining the theories that they’re together, and animated GIFs and edits dedicated to them. He’s sure he’s seen some of these before, but Miles has never actually bothered to take a closer look until now.

He finds an old video of them with five thousand likes on the X app, and it’s captioned, “Never forget!!!”. It’s taken from when they were starting out and Calvin’s hair is shorter and his arm isn’t tattooed yet. Chase is taking the video. They’re in a diner, and he’s talking about how they just came back from a gig.

Theo, who’s still full of energy and animatedly talking about the gig, is beside Calvin. Gil makes a comment that Calvin looks spent, and Theo laughs and pulls him close. Calvin says something inaudible and leans his head against his shoulder, and Theo goes right back to his story, Calvin resting against him.

There’s a photo of them, blurry and zoomed in, where Theo’s napping on Calvin’s lap while he reads a book. Calvin’s hand is in Theo’s hair.

He finds an old interview where Calvin laughs as Theo tells a funny story about how Chase got left by an airplane. Calvin looks so… different. Miles has seen him laugh a few times, but never this lively. His cheeks are bright red, and the corners of his eyes crinkled. Theo’s hand is on his knee, squeezing it.

Fuck, Miles’s chest aches as he scrolls through this stupid black hole he’s spiraling into.

Why is he even looking at these? Now that he knows what he knows, the small signs are blatantly obvious.

Calvin and Theo were together. And they were happy.

He does notice, however, that they seem much more distant in the more recent videos. There aren’t clips of them with casual touches that the fan base puts too much meaning into, and no more stolen shots of them leaning on each other.