Page 86 of Outside Looking In

“I know it will be a hard transition back to London.”

“I think I can do it, though,” Nathan said. “It would be so easy to fall off the wagon again. I would have so many people to blame for it. You, Mum, Pastor Fry, Liam. But I’m tired of blaming people.” Nathan saw how great life could be when he stayed sober, when he surrounded himself with people who cared about him. He was going to miss the Fosters like hell, but he made a pact with himself to find quality people in London. “I’m ready to do this for myself. I’m going to go to an AA meeting tomorrow before we go to the airport.”

“I’m proud of you.” His dad patted his hand.

“You don’t have to be proud of me for not being a drunken disaster. That’s quite a low bar.” He wanted people to be proud of him for actual accomplishments.

“I’m proud of you always. And honestly, I’m proud of you for working on a farm for more than a day. Hell, an hour.”

“Right!” Though secretly, Nathan found that he enjoyed it. “I need a holiday from my holiday.”

“How about we take a father-son trip? There’s this Ritz Carlton resort in Costa Rica I’ve been dying to go to. Your stepmom has refused because of the humidity.”

They laughed. Nathan ripped off a piece of a roll and tossed it into his mouth.

“What does she think about all this?” Nathan asked.

“She knew that your mother was long out of the picture and that I didn’t have to pay any kind of alimony, so she was fine.”

“She can channel any lingering frustration into decorating another room.”

“I hope so. The woman may have her faults, but she has great taste.”

Nathan looked up from his food and saw that his dad wasn’t joking.

“Oh, father. I have failed you as a gay son.”

* * *

Nathan’s appetitecame back a little bit more, and over room service dinner, he regaled his dad with tales of farming and Mariel’s acting career. His dad never got a chance to see her perform. “Unless you count the night I met her, when she put on a cockney accent to fool me into buying her a drink!” He and Mariel were not soulmates, not by a long shot, but they were connected by Nathan. They always would be.

“She sounds like a wonderful woman,” he said.

“She does. I wish I could’ve seen her on stage. When I get back to London, I’m going to sign up with an acting teacher and to go back on auditions.”

“You don’t sound too excited,” his dad said.

“I am, but…”

“A part of you wishes you were on that farm.”

“Is that crazy?” He wondered if his mum had the same tug-of-war between city and rural life. It wasn’t so much the farm as the people who were there.

“I think you’ll forget all about the farm once you’re back walking the streets of London.”

Just before midnight, the hotel phone rang, an annoying old-school clang that made Nathan want to cover his ears.

“Hello?” his dad said when he picked it up. His expression changed throughout the call. “Yes…Oh…all right…we’ll be right down.”

Nathan hung on every vague word. “What is it?”

“Mark Foster is in the lobby.”

* * *

The lobby wasquiet save for the music coming from the hotel bar. Mark sat in a chair with a paper shopping bag waiting between his ankles. He stood when he saw Nathan walk over.

“Nathan.”